Hello nairalanders

I made this post over 2 years ago.

I hope you all can see it manifesting now?

Hi, I disliked your comment initially and it looked like you were attacking me. But it turns out you were the only right person in over 24,000 views. I have learnt from this experience not to post one's personal life online or expect to get the best answer. majority might be wrong.

Hauwa and I have gone our seperate ways. We are on good terms I hope. The good thing about the breakup is that my mom didnt play any role in it. Her influence didnt even affect the seperation.

What let to the seperation is that I found out that Hauwa likes girls too. Yeah you read that right. Well I cant deal with a woman who swings both ways.

I dont want to assasinate her character cos she's a nice person inherently but i cant deal with Lesbianism. I guess independent women are prone to such feelings. I had to move on unfortunately.

As for my mom, I have introduced someone else to her and she loves the lady to the moon and back My sisters love her too. The lady family love my family and I too. I am happy and everyone is happy.

I really loved her but love alone doesnt sustain a relationship. I hope she finds a man that can deal with a Lesbian. And I'm sorry I couldnt deal.

I didnt want to bring up this issue again because I got a lot of backlash when it went viral, even tried deleting the post, but I couldnt. I am now replying you cos you are the only person who saw the future and gave the accurate advice amongts thousands of people who viewed the post.

I feel I am now on the right path with the right person and we are getting all the support that an intending couple should get

Thank you.

Noblefirstlady:
Hauwa my igala sister, please if you are reading this comment never you marry this guy. I'm sorry Op this is the best advice for her.

Hauwa will have a hard time if she decides to marry you, because your mom will be controlling your home from wherever she is.

Op you are a mummy's boy and one day you will be forced to leave Hauwa and take your mum's side.

Anytime you do something wrong, your mum will blame it on Hauwa. It may even turn spiritual las Las.

Please Mr poster if you really love Hauwa, let her go. Save her the trouble, your mom will never accept her no matter how hard she try to be a good daughter in-law. Even your siblings will soon join your mum to fight Hauwa.

Please ladies if you are entering a family that do not like you, do not force it, run for your dear life.
Never ever think they will grow to like you one-day. some may even pretend to like you at first and become something else once you are finally married. So please if you sense any form of rejection just run away.

I'm talking from experience.

breadplanets:
shebi na Wetin I dey talk op report my post. I will still say it again Hauwa can you cope? Op no vex but you won't be able to protect her in the long run. Now the love is shacking you. With time your mom will have her way. You can't run from her forever....if u like report my post again na u sabi

I didn't report your post. I have no reason to do that. The fact that I don't like your suggestion doesn't make you my enemy.

Hauwa read your response along with others and asked me if I will protect her and I promised I will. She loves me too much to dump the relationship because someone on the net says so.

I understand your position but we will keep being together.

Thank you so much for the time you spent wading into our story and contributing to it.

Cheers

pcguru1:
Lol it's good to be stubborn and cold, when you are a goat nobody bothers about you, it's obvious your mother knows you have terrible choices when it comes to women, if not I dont see why a woman will be telling me a man, who to end up with. Lol

You are right on this.

I guess that's why Robert Greene said it's better to be feared than loved.

I will be more assertive about it

LewsTherin:
If this is true, I have to ask. Where is your dad?

If this is true, then
Your mum is a manipulative selfish woman
You are a weak-assed punk

If you go ahead to marry this girl against your mother's wish, I give it a maximum of 6 months before you cave in to your mother's blackmail and make the poor girl's life a living hell.

Are you man enough?

This is my life, so it's true.

My dad believes her judgement and basically supports her decisions.

I'm not weak. No one wants to keep fighting against someone who can rally the whole family against you and make you isolated. You want to be on her good side but I don't care anymore about her opinion on this matter.

Also note that she has made some right judgments in the past.

When I marry Hauwa we will stay far from her and keep our distance to avoid interference. When I'm married there's no room for external manipulation that's why she's fighting it now.

I am man enough because I have made firm choices that keep making life better for me. Hauwa who by all standards will be considered a very wealthy young lady can see how much of a man I am such that she is even Willing to pitch her tent as a life partner.

ctleurocollege:
How old is your mum? If your dad is late get her hooked

My dad is alive and kicking. She has always had her way with all decisions. He allows her decide.

PresidentAde:
*****
****
***
**
*
Your mum maybe Right & she may be wrong... you need serious wisdom to get through this...
...
whatever happens, you need to remove your mum's firm grip on you, "women" mother's are naturally manipulative.....
.. .
you need to Up your game too, try to play her game, ..

