₦airaland Forum

Kobicove:
Maybe you wife needs a little competition to jolt her

It's obvious that she has become too comfortable and is taking things for granted

Yeah I believe she is too comfortable but I'm not one to cheat on my wife.

pocohantas:
By the way, are you this same poster?
https://www.nairaland.com/4270193/marriage-finally-ended

No I'm not the same poster. We just have similar monikers, now that I see it.

Ivorianaija:
And you yourself have you been keeping up your own appearance? Empty ocean calling melted ice dry.

If you don't have anything sensible to contribute, can you kindly zip your pie-hole?

forzarush:
Sorry but Safiaa are you married? You need to wear the shoes to know where it pinches rather than judge based on assumption. A lot of things factor into the equation. It may be that the lady in question is depressed, depression has a range. It's not easy looking after the home and family and if one isn't careful, you'll put yourself on the back burner or totally burnout.
You CHOSE each other out of a multitude, try to create the right atmosphere and get her to open up to you,lighten her chores by helping out occasionally, remind her of things she used to do and the resulting results, let her know you are willing to help and remind her you love her.

She is not depressed. I know that for a fact. I do help her as much as I can in regards to the homekeep.

Cutehector:
My brother.. Please buy your wife new clothes. Buy her short skirts.

I do. Most of the times i give her money to buy clothes, she rather spends it on something else. And if at all she does buy clothes, she gets these drab attire that're not appealing. Lke she just buys them to justify my giving her the money.

I'm 35 years old, my wife is 29. We have been together for about 6 years now and have two kids. Not long after our second baby, it became apparent that she stopped caring about her appearance. She's gained a lot of weight, and her dressing became sloppy. She will wear clothes that don't fit, not wear makeup, and now locks her hair, calling it "team natural". I don't expect a trophy wife but I do have some concern for her beauty and how she looks. When i met her she was a svelte, and chick lady. I'm afraid I'm no longer attracted to her physically. Though I've added some weight myself, I do go to the gym and care how I look.

I've told her how i felt, not so much about her weight but about her appearance in general. I think she would have better chances at career mobility if she would dress for success. If she wears jeans that show her butt crack when she sits down, somehow i'm the arsehole for pointing it out, even though people are pointing and laughing. I've offered to help in any way i can, this including exercise together, or share a healthy diet, so it's something we can experience as a couple. Money for new clothes is no problem. She just doesn't care. Aside from the weight gain, when she occasionally takes a few minutes to put on makeup, do her hair, and wear proper clothes, she looks great and I always make a note to compliment her.

Other than this we have a pretty great relationship, no major issues that can't be resolved. I'm just at my wit's end here, and there is nothing i can say or try to hint at that seems to make her consider my feelings enough to make a change. Each time I complain, she'll be like "I'm not trying to look beautiful for someone else". Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

raumdeuter:
If someone gets their teeth or eye damaged by the dentist/optician and sue, Does it restore their teeth/eyes back?

If someone loses a relative to an accident or doctors negligence and sue, Does the money restore the dead person back?

A woman got her baby stolen at an hospital and sued, Did the money restore back the baby?

I am sure the people would prefer you give them their initial wish and the money is a compensation for not failing to meet your own side of the bargain

Do you sue years down the line when your above examples occur? This is America. When things like your points occur they don't wait for that long before suing. They sue your arse so fast you won't know what hit you.

raumdeuter:
Its possible they thought it wont be a big deal and they can cope with any issue it brings, 2 yrs down the line they realized its beyond what they could handle and decided to sue.

In another scenario, they could have grown to like the baby and decide to never sue, but in a case they dont like the outcome even after 2yrs of trying to like it then what happens?

E.g a woman goes for breast surgery or a guy for dicck surgery, they gave him/her the wrong size, though displeased with the result, but feels, I might be able to pull it off and the difference wont be significant. (Which wont be a strange decision) 2 yrs down the line they get dumped by multiple partners for the wrong size. Are you saying they cant come back to retroactively sue?

You might react immediately, others might wait for a while to see how it turns out before suing.

So let's say they win the case and get their three million dollars. Does that change the race of the kid? Will she still not be half black? Or does it suddenly make everything okay? "Oh, people still make fun of us that our kid is half black, but it's okay now, we have three million!!! No more emotional distress!!!"

