₦airaland Forum

Sinach- all her songs
Frank edwards- most of them
Its in my DNA-by Tsharp
Heaven on earth by Micah Stampley
And then Joe Praiz- Great and mighty God

Lol, happy independence to u too



Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’ll take a fourth and fifth serving because I’m an emotional masochist.

Do you wonder sometimes if you're more comfortable being sad and unhappy? I have a theory that some people fear reaching happiness so they convince themselves they’re pursuing it, but do things like tie their own shoes together or drop banana peels directly in front of the path they’re walking so they trip and slip along the way. That, or they need validation for eating absurd amounts of ice cream & drinking wine by the bottle, and being emotionally distraught is always a legit excuse for an abundance of pick-me-ups. OR you’re optimistic to a fault, and too hopeful for people and scenarios to improve without you taking action.

Whatever the case, there are some definitive tendencies of the emotional masochist, and here they are:

1. Indulging in depressing music. Talk about sadism for feelings, there’s nothing like 50 Shades of Coldplay (or Bon Iver or any other sentimental songs for that matter) to leave you lying on the floor, weeping in the fetal position. Let’s face it, when you willingly listen to things like In The Arms Of an Angel by Sarah McLaughlin, you know what you’re getting yourself into, and it damn sure isn’t happiness.

2. Getting back with exes who previously hurt you. Who knows what they did to become your ex, but in your mind who cares either? It’s water under the bridge that they’re probably going to push you off of, watching as you plunge into the stream below. They may hop in and pull you out every few weeks as your relationship is rekindled, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re essentially welcoming emotional water-boarding. You know he/she isn’t going to change for you, but there you are, gasping for breath.

3. You remain in “friendships” with people who make you feel like crap. The toxic people we allow to remain a part of our lives never make sense once you cut the cancerous tumor and realize what you were putting yourself through. However, if you’re a glutton for punishment you’ll put on blinders to their bull feces and refuse to diagnose the blatantly poisonous growth that is their presence in your life.

4. You answer late night requests of a booty call who you have actual feelings for. You hate being an option; especially the last one who doesn’t get an invite to spend time until after 1am, but that doesn’t mean you won’t jolt towards a call of duty when it comes in. Silly cow, give them the milk for free and they’re not going to even consider buying.

5. You love to read the comments on something you put online. If you’ve ever written or created anything and shared it with the people of the Internet, you know you’re at risk to be a piñata of sorts, allowing savages an opportunity to cock back and swing with the force of 1,000 Sammy Sosa’s, fully intent on busting you open. There’s no candy involved, but the taste of your salty tears is the elixir of their life, and if you happily read comments without a slight cringe in anticipation of what you’ll find, you’re in the minority – mainly because you’re into experiencing the agony. Yeah, punch me in the feelings, it hurts so good.

6. You’re a Chicago Cubs fan. As a loyal lover of the Cubbies I can attest to this firsthand, which is why I felt it was necessary to include here. Wrigley Field is basically a place for emotional masochists to gather every April-September, but rarely ever October. Same goes for select professional sports teams. Fans, you know who you are. (Charlotte Bobcats, Detroit Lions, etc.)

7. You self-destruct. When something is bad, or not ideal for that matter, you’ll blow it up entirely. It happens many ways, perhaps sometimes it’s even subconsciously, and can be mild or extreme self-sabotage. I said something that slightly offended one person and was 5-seconds of awkwardness, so now I’ve got to NOT drop that brief moment and overcompensate, perhaps by getting hammered and ending up being extremely offensive to several people because that first blemish on the night was a hiccup worthy of total demolition!

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-signs-youre-an-emotional-masochist/



Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’ll take a fourth and fifth serving because I’m an emotional masochist.

Do you wonder sometimes if you're more comfortable being sad and unhappy? I have a theory that some people fear reaching happiness so they convince themselves they’re pursuing it, but do things like tie their own shoes together or drop banana peels directly in front of the path they’re walking so they trip and slip along the way. That, or they need validation for eating absurd amounts of ice cream & drinking wine by the bottle, and being emotionally distraught is always a legit excuse for an abundance of pick-me-ups. OR you’re optimistic to a fault, and too hopeful for people and scenarios to improve without you taking action.

Whatever the case, there are some definitive tendencies of the emotional masochist, and here they are:

1. Indulging in depressing music. Talk about sadism for feelings, there’s nothing like 50 Shades of Coldplay (or Bon Iver or any other sentimental songs for that matter) to leave you lying on the floor, weeping in the fetal position. Let’s face it, when you willingly listen to things like In The Arms Of an Angel by Sarah McLaughlin, you know what you’re getting yourself into, and it damn sure isn’t happiness.

2. Getting back with exes who previously hurt you. Who knows what they did to become your ex, but in your mind who cares either? It’s water under the bridge that they’re probably going to push you off of, watching as you plunge into the stream below. They may hop in and pull you out every few weeks as your relationship is rekindled, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re essentially welcoming emotional water-boarding. You know he/she isn’t going to change for you, but there you are, gasping for breath.

