₦airaland Forum

ROFL, I am a woman. What in the world would make you think that I'm a man?.
nwando- don't turn on me now

ROFL, I am a woman. What in the world would make you think that I'm a man?.
nwando- don't turn on me now

@almondjoy- I've done nothing but be honest. If you can't handle it then you need not post. I'm taking all of your constructive criticisms and trying to learn from it that's why I'm here. I'm sure you've made mistakes in your life and had good people to give advice.

nwando I want to try. I don't want to give up on a good thing. I'm not using him. He's gives me nothing that I can't get for myself. He is just a quality man that I want to build something with.

still love you almondjoy. we are all adults here. come on don't act like that

is putting out everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do you always put out to keep a man almondjoy?

@nwando- that's unfair. I'm not dating anyone else I am giving him all of my attention except physical. I WILL NOT LET HIM GO!!!! The man does things for me that no one else has ever offered(non financial). I want to see where it goes but would have to be intoxicated to have sex with him. He reminds me of a turtle.

Does it matter? Tell me how it would differ?

Look the man is great! I want to have another baby and he has no children. My best friend had a dinner party and he was there, he took a bashing from her dad and brother who is like my family. They asked his intentions and he told them we would be married already if it was up to him. He is so into me and he did not have sex yet. What is he to do when we have sex? Another friend said that he must not have anything in his pants to impress me that's why he is not pushing to have sex.

nwando- ROFL

almondjoy- Haven't you ever messed with someone that you were not 100% into

Explain something to me, when I'm not with him I can't wait to talk to him and see him. When I see him I'm disappointed. Am I just in the need of companionship? Will I except anything that comes along for the sake of not being alone I think God is trying to teach me a lesson. I've always said that looks are important and every man that I've had so far was wrong for me. God sends me the perfect man and he does not fit my standards of what is attractive. Isn't that something?? He does work in mysterious ways.

@Pain - I crying like a baby right now. 2 deep comments in 5 minutes.

that's deep cute-ass!

I called my aunt and voiced my concerns and she said that her husband sometimes are too strick with the children but she would talk to him. I gave her a chance and the next day thought that it would have been resolved. The same thing happened the next day, my daughter did not call. I went out that evening and purchased a cellphone for her. The next day he picked them up and as children would do she pulled out the cellphone so that he could see, he told her he's not impressed. My daughter is 11 and he is almost 50. At that moment I decided that my daughter would not set foot into that household again. My aunt and I who grew up like sisters are not speaking now and it's killing me inside.

my daughter

I'm mad
My aunt husband buses his daughter and my daughter after school and she stays at their house until I arrive from work. One day I asked my daughter why she didn't call me when she got home and she told me that she is not allowed to use the phone in that house and she must wait until I call. I am very angry and now this has caused a wedge between the family. Am I wrong for being upset?

@pain - but how do I look past it? I think it's me because everyone else seems to think that he's handsome. I am afraid that I am going to miss out on what God has sent for me. Everyone dreams of finding true love and I would pray that God would send my one true love. I ask God to bless me and send me a wonderful man and guess what he did and I'm stuck on stupid. 

@pain - We are both in good jobs and I do not wish to disclose our location. Please explain why you asked.
@almondjoy- I decided to date him because far to often I was dating guys because I thought that they were good looking but in the end they did not have much to offer. I fear that I will marry him and end up having someone on the side. People keep telling me that you can't have both, it's either one or the other and I must decide what's important to me. Tell me people, look at Heidi Klum and Seal, Beyonce and Jay Z, Kimora and Dijimon. Please shed some light on how these women can be with men less attractive than themselves.

I am her friend the one that did the post for her. I told her that he will always "cry wolf" when she tells him that she's leaving. The truth of the matter is she is madly in love with her ex and will not stop seeing him no matter what. She told her husband she will try just so that he would not "kill himself" but in the meantime she's is not giving up her ex and the sex. She does not sleep with her husband in hopes that he will just get tired and leave on his own. She plans to stay with her husband while he goes through counselling and once she believes he's ok on his own she'll leave. The problem with that is it could go both ways- he could get help and move on or he could be so angry that she lied about working it out that he kills her . What do you all think?

Nairalanders, I am the friend.

I'll try a simpler version. I've told my husband that I want to leave him based on a whole set of wahala i've been through with him over the years that just keeps getting worse. Now that I'm strong enough to leave, he says he will kill himself if I leave because he wants to keep his family together.

If I'm honest with myself, I realize that I never should have married my husband in the first place. I only did so because I had broken things off with my ex because he was becoming to serious and i didn't think I was ready for a commitment at the time. Now that my ex is back in the picture, I realize that he is the one I should have been with all along.

Please keep in mind that my ex has nothing to do with my decision to leave my husband. I had already decided to leave him before I started communicating with my ex again. But I am wondering if my husband is only saying that he will kill himself so that I will stay, or if he might be serious. Have any of you men ever told a women you would kill yourself if she left? Did you mean it?

almondjoy- he is all but attractive (to me anyway). He is everything that I've been looking for except physically. Should I give that up and find someone who I think is attractive but then does not possess all the other great qualities that he does? Chances are I will find an attractive man but he may or may not have all of the other things that I apprecaite about this man.

