mysticgal:
I had followed your story that time, I mean both of them and had somehow wished you had a little bit of patience but then life happens......

Now to this point, uncle, sincerely, you give so much excuses it pisses me off.
There is nothing I hate in a person than someone who gives excuses or blames some person or event or element for a decision he or she took.(I won’t lie but I hate it when men do this especially ).
Own your actions and acts with your chest. you worked and had a PhD and right now it doesn’t seem like what should have happened but then you freaking did it. Own it... maybe from this point you can start making progress.

All your write ups, all I saw was excuses and blame trade, I swear and Although right now, madam seems to have moved on, forgive yourself and move on too, leave those whole pathetic ‘HAD I KNOWNS’ .

Try to reach a middle ground on how to communicate with your kids and how to reorient them on what transpired between you, parents. You don’t want them forgetting or hating you...your ‘WIFE’ did not try at allllllll(she did wrong with what she fed your kids)

See, don’t use this your mindset of blames, excuses and regret to make a decision. Infact, except you think it’s going to work, don’t come to Nigeria In a bid to get them back (yes I said it). You might regret it that is if incase you are thinking it.
Work out a plan, be intentional about it, reach out to your kids and wife and make her see reasons with you and better work on yourself and your career and find a way to be happy.

My two or seven cent, choose one

What sort of patience would I have had, if i may ask? I did everything I could as a father and husband, and it wasn't like we were suffering.

Here I am on the verge of graduating with a hard-earned doctorate degree. I will be defending my dissertation at the beginning of the semester in about 3 weeks, and barring any unforeseen circumstances, I will become a DSc holder. My department has offered me a position as an assistant professor, which will become official once I graduate. I have already been lecturing two courses this past year as an Adjunct Faculty. From May this year, I will henceforth be known as Dr. Adekunle Ajayi, or to put it in other terms, Adekunle Ajayi(D.Sc).

Hurray for me, right? I should be happy after all these years of hard work and sleepless nights and sacrifices, right? I should be glad that all my challenges are finally coming to an end, and I can henceforth be able to live comfortably, abi? So why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel so…unfulfilled? Why do I feel so…meh about it all? It is a big deal for someone to get a very advanced degree, especially at the doctorate level. It shows you are an expert in your field. So why do I feel so different?

I’ll tell you why. A couple of years ago I posted these two stories about issues I was going through in my marriage (I don’t feel attracted to my wife anymore - https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore and My Marriage has finally Ended -https://www.nairaland.com/4270193/marriage-finally-ended). I feel I let things drag on for too long, and though I’ve ended up achieving what I set out to achieve, it has come at very painful costs to me - my marriage and family.

In the last topic I made, I mentioned my wife moved back to Nigeria with my kids. It’s now two years they’ve been gone, and from what I’ve heard so far, she has really grown her business. I give her kudos for all that, cos I knew she was very enterprising. I once told her anything she touches turns to pure gold, and I’m happy to say that today she owns a very large catering business in Lagos. She caters for weddings, birthday celebrations, organization parties, you name it. She has grown so big that sometimes she gets contracts as far as Abuja. She also has a very big restaurant there in Lagos.

She has really been doing very well since she left here. She put our kids in very good schools. I sometimes feel guilty that I probably was holding her back from fulfilling her potential by bringing her here in the first place, but the plan all those years ago when we first came was never for us to settle down in the US. We planned on getting our degrees, work for a few years, and move back home. But as we all know, life has its own way of doing things.

Unfortunately for me, I thought once she settled down, she would come to her senses about our marriage. I know circumstances put us in the situation we found ourselves in, and since she had nothing else to do after gaining her masters degree, she decided to leave. I know she made the decision without consulting me first. I took so many people’s advice when she first left to let her be, but now, I wish I had listened to my heart and been more insistent. I didn’t get to talk to her and the kids for almost six months after she left, even though I knew she was staying with her sister all the while. No one gave me her phone number, and even my parents didn’t have it (she totally refused to let them have her number). The time I finally got to talk to her was when she went to visit my mum in Ibadan. I think she convinced her to talk to me. I spoke to my kids after a long time, and they kept asking when I was coming home to be with them. My daughter told me mummy told her I decided to leave them there in Nigeria. I was dumbfounded. Even one of the twins was very angry that their classmates always had their daddy come pick them up in school, and when would I leave Us and come pick him up from school. I felt bad, but I didn’t want to turn them against their mum by saying she was the one that decided to leave with them.

