₦airaland Forum

SachaBastien:
Cost reflective charges while minimum wage is ₦70,000?

Don't mind that guy. He's not in touch with reality.

dgr8truth:
What you should be concerned about is not merely looking for red flags, but looking for virtues.

If you approach every woman asking, “What is her red flag?”, you may eventually find one in everybody. Human beings are imperfect. Everyone has weaknesses, habits, insecurities, past experiences, and areas where they still need to grow. If the standard is a completely flawless person with no red flags whatsoever, you may never find one.

The more important question is: What virtues does this woman possess?

Does she have integrity?
Is she respectful?
Is she teachable?
Does she know how to communicate?
Is she compassionate?
Is she responsible?
Can she admit when she is wrong?
Does she value commitment?
How does she treat people who cannot benefit her?
Does she have self-control?
Does she respect boundaries?
Can she forgive?
Does she genuinely desire to build a home, rather than merely enjoy the benefits of marriage?

These qualities matter because marriage is not sustained by the absence of weaknesses; it is sustained by the presence of good character and the willingness to grow.

A person may have shortcomings and still possess the virtues necessary to make a good spouse. Likewise, someone may appear attractive, successful, intelligent, or impressive while lacking the character necessary for a healthy marriage.

This does not mean red flags should be ignored. Some red flags are serious and should be taken very seriously—especially patterns involving dishonesty, abuse, manipulation, addiction, uncontrolled anger, or a refusal to take responsibility. But there is a danger in making red-flag hunting the entire framework for choosing a spouse.

If all you do is search for what is wrong with someone, you may become so focused on eliminating imperfections that you fail to recognize the qualities that make a person worth building a life with.

Don't just ask, “What is wrong with her?” Ask, “What is right with her, and does what is right have the strength to sustain a marriage?”
Because ultimately, you are not marrying a list of red flags or green flags. You are marrying a person. And the question is whether that person possesses the character, values, maturity, and virtues that can help both of you build a peaceful, faithful, and meaningful marriage.

More like what do I want in a wife and the mother of my kids?

They are already cursed even without cursing them. Some kids wonder why bad things always keep happening to them. It can be easily traced to things like this done by their stupid fathers.

Trapped!

lovediehatelive:
The story is deeper than what you think.

I believe it's highly spiritual.

They are highly religious, so nothing of that wayward angle.


Her Dad died few days before the traditional wedding and it was still held.

When they fixed church wedding his dad died, few days to it too, and it was called off.

Now they fixed the church wedding again but the girl's family asked it should be postponed just about a week to the day.


He had to call it off a day to the day.


The girl came out to make a video about the issue with her own side of the story.


The guy countered back against some of the points she raised.

I created a thread about it with their responses and counter claims hearing from both sides.

I wish them well and suggest they should take a deep spiritual approach to know exactly what's going on spiritually because to me it doesn't seem ordinary.

Here's the thread I made

https://www.nairaland.com/8750917/couple-cancels-wedding-just-barely

Yes. I said it. Things like that don't happen naturally. The guy needs to look elsewhere for his better half. If they marry, it's going to be problems upon problems. There are spiritual warlords involved.

This guy doesn't know what God saved him from. That's a woman with spiritual problems. Spiritual landlords that don't want her to get married.

Once she gets in, it's going to be one financial issue to the other.

The girl's father is definitely not in the picture. Single mothers and their messiness.

This is coming from experience and actual research:

Women who are single mothers or whose mothers are single mothers have serious abandonment issues.

They will get hyper quickly when there is no constant display of affection, will start unnecessary fights, will find it hard to read a man because they will constantly be in their own heads and that will cause them to self-sabotage.

They can do anything for a man in the beginning, but will find it easy to check out when things aren't rosy. They constantly ask "do you still love me?", because they need that constant validation.

They will test boundaries and start meaningless fights, or just get stiff-headed when there's no need to, just to see if the partner will stay.

They are often very indecisive too and have a high propensity to cheat, especially when they aren't getting that constant display of attention. They never want to be on their own for long.

They are often devoted to their mother, whom they feel highly indebted to because she didn't abandon them.

But most times because the mother (if a single mother) also has unresolved issues, she'll sabotage the child's marriage because of her own "grass is greener on the other side" mindset, especially if the man isn't all that buoyant.

That said, these women are very soft-hearted and often the best lovers, if they find a man who constantly displays affection, but even then cheating is still on the cards because the underlying issues aren't resolved.

That's because whenever something unpalatable happens or attention dies down, they start thinking "the grass may be greener on the other side". Sadly it isn't. On the other side are thorns and thistles. But the cycle repeats.

The above applies mildly to widows and women born to them. These women need serious therapy or constant counsel from an elderly, married mother figure they respect. Sadly, they don't get help and the cycle repeats.

Do with this information whatever you will.

Solofresh2:
You just called Stella Damasus, Toke Makinwa, and Tiwa Savage 'burnt products' and 'grown up promiscuous' That's not an argument. That's misogyny. And it reveals everything about you.You said 'no rich woman would ever marry down unless she's ugly, rejected, or damaged.'I gave you five foreign examples. You dismissed them as foreign.I gave you three Nigerian examples. You dismissed them as 'burnt products.'

