₦airaland Forum

In case you aren’t sold yet on ex-President Goodluck Jonathan becoming a prayer warrior, you’ve got to see him, his wife Patience, their dog Lucky, and mother-in-law, in their P.Js, praying, daily, for a heavenly Nigeria where a ‘child of nobody’—a nice phrase for a ne’er-do-well or bastard—will become somebody—a big fart like him or rapacious Sen. Dino Melaye who was said to be a street hustler as a boy in Kano—in a country where religion and geopolitics will be no object again. That is: the Christian Association of Nigeria will no longer get N7 billion like it did from ex-NSA Sambo Dasuki to mobilise 75 million Bible-bashers to vote for an Anglican from the oil-producing south-south where a bunch of nobodies are now firebugs blowing up oil assets because they are Ijaw and neglected, and their superstar from Otuoke in Bayelsa wasn’t allowed to shine for 10 years.

How does that grab you?
Well…It seems Jonathan just scratched his booty, and came up with that bullshit, and he thought stuffing it down your throat would make your day. But ... read more http://justspreadit.com/2017/01/03/1890/

The most glamorous moniker you give a badass chief security officer of a state, usually a PDP’s,
during an election. And The titleholder doesn’t bat an eyelid ensuring a crazy INEC official has his neck
sawn off—or his head bashed in—so the pollster leaves Wike’s Garden City in a body bag or a meat wagon.

And it’s allowed if you’re in Wike’s seat--because a dangerous governor...Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/30/killer-gov-wike-may-sue-fgs-wire-tappers-coz-son-fayose-still-dirty-wigs-money-can-buy/

Little surprise Rt. Hon. Yakubu Dograr pulled through the N40 billion-budget-padding muck his
right-hand man APC Hon. Abdulmumin Jibrin slapped on him. Nothing stuck, you know.

That’s to tell you Dogara is the blue-eyed boy—the only begotten son of the lord of Aso Rock.

Ah, Goodness me!

One more surprise:... read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/28/dogara-just-won-mu-buhari-prize-for-youngest-political-whizkid-for-2o16-heres-what-your-speaker-will-hack-next-in-2017/

To let the whole world know, Jonathan has been shouting like hell that he, the Otuoke star, deserves all the hugs for whatever President Muhammadu Buhari does to Boko Haram to impress Nigerians. He once called Buhari something of a freeloader still sponging on all the PDP government did for the war on terror. And he ... Read more http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/27/reasons-jonathan-hasnt-congratulated-pain-ass-buhari-sambisa-victory/

The DSS already had intel on VP Yemi Osinbajo’s, especially on his assets declared last year. And no
doubting what mischief Big Brother Lawan Daura can do with it. His spooks can dig up more assets,
juggle the facts, add a pinch here, a dash there, and make a big fable of it, to squeeze the veepee’s
balls—like they ... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/22/osinbajo-can-save-magus-neck-fear-likely-dss-hatchet-job-vps-nth-billion-shares-mtn-5-others/

In the mouldy story Kanu is dusting off to tell Justice Binta Nyako as his open-secret trial begins, there are some characters you don’t know are dangerous Biafra haters, and Hausa co-conspirators: APC big man Bola Tinubu, his yesman and Minister Babatunde Fashola, and President Muhammadu Buhari’s rival Sen. Rabiu Kwakwanso.

Now you know.

If your ears are already burning to hear the whole shebang of the conspiracy theory, you’d be fine to hold on a bit. You need to get this clear from this trailer we got for you.

Here is how it goes:
A jerk from the north whose name is ... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/17/kwakwanso-tinubu-fashola-among-characters-in-kanus-story-about-to-shatter-nigeria-any-news/

Bayelsa’s Sen. Ben Bruce is an iron-assed PDP partier. Anyday. So count him out when
you’re looking for Nigerian politicians who skip out on their parties—sinking ones like
the ruling APC—or deaders like the PDP.

He’s also the only bleeder who’s got common sense in Nigeria.

Wow!

