₦airaland Forum

ezenwaez:
Leave it, it is already on NASIMS database.

Okay.

ezenwaez:
Although it will not affect your fingerprint enrollment

Thank you. One more thing I noticed my degree certificate is no longer showing but every other document is showing, should I just leave it like that or edit and upload it again after doing fingerprint? Sorry for asking too much questions

ezenwaez:
Although it will not affect your fingerprint enrollment

Okay. Thanks

ezenwaez:
Refresh browser

Thank you.

ezenwaez,
I was shortlisted on batch C stream 2 but the fingerprint icon on my dashboard is empty. pls what do I do? will it affect my thumbprinting?

yettymuse:
this is all white lies!..what do you except from a lonely man that craves the warmth of a woman!. Men do not love you, stop thinking that they do! They tolerate you, they lust you, and they would tell any lies just to get a piece of you!

but why do women spill so much??! These men don’t need all the informations y’all put out! I’m more worried that a man you’re yet to marry already knows so much about you... this is already a big disadvantage! You’ve lost the game before playing it! So, FLEE!

A man with his own children will NEVER tow the route of IVF with you...what is he looking for? Pray tell! All na sakamanje!

I hope you’re financially independent sha, to be able to absorb any shock thereafter. I wish you all the best in your decisions....

Yes I'm financially independent. There are good men that loves dearly more than women. A man that loves you will do anything for you although this times and days such men are hard to come by, but they do exist. I told him everything about myself because I like been honest and plain when it comes to relationship.

McWordsworth:
@ OP, you said your newfound co-adultrer is "Godly"?

Wonders! What is godly about marrying a married woman? Obviously; you have love loose morals.

Chief judge,
Kindly drop your advice. That will be more beneficial to me than appointing yourself lord. And yes! my morals are loose, that's why I need your advice to correct it.

TheArchangel:
At the emboldened, you forgot to put in the olden days when most women don't even love their husbands and doesn't care who they have sex with. Nowadays, they go their separate ways or IVF.

Op, nobody should force you to accept a child that is not yours. Don't be blackmailed into accepting to be a nanny to your husband and his baby mama.
It is obvious that you loved him prior to this and you were pressured to agree to the dalliance which felt like a betrayal.
I'd say for the sake of your sanity, get the divorce and move on.
Unless you do not give a fvck about him or whomever he slept with anymore and also taking care of kids is your sole purpose in life then go back. You'd think your husband and his mother won't try it again and again, lol. They will because they are desperate for kids and since you have accepted the first, why not the second, third and so on.....

Thank you so much.

Gaggi:
A figment of your imagination. This will be front page bound as usual.

No I don't want this on front page. The response I've been getting so far is ok and reasonable, it will help in my final decision.

Ariza:
I'm sorry if it hurt you but it is the plain truth.

With Love comes acceptance. If you can accept that he did nothing wrong, that he loves you and still loves you only then will you be able to let go and forgive the "offences" you thought he committed. Then you can revive the memories you shared, yes those memories you buried while trying to move on. Wake them back. Miss him and then apologize to him.

Taking the children might seem difficult but that's because you see them as your husband's children not your, do away with that perception. See them as your gift. Your precious gift.

In all, Acceptance is the key. Let go off the rope, accept your husband and your gift and enjoy peace. I wish you success as you fight back for your HOME.

Why Should I be the one to appologise to him? He also did me wrong, you are trying so much to exonerate him and I feel it's not proper.
Him and his mother wanted a baby at all cost without thinking about the emotional effect it will have on me. Although I understand because he is the only surviving male in that family. His grandfather was an only son, his father an only son, him an only son and all This people are late except him, at a point I was even thinking it's a family curse not until he had those twin baby boys. But I also believe he should have waited a bit, maybe we could have save up some money and do Ivf.

But this other man is head over hills in love with me and I love him too, he proposed we will do Ivf immediately after marriage, we are not married yet, but he's been making contacts with his doctor friends discussing my medical condition with them and seeking for possible solution to my happiness.

Why is it that nobody here want me to forgive and settle with this other man why?

sisisioge:
Hmmm...have you met the babies? You might actually fall head over heels with them, become really happy around them and finally get pregnant . It is well jare.

Whatever you do...dont take anything out on the babies. It is well.

No I haven't met them.

Ariza:
One thing is certain in all of this, Your husband loves and respect you so does your mother-inlaw . Look at it from this angle, First he asked for permission before going to meet another woman. How many Men do that? When Married men cheat with or without reasons, one in dire need of children still sought his wife's permission before getting intimate with another woman FOR CHILD.

