₦airaland Forum

A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said,
'What does your father do?'

Student: Whatever Mom says.

Funny Tinti was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote THRICE A DAY.
Clerk told him to write either MALE or FEMALE.
Again Funny Tinti thought for a long time before
coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

The young waitress went to the Head Waiter and said,
"I'm not going to serve that cheeky devil over there."
"Why not?"
"Well, he asked for French salad and when I said 'What's that?'
he said, 'It's the same as any other salad, only you serve it without dressing.'"

A man was busy killing flies with a fan in the lounge.
His wife walks in and asks, "Any lucky?"
To which he replies, "yee, I hav killed 5, 3 females & 2 males."
"How do you know their sex?", she asked.
"The females were on the phone and the males on beer bottles."

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour,
and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

A Dentist was removing a tooth of a lady,
he said ,"mam u r holding my balls".

she said," I know,
its just to remind u that we r not going 2 hurt each other".

An angry husband returned home one night
to find his wife in bed with a naked man.
"What are you doing", he shouted.
To which his wife said to her lover, "I told you he was stupid."

Lady of the night : Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Lady of the night: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.

Since Your Eyes Are Looking Tired,
Let Your Eye Lashes Hug Each Other For Few Hours,
Happy Journey Into The World Of Dreams,
Gud Night

A psychological survey Report:
when 2 couples come face to face,
Wives look at each othersdresses
&
Husbands look at each other’s wives

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one every day.

thanx chikk, here anada one;

A small argument between a couple turns violent.
Angry Husband: Do not let the animal in me come out!
Wife: who is scared of a mouse!

Teacher asks Girl:
Which part of Human body
Expands 10 times its normal size..?
Girl: I can’t answer this question
I feel shy…!
Teacher asks same question to a boy.
Boy replies: Its the Pupil of Human Eye.
Teacher: Right!
Then turns to the girl:
Listen girl your thinking is wrong
and your expectations are too high.

Some random facts.
1. An elephant shits half its weight in two days.
2. A man’s p.... is 3 times the length of his thumb.
3. 2 multiplied by 2 equals 4.
4. the final fact:
A woman would have finished readingthese facts by now,
but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs.

Man 1: I do not want to marry, because I am afraid of all women.
Man 2: Get marred soon, then you will be afraid of only one woman and start loving the rest

“Tell me. is it going in?”, he asked
“yeah “, she replied
“is it hurting?”, he wanted to know
“ooh yeah ..ouch its hurting”, she confirmed
“ok I will put it in slowly ..still hurting?”,
“ahh yeh “, she mumbled
“then let’s try d other shoe madam”

yee, what wereyu thinking

SEX EDUCATION

A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student
had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher,
“My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework

kept telling his teacher about his baby sis who was going to be born,
because he was very excited about it.
1 day his mom made him feel the baby's movements by placing his palm, on her stomach.
The kid didn't say anything.

From that day onwards he stopped telling his teacher about his baby sis.
1 day when his teacher inquired about his baby sis. the boy's eyes were filled with tears.
He replied. My Mummy ate it!

"Doc, I can't sleep anymore," the man complained. "I've tried everything,
but I just toss and turn."
"You have to learn to relax," the doctor said. "Try putting each part of
your body to sleep separately."

That night the guy crawled into bed, got comfortable and started to talk to his body.
"Toes, go to sleep," he whispered."Feet, go to sleep. Legs, go to sleep. Hips, go to sleep.
Stomach, go to sleep"

Just then, his wife walked in wearing a transparent lingaree.
The husband opened one eye, then lifted his head from the pillow.
"OK," he shouted, "up, up...everybody up!"

On a frigid Denver night in 2003, a quiet and unassuming nurse went to bed. And then.

While still asleep, she got up, slugged down half a bottle of wine and got into her
car only wearing a nightshirt in 20 degree weather. Drunken, sleep driving nurses are hardcore.

Because traffic rules are different when you're both drunk and asleep,
she wrecked her car at an intersection, figured this was now the bathroom and
popped a squat on the road. Two fully awake police officers, unaware of the
finer points of drunken sleep pissing, came to arrest her, so she assaulted them because Bleep those guys.

Prosecutors let her plead to just a reckless driving charge,
though even that seems unfair if she was unconscious the whole time.
It's almost like they were unclear as to exactly what parts of the
ordeal the woman was asleep for, versus the parts where she was awake and just decided to go with the flow.

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend,"
an embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the churchgoer.
"Tafi has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

A Lady to Doctor: “My husband has got a habit of talking in sleep! What should I do to help him?”
Dr: “Give him an Opportunity to speak when he is awake”

A man was caught sleeping during working hours and his response was;
“No! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

Tino went to a psychiatrist.
"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.
Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the psychiatrist.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep over it," said Tino.

Six months later the doctor met Tino on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Boy: Where Are You Going?
Girl: For Suicide..
Boy: Then, Why Soo Much Make-Up?
Girl: You Idiot..!! Tomorrow My Photo will Come In Newspaper

1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary..
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly..

Jojo Armani: u really tried by compiling de jokes. I ve even forget de one dat made me laugh. Brb to read it again so dat i will laugh

lets do it this; you put one that could make you really laugh, so that i may know the orientation!

bright007: Now this got me l̶̲̥̅̊
åûģĥĩňĝ!

why particularly that one?