1. Try to be manipulative yourself.... call her, talk to her normally, get her gifts, act normal.... if she raise that issue, stylishly change the topic, let her strive to know what you have in mind.....
2 . Try to go around her trusted friends & family, network with them ...
let them "see you as a go to guy"....
3. Then you'll subtly start reporting your mum to this people, you'll complain abt different issues that is not related to your lady.......
4.. try the above in 3months, 4th month... start mounting pressure on her abt your lady through those links......... by the 6th month you should have her green light....
......

.....
However, MAKE SURE, YOURE SURE ABT THIS LADY, PLS , DOUBLE CHECK DURING THESE MONTH of your mind game...
..
#i hope I've been able to help, i wish you Godspeed

Thanks a lot. I appreciate your contribution

chii8:
She is just being a MOM,it seems you are the only son,you know other than this issue, your mum is nice.Make your mum miss you,no calls,no visits,reject anything from her,do that for sometime and see if she will come to herself,while at that always put a call to dad but don't call her...pretend you're ignoring her let's see.

Thanks for your advise.

I would have ignored her if she was not already ignoring me. We had an argument about Hauwa 2 days ago, she hung up the phone and asked me to forget about her if I go ahead with my plans.

I dont want to reach out to her either but shes has already started the ignorance as she usually does.

elektra:
Since it is looking like your mother will never accept your choice of wife, you have only two options.
You either marry Hauwa, or your mother’s choice.

If you go ahead and marry hauwa, be ready to grow some balls and protect your wife. It is obvious your mother will try to frustrate the girl. You have to be ready to stand up to your mother and put her in her place when the need arises. In-laws can really destroy peaceful marriages and should not be underrated.


Hauwa, if you are reading. Please seriously reconsider if this is the family you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am a firm believer in wives loving their husbands family as their own and vice versa. Even with families that love and accept you, problems will arise talk less of families that are obviously against you. Think very well before you enter oh, marriage is hard enough without all this other stress.

Thanks for your advise.


I will be more firm and stand up to my mom protecting my fiancee and future wife. I have tried to be respectful to my mom but she is interpreted as weakness. I wont allow anyone put my Fiancee down phycologically cos she is a nice person and deserves to be treated right.


Please dont ask Hauwa to reconsider, dont scare my baby. I will intensify efforts with different strategies to get my mom to order. Shes making our lovely family appear disfunctional, and it saddens me.

sisisioge:


I think your mom is afraid of another woman taking you from her. Solution, don't tell her anything again, get to meet your future in-laws, continue to get to know your babe, stop being on the pills, prepare for a life together and invite your mom to the wedding. Good luck.

Thanks!!

This is by far the most interesting advise so far.

Acidosis:


In Nigeria, all mothers are good but all girls are bad.


Better tell your mom the truth and get hold of yourself.

Ok i will.

Thanks for your contribution.

breadplanets:
I only have advise for Hauwa......
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

Why should Hauwa run when we both love each other? Will you give her another husband after she runs? No relationship is free from complications. If she runs now for how long will she continue running from all challenges?

patorial:
Is this your final year project?



Remember these things :

Your mother is already married.
You can never marry your mom.
You mom seems selfish! Sorry for saying this.

Remember that you are trying to make a family for your sef nd not for your mother.

You know what is good for your, don't go and make the mistake of marrying someone you don't know just because your mother likes her.

No it is not a project but my reality. I tried to write it in a logical way so that it can easily be understood by the reader

Thanks anyways!

Bluehill1051:
How can you be marrying your age mate sef?! I wonder how disappointed your mum feels

Some men have married women older than them and had a peaceful home. Age is just a number, love comes to us in different ways. In our case I am even older than her with some months. I dont really fancy distant age gaps in my choice of a partner and Hauwa is very obiedient, respectful, beautiful and most of all emotionally matured and stable.

I dont think age will have any negetive impact on our relationship cos we understand each other perfectly.

Rosarie:
My dear women can make or break a man.
Stop communicating with ur mom,go into.prayers,ur mom may not have clean hands,give her space,kill communication and see if she will miss you,
After a month or two go ahead without her,u love her but she has lived he life.this liife is one,if she had a spiritual contract about u getting married or trade ur life go on ur k need.a woman who does. Not have whom she respects has a deep heart.
Go ahead








M

Thanks for your advise

THUNDER4real:
Is this a real story? or fiction to entertain us,?

This my real life. This is where i am right now.

healthserve:
Take this to your family's elders

Thanks... I hope she will listen tho

pocohantas:
:oE remain make you type reference and appreciation, it'll become a fullblown final year project.

Maybe it is this your granmar that is making her refuse. She is probably not understanding you and your choices.

Sorry if the grammer offends you. I only want people reading to understand instaed of mumbling words that might confuse the reader.

Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

Ok where do we start from.