Second : He made the whole process Transactional. He didn't lust after a young damsel virgin or a beautiful slay queen rather he made a deal with a SINGLE MOTHER in need of Money. There was nothing but business between the man and the said woman. How many men will pay off a woman that gave birth for them to stick with one who didn't?

Third: His Mother made all the arrangements, he didn't because he couldn't out of his Love for you. His Mother too could have frustrated you and with the help of family members pushed you to the wall till you leave the marriage but She rather sought out a plan and called you to come take the children. Believe me, it takes them nothing to have married the single mother traditionally for your husband and continue to pressure him till he throws you out or take you in. But they didn't, to her what she did was the best thing she could have done to help.

Finally: Even when he knows you are with someone else, he is still holding on, He is refusing to sign the divorce papers because he loves you . The truth is, What have you done for him to deserve such love?
Madam I think it's high time you step down from your high horse and be rational for once! Stop seeing the whole marriage like it revolves around you alone. Think of your HUSBAND too. That Man has done NOTHING wrong to you. You gave him the GO AHEAD! That means you consented to it and you are ready to bear whatever consequences, why back out now? Why did you decide to "push the man forward, then remove the choke? ". You betrayed your husband. That's the truth. Go back to him. Accept the children as yours, they we're bought for you by your husband. They are your gift, accept them. Probably you will have yours too.

As for the New Man, lol that's your Nemesis waiting to happen. Trust me. I hope you are wise enough to avoid it.

Honestly I shed so much tears while reading this. I don't even know what to do again.

Tell me, how do I love him back again , where do I start,cos at this point I don't have a single feeling for him. I have closed my heart of love against him.

Uneed2talk:
My advice was there, take some time for your self, if your husband call you tell him you need an alone time to decide what is best for you, tell the new man you want to take some time off, don't entertain calls from him before he fools you more. With enough quiet you time, you would process rationally what is best for you. I am not saying just rush back to your husband, think well and deep if you can go back to him or not and what things you and him must put in place for your security if you decide to go back. I am sure your relations with the new man is less than a year and he is rushing you for marriage without proper divorce, another big red flag.

You really do think you already love the new man, I pray you don't find out the hard way. You are not fully healed to see well.

Thank you

TheArchangel:
I understand how you feel regarding your husband and his babies. I can't do it either. Your mother-in-law and husband took the easy way out and made you out like a soulless being without feelings who will have to go along with their plans. To them, because you can't have a child, you can take anything they dished out to you.
If the babies were motherless with no string attached, yeah but this, this is tricky you can be left hanging after showering all your loves on them.

The widower is obviously looking for a boomerang and rebound wife.

Leave both the husband and husband to be and run.

Find someone fresh please.

Your advice made so much meaning to me. Thank you

Richy4:
Hello OP, I just want to know the rational or what prompted you to walk out of your matrimonial home..

<<< You said that your Husband (not Ex because u haven't divorce him yet ) asked for your permission to have a baby from another woman, then you told him to go ahead and u packed your bag and left...

<<<did he provoke u or did his family members gave you some grief in anyway that made you decide to start shopping for another lover/ husband..

<<<< what is the real deal? If u don't want to agree with him, considering how u said that he loved u, u should have made your stance known to him from the beginning that if that should happen, u will walk away...

<<<U were angry that your new man couldn't disclose some vital information to u, but do u know that someone who couldn't honour a contract/ agreement is equally as guilty.. (I know that people in the corporate world will understand what I'm talking about)

<<<This whole thing looked like a badly scripted movie... at least I have read a similar story from the good book where Sarah asked Abraham to go and sleep with the maid so that they can have children .. But when the maid gave birth and her shakara became too much Sarah had to cry to Abraham and asked him why he permitted a maid to insult her...

<<<<But in this case, u didn't say that someone provoked u...U gave your permission, woke up one morning packed your bag and walked away...Why

I made him to understand that I give my consent but that things will never be the same again between us.

Yes it might look scripted to you, but that's my story, I don't need you to believe it

luwiizy:
lemme give you a secret, take those child like yours and keep praying..prayers like yours needs sacrifice and that sacrifice is by showing those kids motherly love, you will be surprised at what will happen the following year...God doent cheat.

