₦airaland Forum

slimyem: Let this woman be now..haba!
I don't think her intention is to demonize her husband at all. She chose not to answer your question and she told you nicely. Your reaction is uncalled for.

Please help me tell her.

babyosisi you can go to hell for all I care. Don't bother sending me to one cos am in one already looking for a way out to better things.

I have copied all suggestions (except that of babyosisi of course), pasted on Ms word. Will print it soon and work on them starting today.

I am glad I brought this issue to nairaland as I am much more relieved now and will have the discussion with him with light mind/no anger. Its is well in Jesus name.

Thanks to all who made reasonable contributions.

**nowloggingoutandlogginginwithmyrealpopularusername**. lol

[quote author=babyosisi][/quote]And here I was praising you for giving a very sound advice earlier.Thank you, please kindly stay off this thread if you don't have anything reasonable to say again or betterstill go back and modify the advice you gave earlier and clean it off cos its obvious it didn't come from your mind. Human beings!

babyosisi: ladyccp I asked you a question,does this man have any good qualities?
What attracted you to him?

Yes I saw that and deliberately did not respond cos this thread is not about whether I love my hubby or not or about what good or bad qualities he has. This thread is about the topic and let's please leave it at that. Thanks.

Farayolas: @op i love ur courage in tackling this issue but pls i will advice you not to show your love this thread because it may have some devastating effects now or in future.

He know I do stuffs like this and will not be angry at all. I will only show him if the discussion does not go the way I expect it to go. It will only make him realise that generally people are disgusted by dirt and it will show him the seriousness with which I am taking the issue.
The most important thing is that I have not embarrassed him in anyway by discussing this with family/friends.

prem love: u are even lucky dat u c a man dat married u as for me i hate women that run there mouth always is not by force to marry him is ur duty to change him influence him not complain abt every little thing for GOD sake is ur husband not ur boy frd alot of gals are out there looking to be in ur shoe bt have nt seen any i bet if u leave that ur stinking husband as u call him withing a month another beautiful woman, more elegant than u wil take ur place my frd husband no dey easy to find o

After spewing this trash, you are yet to make a statement.
You have internet so please Google how to use punctuations or better still visit the nearest bookshop and equip yourself with a book that will help you improve your writing skills.

At least am not a hypocrite. I am seeking for solution and thank God I have gotten it from the reasonable people on this forum.

@slimyem, your aunt deserves an award. I believe her husband must have complained initially but decided to give up and enjoy the filth. If I don't act or keep quiet about it, our situation will become like that and imagine my Mum or any of my relation visiting to find me living in such state, they will immediately take me to the psychiatrick Doctor for brain examination because they know I hate dirt and untidyness. Infact back home, no one will drink water and leave the cup on the table or stool else they will hear it from me.
We all have our seperate rooms but i used to visit my younger siblings room daily to make sure they sweep it and tidy their toilets. I just can't stand dirt that is why I am looking for help on how to solve this ugly situation in my home because I know one thing for sure: I WILL NEVER BE LIKE HIM, if he just refuses to make a few adjustments, the worse I will do will be to get a job in a nearby state and stay far from him. It won't get to this sha in Jesus name.


This hygiene thing is a serious issue. Its little little stuffs like this that tears marraiges apart. Of all stuffs our marriage may have or suffer from, this issue or dirt and filtiness is ONE I CANNOT TOLERATE.

We will discuss tonight, even if I have to bribe with his reward of his homemade favourite snack (meatballs) regularly stocked in the freezer, I will do it.

Good for the man. Shebi he de find fresh tight t.oo.t.oo. Now iim eyes don see wetin pass am.

[quote author=biolabee][/quote]Done. Already edited.

@all, thanks for your various contributions. When I get to the office today, I will pen down all the pointsand advise suggested and look for a way to practicalize it. Its something that I have to do cos am kind of fed up with the situation and just want to be on my own in another room. Thank God for nairaland, that may not happen again. Later this evening after dinner, I will have a serious chat with him and possibly show him this thread. I pray there will be change. Thanks again. Its time to get up from the bed and prepare for work. Talk to y'all later.

Siena: Some people find this funny, but it's no laughing matter, I can assure you.

When I was growing up, I had an aunt (can't recall how we were actually related) from my dad's side. She would come to stay with us for a month 4 times a year. Jesus! This woman was filthy dirty, could go for days without a bath. She would wear the same clothes with sweat stains for days too.

I remember she had this black long-sleeved cotton top, the sleeves had silvery trails on the cuffs - because she used to blow her nose on them. She would scratch her armpits, her nails were black, and her dirty clothes she stored in a plastic sack in her bedroom.

I remember once she blew her nose whilst we were eating at the table, and she casually wiped her snot on the fabric cushion of the vacant chair next to her. My mom was so embarrassed, she looked the other way.