When it was their birthday and I spoke to the twins, Kenny told me that “Uncle” threw a very large birthday party for them, and that they invited all their friends from school. His brother told me this “uncle” bought them so many gifts. I asked them who this uncle was, and they said it was mummy’s friend. They were so excited by what he had done for them. The kids said he sometimes spent the night in the house(they had by then moved into their own place). I asked them where this uncle slept, and they said with their mummy in her room.

I spoke to my wife about this, demanding to know who this so-called uncle was that was lying in the same bed with her. She denied knowing what I was talking about at first, but when I told her how I got to hear, she changed tone, saying it was none of my business, and I have no right questioning who she can or cannot bring into her life. Sometimes later, when I spoke to my daughter, she told me their mum flogged the boys seriously one day for telling me things that they should not be telling me. I felt betrayed. Afterwards, I couldn’t even get to talk to my kids, and my wife told me to never call them again.

Here is the shocker though, and what is really hurting me the most – I never wanted to do this doctoral degree in the first place. After my masters, I went back to Nigeria. I hunted for a job, and when I was not forthcoming with any, decided to come back to the US. My dad pushed for me to go back for my doctoral program. I didn’t want to, but when I couldn’t find the job, I relented. I was already married for about eight months then, and though she was reluctant in coming, I convinced my wife to come along.

So what’s the point of my whole epistle? I’m not here to wallow in self-pity or beg for people’s empathy. I just want people to know that sometimes, family is more important than what you stand to achieve. You can have multiple degrees, many houses, wealth, accolades, titles and such, but of what importance is it all if you don’t have the most important people in your life to share them with? Here I am, about to finish, but with a sad and empty feeling. I feel so sad I won’t see the huge smiles on the faces of my family as I walk down the stage to be conferred the title “Doctor of Science” to me. I feel so sad the sacrifices I made over the past almost ten years of my life, dedicating everything to achieving this so-called dream, has cost me those dearest to me.

gonea02, luminouz and Oyindidi, could you kindly resend the PM requests?

Some people here are still not getting the point, and that's because they didn't read my earlier thread on the issue -

1. The whole thing started when we got here some years ago. We were happily married for almost a year before we relocated. The reason for the relocation was because I got admitted for my doctorate degree. I didn't want to leave her back home alone, so we came together.

2. For the first year or so after coming here, she did nothing. She had our first baby about two months after our arrival. She spent the time caring for the little one. At some point, she started receiving orders for baby clothes from people in Nigeria. That's when the whole idea of business started.

3. Due to the "collect goods today, pay tomorrow" mentality of some of her customers, the business didn't really thrive for long. After a while, the whole crisis of the naira and the inability of her customers to pay ruined the whole thing for her. She decided to stop. By then, I suggested that in order not to remain idle, I would apply for her masters degree study for her. By then, she had already had the twins.

4. I guess she found out she was quite good at business, and I think someone suggested to her here to import african fabrics and wears.


The thing then continues to the initial thread and then that's what led to this point.

Most people here are responding based on what I narrated here. It goes way beyond that. If you take your time to read my earlier post on this issue, you'll understand what I'm saying more.

https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore

Next week will be the fifth year anniversary of the day my wife and I tied the knot. It hasn’t really been smooth sailing and many people feel marriage is all about a fairy tale, a handsome hunk sweeping the fair damsel off her feet and riding off into the sunset to live “happily ever after”. From my experience, marriage is anything but.

A year after our wedding, my wife lost her mother on that ill-fated Dana plane crash. She was barely into her first month of pregnancy and she almost lost the baby. God knows how much we all tried to hold things together for her and her younger ones as she automatically became the mother figure to her younger ones. A few months later, into her 8th month of pregnancy, we both left the shores of Nigeria to the US as I had accepted an admission for graduate studies.

Fast forward to today, we have three lovely kids, a girl (the first) and two twin boys. Unfortunately for me though, I seem to have lost some of the affection I had in the past for my wife. In clearer terms, I fear I don’t find my wife attractive anymore.