3. You remain in “friendships” with people who make you feel like crap. The toxic people we allow to remain a part of our lives never make sense once you cut the cancerous tumor and realize what you were putting yourself through. However, if you’re a glutton for punishment you’ll put on blinders to their bull feces and refuse to diagnose the blatantly poisonous growth that is their presence in your life.

4. You answer late night requests of a booty call who you have actual feelings for. You hate being an option; especially the last one who doesn’t get an invite to spend time until after 1am, but that doesn’t mean you won’t jolt towards a call of duty when it comes in. Silly cow, give them the milk for free and they’re not going to even consider buying.

5. You love to read the comments on something you put online. If you’ve ever written or created anything and shared it with the people of the Internet, you know you’re at risk to be a piñata of sorts, allowing savages an opportunity to cock back and swing with the force of 1,000 Sammy Sosa’s, fully intent on busting you open. There’s no candy involved, but the taste of your salty tears is the elixir of their life, and if you happily read comments without a slight cringe in anticipation of what you’ll find, you’re in the minority – mainly because you’re into experiencing the agony. Yeah, punch me in the feelings, it hurts so good.

6. You’re a Chicago Cubs fan. As a loyal lover of the Cubbies I can attest to this firsthand, which is why I felt it was necessary to include here. Wrigley Field is basically a place for emotional masochists to gather every April-September, but rarely ever October. Same goes for select professional sports teams. Fans, you know who you are. (Charlotte Bobcats, Detroit Lions, etc.)

7. You self-destruct. When something is bad, or not ideal for that matter, you’ll blow it up entirely. It happens many ways, perhaps sometimes it’s even subconsciously, and can be mild or extreme self-sabotage. I said something that slightly offended one person and was 5-seconds of awkwardness, so now I’ve got to NOT drop that brief moment and overcompensate, perhaps by getting hammered and ending up being extremely offensive to several people because that first blemish on the night was a hiccup worthy of total demolition!

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-signs-youre-an-emotional-masochist/

He paid her to keep her mouth shut, how then did the story get to the media

chaircover: If you tell people to shut up, then you are rude and its not nice. it doesnt matter if you say it to a man, woman or child

On how to deal with people that rub you up the wrong way; you are going to have to find a way of doing it without being rude. You do know that its easier to be rude to people than it is to take time to explain to them what they are doing/have done wrong. So if you really want to tax that brain, you are going to have to find other ways of expressing your opinions/feelings at the time

As for pressing the ignore button. I do it and I do it as a coping mechanism. I tend so say things that I regret later when I am angry. So I have learnt to walk away or ignore until such a time that I am calmer and in a better position to say my piece/deal with the situation without getting carried away

The truth is, words do hurt and if you keep on hurting a partner with your words, you are going to damage that relationship in the long run. There are some things that you say that can never be reversed not even with a million apologies, so one has to be careful with the tongue.

basically the rule is treat people the way you will like to be treated

Any other thing about stubbornness, opinionated and independent etc, That is who you are and I wouldnt advise you to change that . . . .but you can still be all that without being rude

Thanks a lot. This really helps.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

jennykadry: @OP
That's the problem there. Hubby did not try to change me, infact he never spoke about my attitude. I was infact I still am hot tempered, and he knew this before marriage and never judged me for it.

One day I was walking away when I suddenly stopped, sat next to him and told him I wanted to talk about it instead of walking away. But all these happened in my own time,it wasnt forced. I still walk away from people when I am mad. I walked away from my eldest sister recently, but no one says nasty things about me, they all know its my own way of avoiding a confrontation that can verbally kill someone. I still walk away when I am stark raving mad.....when I am that mad I cry because I know I want to say something but I can't because I am not one to be verbally nice to people in such situations.

I have said it on this forum that my hubby has begged me not to let go of my stubbornness and strength, cos to be honest I wouldn't be where I am today if not for that. I have seen/faced obstacles in my years on earth that is enough for me to just quit and let go but for where? I push forward. sometimes I think he tries to stir me up intentionally and laughs when I refuse to engage him

I am a raw angry looking tiger in the outside but inside my home the dove in me overshadows the tiger BUT there are times the tiger is badly needed in the house, in such instances I. Use it wisely and carefully

Thanks. I think this helps in the aspect of being stubborn. I already said I have no intention of changing that. He likes the fact that I'm stubborn, just that so often I combine the stubbornness with rudeness, and I want to stop that.

debrief08 :

Well, in my small opinion, its not nice to be rude and insultive to anyone male or female.
Its good you recognised that this is something to work on.
We may not like the veiws of others but we have to respect their rights or differ respectfully.

You will have to deal with not only your husband but in laws and "annoying" elders who can go on and on.
Taking a deep breath helps, and trying to be calm to let initial annoyance pass is also good

Thanks for your big opinion. I'd practice this and hope it works.

coogar: it's a phase....
you would soon get over it - i take it you are still in the neighbourhood of 19-23. with time, you will grow out of it.