I should go back to a man I no longer love right? Ok

Uneed2talk:
You are desperate too to make up for the pain your husband cost you with this new man. You are seeing all the warnings but you too desperate to tell your own happy ending. The new man is Godly, loving, can give his life for you, what is your proof from someone you met online? Just hear yourself, a man done having kids will give his life for you to have kids.

Do you know what it means to handle a divorced man with kids, you can't love those innocent twins but you want to love grown mostly difficult teens that are formed or you think they are not in the picture? Have you satisfactorily answered the question of what led to his first wife's death and the second wife leaving? You think you are his missing rib ordained from heaven? He promised to give you a child base on the god that he is, therefore everything else will not matter to you until they matter more than the child you so want. You want a child so bad and think it's love, has it crossed your mind that the man is looking for a woman that can't bear kids to take care of him and his kids, or you think you are the only one with a selfish agenda.

Your husband really did hurt you, you also said his mum pushed him to do it. You have no proof the desperate woman didn't give your husband kids from another man, this is btw though. Give your self time to tend to your wound and decide if you can forgive your husband or move on.

What is your exit plan if the new man is worse? can't give you a child too? Will you be divorced the second time? and how many reproductive years are you sure you can waste there? I'm not saying you shouldn't get a better man but your husband seems better than this one. You want to enjoy his money too ahn? You are so sure? Note, you are on a rebound and not thinking objectively.

After all this long epistle what advise are you giving me?

Go back to my husband?
Get married to the Widower that I love?
Get a new man?

Jullima:
Have you guys checked with a fertility doctor, who’s infertile? Also, this is 2020, he doesn’t have to actually have sex with the woman. He can do an artificial insemination right there in a Doctor’s office.

Also, do you guys think another woman will just willingly give up her kid? Unfortunately, to have children the right way, you have to spend some money for procedures/compensation.

If you really don’t want to go back to your husband, then it doesn’t matter what he wants. There is a legal period of separation that will grant you the divorce. As for the new man

Pls explain what you mean by a legal period of separation that can grant divorce

thorpido:
It might just be better to find a way to move on finally from your hubby.It's better than staying in a loveless marriage and most especially,you can't love and treat your husband's children well.
As for the new man,it think he's got too much garbage.

Thank you But this other man treats me fine and promised me he will go to any length to make sure I have a child of my own.

He is a good man,his only crime is not telling me about his marriage after the death of his wife.

LilMissFavvy:
Go back to your husband, from all you said he's a good man, he is just desperate. Has he gotten a child with another woman already? What makes you convinced the infertility is from you? Learn to love him all over again.

My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

thorpido:
Why did you give your husband the go ahead to have a baby outside your marriage?Both of you are in it and will have to see it through - child or no child!
Anyway,the new man isn't yours except you finalise divorce with your husband.

My husband is the only surviving son in his family and his family was on my neck to have a child for him. To make peace to reign I agreed on that arrangement

I'm new to this forum though I've been a guest for over 3yrs but decided to register today so I can pour out my heart and frustration hoping I get well meaning advise from married and matured people here.
I'm 37yrs female married for over 10yrs now without a child. My husband is a nice and caring young man of 42yrs every woman will pray to have. Along the line he got tired of waiting and told me that he still loves me dearly and since we can't afford Ivf and he doesn't want to loose me, that I should permit him to get a woman pregnant aside our marriage, that he isn't going to marry another wife but that I should give him go ahead to atleast have one child outside pending when God will bless us with our own. I thought this through on my mind and gave him go ahead but ever since then the love I have for him dropped to zero, and I left him though he has been begging me to come back .

Recently I met a man online and we have been dating online he lives in a different state from me but this man has shown me what real love is all about, he is a widower of 57 yrs extremely caring and loving and Godly, Recently he proposed to me and we have discussed extensively about our past relationships . He is not rich, he earns a little less than 300k and he has grown up kids. He has told everyone about me including his friends, pastor and children.
Now to the main issue why am writing this... I just found out that after he lost his wife some years ago, he remarried last year and the marriage lasted for only six-month before it packed up, And he never told me this throughout our discussion.he hid it from me.
We were discussing over the phone and he suddenly said something which I became inquisitive and he was forced to tell me about it mistakenly.
Note this man has been so eager to marry me if not for the Lockdown we would have been done with the marriage.
I told him that same yesterday I can't continue with the relationship since he hid something as important as his marital status from me, he broke down over the phone and cried uncontrollably like a baby.

Now the issue is that my ex husband is on my neck to win me back, he said over his dead body will he grant me divorce. My heart is with this other man, but how do I forgive him and continue with him.
Pls I need mature advise