As I mentioned earlier, things aren’t as smooth as one would expect. We all know, especially those who live here in the States, that working as an International student is hard. You can hardly find companies that want to hire foreigners, especially in the IT field I’m in. I sometimes wonder how I would pay for rent, utilities, daycare, and even food at the beginning of each month. Rent alone takes away all my meager salary. My wife first of all started out by purchasing and sending baby clothes and other stuff home to Nigeria, but with the “receive today, pay tomorrow” attitude of people at home, coupled with the whole decline of the naira, the business has literally been ruined with so many bills to pay. Luckily she also started school on a tuition-only scholarship, so we have to take the kids to the day-care almost everyday, which is an additional strain to the meager pay I receive.

I don’t want to assume it is my feelings for her reducing, but these days I almost always catch myself staring at her in forlorn. I don’t see the beautiful girl I married during the first few years of my marriage. I want to assume it is the stress of all this, coupled with my school work, but these days any little thing she does annoys me. She doesn’t help matters either and sometimes we shout at each other or argue over the most trivial of things. For the past couple of months we’ve not slept in the same room. She prefers to sleep with our daughter while I sleep with the boys in the other room. Anytime I want us to be together, she’ll complain that the kids are too young to sleep alone. I accepted that argument when we first had the boys but they are almost three now. I sometimes have to carry them to their room so that she will “agree” to stay with me, and that is sometimes with great reluctance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife. I just fear I don’t find her attractive anymore. The other night she told me our sex life has really dwindled and I out rightly told her it was her fault. She said she knows and she’ll try being better but till date I’ve not seen any improvement. She’ll complain of being tired or a headache anytime I want to initiate anything, only to plead with me the following morning. There was a day she just lay there like a log of wood, indirectly telling me to do what I want to do and be done with it. I got so angry that I didn’t know when I started yelling on her. She didn’t even respond and turned to face the wall. I left her alone in bed and slept on the couch that night.

I want to believe it’s the stress of work, school, and the many thoughts going through our minds that is causing all this, but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I don’t love my wife anymore. I don't want a situation where all this will split our family apart and suffer the little ones.

Chubhie:
I think 10 thousand dollars would've saved this marriage. quite sad.

You must dedicate the rest of your life towards working hard to provide the best living experiences to those innocent kids of yours.

Now, you miss your wife? really? I guess your penis would've risen that night your wife came to you if you have anticipated today's reality?

A prayer for the dead and signpost for the blind perhaps?

Where would I have got the 10k from? You make it sound as if $10000 is something you just pluck out of the air.

Thank you all for your kind comments in this trying times for me. I do love my wife and I adore my kids and would never abandon them. I came to the US with her to better myself and further my education, and since i didn't want her to remain idle and dormant while i studied, i advised her to apply to skool too. All this I explained in my post last year. I'll do anything for my kids and wife and she knows it.

agabaI23:
It is not totally over if you still want her.

Of course I want her. She's my wife and I love her to bits. I know I'm not a perfect human being. No one is perfect. I also have faults in this but I'm willing to talk this out. At times i wish we hadn't come to the United States cos we were very happy before we came here.

Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

Thank you all for your comments and and contributions. I really appreciate them all.

Since the time I put up this topic, things have somehow turned a bit "brighter" for me. I was able to get a second job that i now use to supplement my first job. That now means more hours at work and coupled with school work, the stress even increased. I'm glad though that financially, we may improve a bit.

That being said, I think I seriously need help in regards to my wife. I didn't mention it during my first post, but one thing she does that really grinds my gears is she accuses me of things I don't do, especially when it comes to other people, particularly ladies. My wife has this kind of jealous attitude that if she hears that I even talked to another woman who she doesn't know, she gets suspicious. I don't have any female friends because of her. The only ladies i interact with are those in my class and my friends' wives. Knowing my wife, I even try to limit myself from talking to those ones too whenever we go visiting or they come around.

Recently I've had to do some group studying as we all know interaction with other minds on the same courses helps alot. My group consists of two other guys, a girl, and I. We usually meet up every weekend for studying and since it is a course I've taken before, I do most of the teaching. My wife knows the girl in question and one day, she told me she doesn't like the way the girl interacts with other guys (according to her, she says the girl does a lot of "gum-body" and is a bit flirty) and she doesn't want me to interact with her. I was like "here we go again". I've had a very similar situation like this in the past and it's because of these that i decided to stay away from speaking to other ladies entirely. I told her i can't just kick her out of our group because she has a false suspicion that the girl would do the same to me. Besides i can't be that stupid to do anything with the girl and risk losing my family for a fling. That one ended there and i thought it would be the end of it but believe me i was wrong.

