₦airaland Forum

Hello everybody,

We are based abroad , my first daughter who will be 22 years old has graduated last year in computer science. She is has been working for 3 years and earning good money , she has her own car brought with her own money . We are so proud of her because she is a good example to her younger ones but she broke our heart when she started dating this congolese guy , he is not even a student like her. He has a bad reputation in the community with a lot of baby mamas he is after her for her money because that's what he has done with his previous baby mamas, she is aware of the situations but she is not ready to listened to me or her father. my husband was shouting at her all the time to leave the guy she has decided to move out of the house and she has changed her number. I don't know how to help her not to fall in his trap because by the time he impregnate her and has stolen enough money from her , he will then dump her and move to the next prey. My husband and I are very devastated how can we help our daughter to get back in the right track??

Lamanii22:
Right... But your sister should move on, since she's married... Do you have a long or permanent stay in that country... If not, don't tell your husband yet.... But if you have, you can tell, and your mom should help too...

Yes I’m a citizen in this country and I’m working full time , honestly if he break up with me , it wouldn’t be affecting me financially because I have a lots of opportunity here and he will be the one to leave the house for the kids and I , It will affect me emotionally because I don’t want a divorce , all I want is for my children to grow up in a happy home with both parents. I just don’t know how to open up to him but I have no option left than to do so and see the outcome

Holycity:
why can't you take her daughter....

you sound selfish

do you think it's easy to bear the shame....

that the only way you can compensate her for everything...

and I know she won't ask for more because I see her as a very nice person...

I wish I could take her daughter too but we had already taken the eldest which my husband knows she is my sister child and taking the second child won’t be possible because we can’t just focus on one person , my husband also has nieces and nephews that want to be here too and we cannot just concentrate on my sisters and leaving the others behind. I’m very grateful to my sister that have been paying the child school fee to one of the best private school but still she is not satisfy.

Lamanii22:
Your sister would eventually tell your husband... Why can't it be possible... She'd feel so betrayed.. She'd take you for a selfish sister...

You are right and I just don’t know how to calm her down, right now she is not listening to me or our mother. All she want is for her daughter to come over (which it is not something I can easily do ) or she will spill the beans . I just don’t know what to do anymore . I think it would be better for me to tell my husband instead of my sister telling him

Foodqueen:
This is no longer a secret that will go to the grave with anyone since blackmail is already involve.

Somehow,her sister will tell her husband the whole truth, no one know the kind of man that he is, he might even begin to ask for money to keep quiet.

She might tell her biological daughter the whole truth, that will definitely come out later in the future.

Their disturbed mother may want to confide in a trusted person to intercede for them. And the circle go on and on.

The best thing for her now is to tell her hubby the truth.

Her mother too will sort it out with their dad. But mennn......this is going to be a lonnnggg thing.

Lies will always be needed to cover more lies.
TRUTH HURTS BUT ITS ALWAYS THE BEST FOR A PEACEFUL MIND.

Thank you

omicron:
I cant imagine how distressing this must be for you. If I were to be in your shoes, I would tell my husband everything that happened and apologise to him even when I know I could lose everything. I imagine I would never have peace if I don't say the truth. Just find a right time and method and think of how you will handle all the possible scenarios that will result.

Thank you

Lamanii22:
You should have helped her daughter too... But your husband would still find out... I suggest you confess this to your husband...

Thanks . Have been paying her school fee but bringing her over here just won’t be possible.

jorez:
Now I will comment cus I was patiently waiting to hear this part,see my dear you have a solution,who says staying away from your spouse for that long will not bring about the unexpected, 11years for that matter is she a ghost, what of the uncertainty about reuniting with the husband she is a human, same reason the man could not help himself, it does not mean they dont luv themselves is the problems Naija has caused making couple seek for better future for their family, if this is the sacrifice, both have to accept it,my dear it will do you an honour if you muster up courage and tell your husband,tell him you luv him hence you want to let this out of your heart,he may react angrily at first but knowing you were sincere and that he to is a culprit will make it easier to let go,than keeping it till the bubble burst which will eventually burst anyway by then you would have cracked the trust and also the luv.for me surmon courage and tell him

Thank you

movement2020:
Even if your sister fails to open up, oneday and someday, the secret would be let out. To be frank, that would be worst time your entire life. Personally, I would advise you tell your husband. Some men are not that cruel like you think. If he acts, it's fine because you bleeped up. Just believe, things would settled amicably.