I just feel it's greed. They just want to make money out of it, as the system allows it.

raumdeuter:
Kunleajayi

Let me ask if you go to a dentist or optician to make your teeth or eyes better and they made a mistake giving you what you dont want, e.g ruining your dentition or eyesight from what you have

After you saw the mirror, they apologized and refunded your money back Would that be enough?

ok you now walked out after like 6months or 2 yrs everyone is now making fun of you, Your new dentition or eyesight is now making feel some psychological trauma

Can you sue the Dentist? Would you need to return your jaw or your eyeballs before you can sue? By your logic, Keeping your eyes and suing means you are greedy

I'm sure the hospital have Malpractice insurance, Let the insurance company who have been making money all these years too pay it out

Dude (or lady, whichever one applies), I will not wait 2 years before I act. Infact I wouldn't even leave his office if I realize the error. It won't take me 2 years before I decide on what to do. Even if it were my kid and I found out that he/she was half black, I would sue right away, not TWO years down the line. They would have been seeing the baby everyday and know she's half black. And definitely there wouldn't have been any form of making fun of by anyone. Whites arent as thick-skinned as blacks. What I feel happened was some hungry lawyer heard about it and saw the chance of making money by telling the couple to sue the clinic.

freecocoa:
If it took 2 years to experience emotional trauma from the clinic's mistake, whose fault is that? Ofcourse they want to keep the kid, the egg is theirs, had the clinic stuck the right fluid where it ought to be, there wouldn't be an issue, so the clinic has to pay for their gross negligence.

Is admitting their mistake and refunding their money not compensation enough? They still got to keep a healthy kid, something they had been trying to do for a long time. I'm not in support of the clinic for their gross mistake, but don't you think they are just being greedy and trying to take advantage of an unfortunate situation? Trying to make money out of it? My main bones about it is they want to do this TWO YEARS down the line. Didn't they realize the emotional distress when they first got the kid?

Ewuro4:
According to Mr Kunleajayi and I quote: " The very beautiful 2yr old daughter" ... Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, sir. maybe they're white supremacist, or just mere racist as a result of their Emotional distress claim, we don't know. All that matters was, they were unhappy customers and have every right to sue the fertility company for the senseless error on their part.

They definitely have a case.

So why did they accept the child when they knew the grave mistake that was made by the clinic? They were refunded their money, and i know IVF ain't cheap, and still took the kid. If they were "white supremacists", they will NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER take the kid, knowing she was part black. Hell, the kid may not have even lived to this age. I feel they are just being greedy and trying to take advantage of a faulted system where certain people get away one way or the other with such a sad situation.

MRBrownJ:
they have a case because people have preferences and do choose the ethnic background etc of the donor.... so if someone went to a fertiity clinic, paid handsomely and wanted a white baby (to each their own) and instead got a black baby, then they have the right to demand compensation.

and since the baby is HERS (its her egg, right?) then giving back their own child is out of the question

Agreed, but they were refunded their money. Why, two years down the line, should they want to sue for "emotional distress" and still keep the kid? If they had been emotionally distressed why wait for two years? they should have rejected the baby immediately they all realized the mistake. They still kept the baby and now want to sue? Give me a break.

Cutehector:
No dey does not have a case

Typo dude.

[b]I don't know if anyone heard this story (for those who live here in the US), but I think this lady and her "partner" are just milking a system which is flawed none the least. Trust Americans anyway to sue for everything possible under the sun.

What's my rant about? I was listening to a morning show on my way to work today and they presenters brought up a case that happened in Chicago, Illinois. As the whole world knows, same sex marriage has been legalized in the US (another story for another day), so some years ago a lady and her "partner" (another lady) went into a fertility clinic for them to have a baby. They mentioned they had been trying hard to have a healthy baby but all the fertility attempts they've been having in the past were either miscarried or they had to terminate the pregnancy.

Happily for both ladies, the baby stayed and nine months later, they were delivered of a beautiful baby girl. The "problem" for them? The baby turned out to be half-case i.e. the egg of one of the partners was mistakenly fertilized by the semen sample of a black man and planted into the other partner. Apparently the fertility clinic staff mistakenly fertilized the egg with the wrong sample.