Anytime I go for the group study, she'll automatically work herself up, saying I'm being too nice to everyone and she knows her husband can do anything, especially with the girl. I've told her several times to stop accusing me of things like that. I've even told her once that if someone wants to destroy our marriage, all they had to do was tell her I'm messing around with another woman and she'll believe without even consulting me first.

Things go to a head last night. I got home around 10:30pm after the whole day of reading. As I entered, the girl in question (I had left them all in skool) called me. Knowing my wife, I didn't want to decline the call and fuel her suspicions again so i picked it. She asked me if i could pick her up on my way to school this morning and I told her I can't. I had this conversation right in front of my wife just to show her i wasn't hiding anything from her but still, she blew it. Started accusing me as if she caught me in bed with the girl, saying her spirit was strong, that she knew i had something to do with the girl, and of all people to call why was it me. I just got fed up and went to check up on our little girl who has been down for a while.

I expected to be angry but all i felt was sadness. I mentioned it to her b4 that things like this, accusing a man for something he didn't do, would sometimes push the man to do such things (sometimes, not all the time). i told her last week that the head of the organization at my new job asked me to teach his daughter some UI design as i was the only one who did that in the company. The first thing my wife would say is "I hope she knows you're married"? I was like what the heck?

What now made me want to come out was the dream i had. I felt so disturbed (and as usual, she slept in the other room with the kids), that i hardly got any sleep last night. In the dream i had, I took the kids to their nanny's (as is my usual custom every Monday) and returned home. My wife was waiting for me in bed and we made love. Afterwards, I pulled a stiletto knife from under the pillow and slit her throat. I then wrote a letter in her blood explaining my actions before I plunged the knife deep into my own heart. The sharp pain i felt was what made me jerk awake at three in the morning. That was when i realized i need to talk to someone before this whole thing consumes me and i do something I'll later regret.

I left home very early this morning before anyone woke up. She hasn't called me and I too didn't call. This whole thing is really giving me serious concern and at 33 years, I'm beginning to grow some serious grey hairs on my beards. I've seen a couple on my head as well.

Next week will be the fifth year anniversary of the day my wife and I tied the knot. It hasn’t really been smooth sailing and many people feel marriage is all about a fairy tale, a handsome hunk sweeping the fair damsel off her feet and riding off into the sunset to live “happily ever after”. From my experience, marriage is anything but.

A year after our wedding, my wife lost her mother on that ill-fated Dana plane crash. She was barely into her first month of pregnancy and she almost lost the baby. God knows how much we all tried to hold things together for her and her younger ones as she automatically became the mother figure to her younger ones. A few months later, into her 8th month of pregnancy, we both left the shores of Nigeria to the US as I had accepted an admission for graduate studies.

Fast forward to today, we have three lovely kids, a girl (the first) and two twin boys. Unfortunately for me though, I seem to have lost some of the affection I had in the past for my wife. In clearer terms, I fear I don’t find my wife attractive anymore.

As I mentioned earlier, things aren’t as smooth as one would expect. We all know, especially those who live here in the States, that working as an International student is hard. You can hardly find companies that want to hire foreigners, especially in the IT field I’m in. I sometimes wonder how I would pay for rent, utilities, daycare, and even food at the beginning of each month. Rent alone takes away all my meager salary. My wife first of all started out by purchasing and sending baby clothes and other stuff home to Nigeria, but with the “receive today, pay tomorrow” attitude of people at home, coupled with the whole decline of the naira, the business has literally been ruined with so many bills to pay. Luckily she also started school on a tuition-only scholarship, so we have to take the kids to the day-care almost everyday, which is an additional strain to the meager pay I receive.

