₦airaland Forum

RIP. the solution lies with the the buliding inspectorate.
before a buiding is constructed soil tests are supposed
to be carried out so that an appropriate foundation is
designed. when excavations have been done, inpectors are
supposed to come and check. every stage thereafter should
be closely monitored and contractors are not to proceed to
the next construction stage without approval from the inspectors.
city by-laws are supposed to be followed through and through.
that's how its done elsewhere.

Ever wonder why God gives us two?
A right hand to show the left what to do.
One ear to listen and one to hear
the problems of others,
their laughter and fears.
One eye to watch and one to behold
the beautiful treasures
that life has to hold.
One foot to travel and one to stand tall.
Two feet to land on if we should fall.
One man to stand by a woman's side;
One woman to cherish being his bride.
The love between partners
comes shining through
and that is the reason
God has made two.

May God Bless You
On Your Wedding Day

ha ha ha. did he survive the acrobatics!

plants chatroom

the mushroom said ; i am similar to an umbrella.
the avocado said ; i am similar to the head of a human being.
the banana said ; na ja you guys have nothing to say

thanx guys, lets try this one;

A delivery man went 2 deliver some goods at a hospital for the mad, then he had a flat tyre there .
As he was changing the tyre he lost all the nuts in a drain & he sat down beside his truck trying 2 think what 2 do.
Then a mad man came along & asked: 'what’s the problem my friend?’
‘all my nuts have dropped into the drain’, replied the delivery man.
Madman... ‘So you are stranded?
Delivery man... ‘Yah I don’t know what to do.’
Madman.... ‘remove one nut from each of the other wheels and then you can at least
reach the next autoshop and buy nuts.’
Delivery man... ‘Thanx collegue that's a gud idea, how come u are here yet u seem 2 be clever?’
Madman... ‘Being mad and being stupid are 2 different things’.

Interviewer: There are two main rules for our company to select you.
Applicant: What is it sir?.
Interviewer: Our second rule is Cleanliness, did you wipe
your feet on the mat near the door before coming in?.
Applicant: Yes sir!
Interviewer: Our First rule is trustworthiness, and for
your information there isn't any mat near the Door

on your search engine, type;

postgraduate universities in uk/course

and press enter. the word course you replace it with the
discipline you want to do, e.g. business studies.
a list of websites will appear and you can go one by one
searching for the most appropriate one. if you want to study
in the usa, then replace uk with usa in that search statement

good luck

Bob sets up his friend Sam on a blind date with a young lady friend of his.

However, Sam is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before.
Sam: What do I do if she’s not good looking? I’ll be stuck with her all night.

Bob: Don’t worry, just go up to her door and meet her first.
If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned.
If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!’ and fake an heart attack.

So that night, Sam knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is thunderstruck
at how attractive and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:
“Aaaaaaaaaaah!”

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.
First Soldier: Why did you join the army?
Second Soldier: I didn’t have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?
First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.

A soldier walks into his officer’s room.
To impress him, the army office picks the phone, dials a number and said
“Yes sir, I understand sir. I will tell the President. Goodbye.”
Looking at the soldier he barked “What do you want?”
“Nothing sir.” he replied. “I just came to install your telephone.”

welcome to the "modern research methodologies":
1( go to africa and watch a "witchdoctor" @ work
2( take his medicines to a properly equipped lab in europe
3( identify the healing chemicals and extract them, and mass rpoduce them
4( patent them so that the "witchdoctor" will never ever come close to them

ifyalways: Now that its coming from "oyibo" its very cool and accepted.
I've known about snake poison used to clear ear defects since I was a child. A herbalist in my town was into that but trust the black man and self hate, the man and his medicines were most times ignored Cos he's "black, not educated and from the devil"
SMH. None but ourselves can free our mind!

Two kids collected some wild nuts from the forest and sat down
in the cemetery on the way back home to divide them equally.
A youth who happened to pass by outside the cemetery wall
heard them speaking and got terrified.

He saw an old man coming by, stopped him and said:
"Don't go near the cemetery. Two ghosts are dividing the souls among themselves".

The old man didn't believe this. The youth said, "Come and listen".
Just then two of the nuts rolled down and went under the fence and outside the cemetery.
One of the kids said, "We are finished except for the two nuts outside the fence.
Let us divide them and we will be even".

The old man beat the youth back to the town.

ha ha ha. excellent

A WISE MAN TALKS BECAUSE HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.
A STUPID MAN TALKS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.

