If by Monday our president is not back, they should declare Tuesday and Wednesday public holidays so that all of us will go and look for our president. My president can't go to London and be missing like that.... Let them open boarder, we all go to London and look for him...book flight for us..free tickets everybody. ..some go hang on top plane..no wahala..

#ifa hear say i cum bk
#unagolook4mejoin

MONEY RITUAL
In America, all you gotta do is sell your soul to be rich

But here in Nigeria,you'll sell your soul,your brother's,mother's and several other relatives.........and still run mad after couple of years

let me drink water before I continue..

SEEDORF441:
My frd tot somtin is wrong wit me because i don laff tire i even fell from my bed

.
lol

sweetboiy:
Very hilarious jokes... Thumb up man

sight u man..thanks

English Language is very difficult
*Girls be like*
*I have posted my pics on Fb* *If u like u like* *If u dont like dont like*
*I just can't understand this*

Anyways gud night everyone

There is no privacy in Nigeria again. How will you be using ur phone in a bus and somebody from the backseat will say "Bro,scroll back, up small,I no see her pix well"

DEDICATED TO BOOMSSEY AND DEEPFRIEDPUFF
.
donald Trump wants to paint the white house. He calls for quotations.

Chinese guy quoted 3 million.

European guy quoted 7 million.

Nigerian guy quoted 10 million.

Trump asked Chinese guy, "how did you come about 3 million?" Chinese guy replies, "1 million for paint, 1 million for labour, 1 million profit."
Trump asked the European guy the same question and he replied, "3 million for paint, 2 million for labour, 2 million profit".
Again Trump asked the Nigerian guy the same question, He replied; "4 million for you, 3 million for me, and we will give 3 million to the Chinese guy to do the job!!
I just dey waka pass o!

DEDICATED TO OMAGZEE
.
BUHARI MAKE THINGS EXPENSIVE!

Headsmaster: how much is passport photograph for children?

Photographer: the price for the passport is N100 per child

Headmaster: No, the pupils are 500 in numbers, so we are paying N50

Photographer: ok no problem sir, you can pay N50 each since they are many

Headmaster: class teacher go & inform the pupils that they should bring N150 each tomorrow for the passports.

Class teacher: ok sir, i will inform them right away

Class teacher: Good day pupils, you are all to come with N200 tomorrow for passports.

Pupils: Mummy we were asked to bring N300 for passport at school

Mummy: Father, your son was asked to go with N500 passport fee tomorrow.

Father: Hool My God. BUHARI make things costly day by day, including
education. We have said it, this man is wicked. Moral lesson: 'LET THE CHANGE BEGIN WIT U" Honesty and sincerity is all wot we need to make this country a better place.

You ve 1k in ur account you lost atm card, use d 1k to clect anoda one abeg Wtin u wan tk d atm do?

DEDICATED TO OLUWAFIZZY
.
E get one particular restaurant wey i dey go chop 4 Lekki, Lagos. E get one Oyinbo wey dey always come chop there too...
Anytime dis oyinbo chop finish, he go shout ''Hey'', so I wonder wetin dey make am shout. I decided to chop wetin d oyinbo dey always chop so maybe me self go shout too. When I reach d restaurant yesterday evening, I order wetin d man dey chop. Dem tell me say na chicken & red wine, so i chop am finish, i no shout.
I collect extra plate, but i no still shout. I say dis Oyinbo na mumu o, wetin dey make am shout like dat? Na so i just vex ask 4 my bill. The waiter tell me say one plate of chicken & red wine na N75,000 then d extra plate too na another N75,000. Na then I shout hey! heyy!! heyyy!!! heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyy...........Up till now, I still dey shout .... ooo..
No laugh alone make someone laugh with u too

Omagzee:



Just stumbled upon this thread.... Men you are damn funny. Got alotta inspiration and concept from this thread, imma shoot some comedy videos with 'em. I already have a small YouTube channel where I post original comedy video made by me.



Men keep it up.. We many for your back.

.
wooahhh,so inspire..thanks man.
am gonna subscribe to ur channel..

new joke on the way

DeepFriedPuff:
its funny
And he so sweet and innocent

.
hmmmm
thanks

Oluwafizzzy:
With all this joke ... I say #welldone Sir

Dope crib destruction.. Hahhaa
Dedicate one 4 me toooo

.
and i will also say thankyousir.
sure i will dedicate u...

