xtassie:
Ever since his father accompanied my fiancé to my house to meet my dad for the first time my parents familiarized with his father ( his mom stayed back she is not so strong) although she travels, till date his dad has never called my parents to for once. Neither has his mom how can we be planning a wedding by December and the both parents never communicated is it a healthy one? I am baffled cos my fiancé is almost obsessed about his parents and lets them make decisions for him, after he called my father to complain that I hate his village people, I was angry with my fiancé so we started to argue via text msg. So I noticed that I would send him a text and he wld reply me with a number I wasn't familiar with. he sent me over 10 msgs with it so I decided to reply him with that ( but my instincts warned me that it may be a trap) but then he just got another new phone so I felt it was a new phone line he bought. So I sent him a text msg to stay away from me that he is not husband material and he has not learnt from his past experiences that he is a puppet. He replied immediately with that same phone number that I should expatiate on what I meant by that text, that was around 1am. I ignored he repeatedly sent me the msgs that I shld explain better but I slept off. The next day his uncles started calling me that they saw the msg I sent to my fiancé father! That his father sent for all his aunt's and uncles to show them what I sent to him. Then I knew that it was just a trap. Though the wedding is on hold and I have left him he still calls me to come visit him but I am just tired of all this drama that comes with him and his family!(pls correct me if I am wrong) thank you.

wow. And i was here thinking ve heard it all. One thing we do here is give advice n make suggestions but the final decision lies wit u. Like i tell young girls who come to me, courtship is fine but if it takes too long it becomes ugly. Wen i first read ur post i was thinking. God! Dat list must ve been quite expensive but i dnt think so now. Here are my suggestions;
1. Its likely dat his parents dont really like u n are not in support of d marriage hence d problems once he goes to d village. Probably they ve someone they deem a better candidate for him.
2. Maybe he is developing cold feets and he is not sure marrying you is the ryt choice to make.
3. They myt b a secret, or a problem. Something u dont know about him which is standing in the way. He doesn't know how u will react wen u find out.
Well, my advice is simple. Its never wise to marry into any family dt doesn't like u. I believe u need to make a stand n so does he. Communication is very important. Make him tell u wat the problem is n promise to help him work it out. Personally i wonder, if d wedding is ds troublesome how will marriage be? If all ds things can't be resolve 'soon' then u myt just ve to let him go so someone who understands you myt come in. If he is having second thoughts about marrying u then i think somethin has changed for him. Find out what and take ur stand. It myt hurt to let go but it gonna hurt more in d long run if u keep holding on to an illusion.
God bless u

Bunchersstab:
how possibly give wat u dnt have

am not dating doesn't mean ve never dated.

ayokunlei:


well, I have read alot of books on temperament from different authors most especially from Lahaye; Anger is a choice and others...
'Why u act d way u do' generalizes rather than rationalize? Try and expatiate what u mean. Generalize as in not straight4ward?

ve read dat book n honestly it didn't help alot. Why i act the way i act depends on the environment and the factors around. Ve been bullied, ve bullied others, i can be pretty feisty n yet i remember running from some fights. Sometimes i just wanna be alone n won't talk for days even if all my friends are with me and ve been know to talk n talk even wen everybody is quiet. My behaviours are fashioned by occasions and not some stuffs suppose to be ingrained in my DNA. Wats ur take on dt?

Bunchersstab:
I would luv to know to know how successful you are in your past and present r/ships.

am not dating for now. Men are distractions i dont need at the moment

Bishopskiss:
Nice. Real cool. U should change the 'shy n introvert guy' to 'a very boring dude'. U know i used to be like that. God knows i hated myself. Guess people like u will hate d way i am now.
Lets go back a bit.
* u luv blushes? Whoever said dats a guarantee for a happy relationship. Just so u know, the so called bad guys like me can blush too.
* he comes out at night? Dats shyness at its worst dont u think? Or maybe he is a dull vampire.
* he is always at the back? Believe me. Back in my school days, we had no such jerk at the back seat with us. As for him being at the back of d line clapping for others, it sucks to be him.
* he never cheats? Oh gimme a break. He won't cos he can't. Girls make him sweat especially d pretty ones but I'll bet if another girl comes onto him he wil... U know d rest.
Just so u know, wat u call arrogance is actually courage. Besides drink n weed is done by everyone stupid enof to indulge in them whether de r introverts or extroverts
Finally, y did u guys break up if he was so perfect?

hahahaha. This fellow sounds just the way he talks. Bishop, you are something really. You wouldn't want me to use you as an example of how bad extroverts can be do you?

alotofgrace:


miss! with due respect, not all dudes here are clowns....when a thread becomes a matter of concern then u get my attention.

well am not offended by ur comment ma

i meant no offence. You can imagine how guys get on social networks. Especially if they are anonymous

MzMariah:
The memory is always like yesterday no matter who you talk to.

