I'm new to this forum though I've been a guest for over 3yrs but decided to register today so I can pour out my heart and frustration hoping I get well meaning advise from married and matured people here.
I'm 37yrs female married for over 10yrs now without a child. My husband is a nice and caring young man of 42yrs every woman will pray to have. Along the line he got tired of waiting and told me that he still loves me dearly and since we can't afford Ivf and he doesn't want to loose me, that I should permit him to get a woman pregnant aside our marriage, that he isn't going to marry another wife but that I should give him go ahead to atleast have one child outside pending when God will bless us with our own. I thought this through on my mind and gave him go ahead but ever since then the love I have for him dropped to zero, and I left him though he has been begging me to come back .

Recently I met a man online and we have been dating online he lives in a different state from me but this man has shown me what real love is all about, he is a widower of 57 yrs extremely caring and loving and Godly, Recently he proposed to me and we have discussed extensively about our past relationships . He is not rich, he earns a little less than 300k and he has grown up kids. He has told everyone about me including his friends, pastor and children.
Now to the main issue why am writing this... I just found out that after he lost his wife some years ago, he remarried last year and the marriage lasted for only six-month before it packed up, And he never told me this throughout our discussion.he hid it from me.
We were discussing over the phone and he suddenly said something which I became inquisitive and he was forced to tell me about it mistakenly.
Note this man has been so eager to marry me if not for the Lockdown we would have been done with the marriage.
I told him that same yesterday I can't continue with the relationship since he hid something as important as his marital status from me, he broke down over the phone and cried uncontrollably like a baby.

Now the issue is that my ex husband is on my neck to win me back, he said over his dead body will he grant me divorce. My heart is with this other man, but how do I forgive him and continue with him.
Pls I need mature advise

Pls go back to your husband. He stood by you for ten years and you agreed before he did what he did. The biggest mistake you will make is to foolow this other man.
Go back to your husband.

Why did you give your husband the go ahead to have a baby outside your marriage?Both of you are in it and will have to see it through - child or no child!
Anyway,the new man isn't yours except you finalise divorce with your husband.

@Op I see nothing stopping you from opting for surrogacy. Go back to your husband abeg

Hmm

This case is strong.

Go back to your husband and be happy. You will now have children of your own IJN

What else could your new lover be hiding?

Like the saying goes; “Better the devil you know than the devil you don't”. With this I suggest you embrace your husband. You'll learn to love him.

yvelchstores:
Pls go back to your husband. He stood by you for ten years with no child and you agreed before he did what he did. The biggest mistake you will make is to foolow this other man.
Go back to your husband.

Isn’t this what spouses are to do for each other? It’s in the vows “for better for worse”

We should stop hailing people for what they’re supposed to do, you’re indirectly saying staying with an infertile spouse and honouring your vows is a strange thing.

thorpido:
Why did you give your husband the go ahead to have a baby outside your marriage?Both of you are in it and will have to see it through - child or no child!
Anyway,the new man isn't yours except you finalise divorce with your husband.

My husband is the only surviving son in his family and his family was on my neck to have a child for him. To make peace to reign I agreed on that arrangement

M

Hunye:


My husband is the only surviving son in his family and his family was on my neck to have a child for him. To make peace to reign I agreed on that arrangement

Have you guys checked with a fertility doctor, who’s infertile? Also, this is 2020, he doesn’t have to actually have sex with the woman. He can do an artificial insemination right there in a Doctor’s office.

Also, do you guys think another woman will just willingly give up her kid? Unfortunately, to have children the right way, you have to spend some money for procedures/compensation.

If you really don’t want to go back to your husband, then it doesn’t matter what he wants. There is a legal period of separation that will grant you the divorce. As for the new man

bukatyne:
M

do you have to comment on every single thread in the family section? You have time sha.

I am not quite sure what you want. A divorce? Forget the new man? Forgive the new man? Can you clarify please?
By the way, has your husband got anyone pregnant?

bukatyne:
M

Lmfao, is it that serious? You’re keeping space.

If you are wise, you will stick to your husband...Let him get another lady,while you adopt a baby girl to take care of you when you grow older....A simple wise move.


Marrying a man with grown kids is for single mom, Otherwise hehehe you will hear am anytime the man kicks the bucket....Then you will realize you only came to warm his bed.

Go back to your husband, from all you said he's a good man, he is just desperate. Has he gotten a child with another woman already? What makes you convinced the infertility is from you? Learn to love him all over again.

Madam, have you forgotten that you are are still a legally married women, why are you making marriage proposal with another man? It appears you not have learned anything from your present marriage. Why did grant your husband an approval to explore when you can't handle it? Is divorce the solution to your problem? I am startled at the speed at which you find this lover boy. Has he always been on standby, waiting for the auspicious oppirtunity to formalise his mission? There are many dots that need to be connected in your story. Just cool things a little, settle with husband, and do whatever rocks your boat.