We visited her only once - and never went back. Her house was a hellhole, no self respecting pig would want to live in such a sty. Her bedroom reeked, you could see flaking paint on the walls, which I later realised was where she'd blown her nose in her hands, then flung the contents across the room - on the floow, walls, wardrobe etc. Her bed looked like the sheets and pillow cases had never been washed - they were grey, and stiff with dirt at the end where her feet rested.

The only toilet and bathroom in her house were no-go areas. Dry poo encrusted the bowl, there were even skid-marks on the wall, like a poo-stained bottom had been wiped clean in various areas. I never used this bathroom, for the 3 days we were there, I used her neighbour's shower and toilet.

Funny thing is, this woman wasn't old - she'd have been in her late 20's at the time, and reasonably attractive. She was also educated. So why was she so dirty, and immune to the stench around her??

So yeah, I can understand where LadyCCP is coming from. At least I wasn't married to this woman, and could get away. Her case, I honestly don't know what to say. She can ignore him, and hope he'll change, but I fear that ship has long sailed. It might be an idea to embarrass him into at least making an effort - invite guests round without telling him. The risk here is it might not bother him, but will certainly embarrass the OP.

I dunno - some people just seem to thrive on filth, and fall ill when presented with a clean-smelling alternative.

Thanks for the last statement. I bought air freshners and placed some in his bathroom
you womt believe my hubby will intentionally open the door for hours so that the nice smell of the air freshner will flow out
when I asked me why he was doing that, he said the smell of the air Freshener was irritating to him. That was the day I knew i was in for deep shhiittt.

@bennyraz, nope he isn't. Its just the way he was raised (his words not mine). I comfirmed this the day one of his colleagues jokingly complained about my hubby leaving dirty plates on his table in his office for days and they, the women sharing office with him will complain and give up. so Yea, he does it too his office too. Recently he said I am very lucky oooo that he used to be serious scatter scatter
), that its because of me he has even changed.

@cooger, may amadioha be the one to father your first and second born sons. He will continue to sleep with and impregnate your wife for ya in Jesus name, amen.

@all, this is not a tales by moonlight story. We are based in Abuja. It was just last two weeks that someone linked us up to an hausa woman who now comes to wash his bathroom and toilet for him. but is that not funny? My hubby's case is pathetic abeg. Sometime early this year, he killed a cockroach in his bathroom, you won't believe that the corpse of that roach remained in his bathroom for more than 3months. I deliberately stopped cleaning after him cos I want him to learn to clean up after himself and that warped idea of his that its the duty of a woman to do this and that is a big turn off for me.

Did I mention that he is also the type that throws saliva about? In the parlour, on the walls, I mean anywhere. Abeg I de try Jare.

991: lol back! marriage is for mature people, a kind of maturity that gives the ability to understand, accommodate and make changes without nagging.
you said you have a child abi? did you see d baby as a pig when you were changing pampers every now and then? that is marriage for you my sister, this time you have to realize you are not just a woman but a mother.

How can u compare a baby to an adult? Let ur hubby urinate in the toilet for a whole day and not flush it and tell me if the first thing that will come to your mind will not be to spank him like a child! I am a matured woman expecting my second child with same man, I have been matures about it, no one, not even his family or mine know about this, the possibility of anyone knowing me on nairaland is like ........impossible and here I can get diverse opinions without causing me or him harm or embarrassment.

greatgod2012: If he doesnt complain and does not see it as a big deal for separating your room, you can move, but will that stop him from being dirty again. In my own opinion, i think that is his own weakness and we are to complement each other in marriage, why dont ou continue to let him see reasons for good hygiene. Although, i dont buy the idea that every those things he said are women's duties, i think hes only lazy and giving that as an excuse for himself.
Well, Its one of the marriage dramas and may God help and give you wisdom to handle this without it leading to something else.



Brb

My sister I have tried. I won't givebup yet like you and baby123 said, will try more but its tiring talking about one issue over and over again. I hate dirtiness with passion that is why its difficult for me to cope. I will try.

wellmax: Your post was interesting until you brought tribalism into it. I stopped reading.

And you expect me to feel bad?

Osama10: Seriously is it every single thing people bring to nairaland to complain about?

Why is it called a forum? and why is this called the family section? Please keep your talks to yourself andblet those who have things to say, say. I know i will learn a thing or two on how to handle the situation without having to move to a seperate room. I know what I'm doing.

[quote author=baby_123]LOL, maybe you can train him to be a little tidy. This is what women get when mother's think their son's should not know anyting about housekeeping or cooking. Teach your own sons to be responsible in that area. And their father is not too old to learn. I think sleeping in the same room is good for bonding, quarrel resolution, gossip and easy pow pow.[/quote]Thanks. He blames his mum for everything, says its way his mum brought him up. Its really a sad situation when you have to continually see a 36yrs man act like this. Its quite irritating and annoying. Bringing my children up in a completely different way from his upbringing is now my priority cos I can't imagine my child in future blaming me for any such a thing or parental related issues.