Well I might be wrong sha.

no. You are absolutely correct. I still remember mine but it doesn't feel like yesterday. It feels like it happened in another life. Thanks to my pastors wife

MzMariah:
Like seriously op, you want molet victims to publicly say their stories here therefore making the world know they've once been molested?

Don't you think it will open wounds?

Well I pity molest victims sha

not publicly. Email me. Besides they can't get over it by sitting on it. they need to get over it by talking to someone. Not necessarily me but anyone with listening ears

alotofgrace:


u start first.....afterall thats what i saw in my movie of the year: temptation - confession of a marriage counselor

somehow i knew someone was going to ask me to spill my own story. I share that with the people am counselling not people who wil make fun of it. It wasn't a nice thing to happen to anybody

Bunchersstab:
You can only inspire someone when you know what they dont...
What do you have to say that i dont already know

we are not here to inspire. We are here to help people sail their relationShips the ryt way

spyg1:
COUNSELOR, what you just say now, how does that help your client?

well, you see why people inbox me straight up. He's yet to tell us how it affected him. Then we will help with good advice

Crocz:


Haha...but this is a faceless forum unless you put a face on your dp

Sometimes, you just train and make you mind belief that somethings never happened...best form of Psychology
How you do that depends on how strong minded you are

ya. You probably right. But i dont think you ve been raped before. U just can't think it didn't happen. Noone is that strong. It did happen so you just have to find a way to deal with it. As for here being a faceless forum i can assure you most girls dont get that. They have pictures EVERYWHERE!!

LogoDWhiz:
This thing can't work.

Derailers in action.

ya. I saw that possibility. We just have to see the silver lining and not the dark cloud

Crocz:


Cool...so let's see whose (lady) gonna summon courage first

sorry bro, most ladies just inbox me directly. So if you are waiting to see if your girlfriend will report you... Maybe she will. Just kidding bro. Not all the ladies will post it directly on the thread especially if it was very serious and involved a Father or another close relation

Mutuwa:
I remember being molested when I was young by an elderly girl neighbor.I kept it mute up and till this moment.how can u assist Op? Coz she has broken my record of being chaste.

well, brother, your case is quite familiar. Actually it happened to my brother. The most likely outcome of such incident in a guy is addiction to sex. They got a taste quite early in life and from someone older so that gives them skills and boldness. Only few shrink from women after such event

Ploy:
I was molested by my ex-girl friend. I never told anyone, I'm saying it for the first time. You are my confidant, you hear?

i hear you bro. And how are yom dealing with that?

Crocz:
But does sex.ual harassment counts?...I get that like often that I begin to live with it as a form of life

No one believes a man but a woman?...God save you if the judge is a woman!

actually that is just the kind of Molestation we are talking about. Guys and ladies both suffer from it. you won't believe the number of guys who were molested by older female relative while growing up

Bishopskiss:
Interesting one here. Am not much into the who culture thing but i know a village in Akwa Ibom wher mothers of twins are treated differently. They can't get in the stream and they can't attend the market on some specific days. Discrimination abounds. As for female circumcision, well, we can all see the difference between the young girls of today and our mothers

am sorry, are you saying that the abolition of female circumcision is directly connected with the loose morals of our young girls today? Pls, pray, tell

kozaic:
Are u a therapist or a counselor?

ah.. I wouldn't say am a therapist. Am a counselor but in my experience a one on one conversation can give one the sense of calm and peace which seems to be the ultimate aim of therapy

I have discovered something. Most victims of Rape would rather not talk about the incident to anybody. They keep it inside and it kills them slowly. The truth is noone remains the same after a rape incident. Such form of sexual abuse usually leave the victim scarred for life unless they can get to the point wher they can talk about it. The problem is they dont want anybody to know about it. So i have decided to create this thread to help them out. Good thing here is both the councellor and the one being advised can both remain anonymous. Come lets talk without the criticisms which u dread so greatly. Some of you even believe it was your fault. IT WASN'T. I'll be waiting.
Dr Peaches

1st off all, a very big thank you to Nairaland for this opportunity. Kisses...
We all know culture is our way of life which we must preserve bla bla bla.. But i think they are some cultural practices in Africa that must go. A big thanks to Mary slessor n the rest. But have twins really been accepted everywhere in Africa? And the concept of female circumcision is just gross. Pls, come, share some of the cultural practices in Africa you know and tell us why you support or disapprove of it

Well. Interesting. No wonder he made me sign up.
well. I hope we can save the world by helping people in here.
I am Dr Peaches and i wish you a happy Sunday and a fulfilled week