₦airaland Forum

miss_bola: lagos

Thats a state and not a country. lol.
Anyway, why Lagos if I may ask?

miss_bola: i dont know, maybe u should move oversea then. (just maybe)

That sounds like a movie lol. Just bcus I feel overseas wil b fine then I shld start preparing to move ryt?
Thats too much. Anyways, wic country wil U suggest? lol

olawalebabs: I suspect Kabsun is too selective.

I am not too selective as u suspect. I dnt want to make mistake othet ppl ar making. I want to enjoy my marriage rathr than endure it.

tpia1: its not as difficult as you're making it seem, imo.

maybe you're just not ready to settle down yet, or are still waiting for "the perfect one". Same thing.

I am completely ready and I am not waiting for any perfect woman wic doesnt exist. I am just looking for a woman wic I wil b comfortable wit

Most ppl complain about their marriages. About 92% in my area. I do feel the causes of their problems in marriage is due to alot of factors wic I am tryin to avoid. Overseas wil be fine I think!

tpia1: @ kabsun

^how are the other males in kano finding wives to marry?

wasnt it kano where the govt was even paying men to get married recently?

i find your post, puzzling.

I feel those that see marriage or better choosing spouse an easy task ar either ignorant on wat it entails or a blessing frm ALLAH.
I am working and ALHAMDULILLAH I am able to put almost every material tin marriage needed. Wat is left now is the wife.
Al da girls that show intrest on me so far am nt comfortable wit them. Dont ask me why? lol

maclatunji: Ah! Your post made me laugh. Abeg, scan the University campus well. They are enough mature undergraduates or postgraduate students to pick from in other departments. Not your students O.

Just change your mindset and make-up your mind that you are on a search for a wife- I am sure Allah will make it easy.

The problem is that most of the good undergraduates ar either married or engaged. Postgraduates ar married ofcourse.

All d female lecturers ar married

miss_bola: what tribe r u? yr age? have u talk to the brothers at mosque? what about the imams? what language do u speak? what about the female lecturers? are they too old?

I am Hausa, 28yrs. U see, in ma area, Kano, imams n mosques cant help.

miss_bola: then i think u should look into 'yoruba practsing muslim' women. i think they are ok but just make sure that u tell her that 'no juju' because this is quite common within yoruba tribes,(i dont know other tribes that's why i said yoruba). what do u think?

Thanks for all ur confributions.
I am a lecturer in a fed Uni. The issue of Me going for students in campuses am not too comfortable wit it. I prefer a working class woman possibly refer to by someone who knows her wel.
The issue is that I dnt think I hav enof tym (like say 1 or 2 yrs) to critically study her.
Also, I think any tribe other than my tribe wil just be fine.

zayhal: ^ what do you mean by 'possible danger'? Is it in marrying someone between 20-25 or marrying outside your tribe?

Marying outside my tribe ofcourse.
The truth of d matter is that the way you ppl are able to hold intelligent discussions here on NL is exactly the kind of material I want in woman.
Where I am currently staying, they are not readily available. They ar either taken or bethroted.
There, you hardly see a woman of that age and attributes free.
Thats why I feel a woman frm another tribe wil be fine and ok.

Movingcoil: silly and dumb? No problem as far is cos of wat I said, am so happy u replied me in 4 dat

People ar just xpressin themselves over the decision doels took n u ar here bussy hating. Ar u that jobless? Islamaphibia indeed!

This is wonderful. I like this thread, the comments so far ar outstanding. BTW, I wil like to get advice/opinion frm respected muslim brothers n sisters on this personal issue:
I want/need to get married soon insha ALLAH. The problem is that I think I need/want a very good, matured n intelligent woman (like the women found in this section) frm a different tribe/race who is around 20-25.
In my area, finding such is very difficult. I am Hausa by tribe, comfortably working, late 20s & staying in Kano.
Is there any possible danger wit regards to that? Plz advice.