The new guy on the block has found a seemingly cheap and easy woman to frolick with and will employ all the tricks in the book to make you fall. But the good news is that you can see through his games, and aren't comfortable with his hasty disposition, yet the adventurous part in you is nudging you take a leap and damn the consequence. If anything, his marital history is a clear pointer, at least to your conscience since your head has refused to obey your mind, that all that glitters are not gold. Until you unravel his marital history, you might be unwittingly making the proverbial movement of "from frying pan to fire."

I'm just speechless two of the men are still risky. Who knows maybe the first man has a child outside? Madam, please pray to God for directions.

LilMissFavvy:
Go back to your husband, from all you said he's a good man, he is just desperate. Has he gotten a child with another woman already? What makes you convinced the infertility is from you? Learn to love him all over again.

My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

Hunye:


My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

Please go back to your husband please, you can still love him again, yes. Go and take those twins as your own, while taking good care of kids, God can use them as a point blessings to you, God can just give you triplets to compensate you and your husband.

Bola146:


Please go back to your husband please, you can still love him again, yes. Go and take those twins as your own, while taking good care of kids, God can use them as a point blessings to you, God can just give you triplets to compensate you and your husband.

She already said she doesn’t love the husband again and she cannot love the children as her own. The children don’t deserve that. If she has her own children what do you think will be the fate of those twins? This is how wicked stepmothers are born.

She’s being honest she can’t love them, let her go her own way and find her own happiness. Love can’t be forced abeg.

Her OP is really about the new man.

Hunye:


My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

It might just be better to find a way to move on finally from your hubby.It's better than staying in a loveless marriage and most especially,you can't love and treat your husband's children well.
As for the new man,I think he's got too much garbage.

thorpido:
It might just be better to find a way to move on finally from your hubby.It's better than staying in a loveless marriage and most especially,you can't love and treat your husband's children well.
As for the new man,it think he's got too much garbage.

Thank you But this other man treats me fine and promised me he will go to any length to make sure I have a child of my own.

He is a good man,his only crime is not telling me about his marriage after the death of his wife.

Jullima:

Have you guys checked with a fertility doctor, who’s infertile? Also, this is 2020, he doesn’t have to actually have sex with the woman. He can do an artificial insemination right there in a Doctor’s office.

Also, do you guys think another woman will just willingly give up her kid? Unfortunately, to have children the right way, you have to spend some money for procedures/compensation.

If you really don’t want to go back to your husband, then it doesn’t matter what he wants. There is a legal period of separation that will grant you the divorce. As for the new man

Pls explain what you mean by a legal period of separation that can grant divorce

Sheet! Messy situation there. I'm sorry, I'm not even going to attempt to advise as the matter is beyond me. But here are some things to mull about:

1. Going back to exes isn't much of a good idea especially when the underlying issue has not been resolved. If issue persist, they then go to their old ways.

2. Marrying an emotionally jumpy man is a dicey one. He falls in love quickly and probably falls out just as fast. This might not be the case o but it is better to really take your time with people like that. They are darlings when enthralled but something else when not.

I wish you good luck darling...my sister in-law got preggers at 37yrs after 11yrs of marriage. They ironically separated, husband met someone else, cheated on the new someone with his ex wife who got preggers during the affairs. They just kukuma moved back home to each other .

Perhaps you would have advised your husband not to sleep with the woman but instead do assisted fertilization.
It would have been easier, and she would have just been a kind of surrogate for you.
Because someone told you he would move the world for you doesn't mean he would.
What power does the other man have that would give you a baby? It's not in his control either, so don't fall for that.
He probably just wants to use you to do "pepperdem" for his ex wife.
Leave your husband because you don't love him anymore, and not because you want to remarry this man that probably has his own baggage. I say this because why would his marriage crash just after 6 months? He will get his own too for body

Hunye:


Pls explain what you mean by a legal period of separation that can grant divorce

If you did only traditional, then just return your bride price, you’re divorced.

If you went to court or some churches that are recognized. As long as you’re separated from your husband for two years without sexual intercourse, you can file for divorce and it will be granted regardless of what your husband wants.

Hunye:


My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

Hmmm...have you met the babies? You might actually fall head over heels with them, become really happy around them and finally get pregnant . It is well jare.

Whatever you do...dont take anything out on the babies. It is well.

Your husband tried sef, 10 years without a child. What were you still even doing in his house. Some men dey try sha.

I think you should stay with your husband and explore the different means of having children nowadays. You say you no longer love him, though, and that you're unhappy, so do what’s best for you.