We need a space online to discuss freely. A lot of people think same way.

vheckthor1:
Guys am thinking of something today, what if we the youth of Nigeria have a massive peaceful protest on October 1, we can use the time between now and October 1 to create awareness. We need to speakout massively, let this spoilers know that we have a voice. If we can unite we will be free, I believe if we put behind our differences and ethical/religious bigotry that decides us and we unite with one voice to protest against the insanity in our country that could be a starting step to the walk of making Nigeria great.
I so much love this country and Her present condition breaks my heart. cry cry

Hello everyone.

Please note that I need an urgent response.

I received an email from the embassy saying my axa mansard 180days insurance is not accepted.

I paid 17,800 for it.

I want to increase it to 182 days and submit tomorrow.

This will cost me another 8,000.

I was also told that my Visa should not be earlier than mid March.

What will you advise me to do?

Chriswazo:


Well-done bro, kind of comical too.
Las las AM go fall on us o

Thanks, Amen.

When did you do your interview?

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT BELOW

Admission Letter: Arrived around august 2018.

Date of Interview: 8th Jan 2019

AM: 25th Jan 2019

VISA: 12th Feb 2019

School: Bahaus University Weimar (Computer Science for Digital Media) and Masters in Research and Computer Science Ilmenau. (I'm still not decided on the best option in terms of stress of study, accommodation and job opportunities)

Background:I didnt know about this thread until about 3 weeks before my interview so I thought i could only use Deutche Bank for the blocked account therefore i had to spend 3 months trying to get an account and funding it.
By the time i realized i had other options for my blocked account, time had been far spent so my option was to go for summer semester (April 2019). After funding i couldnt get a date for visa interview so i had to pay one lady close to the embassy 40k just to get me a date.

I work and live in Lagos mainland but i decided to get a hotel on the island because i had too many delays during this process of schooling in Germany and i didn't want to take any more chances.

I got a hotel at Igbosere road for 5k on the 7th of Jan. I didnt need to go to the embassy because i had been there severally. After booking i hung my suit arranged my docs as specified in the checklist. I practiced all i had read on this thread and heard from peeps in DE.

After that i called my babe to come keep me company at the hotel room after she closes from work by 10pm. I went out of the hotel room to get some food, beer and smoked one wrap under the bridge at CMS.

I returned to the room to remember all i had learnt about germany, Weimar, and my school. I could not sleep that night cos i was very restless. I kept checking my time and reading about Germany.

When it was 3am i got up and took a shower. I asked my babe to request taxify for me. By 4am i was on my way to the embassy. In 10mins i arrived the embassy and i saw the usual touts there. I didnt even bother to reply cos one guy assumed i came for US visa and i didnt bother telling him i came for German visa. I allowed him to waste his time before asking him to get a decent job and stop scamming people.

The main gate leading to the embassy gets opened by 5am. When it was time a soldier opened it and we all entered. I was the only person going to the German embassy at that time. I went and waited at the security post. The security man came and asked me to leave until 30 mins to my time.(7am). so i left and went to use the atm to top up the cash i had in case the exchange rate fluctuates.

I came back and stood on the line and waited till 6:30am before the arrogant and uncouth Paulinus started praying which lasted a few minutes (I think a petition should be written against Pulinus, he doesn't deserve to be there) then we were asked to come with our appointment letters and passport.

Student visa applicants were 3 that morning and i was the first. The key to having it smoothly is getting all your documents arranged based on the checklist even tho Paulinus might do his own rearrangement. But just be ready to provide your docs and photocopies as requested by Paulinus.

After the arrangement i was ushered in. Just after being searched, i dropped my fone and i didnt go into the main building. I did my interview standing close to the exit hearing all they were discussing outside but i didn't allow it distract me.

The VO was a young lady who types slowly. Shes very polite (as it should be).

MAIN INTERVIEW

VO: Hello

ME: Hi, Good Morning

VO: **inaudible**

ME: Sorry i didnt get that (note that there is a bullet proof glass between me and her so she was not so audible)

VO: Please pick up the fone

ME: **Picks up the fone**

VO: Which School

ME: Bahaus Unversity Weimar

VO: Course

ME: CS4DM

VO: **Checks my docs and asks me to sign if my info is correct**

ME: **signs**

VO: why this course?

ME: I answered

VO: Why germany

ME: Inconsistent academic calender in Nigeria, cheap education comparatively etc

VO: why not US or UK

ME: Cost

VO: What do you know about Germany

ME: i told her all i had been reading on wikipedia

Note: she was typing slowly, so i was dictating carefully, i didnt rush her and she didnt rush me. it gave me time to think of more points

VO: What do you intend to do after studies

ME: Return to Naija and lecture

GOD: Stupid liar

VO: What is your present house address

ME: wrote it on my form and signed

VO: Okay, we are done. Do u have any questions?

