₦airaland Forum

dazzy4real: Am realy enjoyin dis thread cos am so learning alot.. Wen me go enter jand na calculator go b my frnd i can aford to lose anytin buh oyinbo no fit cheat me cos i go dey do convrrsion on d go as e dey hot!

Bro....if you are calculating everytime before you spend, you WILL NOT buy anything. Best is to view the money as it is (£20 is as #20 except it holds more value) & not start converting everytime or else.... Don't be surprised if your calculator displays 'I'm angry at you'.....even IRON MAN who is all hi-tech can't save except for those 'THREE OLD WOMEN' in your village
By the way, you'll be exhibiting 'NEW ARRIVAL THINGS'
PS: Enjoy your duration of stay when you come visiting.

Sloganz: Lmaooooo best thread ever, i remember when my uncle visited us back in 2007, he could not figure out how to turn the hot water on. For three days he came out the shower shaking like he saw a ghost in there.

Your post reminded of the first time my uncle came visiting as well, late autumn/early winter. There was a day he got served a slightly hot cornish pasty & a cuppa because it was cold outside...... Some days later, he came over & requested for 'that sausage roll thing' & was told its name. From that day he started calling it something that sounded like 'paris spere spere' because he couldn't remember the name.
Now whenever he visits, we know to serve him cornish pasties before he even asks for any other thing. Luv him to bits tho....

danmyboy: I was hungry and searched for a restaurant and finally settled for one. There was no rice in their menu so I settled for burger (meal). I mentioned my choice to the cashier at the counter and he turned his back at me and laughed for so long. He kept asking for my choice and he kept laughing. Had to write it on a paper before I understood he was laughing at my accent.

ROTFLMAO, I can imagine this (many have fallen for this, not just you) including pronunciations of woolwich, greenwich (greatest when they say 'green wish' or if you are very lucky 'green witch') & the likes even Newcastle (Neuwcastool)......let your imagination flow bruv.
Non-stop laughter m8.....sure the guy would have asked you over & over....even called his colleague to ask you for 'maximum effect' & you went
'Gud aftunoon, I (said I) want to buy BORGA' pronunciation-wise with a hint of frustration.
This really cracked me up......
Cheers m8 & thanks for helping start my day

Matthew briggs: Went on a business trip to the Uk my first time.

1. I arrived at heathrow, i took the underground train service via piccadilly line and arrived at straford. I then proceeded to take a black cab. men as I balance inside the cab, the man started driving

I asked him how much he told me the couter will decided ... oboy as the jouney progress my mind no rest... i just dey watch as the couter dey count... as e dey move i dey automatically convert am to naira kai...

We con jamb go slow. Mehn i begin dey sweat after he knak me bill for that trip. I stayed away from black cabs. I chose buses and subway all the way.

One tip I could give is to always tell & INSIST the cab driver turns the engine off in traffic. Although, most of the drivers don't like doing this because as the engine keeps running in traffic with no additional distance travelled, the counter continues (additional cost of 'time').
Be warned!

Just sent u a request.....by the name edward

MissYuzedo: Plz no insult

The first time I saw your pic, I FELL.....











APART












LIKE A $1 SUITCASE.

bigx: Crossing to the left, right and left again in London to determine where to board the bus and not being sure which way to look when crossing (them de drive for the wrong side)


Keeping cartons outside next to the dustbin and getting a "fly tipping" warning


Smiling and nodding when I don't get the bloody accents (not changing mine for anything too)

The first one is just epic stuff.... Wish I could have recorded & put it on youtube (overnight celeb)
You are lucky with the second; some get a fine instantly.
Third one, I did that as well but those talking with you will eventually talk slowly hence making you seem retarded mentally. Btw, ur accent changes on it own & thanks for staying truthful (seen countless even grown men trying to change it and most times, you try to stop yourself from laughing...classic)

I remember the first time I travelled to the United Kingdom. Was quite young then. Whenever the hostesses (Beautiful Creatures) came to I & my sister with the 'buffalo' asking what we would like to eat & drink..... Didn't hear a word of what she said apart from salad & lemonade (though she mentioned other choices as well). Throughout the flight, I kept asking for salad & lemonade for myself & younger sister who was sat next to me. Although it was a day I'd never forget, I learnt one thing though....being bloated from the lemonade (fizzy drinks in general) didn't go well with my flatulence-inducing salad (depending on your bowels).....the rest is history
Sometimes on thinking back after hearing some friends' experiences, you wonder how quickly things have changed.
I Rep Bolton (Trotter for Life)
Luv the Geordie accent btw

Somebody picking my pocket about 2hours or 2 1/2 hours ago on my way to uni. The bus developed a fault, so we had to alight and wait for another bus....in the midst of the rushing, it happened & couldn't continue the journey. It gave me the biggest embarrassment of my life. Had to trek back to my house in the scorching sun.
Anyways, I have prayed for the fellow......

Nomski0: The bolded is just sooooo romantic.

Your wife is a lucky woman

Thnx, got to put in my fair share....
I'll be lucky cos she'll mostly be cooking on wkdays (and looking after the children - depending on who gets home first)
Wonder what my future wife is doing right now.

Nope, I didn't and don't know anybody who did. We had no fan or reason to get one. Guess I missed out on dat one....

miss.terious:
I can stay in the kitchen & help him na

Help with what? Taste the food to know if salt & maggi ain't enough. Check if d fish & meat are well done. OR help with the preppings, cleaning after him etc.
Well, help means help....

Handwash or with washing machine?

