₦airaland Forum

Sitting up and looking through my old pictures of friends and people I met on my journey travelling round the world. Well, that’s if you call that travelling around the world…LOL. I have been to only 2 countries.

I’ll leave you to figure that out yourself. I guess the answer to that question will be found only if you ever finish going through all the articles and stories on my site

This happened in a peaceful area called Peckham in London, hahahaha…… well if you know what I mean. Am sorry if you have anyone who lives in Peckham here. For the people who don’t know where that is. I will advice you Google it. Simply put, it is one of the most interesting ….cough cough ..areas in London

I had been in London for what seem to be likes years but it was just only a month. I was kind of getting bored and wanted to just start making all the money which was why I came to live in the ” POUNDS ”country , well that’s what I call it .Others call it “QUEENS”country.

After much attempt I got one job in a reprographic office and we were to work at night and get all the documents needed by the press sorted and all what nut.

I arrived about half an hour before my resumption time just to give the impression I was very serious minded .I was introduced to some of the people on night shift and was glad most of them were Nigerians, except for the supervisor and a hand full of others.

I quickly introduced myself to my new colleagues and they gave me a rundown of what to do and not to do .Roughly 10 minutes later a guy walked in and said hi briefly but was in such a a hurry and headed towards the direction of the Loo.

He was a tall lad, had dreads and I could tell he was Jamaican .Yes he was and can u imagine how sad , I had been in UK for a month and never really chatted with one .

The supervisor asked for my Jamaican friend who I later discovered to be known as dreads, I just assumed it was his nickname because I couldn’t imagine a guy with full dreadlocks on and still been called dreads ,but it turned out to be his actual name. But you should have known by now that i wasn’t going to use his real name

Well I was told he was going to be my trainer for the night and he will put me through the pace, I noticed all my other colleagues busted out laughing when they overheard this instruction. But the supervisor got us all to start work immediately, however I didn’t understand the reason for their outburst of laughter.

Here was I standing alone, when Dreads walked in, said hello and I replied HELLO with a firm tone of voice just to give him the impression that I wasn’t going to be intimidated because I was to work under him. The next statement that came out of his mouth I knew I was in deep trouble, because I didn’t hear or better still didn’t understand a word of what he said.

He repeated it and, not to look stupid, I just smiled, he looked at me in a funny way, and he repeated what he said again, but this time I was ready and listened as hard I could but still all I got from that sentence was the word “funny”.

Hahahaha. I busted out laughing so hard pretending to be on the same page as him. Still I was in the dark. Nothing he had said had registered with me, and I was trying my damnedest not to look stupid this time around. Then I saw the expression on his face, he wasn’t smiling at all and the laughter quickly disappeared from my face. Gosh , I think he finally figured it out. The light bulb went on and I could tell that he now knew that I didn’t understand a word he had been saying. “Yo man” he said, “Ya been asking what your name, u been laughing, what’s so funny” he asked. Now that’s the English I’m used too. Although still not so clear, I now understood him.

If I were white I’d be red all over. I quickly apologized, feeling all so silly . The poor guy had asked me about 3 times what my name was and I just stood in front of him smiling and laughing like someone who just popped a pill or something. With this level of faux pas I thought I was in for a long and difficult night, but to my utmost disbelieve, he introduced himself, and started speaking slowly so I could understand him better. He must have seen I was a bit green. Oh the shame.

That was a massive relief and we got working. He actually put me through and taught me what to do and all, well thank God we didn’t have to communicate much and for the most part it was more of sign language we used, and only when absolutely necessary. While working, he mentioned that we would soon go on break and I said I needed one badly because we had been standing for hours and he just asked me casually if I smoked and I said oh yea, I love smoke.

Time for break , and I was so glad .We all went into the canteen , had some snacks, drinks and I chatted with one or two people I just met and noticed dread had disappeared

He came back into the room and called out my name Michael …oh sorry if I never mentioned it earlier but Michael is one of my other names..hahaha

Well I walked up to him and he casually said let’s have a smoke .I was glad he did ask and was really doing everything to bond with him .He walked ahead of me and I just followed him like a lamb to be slaughtered and instead of staying within the premises, we actually ended up outside the building, now I was just cautious and assumed maybe it wasn’t right to smoke inside which appeared normal but when we got outside, lo and behold my newest friend on the block just passed me my supposed cigarette. Oh my Lord, I have never seen such a jumbo sized wrapped up WEED in my life.

I almost screamed out loud, in a panic I dropped the weed, smoke, or skunk, didn’t even bother to check which it was and immediately all I imagined was me in handcuffs, police station, cell, accelerated deportation to Nigeria. Oh my word! He was mad at me and mentioned that he asked me if I do smoke about 3 times and that I confirmed I did .

Now it was my turn to speak and funnily I almost spoke to him like a Jamaican, or should I say a parody of the Jamaican accent. “Me NO smoke weed” I started to say, “Me only smoke cigarette”. The Poor guy lit up his joint and just busted out laughing shaking his head, telling me to be careful and advice me to always ask if I don’t hear anything or understand anything. His good deed for the day to this silly green Nigerian.

