₦airaland Forum

Wronggee:
Guy hustle up and leave women for now..... Omo I have been single for years.

Thanks very much bro.

Good morning nairalanders...how was your night??I hope you all doing great..I actually need you guys to advice me about my relationship... I'm sorry if my grammars seems kind of bad.,I and my girlfriend relationship clocks a year on Sunday...we actually staying together.. I was financially okay since last year January till April this year..but due to this pandemic things start getting tight...and her phone actually got spoilt around that June..which I'm planning to get her a new one...but ever since then...if we've a little issue...she'll start packing her load that she's going whereby I'll end up begging her again..she has done this up to three times now...she said once she go this week...that she'll shock me...I don't know what she mean by that though..so I just have to let her do what she wants this time around...I feel bad when she use different kind of bad languages at me...like (oponu,idiot) things like that....I'm scared to loose her though.. and what do you think I can do about this issue?thanks in advance... no insults please.

youngsahito:
I do, let's talk business

okay can we chat on WhatsApp?

Good morning...is there anyone who can edit a video here??it’s urgent please.

Good morning Nairalanders...i hope you all have a great sleep...I just need a little advice from you all...and please no insults..so it all happen this way..it’s all about my girlfriend and her friend..so I knew her friend before asking her out at all...they were cool before whereby they even leave together and share things together wear same cloth and all other things...people even think they were family...so it gets to one stage whereby her friend want to celebrate her birthday...she was about to move from her friend house and stay at her own place permanently...We were in 300L second semester then and that was last year..so she had to borrow her friend all the money her mom give to her for rent...and after some time issue came up...her friend start acting strange..giving all sort of attitudes..I then personally tell my girlfriend to leave her..it even get one extent whereby the house my girlfriend rented her landlord ask her to pack out if she isn’t gonna pay for rent..and out of 75k her friend could only give her 40k she borrowed her 70k..had to pay the rest..to cut the long story short...this girl will start posting different kind of bad words on her status to talk to me and her..she harassed me to the extent of talking to my family that we poor and I can never make it..that we only living a fake life...during my girlfriend birthday she never wished her..but i did a birthday surprise for her..they later reconciled..whereby the girl start sending her cloths and tell her she’s gonna take her out...so my girlfriend messaged me last night and ask me to unblock her and apologize...I was now wondering if this is coming from her or someone else..all she could say is if I can’t I should Bleep off!i don’t deserve anything from her..I should go to hell..,I should get lost..she had to block me and deleted all the pics she uploaded about me recently...she said I don’t deserve to be on her status..I was now thinking what might have prompt all this..cuz of her friend.,Nairalanders please what do you think I can do about this issue..it’s getting out of hand should I say she choose her friend over me cuz I don’t understand..her hash words was too much last night..please I need your advice..no insults please...Thanks in advance.

yomi007k:
Charlie. I didn't want to comment.

Both of you need to stop entitlement mentality.

If you don't have a gf won't you eat or get well? If she don't want to help out, u can't force her.

If she don't have a bf her fees will still get paid, it's not your responsibility.

Fact ����

Abfinest007:
she has already found someone else so she is looking for a way to dish u.u urself look for someone else n move on

The most reasonable advice ever...thanks alot man.

Offpoint:
My opinion
I think some times it's better we type with our local dialet or pidgin English to convey our message properly.

There are too many "Cuz, cuz" in your write up that ended confuses me on what to say or not to say... right now, as of this moment... I don't understand the write up.

then it shows those that made a reasonable comment are the real humans...those that sees the “cuz”are the real animals.