Actually, it’s more like the sixth sense. Of course, most mulattoes pat themselves on ... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/12/10/bruce-happy-predicting-economic-collapse-buhari-like-banshee-groans-2017-silverbird-no-loss-bennie/

Old age. Recession. Power-jackers. Unarmed robbers in the NASS. A jillion creepy-crawlies
inside and outside Aso Rock. All of these, you bet, are taxing every nerve of President
Muhammadu Buhari’s well ripped bod. So the more he looks, the less he sees. The more he ears—particularly with the left lobe—the less he hears.

The truth is that 2019 is giving Aso Rock some sinking feelings. And it’s ... Read more at[url] http://justspreadit.com/2016/11/30/buhari-suddenly-prices-tinubu-jerks-apc-thanks-2019-bogeymen-gathering-atiku-buddying-sw-wildcard/[/url]

C’mon guys.

Let’s pretend we savvy nothing about one particular goateed goof other than his raunchiness and serial romps with Nollywood pin-ups, and his recent turn-on, by fellow APC Sen. Remi Tinubu, which nearly climaxed in a bone-breaking S&M leg-over inside the red chamber.

Oh, let’s tag along like we know a pinch more: that this seven-footer founded the Anti-Corruption Network to busy himself up when he flunked his re-election into the House of Reps in 2011.

And you already know what the network and other muckraking, do-gooding NGOs are for in Nigeria, don’t you?

Potboilers?

Read more at http://justspreadit.com/

Former President Goodluck Jonathan got another speaking gig at Oxford Oct. 24. Those white kids in the Oxford Union asked him to speak on entrepreneurship. The speech was some 2000-word long. And he made a yawn of it talking bunk: his scholarship programmes, YOUWIN, a turkey, according to the Nigeria Security and Reconciliation Programme 2014 report. He also talked about how he asked himself some brainless questions a 50-year-old Ph.D. holder shouldn’t be asking—because Adams Smith asked and answered them donkey’s years back.

But all that bull was sexy— since it tumbled out of the gin-trap of Jonathan, formerly the most aha’ed president on earth, now a poster child for how to lose a $2.1-billion- funded re-election in Africa, and still be a keynote speaker flitting around the world. The kids gave him a big hand.

Then came question time.

And things went pear-shaped. The Nigerian media, the Lagos-based foreign correspondents who covered the event at Oxford, twisted his responses. And those other Twitter newshounds ground out hack jobs that made the Otuoke champ trend again—for all the dumb reasons.

Oh, blame those bogeymen from Aso Rock. They are still stalking him, miscasting his statements as his speechwriter and witchdoctor Reuben Abati said last week. Here is the most viral reporter’s devil ever attributed to Jonathan thanks to Satan:

They said the National Security Adviser stole $2.2billion. I don’t believe somebody can just steal $2.2 billion. We bought warships, we bought aircraft, we bought lots of weapons for the army and so on and so forth and you are still saying 2.2 billion, so where did we get the money to buy all those things?

Was that what he said? Perhaps.

But the spirit of the statement was different.

Listen good.

This is what Jonathan actually meant to say: “That glum-looking bastard wouldn’t have stolen $2.2 billion under my nose; he definitely must have raided the CBN vault to have gotten so much cash. And, you know, I am not a lion—like I have always told you”.

Doesn’t that flush with Jonathan’s idea—that stealing is different from corruption? It’s all about the turn of phrase. And the Nigerian journalists just missed the nuance: ex-NSA Sambo Dasuki is a worn out jackboot, trained in grabbing and ambushing and extracting and use of force. A stealer doesn’t do all that, especially around a beady eye like Jonathan’s.

The point is: Jonathan is no longer clueless. How ya know? He flies around the world wearing suit and foolscap, delivering speeches. Only shitheads—bleeders a notch above clueless—dog out that way. And Jonathan, at Oxford, actually cut a dash as he sweated it out bending history and picking words to cover the Dasuki sleaze which he heard his ex-Minister Musliu Obanikoro confirm to the in a N4.7 billion confession, Abati explain his own N50 million story. Jonathan’s election campaign media manager Femi Fani-Kayode even fainted as he tried to vomit his N1.1 billion story in EFCC’s cage. PDP’s ex-publicist Olisa Metuh’s N400 million, too. And many more. All of them came from Dasuki.