My question, where is the biological father of the little child?

Is he aware he has a daughter with you?

As he ever asked of her?

Do you still keep in touch.?

Thank you , the biological is well aware of the child , he had seen her many times when we moved back home but he relocated to Canada when she was 2 since then I had no contact with
him

ShipChina2naija:
Person wey no see her husband for almost 11years,,una no want her to sort herself out sexually ,,.. Its only when you find yourself in same situation you criticized others for..then you understand why most times you need to be rational in judging people....

Dear op,,pick yourself up,,no go think die.na pickin you born just the way your husband also gave birth while being away.,,Explain everything to your husband..you are not gonna die,,any modaf*cker in your situation would do what you've done....and to your sister that wants to blackmail you,,she can go fu*ck herself.. Since she doesn't wanna think like human being.all because she covered you. ..let her do her worst ..just make sure you got something doing to take care of yourself....

What i dont understand is if the people insulting you wanted you to re-virginise for 11years without sex like your hubby wasn't fuc*king someone else where he was.... All of you raining insult on her are very stupid...

Thank you

yeyeosoronga:
The sister is no witch.
She was a good sister to the OP.
She bore OPs shame, and was disgraced by their father and family members for bearing a child outside wedlock.
She married as a single mother, while she wasn't one.
I can't blame OP for not taking the sister's own daughter if it's not possible, but that sister should be worshipped by OP.

Thank you I agreed with you, my sister is not evil at all because what she has done for me , a lot of sister would’ve never done the same thing for the fact that she chooses to be humiliated for having a child without a father just to saved my marriage means a lot to me which I really appreciate her a lot by providing a good education for her daughter but my sister doesn’t want to understand me, all she care about is for her daughter to join us abroad which would never be possible. Even our mum had talked with her with no avail. I just don’t know what else to do

BurnStoner:
We all make mistakes, but the best time to come clean is now! Come clean and bear the consequences and at-least be free.

Thank you

lilyheaven:
I don't know why she's doing what she's doing,
Don't let it bother you again.
I hope you are working, so that if anything happens tomorrow you can take care of yourself.
I don't think she will tell, but if she does, ask for forgiveness, if you are forgiven, better for you, if you are not, move ahead.
You have made the mistake already, you have to forgive yourself. Life goes on

Thanks yes I have a job and I’m already a citizen of this country. Honestly incase he left me , I would be better off because in this country we have lots of opportunities especially if you are a single parent but I don’t want to end up single mother here , I love my husband so much that I want us to still be married and living happily

nengibo:
Eleven years long sha oh to be lonely, well if you know your husband to be forgiving, tell him if not...

Thanks

let me add this : for those 11 years I waited for him , he has also had 2 children here , a girl born in 2006 and a boy 2010 but I didn’t know about those children until when I joined him in 2013. He has only told me about the boy born in 2010 buy he never told me about the girl born in 2006 , so I came to found out about the girl in 2018 via Facebook when the mother of the girl who is an African but not Nigerian messaged me on Facebook with the girl photo , she looks exactly like my husband in everything and she and my first daughter look alike too , I confronted my husband he did not denied he has told me if he had documents in this country , it was because of the girl because after having lots of rejection things were hard that’s why he decided to cheat on me and get the lady pregnant and after the daughter was born , he and the mother went to claiming that he now have a child born in this country so he was allow to get his documents through the child. After getting documents the mother started making his life miserable and he has to leave her and child and never looked back to her. I know him having children outside of our marriage is forgivable which I had also forgive him but I know when he found out about mine , he wouldn’t be the same , he will make it looks so bad forgetting that he has done the same which I forgive and forget about it.

lilyheaven:
Hian! How can you be afraid of abortion, and you were not afraid of adultery .
What about her father?
Two things is involved
Either you tell your husband the truth or you keep lying.
If bringing your sisters child will calm her down, tell your husband to apply for her, but bear in mind she will keep manipulating you.
If I were you, I would save my health by confessing, since it has gotten to this stage.