DEDICATED TO WHOM I DON'T MENTION..
BREAKING NEWS!!Yesterday morning, some ladies raped a guy while he was going for jogging.This morning, over 700 guys were found jogging on that same road

can u imagine guys.....

DEDICATED TO THE GUEST. . I cried for 12 hours wen an Oshogbo girl told me she is tall in complexion

GOOD MORNING AND HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT...HAVE A NICE DAY...
YOU CAN NOW FOLLOW ME ON IG AND MY USERNAME IS: Mr Afrikaa..
am sure you guys will follow me,most especially.
kingsley1000,
estilo
tasiii
tripledee
justmeal
evakinqs
sarz
blessedvisky
Dollipsejay
benblaq
popefuse
Seunpaul01
owi432
jimfarayola and the rest.....i wish to mention you all but I can't because I love you all....
thanks and have a nice day..

Trippledee:
I got served with ur jokes man..... Keep it coming......

.
.ON THE WAY
..

When a gurl is desperate to get married, her status will be like " I love washing plates,sweeping and cleaning the house. Thanks to you Mom for the training, thank God for the strength. "

[color=#000099][/color]
Mum says Alcohol, sex and Night clubs are my Enemies....God says love your Enemies as yourself.... Should i obey Mummy or God

Just thinking

;DThat awkward moment after watching, cleaning,and cooking for your boyfriend and he says "the person that will marry you is so lucky", My sister, please hit him with a frying Pan for manual reset.

Wetin person no go see for this nija....someone call me dat am suppose to pay him because we were paired .......I told him i am not a member of MMM and he said bros pls send anytin u av, na God pair us not MMM.....lolzzzzzz

He asked you out, you no gree. He then ask your friend out and she agreed. You are now calling him a womanizer, abeg, if u seek admission for Unilag and they no admit u,shey u no go try Lasu
.
.
laugh wan kill me

I can't even laugh again..

*My Grandma took one of my drinks which I mixed with tramadol, and she's busy taking selfies with the tv remote, but my family thinks it's because of her old age.*

That awkward moment when ur mum gave u 1000naira note to drop 50# and collect 950# change in church

Only for u to discover that ur crush is the usher after dropping d 1k and she was like *wow, how kind of u*


Story to be continue..

DEDICATED TO MAH MAN(KINGSLEY1000)
.
When you're not fasting, you can stay till afternoon without getting hungry. But during fasting, even TV remote looks like gala in your eyes. But why??

good evening..hope you are enjoying.. wait!!! have you laugh today..come on,let's laugh

Kingsley1000:
keep it up dude ...would really like start a short comedy video skit

.
thanks man,u really gat my back..really appreciate it..

This got me laughing!....

Why I Will Never Teach Pre-School Kids Again!

At the creche where I work, there is a little girl named Vicky. She is so cute and sweet.

Yesterday, just before knocking off, I found her busy, trying to put on her shoes.

I approached her, and offered to help her. It was such a torrid time.

The boots seamed to be smaller than her size. It took me 5 minutes to help her wear them. When we were done, after making a steps away from her, she called me said "Teacher, you made me wear banana". When I looked at her shoes, to my embarrassment,

I realised I had misplaced her shoes - the banana style.

Upon trying to take off the shoes again, it took me 3 minutes. After struggling so much I eventually managed to remove them and tried putting them on again, this time the correct way. However, it was more difficult than the first time.

When I finished, she said: "Teacher, these shoes are not mine!"

I really got angry, but since I work with little kids, I had to be patient and control my anger. I struggled to remove the shoes. I then asked Vicky where her own shoes were and this is what she said:
"These shoes belong to my sister, my mum is the one who made me wear them in the morning today".

This time I boiled in anger. But since I always do my job perfectly and wholeheartedly, I helped her to put on the shoes again. When we were done, Vicky pulled another shocker, yet again. "What about the socks, teacher?" she asked.

I wondered whether I should laugh or cry.

Politely and swiftly I asked her, "Where are the socks Vicky?"

She innocently replied: "I shoved them in my shoes, they are in front of my toes"

I Simply Resigned!


- Unknown
Copied

DEDICATED TO jimfarayola
Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife and he says,

"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."

Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to whisky."
One point each.......Cheiii.

jimfarayola:
I am waiting for more updates ...well done

thanks....
more update on the way but before then let's take a coffee ..