Lucky Jonathan! No journalist could ask him about those confessions. And he ran away, leaving the Nigerian media with a nouthful to feast on—until another speech. Dasuki may have spat it out then—that his boss signed off the transfer memos. Jonathan will then tell you something else, like: There was no way I could have known people I trusted that much—Dasuki, Obanikoro, CBN Gov. Godwin Emefiele, Fani-Kayode, Usman Nenadi, and others—were creeps. I trusted them and I approved their memos.

Then the chinwags begin, and all the viral journalists will go hog-wild, trying to make Nigerians believe the former president is a stupe. But the mousy hubby of Patience (who is still beating out her skull to remember how $31 million crawled into her account) is media-smart—with or without Abati.

Jonathan sure knows what makes Nigeria’s media tick.
Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/10/27/1517/

If you’re a smartass like Evangelist Femi Fani-Kayode, the only writer, historian, critic, poet, and fair-weather friend in the PDP, you’ll look for your duddy, won’t you? Or a brother. And you’ll probably send your gringo-looking wife and eighth-month-old ....Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/10/20/1492/

Former Gov. Peter Obi has been haranguing across the nation, talking about cutting costs that helped him
save N75 billion by the time he was leaving office. But his saving at all cost caused some damage. Charles
Soludo, NBS, others found out that... More at http://justspreadit.com/2016/10/04/1397/

After Gov Oshiomhole has laboured like hell to install Obaseki, the guy PDP candidate Ize-Iyamu called a stooge, the next challenge
will be how Bola Tinubu won't get on a collision course with Oshiomhole and APC again. Tinubu originally... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/10/02/1370/

Ex-VF Atiku Abubakar has reconciled APC leader Bola Tinubu with Sen. President Bukola Saraki. There has been bad blood between Saraki and Chairman John Oyegun. The fall out of the Ondo APC crisis has soured the relationship between Tinubu and Oyegun.
Now the common enemy is Oyegun, and Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/29/1352/

By Hellyjay S.
First off, Bayelsa has got to thank their Gov. Seriake Dickson because he’s such a strong Ijaw man who at 50 still discharges 20 million little swimmers so motile that four recently charged through a 15-year-strong barrier inside First Lady Rachael who gave the state its first quads Sept. 23, just after the Supreme Court gave a verdict that Dickson is always a winner—at the poll and, you bet, in bed.
Then, you also know Bayelsa is just about 1.8 million—something of the population of 10 streets in the Alimosho LGA of Lagos. But the oil-rich state got money aplenty. Its monthly allocations in 2013, for instance, added up to N173 billion, including the 13 percent oil boon, according to then Finance Minister Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. For July alone this year, Bayelsa got N19.2 billion—in spite of recession.
That tells you Bayelsa is Nigeria’s Brunei. And its sultan, Elder Dickson, can do no other than multiply. Don’t get your pants twisted, man: the 7-footer wasn’t trying for babies before he got these four on one swoosh. And Rachy, you know, is just one —or the latest—of the breeders in Deacon Dickson’s harem. And the four American kids are just the latest arrivals.
According to SaharaReporters:
Gov. Dickson has married several wives with numerous children but keeps Rachael as his official wife with him at Bayelsa Government House. The governor’s wife … stepped into Bayelsa Government House in February 2012 during her husband’s first tenure...
Many more are coming, we promise you—because Bayelsa needs more people to spend its money. And because the juice is still raging in Dickson’s loins. And because only four of the 400 mature eggs left in Rachael’s egg baskets were just—you know—lucky to have hit it off with four of the millions of Dickson’s slimy head bangers. Get that?
Oh, boy! How good is your biology? Or technology? Or biotechnology? Justspreadit knows a thing or two about high-tech bumps. You, too, now can see why only the US has the kind of hospital cool enough for the first lady to push when those tiny feet were coming. You think the US docs knew how the germs got in there? Oh, Smartie!
But, frankly, everybody—Patience Jonathan, Niger Delta Avengers, Shell, Chevron—is happy for Dickson and Rachy.
We, too.
This is particularly good news for the family because this bundle of joy is coming after many years of praying and waiting upon the Lord. I thanks friends, family members and Bayelsans for their prayers and support and enjoin us all to continue to pray.

