Hunye:


My mother in law made the arrangements, got a single mother that was in need of money,my husband slept and got her pregnant, she delivered a set of twins after which she was settled with money and she handed the babies over.
I was called by mother-in-law to come carry the children and nurse them as mine but I couldn't. I Know I can't possibly love those babies, they will always be a reminder of my childlessness and that what I couldn't achieve over years, a woman achieved it for my husband in a twinkle of an eye.
To be honest, I no longer love my husband. But he still loves me and making everything possible we come back together.

Romangalactic:

Is it himself or his wife that will be financially responsible for kids she had for another man?

Hunye:


Why Should I be the one to appologise to him? He also did me wrong, you are trying so much to exonerate him and I feel it's not proper.
Him and his mother wanted a baby at all cost without thinking about the emotional effect it will have on me. Although I understand because he is the only surviving male in that family. His grandfather was an only son, his father an only son, him an only son and all This people are late except him, at a point I was even thinking it's a family curse not until he had those twin baby boys. But I also believe he should have waited a bit, maybe we could have save up some money and do Ivf.

But this other man is head over hills in love with me and I love him too, he proposed we will do Ivf immediately after marriage, we are not married yet, but he's been making contacts with his doctor friends discussing my medical condition with them and seeking for possible solution to my happiness.

Why is it that nobody here want me to forgive and settle with this other man why?

Plead:
I’d love to see cococandy’s response to this question.

This is one of the reasons I don’t encourage bachelors to marry single moms in this country because the single moms would be expecting you to be financially responsible for those kids (a responsibility of the real father and herself)

cococandy:


Unrelated to my statement

Mariangeles:


Move on then.
It seems your mind is already made up on whom you want to be with.
Maybe the purpose of this thread was just to unburden your heart.
Just make up your mind and get it over with.
You and your husband would be fine in the end without each other.

To me, I'd say if only you'd open up your heart to accept those children, you'd realize there's nothing much to it.
In this life, once you've decided that something is not an issue, it is not an issue.
We have the power to decide how things turn out.
In Igbo land, some women who cannot have children choose and marry wives for their husbands so that they can have children for them. I have witnessed such a situation. Believe me, it is not that big of a deal.

These days is people invest too much emotions in relationship.
Never make important decisions based on emotions.

Ybaby:


I disagree with you

If she wants he own children she can be me meme just like her husband was me me me.

At 37 still too early to give up on motherhood- failed IVF happens she try's again.

Choose you OP

yettymuse:
this is all white lies!..what do you except from a lonely man that craves the warmth of a woman!. Men do not love you, stop thinking that they do! They tolerate you, they lust you, and they would tell any lies just to get a piece of you!

but why do women spill so much??! These men don’t need all the informations y’all put out! I’m more worried that a man you’re yet to marry already knows so much about you... this is already a big disadvantage! You’ve lost the game before playing it! So, FLEE!

A man with his own children will NEVER tow the route of IVF with you...what is he looking for? Pray tell! All na sakamanje!

I hope you’re financially independent sha, to be able to absorb any shock thereafter. I wish you all the best in your decisions....

Maduawuchukwu:


I guess you do not agree with her Husaband's actions which amounted to sidelining her and dumping her because she could not give birth( contrary to the marriage vows of " for better for worse" but you have been on every thread justifying the actions of women who leave their Husbands who fell on economic hard times. Double standards much?

bukatyne:


You believe a man cannot love a woman?

Interesting.

yettymuse:
Yes!.......Quite interesting.

Ybaby:


Where did I say I donot agree with her husband? Where?

I said her ex husband chose himself and she should do the same !

Choose herself!

Jullima:

Exactly! Most comments here are sympathizing and understanding that her husband chose himself and looked for his own solution to have his own biological kids but are unwilling to do the same for the OP. The real reason she ‘loves’ the new man is because she sees him as an opportunity to have her own child, he’s willing to pay for an IVF she and her husband can’t afford. Now, whether the new man is truthful about the IVF is another story.

Personally, you can love any child, biological or not but not everybody can do that and we should respect that and not force people to give love they don’t have. It’s not fair on the children.

bukatyne:


Any reason that formed your opinion?