The two ladies blew fire and brimstone, and the clinic apologized for their mistake and refunded their money. Now, two years down the line, with a very beautiful 2-year old daughter, one of the partners (apparently the one who's egg was used in the procedure) decided they both sue the fertility clinic for emotional distress. They are demanding three million dollars. Yet they still want to keep their daughter.

Do you think they have a case? Or are they being greedy and unreasonable?[/b]

dhensity:
move on ,nd next tim if u see her dnt show your anger on her she might probably see gud reasons that she shouldnt be avoiding u,,,since u didnt make a move

like i mentioned b4, i didn't show any anger when i saw her, our eyes just met for a second and she took hers away. i just simply walked away. it was much later that i started feeling the anger brewing.

nd how would i have made a move on a girl who just vanished without a trace?

yeah i guess. not worth the stress like tai2 said.

madlady:
Ok,Still quite young.

She may find it easy to avoid rather than explain, hence her no longer taking your calls.
Some times guys can be very persuasive,maybe wanted to avoid all that pressure. Yes it was quite rude of her to just cut you off like that but
she may felt like taking the easy way out.

I am of Jamaican so maybe I am biased.

u could be right. all the same thanks for all the explanations. u suggest (if) i see her again, i should walk up to her?

madlady:
Maybe she was interested, but just did not see a future in it.

How old was she?

she was born in 1985 (according to her profile page on the skool website), so she was about to turn 25 years old when i met her.

madlady:
@Poster, some times things are not plain and simple.

  This may have had nothing to do with her not liking you, she may have thought the cultural differences my have been too much.
  She may have decided to stop taking your calls to avoid wasting anymore of your time.

U think so? maybe pple have different ways of saying things and this might have been her own version, which i count as immature anyway.

madlady:
Hmm , do you think she has a bf?

Maybe she's not into the male friendship thing .

Pro'lly, but i feel the least she should have done was telling me she had one or she wasn't interested in being my friend. and it wasn't as if i had even started wooing her.

tai2:
You're angry because you feel like you were deficient in some way, like you weren't good enough. She didn't dig you plain and simple, that's her loss, not yours. How many billion women are there on this planet anyway?

it's just the surprise of seeing her that made me start getting angry after i thot it thru. like u said, it's her loss, not mine. thanks all the same.

madlady:
@Poster,Why were you angry,I can understand upset or shock but anger .

Maybe she could see or sense your anger that's why she did not say anything to you. You could send her a short text saying hi.

At first when i saw her i wasn't angry. i was surprised. it was later on when i left and was thinking about it that the anger started brewing in me.
[quote author=Blood_Shed link=topic=425604.msg5838712#msg5838712 date=1270540043]LOL MAN THE bleep UP!!!!
You screwed up by bombarding her with calls, emails and voicemails etc. You should have just called her once and that's it. She's clearly leading you by your d*ck, and like a sucker you're taking the bait.[/quote]dude, it wasn't as if i was calling her everyday. when it first happened, i called her the first week once, then waited till the next week. when i didn't hear from her, i waited another 2 weeks then called. the next time i tried calling her was on her bday in december. the last time i sent her anything was b4 xmas(email). that was when i decided to stop all contact.

Maybe i should have listened, but she once told me she was a miserable friend to anyone who wanted to be her friend. she always had this serious un-smiling look on her face all the time and i do jokingly tell her to put a smile on her face once in a while.

Abbygyal:
woW! Oh well! move on! its her loss not urs! been angry wouldnt help! just see as some friend who came into your life and has gone back to wherever she belongs!

poo happenz.

i had already forgotten abt her until i saw her today. u know that angry feeling that comes up when u realize someone who u thot may have vanished without a trace or word suddenly appears out of the blue, and doesn't seem to care whether ure feelings are hurt or not.

I dnt think so. the loss of communication happened way back in october, and i just saw her today since the last time. so we are talking abt 6 months.

and yeah, i felt i could eventually date her at some point, but didn't want to rush things.

Abbygyal:
awww! oh well, first and foremost:

Let her be, you calling and sending emails might send the wrong fibes. . .

Secondly, you are angry because you've either missed her, have feelings for her, or you dont know what it is. its good the way you walked away from her! just wait and see what the future holds wiv u both!

wiv what youve said, i dont think she is all dat! but hey, dats just my opinion!

I wasn’t bombarding her with emails or anything. The fact that there was no word or anything from her with no apparent reason made we wonder what was up.