Welcome, kids, to Bayelsa—an oil-rich state crawling with Ijaw militants and man-snatchers—a state polluted by big businesses and crazy Niger Delta Avengers. Believe us: Everybody, except Timi Frank, APC’s opposition loudmouth in Bayelsa, welcomes you to the world.
And it’s just so-so the kids will soon know Uncle Frankie is a badass good at bugging their dad with the hardball politics of corruption allegations and transparency.
Frank sure has got some talking points in the arrival of Bayelsa’s No. 1 quadruplets. So expect to hear him rap Gov. Dickson for being a patriot—by having the first lady go to the US for delivery. Which is normal. Most of Nigeria’s a flag-wavers have dual citizenship.
Frank will also grunt about Bayelsa having to pick up the tab for the upkeep of those four African-Americans Dickson just added to his ban of a first family.
But what ya think, peep, about Frank’s whining?
Nothing much.
The PDP governor doesn’t care a fig, does he? Certainly, not.

Read more political satire on http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/26/1340/

Gov, Dickson is a father of many children and wives. Soo he wasn't exactly desperate to have a heir.
But as a governor, he runs a state whose monthly handout from the FG is in the region of N18 billion in spite of this
recession. And the state has just about 2 million people suffering and impoverished.

Basically, Father Dickson has enough money to do whatever he chooses--to please himself, many wives, and children.
Certainly, multiple births for delayed couples mostly can'r be accidents that take flying out to the US to happen. Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/26/1340/

It's a terrible hosting company. My site has been down for 3 days now

A man like Doyin Okupe mustn't get wrought up like every other Nigerian. But he's trying to be a statesman on social media.
This could have been cool if he he's not such a lean guy. Here is a satirical twist to the recent campaign by Okupe to bring back the Jonathan economic team that brought Nigeria to this sorry pass. http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/21/doyin-okupe-will-go-fat-if-buhari-doesnt-call-back-okonjo-iweala-soludo-and-other-bellyachers-that-can-address-recession-in-queens-english/

President Muhammadu Buhari had better leave the UN summit, and come back home fast because some shit’s about to go down: Doyin Okupe, who’s been under satellite surveillance an Atlanta hospital monitors since his dicky heart was sliced open and tweaked in 2014, is vibrating. Not that he’s gripped by the pang recession or something. No. Okupe is immune. He got N50 million for 12 months courtesy of ex-NSA Sambo Dasuki when the PDP was in power. He got N50 million twice again. And N10 million monthly. And another N10 million for some kind of furniture a mighty big fart like him needs to work well. Obviously, ...http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/21/doyin-okupe-will-go-fat-if-buhari-doesnt-call-back-okonjo-iweala-soludo-and-other-bellyachers-that-can-address-recession-in-queens-english/

Hellyjay S.

Adeola Akinremi of ThisDay made mincemeat of President Muahammadu Buhari and that patchy “Change Begins With Me” gum-beating days ago. Oh, we’re happy, peeps, for that nation-rocking triumph of a caustic columnist over the fussy old man sweating to change Nigeria.

And to the columnist, big up, bro. You just swatted a fly with a sledge hammer. Only lousy speakers don’t plagiarise. But let’s pretend a doyen like you never knew that.

All the same your, bile-dripping piece was a career-enhancing find—we mean the nailing of the Daura duddy for reading a speech his nephew Mamman Daura padded with a dash of President Barack Obama’s 2008 speech that was equally plagiarised.

Pray Akinremi remember to enter his scoop (Buhari’s plagiarized Speech in “Change Begins with Me”) for the next Pulitzer. ThisDay's publisher Nduka Obaigbena should remember to also nominate him for the next national award—the Just Joseph Category meant for crime busters and plagiarised speech detectives. Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/19/1270/

If you happen to be one of the 75 million Nigerians the NBS says will clock 21 and 41 in 2018, you’ve got reason to laugh with one side of your mouth. Your VP Osinbajo just told you the APC government will start to work about that time. And this is why you get fussy now: all your government has in stock for you are just two. One,… Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/13/rice-for-you-pencils-for-your-kids-by-2018-when-v-p-osinbajo-says-apc-change-begins-if-recession-hasnt-flattened-you/

A -2.1 % GDP can change a lot of things—for the worse—in Nigeria. It’s getting far worse than you expect now because the Nigerian media is feeling the heat, and everything is getting spaced out. Déjà vu—kind of.