ME: When do i get my originals certificates back?

VO: I cant say. Expect an email from us anytime. We will contact you via email

ME: Ok thanks, Have a nice day.

VO: Have a nice day too. bye

So she handed me my passport and i left to go and get my stuff from the security and they were asking me to please give them something. In my mind i was wondering if they dont get paid or must every Nigerian in a public space beg like cops.

I did as if i didnt hear and i zoomed off. I went out by 7:45. Interview lasted about 30 mins (standing). I was the first to go in and first to come out. Others were asked to go to the back if they couldnt provide their docs quickly. The queue was still much when i was leaving.

If i had known the thread earlier it would have saved me lot of time and money. But better late than never as they say. For those preparing for interview. Please read all past transcripts. Thats sufficient with respect to what you will expect. make sure all ur docs are complete and you have photocopies. Follow the checklist strictly and have 3 copies of ur CV(one original and 2 copies). I wrote my letter of motivation on a plane sheet. About a page and half in length.

Right now i'm waiting to get my AM so that i can resign and jet out. I'm also working on getting accommodation in Weimar cos accommodation apparently is an issue for German students.

EDIT---------------------------------------------

So my AM and VISA has arrived.

Never loose hope

I wish you all success.

Cheers

The reason why the police can never be currupt free is because they carry arms and ammunition.

If the civil defense bear arms the police can focus on investigation of crimes.

Instead of being bugged down by guarding and escorting a few people.

Kenthumphz:



Your passport and that of the head of your family needs to be appended on the letter.

Mine was deposed to the head of my family with his full names but his passport was not attached. Only my passport appears. But his full name is clearly written. Do I need to do another one?

Chriswazo:

It should be after December 1992 requires NPC Birth certificate

Good day sir, I have a sworn affidavit deposed to the head of my family. But it only carries my picture. His name is clearly stated as the person swearing the affidavit.

Is this acceptable?

Thanks in advance for your help

life2017:
You have a point.

That is why I like the Chinese model. Where few thousands of highly educated and patriotic Chinese who belong to the communist party meet every 5 years to chose who become the president of 1.5billion Chinese people.

Democracy is overrated. It only promotes division, ethno religious conflict and bigotry.

So how do we change the status quo in Nigeria. We need to revolt.

Old people won't want any other system that won't favor them.

Wisdom should be the only yardstick for decision making and governance.

Wisdom cannot be attained without Knowledge

Some members are ignorant and cannot possibly make a decision better than the enlightened ones.

So therefore one man one vote is a flawed Electoral Concept.

Donelli:
OP sir,
This term "revolution" has been so used that it is becoming a cliche. Before you talk about a revolution, have we all (or at least, a majority) come to the realization that there is a problem? If I am to judge from politics section of nairaland, that's a NO.

Assuming we have, do we know what the problem(s) is(are)?

Do we know who the enemy is?

Can we develop a cohesion of purpose to act or try to sabotage each other every chance we get?

Nigeria's problem has gone beyond a constitution change. The rottenness is so intense that this country can not come out whole...IF it remains a country that is.

I'll stop at these thoughts because of your disclaimer number 3.

We have said a lot of issue but there is no concrete step to go further from where we are. We as a people can always agree to disagree. But we need to start acting. Its up to the young people to act.

The future belongs to the youths but the youths dont realize they can build a system that will liberate them from the clutches of poverty and backwardness.

If my disclaimer number 3 is stopping you from further contribution; i feel i owe you an explanation as to why i put it up. And the two reasons are:
1. Nairaland rule number 9
2. What Africa needs is unity not disintegration. Use South Sudan as example.

But the essence of everything is to move our dear fatherland forward without the people at the helm of affairs who are afraid to see us empowered and enlightened.

Everyone want to leave Africa and the rest of the world doesn't want Africans. And the youths are praying for a miracle instead of taking their destiny into their own hands and charting a new course of action by mobilizing online and deciding their fate collectively.

FarahAideed:
Any revolution in Nigeria will make conditions 10 million times worse than it's already is ..the only revolution we need in this country right now should start from ourselves as individual , the average Nigerian is too self centred and that's where all our problems start from

The revolution i speak of is not one that will take arms like the Arab uprising. But the change the changes will happen subtly and not be noticed until the entire entire constitution is disregarded and we now look up to the new government that is operating in the cloud by everyone and cannot be manipulated or modified by any single individual.

You are right about the bolded part of your comment. But what we now is the way forward. We have spent too much time analyzing but we dont put in any actions to change our current status.

Everyone want to leave the country. Even those at the helm of affairs go out of the continent to take breaks cos a large part of Nigeria in particular is no longer habitable for sane people.