I thanked him for the lesson and rushed off although he said I should wait for him.Hell no. not on my first day at work, I quickly made the excuse of wanting to use the rest room. I said a little prayer, ran back into the complex and I couldn’t wait to get home to tell me brother about my first night at my work place.

Dreads and I became very good friends and we ended up doing a lot together, work, pub crawling , clubbing and we did a lot of smoking too. Hahahahaha..well as I said just cigarette .

SOURCE : www.iyandasdiary.com

My best friend, who happens to be my dad was always too concerned about looks, first impression and to him it was as if my elder brother and I were just so tiny and kind of skinny.

He knew we were not really the eating type so he encouraged us to eat a lot . He was very strict when we were growing up.I can imagine what it must have taken him to say what he said.

I remember vividly the first time I tried alcohol, my cousin, after stealing a bottle of Harp larger beer, from where , I can only imagine. Offers it to me. Funny isn’t it. He had the courage to steal but not to try the beer. Well we were caught and I got the beating of my life ( A near death experience if you ask me) I must have been 13….. or so.

10 years later, my dad came to pay us a visit in London and we took him out for dinner and a drink -as you would. Anyway sometime during the course of the evening dad starts to talk about our looks again, telling us we had to eat better and he summoned up the courage to tell us to take a bottle of beer once in a while that maybe it might help us to fatten up .

You could imagine the way I busted out laughing, I told him I was trying to stop drinking. He laughed and waved it off telling me that I do talk a lot and exaggerate . The waitress cames over to our table and we all ordered. With a glint in my eye I also ordered 3 bottles of big stout (that’s Guinness export to the uninitiated).

Food, drink and a convival atmosphere encouraged more talk. About 15 minutes later, I was ready to order another big stout which seriously surprised the old man. My brother being the designated driver stayed with water as I ordered a second round of drinks. The look of shock and horror on my father’s face was priceless.

Now I was taking the old man to “drinking school”. By now he was merry, only just half way through that second bottle. Gosh I couldn’t stop laughing, dad was a goner. What made me laugh even harder was I was already on bottle number 4. Laying seige to all my father’s opinions of me and my bro.

He was more than shocked and when I called for the 5th bottle, but this time he wouldn’t even let me to touch it. He started preaching how alcohol was a vice and that I was right maybe I should give it up totally.

We busted out laughing and that was when he actually understood the difference of their own school of thought compared to modern day time. Having said that, “there ain’t no school like the old school”.

Word!!


SOURCE : www.iyandasdiary.com

Mad experience in my life

I have been told that I talk a lot so I have decided to write instead. Some mad crazy things I experienced in a country called England. This weird story dates back to when I was fresh in London. I used the word fresh because I made funny mistakes like pronouncing Greenwich, “Green which”. I know that’s not really a big deal but the stories do get better.

It was one of those cold Friday winter nights, and I had decided to go clubbing. After much ado about choosing a club to go, getting ready and all that wahala we finally arrived at this club. The name escapes me now. The club was packed, and gosh you should have seen the babes in there. It was pure madness. With this many beautiful babes in one place I felt it was like shooting fish in barrel. Game on! The was no way I was going to leave this place empty handed, it was my night. Hmm.

The problem with this level of choice is greed. So many gals and I was just freaking out, having problems choosing one. This mini crisis was not a good sign. I headed to the bar to regroup and compose myself. A drink will sort me out. I least I could continue browsing while waiting for my drink to arrive. I knocked back the first drink while the barman was counting my change, and ordered the second one as he was giving me back my money. The second drink arrived and I downed that one too. I kept rushing the drinks so the effect could set in and give me the courage to talk to any, I mean any gal in there.

It sure worked, I was on level 9 on dutch courage. I started dancing and made a move on one cute gal, nice dark skinned gal and later found out she was Jamaican. To late for me to run, but hardly understood what she was going on about, but I felt so lucky because I was all over her. Game on!

I started whispering into her ears telling her how much I wanted her and all I was going to do to her. She just kept smiling and the more I whispered, the more play she gave me .

All went well until one silly Guy came into the club, must admit good looking guy and he just walked towards us and he stood right beside us and the eye contact between them was something else that’s how I lost my rhythm.

All I heard was “whatta gwan” that was all he said to the gal and gosh I knew the game was over. The guy was even polite to say hi and ……..Enough of the story about this particular gal.

I picked myself up and moved on to other gals, dancing, grinding and winding any nice gal in sight, but I knew I was a goner. Level 9 dutch courage requires the consumption of plenty plenty drink and I was totally drunk.The night crept away and I while I got carried away, dancing the night away. All I had in mind when I came to the club was to make sure I went home with a nice chick but it wasn’t meant to be (simply put I had failed in my quest), the club was winding up and I knew time wasn’t on my side.

The more desperate I came, the more the gals ran away from me. I didn’t believe that I was going home alone in this harsh winter’s night. You know those nights that’s made to cuddle under the duvet. Damn! I bleeped up.

Guess that’s enough for today, it’s well past the witching hour and am dead tired. Need to get back to the grindstone and do some work will tell you the main story tomorrow.

What a mad world we live in. I have never experienced what happened to me when I left the club. Guys, I know what you think it is, it wasn’t a party obviously. lmao

STAY TUNED


SOURCE : www.iyandasdiary.com