You know what could have hit a bunch of beat journos spinning a huge viral story of former President Goodluck Jonathan turning up like a bad penny at the Sept.7 Council of State in Aso Rock. You get buzzed, and then look in the story only to see the newsmen make a spectacle of his appearance when his utterance is all hem and haw. And thr report still...Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/09/1213/

By Hellyjay S.

Other than his white mane and constant pissing in the wind when there is serious lawyering to do in the media, former NBA President Rotimi Akeredolu is no more popular than a dodo. Politically. But he likes stretching his chances too far, always trying to make you understand he’s a perennial party’s primary winner with little hope in state-wide elections. And, either endorsed by APC’s moneybag Bola Tinubu or Ogun, the Ondo hard-headed god of iron, Akeredolu’s candidacy has always been a disaster for his party—ACN in 2012 and APC now.

So this carpetbagger, who thinks he’s a good politico because he has a SAN tag and a black face draped in white stubble, has cost the APC their 2017 takeover of Ondo. We mean because Akeredolu pouted at Tinubu, ... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/06/the-god-of-iron-that-endorsed-rotimi-furface-akeredolu-to-lose-ondo-2012-has-pushed-him-forward-to-win-4-wards-in-2017/

Prof. Ango Abdullahi, for the second time this year, has yelled at President Muhammadu Buhari to get a cleaver, and divvy up your dear country in two—or three—or four. Or 350. You know, as you like.

Truth is: The north is ready to break away this month—oh so suddenly—yes—because it hit pay dirt last month. The world’s richest nickel, layer upon layer, now sits calmly underground, somewhere in Kaduna, a north-western state in what used to be Nigeria.

Ango’s call probably got in Buhari’s left ear. Garba Sheu may have to move closer to the president’s right ear, which isn’t itchy yet, and whisper to him in, maybe, Hausa the Greek Arewa Elders Forum squealer is saying.

It’s urgent. Really.

All the brain boxes we have in Nigeria—Wole Soyinka, Ben Nwabueze, Ango, and other hoary profs—have insisted Buhari can actually cannibalize the Federal Republic of Nigeria. And nothing will happen. Not even the September 1 annular eclipse will fail.

But… these old bones! You bet they... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/09/01/prof-ango-abdullahis-arewa-islamic-republic-will-be-powered-by-nickel-never-the-beef-republic-you-southern-nationalists-think-its-gonna-be/

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By Hellyjay S.

He was still yapping like he’s always done—like a gasbag he’s always been—with 75 percent of his talk bubbling with hot air. As usual. On any sunny day, like you know.

But things got pretty gross on Monday when Ekiti’s Gov. Ayo Fayose aired his reason for assenting to the Ekiti Grazing Bill he sponsored before the state Assembly. Know what: He had never in his second life (as governor) been so dingbat as to have assented, with such a clear head, to a bill.

The last law-making stuff Fayose did before this was the 2016 appropriation bill for the state in December. And it wasn’t a dumb show like that of August 29. On the day of budget presentation last year, the PDP governor, like some tramp, loafed into the House in his jean pants (he was in Bermuda shorts when signing it) and Polo-shirt. He grabbed the gavel, hammered it down—all you APC’s naysayers could fug yourselves—and, alone, made and passed the padded budget proposal into law. And the bright spark the Ekiti voters call Speaker Kolawole Oluwawole, drooling, stared on in wide-eyed surprise. And, you know, everybody was happy.

Oh! Bless that Fayose.

But this Fayose—the one that waited for the honourables to debate the bill in the House, (they like it best on highways) and waited until they buttoned it all up for him to sign—this deliberate Fayose—must have lost his balls.

Gawd! The clone was even explaining the spirit of the law to the rabble listening to the Fayose they thought they knew. He was like:

With the signing into law of this bill today, anyone caught grazing with arms or any weapon in Ekiti would now be charged with terrorism and be made to face the law according to certain sections of it. The same goes for those who graze in prohibited areas or go against the time frame of 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. allowed for open grazing

And the audience was like: So, guv, you mean the shit-smelling herdsmen can still graze their cattle in your state? They will still have grazing zones, uh?