I used to think that, but its not happening.

jidegirl12: Stop beating yourself up dear... You're who you are, as long as you have clean heart, not a violent type , and considerate with everything you do I don't think being stubborn is not a bad thing atall. Don't let any man reduce you to what you aren't.. no matter how you pretend to please him in this courtship, your real self will eventually emerge if you're not comfortable with the change.

Sometimes having a mind of your own comes across as being Rude.... I get that perception a lot from Nigerians... oh she's rude, blah blah. My Father raised me good and I have a good man who loves me for who I am... ( Like Nashville said those 2 are most important ) Everybody else should go F Tslves.

Awww,this is sweet.

jennykadry: Dnt make a mountain out of a mole hill from scenarios here cos you met a guy you are madly in love with and believe everything he tells you.

I will only comment on number 2. Sometime ago when ever I was angry I would ignore my husband or walk away. It was better for me then cos I said nothing at all that will hurt him. My husband actually suggested the idea.

Look you can never be as stubborn as I am.let me tell you now, that was what attracted my husband to me in the first place. He thinks a stubborn person is strong willed and that he likey

I like this. There are more scenarios than these but these are all I can afford to share here.

I know I'm rude cuz I've been practising politeness with my friends since yesterday and I keep getting 'What's wrong with you', like they are used to the rude version of me. Its like I've been wired to say stuffs like 'so?' 'Shut up' 'That's dumb'. I answer questions with questions, get bored easily and snap at people. And you are right. I am madly in love with this guy and I don't want my attitude to cost me the guy.

He'd prefer I stay and talk when I'm mad but I've learnt from long ago that keeping quiet is my best option, yet the keeping quiet just drives him crazy. Cuz he says no matter how much he wants to talk to me, I only talk to him when I feel like, which makes it look like he's my puppet.

If you were once like me, and you are still a respectful wife to your husband, then I need to know how you did it, because right now, I desperately need to do it.

debrief08: You need to be more explicit.
Nothing wrong with being independent or sturborn as long as you are not rude, condescending and aggressive.
Sadly some men assume every woman is under them, and that isn't the case, being a man does not automatically earn you respect, Your actions do that.

If you are rude, ill mannered then stop, but if they mean you think for yourself and stand up for yourself then they need to grow up.

To get better advice you should give more details

However there is nothing wrong in being a strong woman, I have grown into one, but it is not about abusing others, its about having a mind, making your point while respecting that of others

Yeah, the problem is, I'm independent and stubborn, and rude and insulting all at once. I have always told every guy who complained that the only guy I owe respect is the guy I'm going to marry. But now that I finally met the guy, I find out that he too sometimes complains that I'm insulting. And I'm taking him seriously because he's not one of those guys who just need their ego massaged. Some of the things he loves most about me is that I'm independent and stubborn. I just wish I could learn how to be a bit submissive and a lot respectful all at once.

you need to give us the details of 3 different scenarios where you have been told you were disrespectful - with the number of overbearing & controlling men in nigeria, they may be lying to you

Yes, too many controlling men in Nigeria and I've gotten used to overlooking and ignoring them, but now that I've met a nice one, I can't just seem to beat the habit.

Ok just one instance:

1. I have this habit of just saying 'shut up' at intervals at people who I think are making long unnecessary speeches. I keep promising to change but I just find myself doing it again anytime I'm mad. He finds my 'shut up' insulting.

Ok, another instance. I have a habit of totally ignoring him whenever I'm angry, no matter where we are. I've tried to stop it but I find myself doing it whenever I'm pissed.

He complains about my stubbornness too but I'm not so interested in changing that. All I want to know is if there's a way I can still combine stubbornness
with respect. Because for now, my stubbornness only seems to be synonymous with disrespect.

Men say I'm not respectful. I need tips from respectful ladies. I'm opinionated and stubborn and independent, and I haven't learnt how to combine all these with respect for the opposite sex. Anybody who has ever been in my shoes should please teach me what kind of behaviour men would expect from women that would show respect.

Yungwizzzy: I seen this movie ini edo played the girl

babycee: I also saw one Mercy Johnson played that part

mysticgal: a fine ghanian girl acted this story op is saying in widows tears

chaircover: Actually it was Omotola who played the part

Lmao

Absu, banking and finance

I even thought it was only me. Its realy hard for me, a lot of distractions.

Op, get a life!!

Marthakings: Hehehe... I remember those days...

Those days when you were still a virgin?

Op, you really are handsome. In the land of the animals where you belong, you would be like the most handsome rabbit. But in the real world? Nah, you look like the main character in a nightmare.

All of you calling him an animal do worse things, beasts!

You people should leave other people and their religion alone and mind your own damn businesses. If he comes to marry your daughter and offers you all the money in the world, just say no. If his religion allows him to marry a kid, then let him marry.

pro01: That's my preferred 'spec'.

Lol, I get the big nyash part but what are you gonna do with an empty head.

His dressing is not local and even if it is, atleast it's just his dressing, I clicked on your profile, and everything about you in that picture is local from your red eyes to your rabbit nose.

Empty-headed big nyash