Her father and his wife has relocated to Canada , When she was 2 , I had no contact with him since. Bringing her biological daughter won’t be possible because we had already done her a favour by bringing my daughter who’s my husband knows that it’s her child , I don’t think my husband would agreed to take another one because taking my daughter here has already caused a lot of problem in my husband family , they are not happy that he has bought my niece abroad while his sister children are still in Nigeria , my sister in law has stopped talking to me. I work and do everything for my sister child making sure she is getting the best education ever , still she is not satisfied and want her daughter to come abroad

ebujany:
This is hard. I sincerely understand how you feel but you know that one day, this secret will come out. You have to be the one to let your husband know...and be ready for the consequences. I pray your husband forgives and this becomes your past

Thank you sir

Hello everybody ,
I came here to seek for advice because I’m in a big dilemma with my kid sister , I don’t want to bore you with long story I will make the long story short.
I got married in May 2000 I was pregnant with my first child , I had my first child in September that same year then another daughter in 2002 May , and in July 2002 my husband left for abroad ( I won’t mention the country ) .

I had to move out of the renting apartment and went back to my parents house with my 2 children while waiting for him to apply for our documents, it took him 2 years to settle and for 2 year he couldn’t send us money because he had no documents and job.

My parents were supportive until when my husband got his documents and started working , he started sending us money every month and was working hard for me and the kids to join him but things were not working well for us , they keep rejecting us but he didn’t get tired of us , but I started getting tired after 5 years of waiting, missing him badly , no intimacy and I was lonely and very depressed.

I start seeking attention outside and I met with a married man that I had a relationship with, I got pregnant in 2008 the man suggested abortion but I didn’t want to abort because I was scared to die because I remember a cousin that had a husband abroad , she got pregnant and went to abort , she died instantly so I didn’t want to end up like her .

I had planned with my sister and mum that I should leave our state to another state ( I won’t mention the name ) to go and have my baby then will come back after the baby is 3 months , I and my kid sister left and rented another house in a different state meanwhile we lied to my dad that I had traveled to this country to join my husband in abroad , things was well.

I had my baby another girl in 2009 and we kept the secret for 3 months from my dad and we had to lie to him , it was my kid sister that has given birth to this baby while we were away and my dad got angry at her and he has said a lot of harsh things to her, it was very painful but my sister supported me and didn’t let the secret come out , even to my husband he just knew the baby was my sister , because I was breastfeeding her , we didn’t want to go home yet so we had to stayed here for a year , when I weaned her and we started preparing to go back home, lying to my dad that things didn’t work out and I couldn’t join my husband anymore, we returned back home in 2010 and we had been keeping this secrets from my dad , husband and other people .

Finally God has been great that I had to joined my husband in 2013 after 11 years of waiting , it was a wonderful time to be with him again , my kid sister got married in 2014 she had a daughter with her husband before marriage born in 2012, so the husband accepted her with my daughter that she pretend to be hers , she went to her husband house , leaving my kids with our parents , she only took the daughter she had with her husband and I used to send them money as usual until in 2015 my 2 daughters I had with my husband joined us abroad and my other daughter stayed behind , I had to convinced my husband that my sister baby should join us too which he was okay and grateful to my sister because she had been the one taking care of our children in my absent so we started applying for documents for the girl, but they kept rejecting it but we didn’t give up, at that same time my sister has also wanted her biological daughter to be included in but I was frank with her that we couldn’t add her daughter because the daughter that I had is known to be hers so if we had another daughter it would be wrong , so this has caused a lot of problems between my sister and I that she called me an ingrate after everything she has been doing to me , but I was never ungrateful to her because I take care of her daughter school fees in a best private school but I just couldn’t take her abroad with us but she is adamant that her daughter should be here too.

Luckily my daughter which to my husband is my niece has joined us this January 2020 , she knows me as her auntie and my sister her mummy , She is doing well my family is complete , I have also had 2 more children with my husband two cute boys but my sister has been threatening and blackmailing that she would tell my husband everything about my daughter , I had begged even our mum has been begging her not to spoil my marriage but she wouldn’t listen.

I’m scared she would tell my husband and my marriage will be over. I don’t sleep well and anytime when my husband get back from work , my heart beat faster thinking that he has found out about the secrets and I’m no longer in peace. he loves my niece ( daughter ) so much that he doesn’t treat her any different from our 4 children but I’m getting so scared , have been taking blood pressure medication because of my sister threatening me.

Please I know a lot of you would insult me because I deserve it but all I need is advice from you .

please if you could offer me some , I just don’t know what else to do