Goddammit!

Sure, the people weren’t listening with their arses—to that cow-hugger talking mush now as Fayose. Which is really unlike him. They must have felt really let down. By now most of them are still trying to figure it out, mixing it among themselves, especially the hunters, witchdoctors, Gammalin sellers, and cattle rustlers among them—that this was (or wasn’t) the same governor who, in May, mobilised hundreds of bean shooters, and gave them N5 million to buy gunpowder so they could shoot to kill off those skinny herdsmen raping fleshy mothers and daughters in Ekiti. That was weeks back.

Now come to think of it. It’s bloody unbelievable there will be no shoot-‘em-ups again.

And this gay, with his crazing law, is also about to botch a roaring trade, a legit business that just picked up in Ekiti: cattle poisoning. Scores of cows have been killed. And lots of money has been made by poison merchants. They’ll all close shop now.

No! No!! No!!! Not so fast.

Wasn’t it just months ago when that other Gov. Fayose— the good old Fayose that could never go wrong—went on the NTA and urged the citizens to lace their farms, and juice up their streams with poison? Were there not up to 83 beefs that died the slow, painful death in couple weeks after the broadcast?

Whoever bewitched him now to make him lose his mind? It still beats us. This Fayose now is explaining—eating his words—there will be grazing reserves in all the state’s local governments. No poisoning the well (literally) again.

He says the police will nab any mad cows that stray out of the zones, and bust up even the herders—crooks, AK-47, and all. The cows arrested, especially those with big rumps, will get a five-star treatment at the state’s cattle ranch courtesy of this Fayose. And any Fulani cowbangers caught carrying weapons will get President Muhammadu Buhari’s treatment.

A tough one? Not exactly.

Any Nigerian with half a brain will do just that—especially in those states where people have stopped putting their feet in their mouths. You don’t even have to be a fireball of opposition politics in the southwest to do it. It’s just the fair enough law to be made.

But it’s crazy something not so out of place like the grazing law could come from Ekiti.

Which is why fans of that other Fayose’s can’t get over this blunder. This change. This donkey act of a Fayose no one is sure is the Ekiti governor that recently outlawed all the Fulani, cows, and grasses. They don’t get it—how he would, suddenly, morph from a bully boy into, using a more respectful word, a coward, which actually means a conservationist.

Certainly, this breaking in is beyond what a heavy dose of animal rights activism can do.

So whodunit?

There, in the crystal ball, stand the Miyetti Allah cattle breeders. And a forest of smooth, slim rods.

You think those crooks are good only for knocking out women that fall prey to the cowboys’ violent libido?

No way.

See what they’ve done to this Fayose, the battering ram of the PDP.

God have mercy.
http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/30/the-amazing-thing-about-fayose-and-his-grazing-bill-that-makes-you-wonder-he-also-could-be-hare-brained-for-once-like-us-beef-eating-humans/

The last law-making stuff Fayose did before this was the 2016 appropriation bill for the state in December. And it wasn’t a dumb show like that of August 29. On the day of budget presentation last year, the PDP governor, like some tramp, loafed into the House in his jean pants (he was in Bermuda shorts when signing it) and Polo-shirt. He grabbed the gavel, hammered it down—all you APC’s naysayers could fug yourselves—and, alone, made and passed the padded budget proposal into law. And the bright spark the Ekiti voters call Speaker Kolawole Oluwawole, drooling, stared on in wide-eyed surprise. And, you know, everybody was happy.

Oh! Bless that Fayose.

But this Fayose—the one that waited for the honourables to debate the bill in the House, (they like it best on highways) and waited until they buttoned it all up for him to sign—this deliberate Fayose—must have lost his balls...Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/30/the-amazing-thing-about-fayose-and-his-grazing-bill-that-makes-you-wonder-he-also-could-be-hare-brained-for-once-like-us-beef-eating-humans/

By Hellyjay S.

He was still yapping like he’s always done—like a gasbag he’s always been—with 75 percent of his talk bubbling with hot air. As usual. On any sunny day, like you know.

