Can you stop a man from cheating? – Joy Ehonwa

Last week, I was at the pharmacy with a friend who, like me, recently lost a bit of weight. Our pharmacist was commending us, and tacked on something along the lines of “Una no wan gree at all o, una no want make oga look outside.”
Growing up, I knew a lovely lady whom everyone adored. She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that made people say God created her on a Sunday. Tall, shapely, with creamy skin that glowed, she was also intelligent, classy, and brilliant at her craft. She was the kind of woman I thought no man could ever have reason to cheat on. Her death came as a shock, and her husband sat on the floor surrounded by her photos and bawled like a baby, his head cradled in his hands. When he remarried soon after and I learnt that his new wife had been his side chick, everything I thought I knew about cheating turned to vapour.
Every time someone insinuated that a man’s cheating had something to do with the way his wife looked or did not look, my mouth curled into a yinmu. If Uncle could cheat on Aunty, IT Girl that she was, then what are we saying? My instinctive reaction to the kind of statement my pharmacist made is something like “Na God o, no amount of effort can keep a straying man o, man wey go cheat, go still cheat.”
I mean, does anyone remember when Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock? Or how Michael Douglas got cancer of the mouth from eating kitty that did not belong to his pretty wife Catherine Zeta-Jones?
However, on this day, I didn’t say that. Why? I had coincidentally been wondering if perhaps there are men who would not have strayed if their wives had done certain things. Yes, there are men who will stray no matter what, but is this the answer we must fling in the face of anyone who suggests that a woman make some kind of effort to “keep” her man? Isn’t there some kind of balance? For instance, anyone who is honest will admit that a wife whose emotional or sexual needs are chronically neglected is vulnerable to temptation, regardless of how fine her man is. Doesn’t the same apply for men?
If he needs to talk and his wife won’t listen to him, or he has sexual needs his wife won’t meet, or she lets herself go and becomes unattractive, isn’t it the same thing? None of these things are excuses to cheat, really, and none of them justify infidelity, but what if the reality is that they predispose to adultery? And what if, that being the case, there are actually some things you can do to affair-proof your marriage? Would you be open to it? Would you do it proudly without feeling ashamed of making the effort?
We all know what a shameful thing it is these days to be caught trying to “keep” a man. Yet I believe that outside of the context of chauvinism, we need to keep each other, husbands and wives. We can’t just take wedding vows and then expect them to stay with us, period.
So, yes, you may do heaven and earth for a man, and literally bend over backwards to please him (this is not a real sex position please, do not try this at home!) and still have him cheat on you with someone else. And there are also men who are terribly unfulfilled in their marriages and yet they do not seek satisfaction of any kind elsewhere. These people really do exist. If a man is going to cheat, he’s going to, but what about the one who never planned to?
Building the kind of marriage where neither partner is vulnerable to temptation involves a huge investment of time and emotional capital. It also involves two people who want to honour their vows and stay faithful. Marriage is one hell of a needy potted plant. Forget to water it and give it sunlight and it starts to die. Friends, I say, feel free to do whatever it takes to make your plant bloom and flourish. There’s no shame in that.

http://www.sabinews.com/?p=33599

I have been able to solve the 2nd question, it is the first one that is giving me tough time

My younger sister in primary 5 bring this question home as a holiday assignment... I don crack my brain but I no fit solve it.

This is a nice initiative, it will serve as an inspiration for others and will keep the graduates busy till they have a better alternative....my Dept in my uni have been giving first class graduates automatic employment in the last few years, but most of them turned down the offer.

rip to the man...

psychologist:
Civil engineering

Lagos state

search for the address of structural consulting firms and highway construction firms online, submit your placement letter at various offices few months before the commencement of your siwes.

kolanpas:
Am OAU student,I need an IT placement in Ibadan.Am a civil engineering student

it depend on your interest, structural design firm or highway construction ?

20 important life Lessons Learned From Robert Greene's book (mastery)
1 – Understand who you truly are, and what kind of vocation or career you feel called to do.
2 – Commit to an apprenticeship, in which you undergo years of humble observation, skill acquisition, and experimentation.
3 – Revert to a feeling of inferiority, and possess and deep humility and eagerness to learn from others.
4 – Move toward resistance and pain, let go of need for comfort/security, and cross the threshold past the initial tedious stages of learning.
5 – After apprenticeship phase, you must become bold, confident, and willing to test out skills and make connections between different ideas.
6 – Learn to embrace criticism and failure, and be grateful for the opportunity to learn and improve as a result of your mistakes.
7 – Understand that there is an emotional component, not intellectual, that separates the true masters from others.
8 – Develop your social intelligence, and your ability to empathetically put yourself in another person’s shoes and see/understand things from his or her perspective.
9 – Move past the habitual tendency to judge others or idealize/demonize them, and simply observe them rather than projecting your own thoughts, emotions, or insecurities onto them.
10 – You must be wary of many peoples’ tendencies to display certain vices that could hinder your progress, such as: envy, conformism, rigidity, self-obsessiveness, laziness, flightiness, and passive aggression.
11 – Learn to speak through your work, and to win others to your side of thinking by being patient and letting what you have done speak for itself.
12 – Try to see yourself as other see you, so that you can remain emotionally detached and try to improve upon your flaws and shortcomings.
13 – Suffer fools gladly, and don’t take criticism seriously or personally from people who don’t know what they’re talking about.
14 – Return to your childlike sense of wonder and endless curiosity about all things in order to stimulate your creative energy.
15 – Drop all preconceived notions about he world, and utilize the power of your imagination to the fullest.
16 – Always be open and receptive to new ideas that challenge conventionality, and don’t be afraid of thinking something that is unpopular.
17 – Love learning for its own sake, and connect a wide array of ideas from different fields of study and disciplines.
18 – Maintain a sense of destiny/purpose and feel consciously connected to it.
19 – Qualities that will help you succeed: Self-discipline, desire, persistence, focus, effort, patience, energy, obsessiveness, observance, confidence, trust in self, emotional commitment, humility, adaptability, boldness, openness.
20 – Qualities that hinder your success: Complacency, conservatism, dependency, impatience, grandiosity, inflexibility, distractibility, becoming egotistical, close-mindednes