Lordave:
You said you have made up your mind, now follow your mind to the finish and go treat yourself and stop asking redundant questions.

no one ask you to comment..and no one beg you to comment..

rex444:
ok, from what I can deduce, she is still a young vibrant gal who thinks even if you dump her, there are a lot of other guys out there that would date her.... don't run and leave your shit oooo, sit her down as the man U are ,talk to her deeply ....let her know there are two sides of a coin but sometimes when U toss it over and over you will still continue getting a head..... you can figure that last coin part out yourself

Thanks...have made up my mind already...there are alot of girls out there...

uruba23:
I said mutual respect she went to the market...Agree you weren't feeling fine...is it possible she is stressed out too...except it is a recurrent event I would advise you pardon her then talk some sense into her when you get well....you have to be patient with women o.

but she’d never accept the fact that she’s wrong...she’d want me to always apologize...but that’s not gonna be possible again this time....

Lekside230:
but I haven’t caught her with any strange chats before.

and she’s always with me.

Nwodosis:
Somebody else is somewhere making her happier!

but I haven’t caught her with any strange chats before.

CXLVII:
Hey ya!

Trust me.

Rule 1. Women are not worth it. It's much better to be bitten by a King Cobra than to love a woman.

exactly bro..I’m seeing it already bro

emerged01:
If you are not the type that is rude to a lady,then you shouldn't give a lady chance to be rude to you. Pour your heart to her,if she continues,cut her off.

Thanks very much.

CXLVII:
Sincerely, I just have to tell you what I will do.

I believe you must have invested in the girl financially and morally and being at the losing end will hurt you.

But based on my "Personal" opinion , if I were you, I will just use such girl for money rituals

well I was even planning to get her a business she’s gonna be doing...I’m wondering how it’d have been now if I have done that.

bobowaja:
I know you are not going to follow this advise. But to be candid, you have to cut her off. Sooner or later you will be dealing with emotional stress which might lead to low self esteem or depression.

Have made up my mind already...cuz I can’t just continue this way all the time...thanks very much.�

uruba23:
I think if you don't have mutual respect for each other..just forget the relationship...I said " Mutual "

Thanks.

Good morning Nairalanders...I just think I have to post this stuff here cuz it’s getting too much....it’s all about my relationship...please don’t mind my English...so yesterday my girlfriend was with me...and I was really sick which she knows herself...so she went to the market to get what we gonna eat...,so when she came back..she then ask me to go fetch water...and I was thinking in my mind..if this girl doesn’t know I’m sick even with my appearance...I sat down looking at her...she then talk in a rude way that I shouldn’t fetch the water then...that I should leave it..that she isn’t gonna cook it...I then struggled to go fetch that water and came in...she then ask If have done that I said yes...all I could hear is...can’t I talk!!!or maybe I’m having a mouth pain...that words hit me...,she was then talking to me in a bad way...that I’m been proud cuz I helped her with her school fees...cuz I helped her with her school fees on Friday..due to some financial problems she has...she then sent back the money to me immediately cuz she haven’t paid it yet,so I just have to go out and drink..cuz I refuse to eat what she cooked,so that same evening her mum texted me and greeted me...so I explained everything that’s going on....she then said she would call her...when i go through their chats..all she could tell her mum is...if I can’t settle it myself that she isn’t gonna settle anything...that it’s not her first time talking to me anyhow...Nairalanders please I need your candid advice...what can I do about this case?cuz it’s getting too much everytime...if she isn’t gonna talk to me rudely....she’d get angry on an unnecessary issue...all I need is just your advice..no insults please...thanks to you all in advance.

Innobee99:
I love ur points but will like to redress point number two. Haven cooked the meal for the night is not a guarantee to be rude.
She can simply say, baby am tired, just help us in getting the fuel. Haven said this, this young man will never be angry again.
My view

Thanks brother.

kokanepyramid:
at your number two she cooked doesn’t stop her from accompanying the guy to go buy fuel. It’s part of bonding it’s not like he sent her to go buy, he requested she accompanied him. If she doesn’t want to go she can politely decline and not snub him.

Thanks
For your response bro...thats just it.

CreativeLuvDoc:
Hi Lekside230,

Let's look at some of the issues you raised and analyse them one after the other.

Okay?