991: with all due respect Madam, you should be ashamed of yourself for calling ur husband a dirty pig.
if you are dat clever why didn't you privately proffer a solution to the problem instead of exposing ur matrimonial affairs on an internet forum??
My advice:- if you cannot communicate with ur husband and make him what you want him to be, you can as well move back to where you relocated from. other babes for the area go dey service am for you.
The importance of

lol.

I never knew i would bring this to Nairaland.
We have been married for about 2years now and have a child. We had a distant relationship so we didn't really live together for me to notice his dirty habit. I moved to his location few months after our wedding and since then, it beena terrible experience for me. He is just too dirty. doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet even when there are urine drops on his hands, he just wipes with his trousier, we have two batherooms, one for each room. Initially we were sharing one bathroom but I had to stop using it because of him. After toiletting, he will not washer with brush even when there is water. soap and brush and the toilet bowl is splattered with his feaces. He said its beneath him to wash the toilet, that how can a man wash the toilet? I had to switch to my ownership bathroom which thankfully has a toilet. He uses his for as long as 3months without washing neither toilet or bathroom. I was washing it before but I just had to stop when he said its beneath him to wash his own toilet, that its a woman's duty.

Secondly he is too unkempth and lives a scattered life, throws clothes anywhere, can wear one sleeping trousier for one month,after sex, he will use d same trousier to wipe his dicccck and still wear it, can sleep on an unmade bed for as long as possible. Never makes the bed insisting its s duty of a woman to make the bed everynight. Most times when he sleeps before me, I wake him up so I will make the bed, he will ask why didn't I make the bed before he slept, that I should make only my part I want to sleep on with our baby. Its all irritating and the worse of all is after I complain like forever, he says its the nature of their tribe man that they are used to dirtyness. I should get used to it. I dated a man from his tribe before I met him and that man is a direct opposite, neat to a fault. So I know its not an issue of him being from that tribe (edited).

This man will drink satchet water, and leave the satchet lying about for days, I was picking up all his trash before but I have since stopped after he repeatedly said that its my duty to pick up the dirt he throws anywhere he likes. He will have a trash basket right infront of him but will still drop dirt on the bare floor.


Early Last month, a nurse came around to take his blood sample for some test cos he wasnt feeling well, till now as i am writing this, the cotton wool he used to wipe the blood from the skin surface is still lying on his part of the wardrobe.

I am the type that encourages brushing the teeth twice a day but my hubby has refused to be doing it. He has a little mouth odour and will not help himself. He is always rubbing his diccccckkk with his bare hands and uses same hands to touch everything in the house.


I sweep and mob the house regularly but he will just mess it up the minute am thru. We have a second room we reserved for our kids but from the look of things, I am considering setting the room up for myself.

The funny thing about this is that outside, he is a seen as a clean man and very very goodlooking but inside, he is a dirty pig.

About time. Why una be dey ignore my thread na? Hia!

Thanks for the various views and suggestions. I took him to the hospital before treating him for Malaria and typhoid, the doc said nothing was medically wrong with him. He doesn't have high temperature or anything like that. I ran some tests on my own just to be sure and his PCV is ok but the malaria came out negative. He doesn't have sore throat. He is eating well and plays well too just the unusual behaviours lately. The worse is he won't sleep on the other side of the bed, once he touches his daddy and he senses am not the one, he will whine till he gets transfered to my corner and still won't sleep till I pet pet pet and beg him to sleep. It's exhausting abeg as I am experiencing terrible pregnancy wahala, nausea and tiredness
The only thing I take for strength is glucose d. I am still watching him well and will revisit the doc if he continues like this coming week.

I still spoke to my mum and she insist its my pregnancy affecting the child that it happens to some kids and even in most cases, the husband too.
Thanks

194 views yet only one contributor. Na wah ooooo!!!!!.

@big, since I was told that its my pregnancy that is affecting him, I have been talking to him, reassuring him that he is the first seed of my womanhood, that I will always love him no matter what. I cuddle him more often now and whisper sweet things to his ears. I just don't know what to do next.

Hey people, please help me out with this mystery. I am less than two months pregnant and have a 15month old son. For the past one month he has being acting funny. He wasn't sick as in malaria or typhoid because did lab tests for him when he started acting like this. He has his own room but my hubby and I feel he is too little to be sleeping alone so he sleeps with is on the bed beside me. Since I got pregnant, he has been restless at night, even to the point of gathering saliva in his mouth like a pregnant woman during the day. He is also now extremely clingy and cries alot now and now hardly lets his dad carry him. All this drama started in the last one month. We even had to treat him recently for malaria and typhoid just to clear any doubt. He is not stooling or vomiting, He is eating well but just restless.

The lady in his daycare centre asked me if I am pregnant, that my pregnancy is what is affecting him, she then advised that I should stop sleeping beside him. I asked my mum and she said it affects some children. I am hearing this for the first time and it weird to me.

Did any one of you experience this? How did you cope with the situation?