But things got pretty gross on Monday when Ekiti’s Gov. Ayo Fayose aired his reason for assenting to the Ekiti Grazing Bill he sponsored before the state Assembly. Know what: He had never in his second life (as governor) been so dingbat as to have assented, with such a clear head, to a bill.

The last law-making stuff Fayose did before this was the 2016 appropriation bill for the state in December. And it wasn’t a dumb show like that of August 29. On the day of budget presentation last year, the PDP governor, like some tramp, loafed into the House in his jean pants (he was in Bermuda shorts when signing it) and Polo-shirt. He grabbed the gavel, hammered it down—all you APC’s naysayers could fug yourselves—and, alone, made and passed the padded budget proposal into law. And the bright spark the Ekiti voters call Speaker Kolawole Oluwawole, drooling, stared on in wide-eyed surprise. And, you know, everybody was happy.

Oh! Bless that ... Read[url] more http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/30/the-amazing-thing-about-fayose-and-his-grazing-bill-that-makes-you-wonder-he-also-could-be-hare-brained-for-once-like-us-beef-eating-humans/[/url]

House Leader Femi Gbajabiamila has a name. Oh, every idiot does. Just that his strikes you sometimes like one of the rhyming political monikers you take on to pull crowds, and get village heads—Femi is a townie, FYI—rooting for you after handing them gin and few N500 notes. The clanging—GBAJA—is also music to the ears, especially if you’re tone-deaf.

But, actually, Gbaja was his American name--- Read more http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/29/1171/

Since Hon. Abdulmumin began his mudslinging, Majority Leader Femi Gbajabiamila has been fighting to clear his name.

But that kid That kid from Kano is ready to foul up the name Gbajabiamila this time. Because he can’t get to wrap his Kanuri tongue around the Yoruba name, uh? That baby rep, you remember he was ex-chair of the appropriation committee, knows off pat all the pilfering going on in the House. And he just decided to tell Nigerians Gbajabiamila, the only left-of-the-left progressive in the lower chamber, has 10 black, sticky fingers,

The name Gbajabiamilastrikes you sometimes like one of the rhyming political monikers you take on to pull crowds, and get village heads—Femi is a townie, FYI—rooting for you after handing them gin and few N500 notes. The clanging—GBAJA—is also music to the ears, especially if you’re tone-deaf.

But, actually, Gbaja was his American name... Read more at http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/29/1171/

http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/24/the-stupidest-things-olu-falae-wants-you-to-believe-about-his-being-the-fall-guy-amongst-all-the-78-year-olds-ex-nsa-dasuki-spoiled-with-arms-deal-dollars/

By Hellyjay S.

The EFCC has been grilling SDP’s chairman Olu Falae who is just recovering from the trauma of being snatched and trafficked across seven mountains and seven rivers in some Ondo forest last year. He’s woozy now, feeling much older, having answered questions about the N100 million the PDP dumped in his lap last year to support its candidate Goodluck Jonathan.

The Ondo farmer could have been sick—or feigning sickness—for one of three things: lying too much and getting himself in a bind; dreading the day he’ll stand in the dock, speaking is and was on the booty he got from ex-NSA Sambo Dasuki. How to pay back, in case he reaches for plea bargain, could also give him a splitting headache. And Parkinson, you know, is at the door.

For a bent, old cassava farmer, N100 million is worth a king’s ransom. And for a leader of a mosquito party that can’t boast of deep pockets as members, coughing up N100 million could send his blood pressure galloping.

And…Oh! My! My!! Those Ibrahim Magu’s boys—there’s something about them working on you: they scare the pants off you, and you can’t run nowhere.

At 78, Papa Falae is no longer a spring chicken. So let him forget bailing out to Panama like Olisa Metuh and others wanted to do. Even if he can, he has no bolthole to hide–unlike others. Let’s say he has one, because he was once a finance minister. Yet nobody will wrest him off the EFCC claws in the first place.

In any case, Falae is still unlike the other olds from the south-south and the north who got slices of the $2.1 billion Dasukigate scam. Tony Anenih, Edwin Clark and their colleagues have younger idiots—in the NDA, IPOB, Arewa Youth Forum, and on the corridor of power—whom they have pushed forward to secure soft landing—or to do some brinkmanship to keep the EFCC at bay.