Alright, time to think critically:

1.) She expects you to beg even when she's at fault.
This is a big character flaw. A person with good values will apologize
when they're wrong. It is never right to apologize for another person's misdeed.
The problem here is not you but her.

Understand this-- you can never change anyone. Change comes from within.
You can't continue to tolerate shitty behaviour from someone and expect
that they will respect you. It is counterproductive.

Just like Planetx13 said, you are acting like a "sissy."
I don't mean that in a disrespectful or insulting way.
It was said to give you a strong reality wake-up.

You need to start working on yourself as a man. Self development.
Take online courses that teach about self esteem, self image,
how to be an alpha man, etc.

2.) "She’d raise her voice at me even when I’m trying to correct her."
That's also part of the problem. She doesn't have respect for you.

Respect, as they say, is reciprocal. Raising her voice at you
on those occasions is also part of a character flaw in her.
Arrogance, inordinate pride, presumptousness, etc-- it is all part of it.

This is a fundamental character flaw that passes for a red flag.
It is not something you manage. You walk out of such situations.
Stay at your own peril.

3.) "If I’m tired of her I should let her know."
Issue 3.

She is tired of you. She's fed up with the relationship. Love has gone out
the window. I don't know much about the two of you so it will be wrong of me
to categorically say you never did her any wrong in the past that made her change.

HOWEVER, even if you hurt her in the past-- a person who is emotionally intelligent
knows how important it is to let go of past hurts and forgive and continue to love
the one they are in a relationship with.

Here's the thing, Lekside230-- she lacks emotional intelligence and good values.
These are not things you can impose on her. You can't change nobody. It comes from within.
It appears she isn't ready to change anytime soon.

Yelling, nagging, unwillingness to apologise are very solid instances of severe character flaw.

You don't deserve this nonsense in your life. Your sanity is very important.
She's becoming very toxic in your life. If you're not careful this will affect your
productivity at work and your interaction with women. You deserve better.

4.) "And if she cook for me again that she’s a bastard"

Lekside230, can't you see the handwriting on the wall?

What more do you want us to say?

To suggest that she's dating someone else?
I won't say that. That's not essentially the issue here.

The main issue here is that she is behaving inappropriately
and disrespectfully to you. If at all she is cheating on you
(which is highly probable from the scenario), that is a secondary issue
that is still worth thinking about.

Let's analyse her statement: She's using swear words at you.
She's threatening she will never cook for you again. Yes, both
of you are not married so you may not be entitled to her cooking for you
but for her to resort to threatening she will never do that again for you
in the throes of anger and malignant rage speaks volume about the kind of woman
you love!

It tells me that you need re-examining. You need to do a proper introspective analysis
and ask yourself why you don't want to overcome this door-mouth tendency in you.

You need to build your self esteem.

Settling for people who continue to abuse you speaks volume about you.
You need to work on your self so you can start attracting the right set of people into your life.

5.) "I just turn deaf ears to her....cuz every words she’s saying to me is really provoking me"

Being passive is also a problem, Lekside230.

Every relationship needs healthy communication to thrive. It takes two to tango.
It is very important that you understand the importance of speaking up and in a matured way.

Don't join issues with your girlfriend by raising your voice at her too.

She is already flawed character-wise. She may be goading you into provocation
so that you may one day slap her and then thereafter she will end up using that
against you.

It is obvious that it will take your girlfriend a long time before she can change. And it has to come from
within her. Nobody can change another person. It is volitional.

6.) "I really love her and I don’t wanna lose her."

You're "suffering" from codependency behavioral tendency.
You need urgent counselling with a therapist.

You can google "codependency relationships" to learn more.

The problem with codependency is that over time you become
addicted to toxicity. You develop coping mechanisms for it.

Toxic people can be dangerous. This is what they do:
they show you love one minute and the next they give you pain
and right after that they show you love again-- on and on
the cycle goes.

When you get enmeshed in this cycle your mind becomes messed up.
You become confused, too. Gradually you begin to settle for less-- you start accepting their
disrespectful behavior, you start tolerating their insults, you
start apologizing even when they are at fault, you start saying you love
them even when they are hurting you.