I don’t want to assume it is my feelings for her reducing, but these days I almost always catch myself staring at her in forlorn. I don’t see the beautiful girl I married during the first few years of my marriage. I want to assume it is the stress of all this, coupled with my school work, but these days any little thing she does annoys me. She doesn’t help matters either and sometimes we shout at each other or argue over the most trivial of things. For the past couple of months we’ve not slept in the same room. She prefers to sleep with our daughter while I sleep with the boys in the other room. Anytime I want us to be together, she’ll complain that the kids are too young to sleep alone. I accepted that argument when we first had the boys but they are almost three now. I sometimes have to carry them to their room so that she will “agree” to stay with me, and that is sometimes with great reluctance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife. I just fear I don’t find her attractive anymore. The other night she told me our sex life has really dwindled and I out rightly told her it was her fault. She said she knows and she’ll try being better but till date I’ve not seen any improvement. She’ll complain of being tired or a headache anytime I want to initiate anything, only to plead with me the following morning. There was a day she just lay there like a log of wood, indirectly telling me to do what I want to do and be done with it. I got so angry that I didn’t know when I started yelling on her. She didn’t even respond and turned to face the wall. I left her alone in bed and slept on the couch that night.

I want to believe it’s the stress of work, school, and the many thoughts going through our minds that is causing all this, but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I don’t love my wife anymore. I don't want a situation where all this will split our family apart and suffer the little ones.

[b]After a long one month, I won the case. The company was ordered to pay me the money. The day I was handed the check was the day I was given my sack letter. I told them to shove it up their keesters and got my money. I paid the lawyer the 300k and thanked him. My fiancee was shocked and I told her they deserved it.

I planned for my journey, but kept it a secret from everyone. The night I was supposed to travel was when I had decided to let everyone know. Just as I was waiting to board the plane I called my “fiancée” and told her that this was it. I had put all my hopes and trust in her but she had failed me at my time of need. Not what I was looking for in a wife-to-be. I told her she can keep the ring as a reminder of our times together, but at that moment I was about leaving the country and I wasn’t coming back soon. She bawled and begged me on the phone, but I just hung up.

I kept in touch with my friend as time went by and he told me the girl was a wreck. He said he knows that she betrayed my trust but I should forgive her. My parents themselves said she and her parents came to see them one Saturday afternoon to plead with them for me to accept her back.
I know it is a tough decision, but I doubt if we can get back together. One thing is telling me to take her back, as this could be a test of my love for her, and another thing is saying I should just bone the babe and focus on mending my broken heart. Mind you, I still love the girl but she drove a red-hot spike through my heart, and it would take a lot of time for it to heal. Besides even if I was to take her back, it wouldn’t be anytime soon.
[/b]

[b]They kept on sending people to me to force me to confess, but I kept on denying I had anything to do with it. The one that really got to me was when they sent my fiancee to me. I had expected her to trust me and believe I was innocent even if no one else did, but imagine my surprise when she came one day to see me in the cell and told me to confess or else our engagement was over. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I told her I had expected her to support me. After about two weeks, she came to me again and gave me the ring I had given her earlier when I proposed, saying that she cannot get married to a thief. I was so sad. The only person who supported me all the way was my friend and colleague. He was the one who kept my head above water, always encouraging me and telling me not to give up. He hired a lawyer and got a SARS team to track down these fraudsters, all on his own pay. Without him I don’t know what would have happened to me.

After about two months in police detention, one fateful Tuesday afternoon, I had just finished saying my afternoon prayers at the corner of my cell when my friend and the lawyer came to see me. They said the SARS team had managed to track down one of the fraudsters to Onitsha and were on their way to pick him up. I collapsed to my knees in prayer. The following day, they had picked him up and brought him back to Lagos. After confessing, they picked up the other two guys and within a week, they had released me.

To cut a long story short, everyone that was against me started begging me for forgiveness. Even the managers re-hired me and promised me a juicy position with a much better pay. They bought me a Prado jeep and said they will send me on holiday. My “fiancee” came back pleading, saying that she was sorry, that the managers forced her to confront me or else they would sack her. Her siblings and parents also called to beg. After so much thought, I accepted her back and gave her the ring. But deep inside me, I knew it was no longer the same.

I decided to act. A week after my cruise on company pay, I consulted my lawyer and told him I wanted to sue the company. He told me the best bet was to file a civil charge against the company, stating “defamation of character” as my case. The only problem he told me was I may lose my job. I said screw them. It was about time I left the place anyways and the time for my studies was around the corner. He wrote the petition and we decided to sue them for 5.3 million.
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[b]Before I go into this, I would like to plead to all ye Nairalanders to take what I am about to write serious. It is 100% real. No fabrications whatsoever. I’ve noticed of late that we have so many immature people who think that hiding behind the computer throwing out insults and trash while sitting in the comfort of their living rooms is the next best thing after sliced bread. I know I cannot control what is being said or done on a public forum, but it would be nice if we could avoid all these “first to comment, I’m dancing azonto” or “let me go ask my oga at the top” or any of the silly things that have come to define the everyday posts of many nairalanders. Thank you very much in advance.