Every woman who proves you wrong is either foreign or damaged. That's not a standard. That's a loophole. You'll dismiss any example that contradicts you.

2. Your original claim wasn't about virgins. It wasn't about 'unburnt products.' It was about rich women marrying down. You didn't say 'no rich virgin would marry down.' You said 'no rich woman.'
Stella, Toke, and Tiwa are rich women who married down. They prove you wrong. You dismissed them because they have pasts. That's not refutation. That's cope.

3. 'Everything is stamped on the thread.'
Yes. It is. Everyone can see you started with a rule, got proven wrong, and changed the rule. That's not a debate win. That's a retreat.

You don't have a case. You have a moving target. Every woman who proves you wrong gets dismissed as foreign, ugly, rejected, damaged, or 'burnt.' That's not logic. That's a comfort blanket.

The thread speaks for itself. And it says you lost.

Guy, allow ChatGPT to rest na

You can't be more wrong

toffyz:
Baba, I can tell you categorically that video up there is 1m percent deepfake video. I swear to Almighty God!

Colos dey worry you

Dijita:
I think data analytics is not likely going to be a career part on its own in the near future because of AI. It is just going to be a skill for professionals such as accountants, marketers, HR personels and so on.

You will be required to have data analytics skills and be able to use these tools in your accounting, marketing or HR roles. You will need to understand when to use SQL, Python, statistics, data visualization,etc.

You however don't need to know how to have write sql or pythons codes but the prompt to tell AI to do what you wanted to achieve and AI will write the pythons or SQL to give you your desired result.

For example if you want to know how many people to employee on the factory floor to produce 10000 cars. You will get the information of the people that worked in the factory last year when you produce 3000 cars and the AI will use that to calculate the number of people needed, the skill level, the age range, the appropriate hours each person should work etc. to do their budget you will get the information on their salary, the labor agreement and other pertinent information and AI will do the budget. write budget note and draft the email for distribution

Every job collects data anyway. AI will make data analytics redundant. The ability to train ML models will be the only viable upskill for a data scientist.

That first girl is definitely a narcissist. Why add "had my first class" there?

manitobor:
I am not one for sharing my family problems on the internet, but I really have to share this on Nairaland so that some men can learn a thing or two and for you guys to advise me, cos I am totally in the worst emotional state right now due to a serious problem within my family that had barely started. This is going to be a really lengthy read. Bear with me.

I got acquainted with a lady towards the end of the month of March last year, 2025. Prior to that time I had decided that it was time to settle down and start my own family. So, me and this lady started talking and getting to know each other around March and it grew into a relationship shortly afterwards.

Now, the greatest mistake I made and I wish for any man reading this to avoid at all cost was that I ignored the fact that she was a single mother, she said that her baby daddy was very abusive physically and gave her several wounds on her body with different weapons for no reason. She said she'd never cheated on him and never disrespected him. She also said that he had never bought her anything as a gift as he was unemployed throughout the period of their entanglement. He never gave her money for her upkeep.

Second red flag was that she is uneducated (didn't even sit for waec), thirdly, she has no real marketable skill and was only working as a lowly-paid salesperson in a clothing shop.


Though I was a little concerned at first, cos I was wondering how I would end up marrying an uneducated, skill-less single mother. I shrugged it off cos I thought she seemed well-behaved and meek, which are qualities I cherish in a potential wife, and that those would make up for the shortcomings.

I was totally wrong about her character as she has since displayed her true self and shown that she was playing chameleon all along. At the initial stage she was all over me, putting pressure on me to take the relationship to another level. She always wanted to visit me every day. Any time she told me wanted to come to my apartment and I told her I wasn't around, she would be very sad and even suspect that I didn't want her to come or that perhaps I had another girl over at my house. Sometimes she would just show up unannounced, without prior notice at my apartment. She never gave me chance to think about the whole thing. I hate to admit she bamboozled me and hoodwinked me.

I asked her the business or trade she wanted to do so that I could set it up for her last year. I made a lot of suggestions and she turned them all down saying that the skill she really had was culinary skill and that she wanted to have something like a restaurant or bar where she could sell food and drinks. I am a great cook and by my assessment she isn't really a good cook. And moreover, I didn't like the idea of my wife doing such a business, and told her so. I suggested she seriously considered the other options I initially listed. But it appeared to me that she was fixated on the restaurant/bar business of which I vehemently stood my ground against the idea.

So in the meantime around May of last year we both agreed that she should stop the lowly paid job she was doing, which came with a lot of disrespect from her employer, while we give serious thought to what business would be best fit for her. I was the one footing virtually all her bills. Giving her money regularly for her upkeep and that of her son, worst mistake of my life as the current situation has proven.

Just read this and I can relate to everything. Got married February this year to someone like you described - not a single mother but school sat only. Don't even know if she passed WAEC. Learnt one auxiliary nursing which I practically paid for. She displayed a good character before marriage, changed into something else afterwards. When she came in, by April I lost two steady clients within the same period. Again, I don't know how that's not spiritual.