A bird was disturbing hornipipe all the time he wanted to relax.
Finally he caught it and decided to kill it cruelly,
He took it to the top of the building and dropped it.
POOR BIRD.

sad pictures. where are the engineers of the city!?

Terrificjo and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been
such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
Terrificjo wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!

There was a flood in Terrificjo’s village.
Terrificjo said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!"
The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!"
"No" , replied Terrificjo, “God will save me!”
The flood got very high now and Terrificjo had to stand on the roof of his house.
A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help.
" No, God will save me!" he said. Eventually he died by drowning.
He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?".
God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"

“What’s your fathers occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
“He is a conjurer, Maam,” said the new boy.
“ How interesting. What’s his favourite trick? “
“He saws people in half. “
“Gosh! now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters.”

booqee: Joerux u try joor! Nice one. Though i don't understand d 1st joke.

thanx. try this one;

Teacher: What’s this a picture of?
Class: Don’t know, Miss.
Teacher: It’s a kangaroo.
Class: What’s a kangaroo, miss?
Teacher: A kangaroo is a native of Australia.
Smallest boy: Wow, my sisters married one of them.

statistically, the ratio of "good people" to "bad people" is more or less
the same in each and every country on planet earth. let'a say Nigeria has a pupulation of
150M and Zimbabwe 15M. If the ratio of good to bad people is 10 to 1, in numbers
this would project as 15M "bad Nigerians" to 1.5M "bad Zimbabweans".

So whereever these two groups of people move together, you should expect their deeds
to be more or less the same ratios in whatever they do. but the nigerian population would
be more visible because they are many.

In school canteen,
there was a basket of apples with a written note:
“don’t take more than 1, God is watching!”
A little further there was a box of chocolates,
a naughty child wrote:
“Take as many as u want. God is watching the apples”

terrifikjo: this is bull sh[i]ee[/i]t, u shouldn't be here!!

Moishe the Carpenter, returning home with his week’s wages,
was accosted by an armed robber, Terrificjo, on a deserted street.
“Take my money,” said Moishe, “but do me a favour:
“Shoot a bullet through my hat otherwise my wife won’t believe I was robbed.”
Terrificjo obliged.
He threw Moishe’s hat into the air and put a bullet through it.
“Let’s make it look as if I ran into a gang of robbers,” said Moishe,
“otherwise my wife will call me a coward! Please shoot a number of holes through my coat.”
So Terrificjo shot a number of holes through the carpenter’s coat. “And now…” continued Moishe.
“Sorry,” interrupted Terrificjo, “No more holes. I’m out of bullets.”
“That’s all I wanted to know!” said Moishe.
“Now hand me back my money and some more for the hat and coat that you’ve ruined or I’ll beat you black and blue!”
Terrificjo threw down the money and ran.

Moral: It's never too late to use our brains to get out of a difficult situation!!

Anssybaby: Where is d joke

there r 3 of them. maybe yu didn't understand them.

terrifikjo: this is bull sh[i]ee[/i]t, u shouldn't be here!!

.

thank you sir, for the advice.Please provide me with a GPS so that
I may be appropriately navigated.

why do Mexicans put their names on their car
so they don’t steal them.

Why did the Columbians run away from a computer lab?
Because it said you have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown.

"Morning!" she says.

"No" he replies, " Just walking the dog"

Body ; thats the visible you

Soul ; the self, intellect. that part of you that i am communicating
with right now. when people say you are a nice person they mean
your soul. a bad person, that's your soul i.e. any description of
you that does not involve your body, is describing your soul.

Spirit ; the godliness in you. is a monitor, advisor to you. it's all up
to you to use it. when you are about to sin, there is a voice
within you that will always tell you that what you are about to do
is wrong. that is the godly spirit.

so when we pray, we are trying to elevate our soul to the level of the
godly spirit within us. it does not matter which religion you belong to.

hei boogee, why is it that people in this
section almost always shout and provoke,
yet its supposed to be a jokes' section?

here is another one about zero;

Prove that 2+2=0.
Art student – this question is out of syllabus.

Commerce student – problem is not well defined.

Doctor – research in progress but no result found.

Engineering student -So simple…
2+2=0
two+two=0
tw(0+0)=0
Now (0+0)=0/tw
then 0+0=0
0=0

ENGINEERS ARE INCREDIBLE !