Hey folks. Pls let us cross-check our facts b4 posting misleading info. I work with FirstBank and there was indeed a pay rise but entry level gross pay is about N1.7m. After all deductions and variables are applied it can come as low as between N1.45m and N1.55m
Lets b true pls. All da best.

u got d bull's eye

man-eater
tks 4 d compliment
tot u wld hv eaten me

lafta is a good tonic 4 da health

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that."

"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you?" "I have to admit I did, though with certain misgivings. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

One day, a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace.
He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet.
Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat.
He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
She replies, "Yeah, I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." After supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub.
She yells to her husband, "Hey, there's only an inch of water in the tub!"
"Yes," the husband replies. "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the bum by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries.
"He says you're gonna die."

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"

Osama bin Laden went to heaven and was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry then approached and punched Osama in the nose. James Madison entered and kicked him in the shin. An angry Thomas Jefferson whacked Osama over the head with a cane.
The thrashing continued as John Randolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
Suddenly, as Osama lay writhing in unbearable pain, an angel appeared.
"This is not what you promised me," said Osama.
"Come on, Osama," the angel replied. "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven."

Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one.
"Break it to her gently," they all urge.
"Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
"How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

**********************
EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $10, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

*********************

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

********************
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

******************
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

********************
CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men throw things at cats.

**********************
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

**********************
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

********************
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

**********************
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man may put on shoes for weddings and funerals.

*********************
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

**********************
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

***********************
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this, Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5- story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor-by-floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

tbadmus
u r entitled 2 ur own opinion. whether it is out of place or not.

Before the football match between Argentina and Brazil, an Argentinean condom company came up with this ad (d 1st Pic) to show the Brazilians what they were going to do to them.





Brazil won the match and their football organization replied to the ad (with the 2nd Pic)

PowerPoint presentation. Open and enjoy

The Original :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was,


*The New Versions,
Pessimist:
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free
Don't worry, she will come back,


Suspicious:
^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she ever comes back, ask her why,

Impatient:
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her,


Patient:
^^^^^^^
IF you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ,


Playful:
^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
* If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat *


C++ Programmer:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;


Animal-Rights Activist:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!


Lawyers:
^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom
Act clearly states that,


Bill Gates :
^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and but tell her that she's
also going to get an upgrade,


Biologist :
^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve,


Statisticians :
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway,


Schwarzenegger's fans:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" "I'm here for a urine test."

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile.
Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
"Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat me."

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the
pharmacist,
"Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends
for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out;
he returns and says,
"Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very
cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative
manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it
lucky there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving
he turns back and says,
"Go on, give me one more condom because my
girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she
sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited
me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a
move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his
girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the
mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy
lowers his head and starts praying,
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and Thank you for all you give us."
A minute later the boy is still praying;
"and Thank you Lord for your kindness."
Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others
look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more
surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear,
"I didn't know you were so religious."
The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad
was a pharmacist!
SO, BE WARNED

Businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed
to spend the afternoon with her for N50,000.
They did their thing, and, before he left,
he told her that he did not have any cash
with him, but he would have his secretary
write a cheque and mail it to her, calling
the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what
he had done, realizing that the whole event
had not been worth the price. So he had his
secretary send a cheque for N25,000 and enclose
the following typed note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for N25,000
for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented the place, I was under
the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat;
and #3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
" Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for N25,000 with the following note:
"Dear Sir: First, I cannot understand how
you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain
unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
management. Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady

Hi folks. I'm new here and from what i've seen, u all are great. I hope my postings will b appreciated. They will come as a mixed grill. Jokes, Food for Tots, Quotes and d likes. Cheerio.


A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white people who were fed up

with African Americans, so they joined together and wished themselves away. They passed

through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of a twilight zone where there is an America

without black people.

At first these white people breathed a sigh of relief. At last, they said, No more crime, drugs,

violence and welfare. All of the blacks have gone! Then suddenly, reality set in. The "NEW

AMERICA" is not America at all-only a barren land.

1. There are very few crops that have flourished because the nation was built on a slave-supported system.

2. There are no cities with tall skyscrapers because Alexander Mils, a black man, invented the elevator, and without it, one finds great difficulty reaching higher floors.

3. There are few if any cars because Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, Joseph Gambol, also black, invented the Super Charge System for Internal Combustion Engines, and Garrett A. Morgan, a black man, invented the traffic signals.

4. Furthermore, one could not use the rapid transit system because its procurer was the electric trolley, which was invented by another blackman, Albert R. Robinson.

5. Even if there were streets on which cars and a rapid transit system could perate, they were cluttered with paper because an African American, Charles Brooks, invented the street sweeper.

6. There were few if any newspapers, magazines and books because John Love invented the pencil sharpener, William Purveys invented the fountain pen, and Lee Barrage invented the Type Writing Machine and W. A. Love invented the Advanced Printing Press. They were all, you guessed it, Black.

7. Even if Americans could write their letters, articles and books, they would not have been transported by mail because William Barry invented the Postmarking and Canceling Machine, William Purveys invented the Hand Stamp and Philip Downing invented the Letter Drop.

8. The lawns were brown and wilted because Joseph Smith invented the Lawn Sprinkler and John Burr the Lawn Mower.

9. When they entered their homes, they found them to be poorly ventilated and poorly heated. You see, Frederick Jones invented the Air Conditioner and Alice Parker the Heating Furnace. Their homes were also dim. But of course, Lewis Later invented the Electric Lam p, Michael Harvey invented the lantern and Granville T. Woods invented the Automatic Cut off Switch.

10. Their homes were also filthy because Thomas W. Steward invented the Mop & Lloyd P. Ray the Dust Pan.

11. Their children met them at the door barefooted, shabby, motley and unkempt. But what
could one expect? Jan E. Matzelinger invented the Shoe Lasting Machine, Walter Sammons! invented the Comb, Sarah Boone invented the Ironing Board and George T. Samon invented the Clothes Dryer.

12. Finally, they were resigned to at least have dinner amidst all of this turmoil. But here again, the food had spoiled because another Black Man, John Standard invented the refrigerator.
Now, isn't that something? What would this country be like without the contributions of Blacks, as African-Americans?

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "by the time we leave for work, Americans have depended on the inventions from the minds of Blacks." Black history includes more than just slavery, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Marcus Garvey & W.E.B. Dubois.

PLEASE SHARE, ABUNDANTLY
[quote][/quote]A Bone To D Dog Is Not Charity, Charity Is The Bone U Share With The Dog When U R Just As Hungry As D Dog - Jack London.

Never Done It!

Ever dated 3 sisters, at the same time.