₦airaland Forum

_________ A line knows no end unless u put a stop to it.
Let our friendship be this line n let's make sure it will go on and on,
4ever. Good morning!

D spaces betwn our fingers wer created so dat another person's fingers cud fil dem in. Hope u'l find ur dream hand 2 hold u 4ever. Good morning

Move over to Mtn

Sweetheart
Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband

Allen

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1, The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2, The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3, Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three
kisses instead of the rent.
4, Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items,
5, Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart

THATS IT

Dclique:
My Nairalanders, Pls, Vote for Dclique as assistant moderator in Education section, thanx

Why didnt you tell us this earlier?Now that youve told us, be rest assured you are already there! Hope you wont 4get us in your kingdom

Dwayne:
U mail me naw, just tell me, i want 2 see how it luks like 2 b on seuns black book.

Where are my Settings?

Say it here!

. . .of bias

WHO IS DOING THE DISHES

ohn really wanted to buy a motorcycle. He had been searching nearly every day, with no luck (he’s quite picky). One day he comes across a mint looking Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it. The bike seems even better thana new one even though it’s 10yearsold, really shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, on the spot, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. “Well, it’s quite simple, really,” says the seller, “whenever the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.” And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandy, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they ride the bike over there. But, just before they enter the house, Sandy stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family before we go in… When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.” “No problem,” he says. And in they go.

John is shocked at the sight. Right smack in the middle of the living roomis a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, of course, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Sandy. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. He stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her brains out right in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom definately horrified, but, when he sits back down nobody says a word.

John, looking over at Sandy’s mom, things to himself she’s pretty hot. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. His girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, “All right, thats enough, I’ll do the fucking dishes!”

A man's dog has a problem so he takes him to the vet's

A man's dog has a problem so he takes him to the vet's. The vet looks at the dog and says that he'll have to take him to the examining room. In the examining room, he takes a cat out of a cage and lets the cat walk all over the dog, but the dog doesn't do anything.
The doctor say "Your dog is dead."

The man goes out to the receptionist and asks for his bill.

"That'll be $325" says the receptionist.

"What! $325? How's that possible?"

"It's $25 for the consultation, and $300 for the Cat scan."

A man goes out of prison after twenty years

A man goes out of prison after twenty years. He decides to go back to the neighbourhood where he lived. When he gets there he cannot recognize the place. Everything has changed a lot. The places he used to visit have all disappeared. Even the pub has disappeared.He is very tired and would like to have something to eat. He goes into a small café and has a coffee and a sandwich.When he takes out his wallet he finds a shoemaker ticket in it. He then remembers that the last thing he had done before being arrested was to take a pair of shoes to the shoemaker's. He decides to go there and try. What a wondeful thing! The shoemaker is still at the same place. He gets into the shop and tells the shoemaker that about twenty years before he had left him a pair of shoes to have them repaired. The shoemaker has a look at the ticket and says: "O.K. Come back tomorrow. They will be ready then." Some things never change.

A man slow witted man walked into a pattent office.

A man slow witted man walked into a pattent office. He walked up to the patent officer and said, "Hey, I've got a new idea for a mouse trap." (Draw a box on the blackboard.)
"Here's the box." (Draw a hole in the box.) "Here's the hole." (Draw a circle in the bottom of the hole) "Here's the cheese." (Draw a line across the hole in the box.) "Here's the blade. The mouse sticks his head in the holeto get the cheese, the blade drops on his neck and kills him."
The patent officer looks at the diagram. He understands that the man is a little slow so he wants to be kind. He explains to the man that he does not think the design is ready to be patented yet. He tells the man, "Please, work on it some more. Perhaps I will be able to patent it another time." The slow witted man says thank you and leaves the office.

One week later the slow witted man shows up again. (Draw the exact same example on the board in exactly the same way.) The slow witted man says, "This is the box, this is the hole, this is the cheese and this is the wire. The mouse sticks his head in the hole to get the cheese, the wire wraps around his neck and kills him."

The patent officer, still trying to be kind, makes the same excuse as before. The slow witted man leaves.

One week later the slow witted man returns. He approaches the same pattent officer and says, (The exact same things)
"Here's the box. Here's the hole. (This time he draws a zig-zag line across the hole and he does not draw a circle for the cheese.) After completing the zig-zag line, the slow witted man proclaims, "and here's the saw blade."

The patent officer notices the design and the fact that that ther is no cheese. He asks the slow witted man, "Where's the cheese." "Ah-ha," says the slow witted man.
"That's the point. The mouse sticks his head in the hole
and says," "Where did you put the cheese."

(When the mouse speeks you must act like the mouse. Stick your head out as if looking into the trap and swing it back and forth as if looking for the cheese.)

The implication is that the mouse will saw off his own head while looking for the cheese. Remember the saw blade?

Politics explained

A little boy looks up at his father and asks, “Dad, what’s politics?”

Dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it to you this way.” I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me “Capitalism.” Your Mom is the administrator of the household, so we’ll call her “The Government.” We’re here to take care of your needs so we’ll call you “The People.” The nanny works hard all day for very little money so, we’ll consider her “The Working Class.” And your baby brother… we’ll call him “The Future.”

Now, think about that and see if it makes sense. So, the little boy goes off to bed, thinking about what his Dad has said. Later that night he hears his baby brother crying so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks through the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words, what you think politics is about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future stinks.

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.

A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, “To your hous

Thanks

hayprof:
I jst dey 0oo. . .

Is that a text

Dwayne:
@genious, who is d member, and wot does seun gain 4rm banding members. Infact, wot can some1 do 4 him 2 b band b'cos i want 2 try it.

Send an official request to my mail, i will give exactly what to post that will lay you off for 4 days

Sagem myx2

Confessions of midnight callers lol

Me too, that site is too troublesome.

It's here to stay

@Dexplorer long time, how's temicity doing?

A star has 5 ends, a square has 4 ends, a triangle has 3 ends, a line has 2 ends, a human life has 1 end but our friendship has no end. Have a lovely nite.

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and beautiful. I have obviously sent it to the wrong number, i am sorry 4 the inconvenience, call this number to claim your damages.

Ah_ i forgot ur name, can i call u mine? And in case you forget my name too, call me yours! But note: not when she is around!!

You can fall 4rm the sky, u can fall 4rm a tree, u may get hurt, But the best way to fall is to fall in love with me.

why is there no antivirus software for java phones?

i LOVE THESE WAPSITES

lynxnoon:
hw much? ^{(do u hv a 3G modem for sale too? )}

Will you be able to afford it?

topheal:
Gud day engrs in d house,pls help me wit my fone 3110c. it says "cannot add new, account memory full" when i want to configure web browser & i have deleted all the personal configuration,i also restored it to factory settings but d problem still remain. Pls help what should i do .thanks

Dwayne:
Delete some cofig sets in ur default configuration settings.

Question answered, I once had the same problem.