I used to work for an IT company in Lagos as one of the sales representatives. We were a fairly steady company as we got quite a number of contracts to network and supply Internet access and network security from several other companies and even from Lagos state government. I had a good life and a lovely fiancée, who happened to work as the PA to one of the managers in this same place I worked. We were engaged and we had already started planning out our marriage, which we had fixed for sometimes in June or July this year. I had even secured an admission to study for my masters in the US. So I basically had everything swimming well for me.

Everything just came to a screeching halt to me one fateful week. The management wanted us to upgrade our servers and we needed an outside contractor to get us the equipment. I happened to know a couple of guys who could handle this so I gave them a call. The contract was for about three million Naira. Seeing this as a good opportunity for my guys, I brought them in and introduced them to the manager. They seemed genuine enough so I was told to write out a proposal and they all signed. We paid them 2 million upfront to procure the equipment with the promise to balance up the rest once the project was done.

There is this saying that the bad eggs in the basket have made the good ones smell. Immediately these guys got the check, they withdrew the money and disappeared. Everyone began to panic when we didn't hear from them by the time they had promised. The focus of their anger now pointed straight at me, since I was the one that brought them to the company. After a full month without hearing from these guys, we had to accept the fact that we had been duped. The company suspended me without pay. The managers got so angry they had the police arrest me and lock me up. Everyone assumed I had something to do with it, but I knew I was innocent. Why would I want to defraud the company? It was an honest mistake.


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M M M:

give her money, so she would buy clothes 4 u.

Give her money to buy me clothes? what do i look like, a 2 year old? that is the last thing any guy should do, except on his funeral.

^^^skid marks are . . . . .better not explain this but i guess u might know what i mean.

I know i may not be the best dresser out there, but i really just hate it when she insults me when it comes to my dressing. i don't seem to like the clothes she wants me to wear as i see them as being too loud. i even bought a SEIKO wristwatch from macy's the other day and she said i should return it and get another model she likes. imagine the nerve.

^^^like i mentioned in my original post, i do not like white. i do wear white singlets and white tshirts, but when it comes to boxers, i hate white as i can't stand the sight of my "skid marks", if you know what i mean .

what do u need AK47 for?

[b]I don’t seem to know why, but this girl I’m going out with now seems to always complain about anything I buy in terms of attire or anything I wear. If it is not my shirt today, it is my jeans that are not baggy tomorrow. If it is not that, it is my boxers and singlet that are not white. I k now a guy has to dress right to impress anyone and everyone has his/her own style of dressing, but I see nothing wrong in what I wear. Everyone compliments me on what I wear every now and then, and i always try to look good and buy myself things every now and then that i get some change, but she’s always saying that I do not dress well, and that I dress like an old man. This always pisses me off. There was a day I wore my normal pair of jeans which, according to her were not baggy and in the current style, and she went ahead to ask me whether it was my mother that usually picks my clothes for me. That statement really annoyed me that day and I made sure I told her my mind.

Another day she complained that I didn’t wear white underwear. I know myself very well and I never like to wear anything white. I’ve told her several times and tried to tell her that not everything she likes might be to my own taste, but she never seems to agree to my own opinions. I even think she’s trying to control my style to her own taste, some of which I do not like. She seems to like these flashy kind of attire, but I don’t.

The one that really pissed me off the most was yesterday. I went to pick up a pair of suits I bought last week for my graduation next week and took her along. We had just come off an argument we had in which neither of us spoke to each other for almost two weeks. I wanted to make it up to her and patch things up, so I decided to take her out for lunch. I got to where I was to pick up the suits and she flared up, saying the suits did not have slits on the sides of the jacket. We got back to the car, and she went on ranting, saying that I do not have a personality and that the suits I bought were rubbish. I really got pissed and I just drove her back to her apartment without having the lunch I planned.

I’m really fed up with her and her attitude towards my clothes. Everyone has their own tastes, and I hate to be controlled on what I wear, especially if everyone around compliments me, but not her.[/b]

cmon guys we still have 2 matches to play.