Lekside230, what more do I say?


IN CONCLUSION:
Don't just see this whole experience as proof that your girlfriend has issues.

You too have serious issues you need work on.

But to set yourself free walk out of that relationship now.

Want to know how to leave a relationship peacefully and still
retain your peace of mind and sanity?

Want to know how to start attracting the right people into your life?

Want to know what it takes to build your self image
and becoming a man of respect and start enjoying your love life?

If you need my assistance you can reach out to me via my bio.

I wish you the very best.

God bless you.

The Creative Luv Doc

Thanks very much brother..you don’t just know how happy I am as I get this your write up...you’re filled with sense...wow!!thanks very much..have never regret coming here at all...please can I get your WhatsApp number?bro.�

Pubichairs:
nice advice, leave the " sit her down" crew it has become their mantra, they always come up with a senseless advice

Thanks bro...this sit her down issue has become something else..when one sit them down they’d definitely wanna repeat what they have done again..and would expect a sit down issue again.

Good morning Nairalanders..I have a little problem i want you guys to advice me on...my girlfriend is too stubborn..she’d never accept she’s at fault...she’d do something and keep expecting me to beg her even when she’s at fault..,she’d raise her voice at me even when I’m trying to correct her.,so last night i ask her if she’d let us go buy some fuel to put in the Generator...,she said she don’t know..,busy watching a movie on her system...I then have to go myself and come back home.....when I came back I then told her..I don’t like what she did tonight that I told her to let us go buy some fuel together that she wasn’t answering...she then start yelling at me with an heavy voice...saying different kind of things...if I’m tired of her I should let her know...that she has been looking at me with the way I’m doing that she’d never apologize...I just decided not to respond to her anymore...and I refuse not to eat what she cooked..she then start cursing herself that if I refuse not to eat the food....and if she cook for me again that she’s a bastard...I just turn deaf ears to her....cuz every words she’s saying to me is really provoking me..but I don’t just wanna respond to her...Nairalanders I really need your advice..,what can I do about this issue..she has been doing this several times...she gets angry soo easily..what can I do..�I really love her and I don’t wanna lose her...she’s a nice girl but that attitude of stubbornness and been angry is the only issue here..,don’t mind my grammars please..and thanks �

kokakola:
If you think you can change an adult, you're deceiving yourself. Those who truly love us don't extort us. Those who are sensible know when to walk away from a bad situation or relationship.
I use to tell people to learn from other people's mistakes and experiences but no, some have already sworn an affidavit to experience things for themselves before they learn and of course they always learn things the hard way.

Thanks bro

samdavjustin:
Guy if she ask for 10thung only get her two tell her that’s what you can afford for now. If she loves you she will understand otherwise you need to breakup with her before she starts to cheat. And you need to learn to say NO it’s very important word especially when dealing with women.

very nice advice...thanks very much brother.

Lexusgs430:
You should be reading your books and stop dating liabilities...........

Thanks.

Hypnotise:
Obviously she's using you as her Atm. You know most women this days date btw 2 - 5 boyfriends at the same time. Use your money to develop yourself.

but what happen is that..she’s honest and have never found anything crazy on her phone...like any strange guy texting her.

Good morning Nairalanders...I need your little advice this morning...been thinking of this issue since last night...about my girlfriend demanding and demanding..she demands alot,she always wanna buy this and that... I don’t know what to use to qualify this.,whenever she sees anything online maybe clothes or wigs...she will always show me that she wanna buy it..that I should buy it for her...and it’s very frequent.,she has never done anything on her own before,even if she wanna cook in her own house she’ll still ask me all she do is just to ask me...,when she knows I’m a student like her..,I don’t just know what to do about this issue and it’s killing me...all I just wanna ask is..how can I stop all this..?all I need is your advice please..don’t mind my grammar..and no insults please.Thanks.