Ybaby:


Where did I say I donot agree with her husband? Where?

I said her ex husband chose himself and she should do the same !

Choose herself!

Hathor5:


I would choose Cococandy.

Plead:

You haven’t answered his question sha. He’s saying if the woman would be financially responsible for the kids then the man might consider taking her back. Since you asked if the man would take her back if she was the one that got a kid from anther man outside.

yettymuse:
this is all white lies!..what do you except from a lonely man that craves the warmth of a woman!. Men do not love you, stop thinking that they do! They tolerate you, they lust you, and they would tell any lies just to get a piece of you!

but why do women spill so much??! These men don’t need all the informations y’all put out! I’m more worried that a man you’re yet to marry already knows so much about you... this is already a big disadvantage! You’ve lost the game before playing it! So, FLEE!

A man with his own children will NEVER tow the route of IVF with you...what is he looking for? Pray tell! All na sakamanje!

I hope you’re financially independent sha, to be able to absorb any shock thereafter. I wish you all the best in your decisions....

cococandy:


First of all I was ignoring HIM on purpose.
But since you plead insists, Let me attempt to answer YOU.

let’s say the woman is going to be financially responsible for the kids she fathers with another man, then the man would accept the kids? That’s all it would take? Damn I didn’t realize it would be that easy.
Well I can’t answer for the woman since each woman is different. But if women would be financially responsible for their kids from side dudes then all the problem is solved ? Means the issue is the money and not the actual infidelity. That makes it so much easier. Women with money can have side guys and have kids with them as long as they pay for stuff, the husbands will be cool with it . Sweet life.

Now apply this to the man’s kids from another woman. Who will take care of the kids? The man and his new woman? Or will the man somehow expect the wife to play mom/step mom to outside children?

Hunye:


Why is it that nobody here want me to forgive and settle with this other man why?

blank:


Because he doesn't look like a good alternative/choice. Seems like you will be moving from frying pan to fire. Don't go back to you ex. Let him and his mum take care of his kids.

I wish you could find someone with less baggage than this new guy. Do you know why his 2nd marriage packed up? IVF is upwards of 1m per try. Would you guys be able to save enough from his income and yours?

Plead:




This one pass me.
Bros @Romangalactic please come and answer oh.

Romangalactic:

Hehehehe . Was that meant to be an answer?
Simple question,who will be financially responsible for the child of a wife she birth for another man. Is it the wife herself or the husband,and cococandy is writing article on the role of a nursing assistant in oncology department.

cococandy:


Can you imagine accepting kids your wife had for another man after 10 years of marriage because you guys couldn’t have kids together? If you can’t imagine it, then I don’t see why this is too hard for to not imagine as well.

Hunye:


Thank you But this other man treats me fine and promised me he will go to any length to make sure I have a child of my own.

He is a good man,his only crime is not telling me about his marriage after the death of his wife.

janvier27:


I responded above.
Infertility isn't a disease & no one should be shamed on account of this. It should also not limit the fullness of life depending on how it's handled. Mine could be a Male perspective, I can't help that, but I think it's the truth. Openness and dialogue. OP might have more reasons to have lost the love than the issue of him having kids in this circumstance. I won't advise her to go into a loveless marriage, but if the love is still there, she has a chance of deriving the best from everything if she accepts her husband back and love and accept those kids. Worst case, she and the husband could in addition adopt a couple more kids together.

Jullima:

Have you guys checked with a fertility doctor, who’s infertile? Also, this is 2020, he doesn’t have to actually have sex with the woman. He can do an artificial insemination right there in a Doctor’s office.

Also, do you guys think another woman will just willingly give up her kid? Unfortunately, to have children the right way, you have to spend some money for procedures/compensation.

If you really don’t want to go back to your husband, then it doesn’t matter what he wants. There is a legal period of separation that will grant you the divorce. As for the new man

Kollyman:


Why are you ladies always encouraging other women to fail like you?

If your blood sister were to be in her shoe, would you have advised her to settle for divorce?

Pray to God to help you secure a good relationship, then you will understand the true meaning and power of love