The same thing happened when I proposed to her before but I didn't pay attention. Moreover she's from a single mother household. And her mother literally dictates her life. The only thing I'm grateful for is the marriage wasn't consumated with her. With prayer and fasting, she's out of my life.

Packed off her things this August. Things are beginning to look up in my business again. Some of these girls have strong spiritual husbands. Only few of them will even be aware of it or pay any attention to it. But any man that professes love to them is going to be in serious financial trouble.

Everything you said here, I can super-relate with. Get into serious prayer and fasting. And when she leaves, make a plan with her to take care of the child. For now, I'll advise you get out while you still can. And do not make the mistake of marriage with her. The financial woes will be worse.

Now I'm super-careful about whom I talk with, talk less of get in a relationship with.

Nwaikpe:
If only these were the days of ABACHA or Obasanjo, first, this wouldn’t have happened.

But assuming it happened, then it wouldn’t have ever repeated itself again.

🌝🌝🌝

But unfortunately, these are the days of weak men with soiled hands.

giant of Africa in the mud

She married at 18. If you get a woman at this age as a man and she's truthfully willing to build a future with you, she'll love you for life. Even if you fight, she'll always come back. That's my theory. But nowadays by 18, most girls are already damaged everywhere, not just emotionally

QuinQQ:
See below. It is physical

This seems like it. Research more yourself.

Goo0dHardDick:
Having numerous girlfriends is a good thing as a man. But just don't be st3pid in wasting your money on them. Let them invest in you instead.

The same girls will have numerous boyfriends and "just friends' on they're hanging out with while pretending you're the only one. Lol

No lies told. As long as you're not married, you're not married yet, you want to have like five side chicks - no main, test them all and pick the one you gel with the most.

Take bitter leaf and efinrin twice or thrice per week. Eat raw. Just cleanse your body.

Winnerrrr:
how does one channel energy? (sincere question)

if you feel the urge and you do something else, it does not mean the urge is gone, it’s still there and it will face you when you’re done with the task.

It's all just in the mind. It takes practice.

That's how they create that cycle of poverty.

A woman won't stop masturbation. Every time you feel that urge, invest that energy into work or prayer. Fact is if that girl disappoints you or you have a fight, you'll plunge deeper than you did before.

Sitting on his lap is one thing. Rubbing his thigh seductively tells everything. That man na confirm gabriel.

HacheNoire:
The mentality of many has been sexualized!

It’s becoming a big problem and no one is noticing it!

That journalist is a young chap! My uncle’s use to tease me in such position at that age and it was never a topic

Now, fathers can’t even bath, hug or peck their own daughters. People tell you it’s abnormal

You can’t even take your girl on a date any longer without drawing attention!

The minds of many are polluted and it’s disgusting!

This is the guy

Why would you chase? Attract by the man you become. Groom yourself, chase success, put yourself in situations where you're uncomfortable. The world is your oyster.

Trying to sniff pants. Give him a pant and he's in heaven , especially a big woman's pant

Tinubu's online miscreants are super-active. But how do you defend this? That your president is a former drug lord. You guys are pathetic.

Very bad advice.

FutureFocus:
Joyce of Nigeria info
Is that girl even married?

Nigeria info is banned in my house because Joyce wanted to turn my great wife into a bossy wife, we sold off the Radio and normalcy instantly returned .

Society influence and social media norms are the two major influence against marriage today, you can watch but you can’t post suggestive videos of yourself on social media in my house, who are you posting the cleavage video and hip video for on TikTok ?

If you want to be like Joyce, then pack and move in with Joyce, a single unmarried Joyce can not be a good adviser to married women on radio, I prefer Funke Adejumo

I have the best wife

You have a good wife. You should count yourself lucky. Tiktok and Facebook have destroyed many marriages and counting.

SixSeven:
Foreign Investor Obsession

I get tired of this trope of making it look like foreign investors are more important than local investors, local residents or local citizens. It is a phantom idea that money will come from outside as if those people coming from outside your country care about you. What are you in government for? Foreign investors or local residents?

Nigerian administrations frequently engage in costly international investment summits and globe-trotting missions to woo foreign capital but these jamboree rarely yield any noticeable changes to the people. Government officials will mistake short-term, speculative foreign portfolio investments, which can be pulled out at the first sign of any crisis for sustainable, long-term capital that builds factories and creates local employment. They end up shortchanged. The foreign investors are like patrons of the red light district. They just want to have fun for the night and wake up in the day with their wives. We don't think about building the capacity for local investors and making it easier for real Nigerians to do the building, we want the so-called foreigner. Wake up Soni, no one is coming to save you.

Everything is about looking good on paper, raising the country's debt profile while the masses suffer. And so they can continue to pile on more debt for future generations. What's the benefit of subsidy removal to the average Nigerian? None. It leads to massive inflation, which erodes the value of the currency while the country continues to look good on paper to outside investors and politicians continue to cart billions away.

Yes. We have seen the effect of removing subsidy. More hardship, borrowing and corruption. Anybody with brains know that reinstating subsidy is smart, especially now that we refine our own oil. If this is the only thing Atiku campaigns on, he will win.