Ellatyra: You should ve added
*prince jobless* first to comment

Do u know me from anywhere? Why the flipping hostility.
Believe u r making that statement from personal experience.
Sorry ehn!

Ellatyra: You should ve added
*prince jobless* first to comment

Do u know me from anywhere? Why the f*****g hostility.
Believe u r making that statement from personal experience.
Sorry ehn!

Dannyxy: A friend of mine does not let his wife cook, he does all the cooking, he says he loves it, his wife is always complaining that he has taking over the kitchen duties.. My female friends say they can't marry a man who wouldn't let them cook. Now n.l ladies i'am asking you, can you marry a man who wouldn't let you cook at all?

Personally, I see nothing wrong with it as long as it ain't taken for granted. I love cooking and I ain't bothered if my future wife knows how to cook....could teach her some recipes & make it fun while learning (can strengthen our bond). I'd love to take over at weekends, let her rest (& I'll have the children involved) - she ain't stepping into the kitchen throughout. Picnic things after church on sunday either at the local park or garden at the back of the house.
Presently learning some african dishes(to add to my knowledge of some asian & mostly european dishes) so my wife(if white or asian) can prepare and stun my parents about how quick she has learnt some things about my cultural background and I the same.
Latest achievement: POUNDED yam for the first time last weekend. Hopefully she will learn it also *fingers crossed*
Yay me!

Sure I'd seen this somewhere on NL....anyways, ftc tings.......there is a massive stark difference on how questions are answered and how advices are given.

pickabeau1: bro... seriously.. all i need is the new Tecno Phantom

hahaha...

ride ko; rash ni

Funny. Btw......
Which of the tecno phantoms? You have 1 minute from the time of posting to make your requests know......
Time starts now

50calibre: I have a very keen understanding of people, behaviours & society, I should be an anthropologist.

If you are a guy who hopes to achieve a lot in life, I beg you please stay away from poor girls, especially the ones with track record of poverty, their great grandfather was poor, her grandfather was poor, her father is poor. Poverty is a virus that corrupts the mind & behaviour.

Most of the time, if you see a woman who migrates to a more liberal country & begins to exhibit all kinds of attitude, go check her family back home is dirt poor. Women of wealthier status ironically are much more docile, calm & collected, they aren't influenced or intoxicated by anything or anywhere because its nothing new.

Look on NL, those girls who feel the need to shout about their rights, i bet you these girls are hungry. Poverty cheapens the mind & leaves you exposed to propaganda, it makes people overdo things.

An experiment : keep a dog caged all day, then release it in the night. Observe what it does.

Nicely stated points above.....well put

EBK2: Hahahaha. Doesnt matter who you marry. You will be asked for a car at some point whether on a first date, before marriage, after marriage, after first child etc. This question will prop up one day even if she has more money and cars than you. But asking for a car in the first instance may be a revelation of flawed motive (it may not be). But girls should seriously wait for sometime before asking. Most men hate it (although most men like to give... at the right time). I do!.
This topic is not a easy one and before you know it, both sexes will start abusing each other (by that time, i will be out the door. lol)

Lol...
My dad knows I'd rather marry a white or asian lady (mostly media-influenced & little experience of black girls/ladies) so he ain't bothered but my mum would like I marry a black girl, preferably nigerian. Even my aunty expects the same.
So I decided to come study here for a bit, learn about my "traditional culture" and also, see if my philosophy on nigerian girls would change but thus far, it's been an eye-opener; to be positive.
I have no problem with the asking but when every time you see each other, asking is always involved.
The last time I was in Nigeria before now, in 2004, there was a girl I fancied and she likewise but years after, called her phone when I arrived to surprise her. We spoke for a while, catching-up things and she came clean to me that she had moved on. We still chat once in a while but she's d only nigerian girl I can say I fancied personality-wise, presentability, reasoning, rightfully admit when she's wrong and sincerely apologisely and I mean SINCERELY. Every other I have come across, except one who is still a young girl and a good honest friend (nothing involved & intend keeping it like that) have given me the 'I NEED MONEY' & 'I'M LOOKING FOR MONEY' line on many occassions and when you asked them for money they reply 'me myself, I am money'
What does a man have to do?

ebamma: a word of advice for those guys, many girls here in nigeria can't cook too, aren't that submissive, love expensive wigs, jewelleries, and clothes, so my advice stick with the devil over there u know, cos its hard seeing angels over here

Can't agree enough with u. Never been a fan of wigs/hair extensions (huge turn off). Prefer ladies with natural hair; black, white or asian. Ever since I arrived, I haven't found any YET, of note...... Most I come across usually have one demand or the other. Asking once in a while ain't an issue but frequent 'it's-your-responsibility'/'if-I-mean-something-to-you' style of asking....and she ain't accepted/we ain't even married yet.
Some weeks ago, I went to see a lady at her house. On getting there, the security guard told me she had just stepped out. Called her phone and she said to come meet her at a small supermarket 4 houses from hers. No worries, might as well walk down d road to meet her. After getting d things she wanted, we started walking back to the house. The next thing I hear is 'when are you guna you get me a ride?'.... cos she doesn't want to walk in the sun on d way bak to her house. I just smiled.
Wth? 4 houses away, you wanna drive there. You aren't carrying the shopping bag, you're too tired to walk. The car was parked at her house, nowt I could do. It must have been sunny or cloudy when she left her house. Now, the weather is too hot to go back to your house. Obviously didn't say none of that out. She ain't my girlfriend yet.
That was the last time I went to see her and stopped contacting her.

chymystique: Ask google

Who tell u say google dey 'baf'. Just because e dey change colour, dey change appearance no mean say e clean