No worries. I will have my friend tell you her story in detail.

Nairalanders listen to this one,  My best friend has been married for approximately 7 years and has been with him for a total of 12 years. For the most part her marriage has been good. My best friend is very accommodating and never stood up for what is right. After years of being a good little wife to him she has come to the realization that she wants out. She told him that she wants to leave and he has threaten to kill himself. Should she stay and help him through this or should she leave?

Women do it all the time, they marry a man that they know will be there for them and provide for them. What about arranged marriages There's certainly no love there in the beginning. The point is that the man is ready, willing and able. How many men would sit around and wait rather than pressure a woman to have sex?? My best friend really likes him because he's good to me and she happens to think he's good looking. I honestly can't take the opinion of her because she is definitely not into looks. She is completely into the way someone treats you. I can't help who I am and I don't think he is attractive. My best friend seems to think that I have issues with the fact that he is nice and not manly enough. If he looked the way he looked but acted tough maybe I would be attracted to him but he's very quite and accommodating

The more time I spend with him the deeper I get. He's planning his entire future around me and I'm just going along with it. The reality of it is this man wants to give me everything that I need-- companionship, commitment, love and affection. I would be an idiot not to want to try and work on this. The fact that I think about him and enjoy his company should account for something. Who says that I should fall in love within 3 months, 6 months or 9 months. We are getting to know each other and that's a part of falling in love. ISN'T IT? It's almost a year and I can't say that I love him. If I had met him online and never saw him I'd probably be in love right now because of who he is inside, Do you think I'm shallow?

Whew!!!! I read all of your posts and everyone makes sense. The truth of the matter is I don't want to give him up. He has treated me with nothing but respect and has never pressured me into having sex. He does however try to draw my body closer to his and hold my hand and I tense up. He is not ugly just not my type physically. If I were to lose him it would definitely be painful. My family and friends love him and if it's up to him we would be married tomorrow.

Today he sent me a text telling me he loved me and I responded with  , I'm not going to lie and say "I love you too", that would be wrong. I think holding on to him in hopes of falling in love is not wrong but some say differently. What's up almondjoy? I missed your smart comments/ cybersleek- your comments are refreshing - mafolayomi/ it seems like you can relate sister.

I want to love this man and be a good woman to him but it's been about 8 mths and we have not yet been intimate. What in the world am I going to do?

Maybe it's time that I tell you guys everything that I've been through,

deposky - I'm not "hooking up" If I was I would have already slept with him. I am in a situation where I have a good man and I want to work through issues I know I have.  As far as people commenting on having my cake and eating it too- I am not seeing anyone else so what cake and eating what too??. There is no hidden agenda here just facts. Everyone assumes that I have issues because I am not attracted to someone but loves the person he is inside, What wrong with that?? What about spending time and growing to love the person??

Just to make it clear I did not change the topic of my post. I noticed that it was changed but didn't know why. It's not about sex! I'm just afraid of marrying someone that I have no physical attraction to. Maybe I am confusing love and lust or maybe it just takes time. If you love your partner shouldn't you just look at him and want to go at it? The men in the past I've all been attracted but turns out that they weren't ready or they were jerks so physical isn't everything. Why can't I have it all

cybersleek

almondjoy - please pay attention to my post - I said that he wants to get married - he brings up marriage to me all the time. As far as a low self esteem that's a no no. I didn't post to be insulted almondjoy, but you know what you are correct he might just fine someone and then I would have realized how great he really is. I'm sure there are a few of you out there who has met the perfect person but for some selfish reason you won't commit.

almondjoy you're extremely vocal  


I'm not going to say that I don't have issues because we all do. I've known him for sometime and we went out a few times and nothing became of it. He continuously pursued me and I just kept on dating all of the wrong men. A few months ago he asked me out again and I accepted. We've been going out ever since. He has voiced that he wants to get married and start a family but I can't look past his physical apperance. Yes, the attractive men have hurt me but I can't help what I like. I do want to be married and settle down but at what cost. I can't have sex with someone that I don't love so what in the world do I do I just don't how much longer he'll accept the hugs and soft kisses versus the passion and sex

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! All of the responses so far have been great! It seems like everyone is encouraging me to sleep with this man. In other words in order to fall in love with him I should sleep with him? I don't believe in having two husbands so that is not an option. I am certainly not just "collecting" from this man either. I have never accepted money from this man in hopes that he does not think that I'm this kind of woman who expects to be wined and dined and don't "put out". I've known him for quite some time but I've finally decided to accept his advances. He is one of the most considerate and understanding men I know. It's just that when I'm around him I am not attracted to what I see physically. I'm sure all of you out there will tell me about myself after that comment but that is why I decided to seek advice.