But elder Falae is more of a loner than a party man. Maybe because he went to Yale where they school you to act preppy—and keep the University of Chicago alums like Bola Tinubu at an arm’s length. Or because the old man just admires his own resume so much he feels too big for his boots:

"I have my integrity intact. I was a former MD of a bank, I was a former minister and a former secretary to the government of the federation…. Based on my integrity, these allegations should be discarded. At 78, what will I be doing with public funds"

Ok. In the twilight of his life, he doesn’t need N100 million.

The man of integrity can, however, use some of it the EFCC said he stashed in his own account:

"However, investigations revealed that he deposited N60 million into SDP’s account while he kept N40 million. We told him that he should return the N40 million, but he has not been forthcoming. We have no other option than to charge him to court"

Falae is a penny pincher, by training. Certainly, that chicken feed won’t go for plucking a 28-year-old virgin for a wife—or for acquiring other vanities. You can be sure it’s just to cover his spending on what a 78-year-old man needs: Pampers, false teeth, walking sticks, eyeglasses, hankies, insulin, Viagra, and annual prostate medical check-ups.

You see. Public money can get politician Falae all that—for supporting a well-moneyed sitting president he knew was a jackass.

Well, Falae been arguing Anenih gave the SDP the money. And for some comic relief, the party, about 200,000-strong nationwide, is claiming it’s a better opposition the APC fears:

"This is nothing but harassment. They want to distract us from the coming Ondo election which we are set to win[/size][size=8pt]"

But all these fibs and fables and bragging won’t wash, pop.

The SDP can’t help either. The OPC from his region has lost his sting, too. And the old-boys network he belongs, the Afenifere, has got its members quaking to the bones now. The EFCC may soon sniff them out. Ondo Gov. Segun Mimiko helped Jonathan spread the loot to them, too, for endorsement.

Did we just say nobody will help Falae in the whole of southwest? Ok. [url]We[/url] take it back. We see hope—on the south-western landscape, hundreds of mile away from Falae’s farm, in the commercial city of Africa, particularly in the Lagos central district.

Oh! How Falae earnestly needs Bourdilion now. There you have a family of wheeler-dealers, the best SANs money can buy, well-heeled Yoruba kids who won’t bat an eyelid plonking down the miserable N100 million the old man is lying to cover up, and lots more. The Lion of Bourdilion himself is a storied strategist. He can help Falae swing the whole thing at the snap of a finger. Tinubu won’t even mind the old man has always been a grump and antagonist. He’ll do it for Odua’s sake. After all he welcomed back former Gov. Segun Osoba, another old whiner who hopped into the SDP last year.

In case all of Falae’s lies fail, as we pray, and Bourdillion also flops, here’s the trump card: the Agbekoyas. Not the earthbound green fingers you think you know.

Oh, yeah!

Not funny.

What matters is the end—that this very senior citizen doesn’t get really bleeped up because he got a freebie.

http:/[url]/justspreadit.com/2016/08/24/the-stupidest-things-olu-falae-wants-you-to-believe-about-his-being-the-fall-guy-amongst-all-the-78-year-olds-ex-nsa-dasuki-spoiled-with-arms-deal-dollars/[/url]

At 78, Papa Falae is no longer a spring chicken. So let him forget bailing out to Panama like Olisa Metuh and others wanted to do. Even if he can, he has no bolthole to hide–unlike others. Let’s say he has one, because he was once a finance minister. Yet nobody will wrest him off the EFCC claws in the first place.

In any case, Falae is still unlike the other olds from the south-south and the north who got slices of the $2.1 billion Dasukigate scam. Tony Anenih, Edwin Clark and their colleagues have younger idiots—in the NDA, IPOB, Arewa Youth Forum, and on the corridor of power—whom they have pushed forward to secure soft landing—or to do some brinkmanship to keep ... Read more http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/24/the-stupidest-things-olu-falae-wants-you-to-believe-about-his-being-the-fall-guy-amongst-all-the-78-year-olds-ex-nsa-dasuki-spoiled-with-arms-deal-dollars/