I guess thats christian hell. Muslims do have hell as wel. Any xplanation plz.
To hell wit the hel they blieve?

pufectskin: WTF! U kneeling down in d 21st century. Dats a turn off for some guys! Aint nothing humble abouttthat. Oh pls! U send humanity back 2000 years everytime u do dat

Wats wrong wit she doing that in 21st century?
U've got some issues n how to resolve them is beyond me.
RUBBISH

YES. Marriage is a contract.
YES. They ar
YES.
What I want people to understan here is the danger of disallowing in d contract that wic ALLAH has made lawful.
Yes polygyny is not compulsory every1 shld know that.
My question plz. If ALLAH allowed polygyny, who are we for our selfish reasons to disallow it?
Just saying or feeling u dnt like it is ok imo but going ahead to disallow somebdy from doing what ALLAH has allowed him I think is beyond Me.
If U have valid reasons to disallow him then its ok cuz its d validity of the reasons that counts here.
ALLAH knows d best

deols: Oh sorry. I av to bring ds up again.

Polygamy can be her choice or not.

She can sign a contract b4 marriage on that. She can make a contract disallowing him from marrying other women apart from her.

She is however not allowed to ask him to divorce a wife he's had in order to marry him.

deols to the best of my knowledge, non has d right to allowed or disallowed xcept HIM. HE has made it lawful i.e allowed, wic contract do u think wil disallow it?
U see my sister, I like the way you put foward ur points but remember any contract disallowing wat is allowed in Islam witout any solid valid reason is NULL n VOID.
Dont be deceived. If a MAN wants you in his life he would sign all the papers he can grab witout even reading its content, at that tym al he wants is you. After he got U then he decides wheather to honour or dishonour the terms he agreed in d so calld contract using al sorts of points he can used.
Signing any document disallowing polygyny imo wont stop any Muslim man that want to add a wife frm doin so cuz he knows quite wel that Islam allowd it & thts al is needed.
My point dear doels, is that U shld pray, pray n keep praying that ALLAH shld grant U a ful tym monogamist as ur future husband if thats wats d best 4 U.
If polygyny is what wil make U happy n fulfild, May ALLAH make it easy for U to embrace it. Wish U success n happiness in ur life.

Alhamdulillah @ deols

doels. the point shld be that: everyone shld do justice to himself and go for that wic he can handle. everybody knows what he is capable of n shld therefore stay witin such boundry/limit. Any act of transgression wld be disastrous.
The ideal imo shld be: go wit 1 wife allowing doors for adding more if need be. the addition shld be done onli where neccessary n definitely wit justice.
If one knws deep inside him that he cant handle situations, he shld stay single n keep prayin until he feels he can do that.
deols shld plz knw that the issue of poly been misussed by som wont affect its legitimacy witin the confines of islam n shld therefor not b seen as old fashion. every1 shld be allowed to be comfortable wit his mono or poly choice witout tryin to push it hard on any person.
Poly is simply allowd in Islam if u dnt want to practice it you just sit back n watch.
Again polygyny is a MAN's choice not WOMAN but she can decide to stay or quit!

I knw that poly is there to.stay cus there ar many cases that only poly can solve.
For those tht feel they can go against wat is made lawful, fine but you hav to keep prayin that may u not find urself in any sitution whose solution is poly n poly alone. quite a number of cases I knw poly is its only solution.

I understand doels quite wel. Its disgusting to hear that some ppl take monogamous less serious muslims.
I believe both are choice ppl mke in there lives n shld try there best to live wit it.
If U like poly do it to ur best. If its mono, do it to ur best also.
I am in a place where poly is d in thing. Agreed that.women tend to.suffer frm it more in most cases. But this.is applicable to mono also.
Buttom line. People shld marry 1, 2, 3 or 4 only wen they genuinely need it n can handle it wel.
It sickening to hear cases whre ppl cant even handle themselves wel goin into marriage even if its mono let alone poly. Its a mess up seriously.
Poly is good wen practice wel. We as Muslims shld be positive abt it. If as a MAN u dislike it, it is not by force BUT neva raise finger on those doin it for the.doin. U can onli talk on how wrong.they are on.the doin.

I hav followd everytin on this thread wit kin intrest. I must comfes that doels is a genius. Alhamdulillah.
The point I want to make is that deols nd others wit similar opinion on polygny shld take things easy and pray for d best for themselves.
Who knows.... neither polyg nor monogy wil guarantee one marital success n hapiness.
I hav seen many happy polyg families as wel as many monog families. The opposite is also there.
Matrimonial hapiness is.far beyond that. I pray that doels n odas get the best husband for.themselvs n I pray they also cooool down and be less personal n emotional wen.discussin this issues. I raisd ma cap for doels.

which point ar u exactly tryin to make frm this?

k