₦airaland Forum

i always used to think weed does not necessarily incite violence. However i understand better now because of the feelings you say it invokes. Thanks

Tearg1:
I used to be a weed smoker and I know how paranoid this can make 1 feel.. My dear that guy needs spiritual help.... He is currently dabbling in d deeper end of life where an addiction has made him act insane..

My advice is to break that relationship up and encourage him to seek help from a good church like VPA.

If u marry him thinking it will all be well, one day the demon in him will always show up...be careful

True talk. Most women stay on because of financial comfort. But is money worth being beaten? Bashing that your parents never gave you.

Tymax:
If he is wealthy the lady will take it as part of life's "tribulations and trials", convincing herself that patience is a virtue. Rubbish. I have no pity for ladies who remain in abusive relationships.

Let her be asking question for the gods.

If you are getting the milk for free why bother to buy the cow? Living together before marriage sets the wrong foundation for the marriage. The consequences might not be immediately apparent but it will tell later on. No respect or additional love can come from giving yourself so freely to a man before you perform traditional rights. There's something about the formalities of a wedding that passes across the significance of the contract being entered into by the 2 partners.

My thoughts exactly, if he's beating her now he will continue afterwards. But again we know women can we be foolishly hopeful.

Maamin:
So your husband 'to be' is beating the hell out of you while you are yet to marry, believe me he will even do worse when you guys get married. A wife beater is also an addiction you know..seek counsel and call off the engagement and move on with your life.

So hunger is now a justification for physical violence? So if he has to fast for 7 days nko? He will murder her during his fast abi?

bundur:
A hungry man is an angry man

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

Onota:
Yeah I am with you on this.. Next please

Sad that you think i be forming stories to gain popularity. Sadder still that you had to bring in a Biblical character to buttress your point. Now walking away from you and your negativity.

kallmemrB:
bloggers be forming story to gain popularity like biblical Elijah

Dearest ones,

I believe that If you are in a relationship with someone, you should feel loved, safe, respected and free to be yourself.

However that is not the situation described by this blog reader who sent in her story from the UK. Please leave your thoughts and advice.

“Bang, bang, smash smash is all I remember. How did i get here, how did i get back to where we had been before. But I was promised change, I was promised it would never happen again. Maybe I’m the stupid one for believing.

I happened to be missing him so much that day and thought I would get home and have a nice evening. That changed the instant I found myself arguing with him over what I am ashamed to even say – FOOD.

He promised to season some fish for me before I got home. However when I got home it had not been done, although he had brought it out of the freezer. I find out he’s in a mood and I really don’t know why. This is not how I planned my evening, I tell myself.

We get into a debate and we hurl words back and forth and the next thing I see is him throwing things but they are missing me. He throws his phone, I duck!!! He gets up and he’s now this crazy person that I haven’t seen in a year ( yes it’s happened before but like I said I believed the “I’ve changed story”).

He gets up and uses his hand to bring down my top shelf. Smash!!! My candles and vases broken on the floor, my pictures all over the floor. As if that isn’t enough, he races forward to me and gives me 3 slaps across the face, he’s shouting around the house , pacing up and down, he gets an iron and at that moment I truly thought my life was over. Luckily for me he puts it down but it isn’t over.

He tells me talk, talk again and you will see.

He walks out of the room still talking, I mutter under my breath and at that very moment he comes back and starts punching my legs, not stopping even though I am crying out and screaming stop stop!!!

I flashback in the middle of the pain and remember my dad harassing my mum, this is something I told myself I would never go through. He walks out and leaves the house. Bruises all over my body, it’s never been this bad before.

I tell myself he has to go but now it’s even more complicated as we are planning our marriage that is supposed to happen next year. Put aside the marriage, I still love this man.

I tell myself if he gets the help he needs, all will be okay. If he stops his addiction to weed this can all be fixed because he wasn’t like this before the weed. He never had such a bad temper. I know deep down he is not like this, this is not the man I fell in love with. I’ve invested 7 years in this relationship, I ask myself do I walk away or see if things can change if he gets the necessary help he needs. I’m drained and tired!!

He comes back begging and crying but I tell him I’ve had enough so I take off my ring, packed his things and told him to leave.

I don’t get it, I’m confused, I seem to be missing him and needing him more than ever before. I tell myself I don’t need him but I want him.

Maybe I need help myself!!!

I cannot share with my siblings (not even my sister ) what am passing through but wish I could speak to my mum rather than confide in just my bestie.

Please I need advice, what do I do? Do I continue praying to God to perfect us?Do I call off the wedding ( this is a wedding we have hired a planner and committed £30,00 to, booked our hall for a whooping £10,000, engaged most of our vendors financially) or Do I make things work?” ******

I do not want to pre-empt your comments, so will pitch in later.

Take care of yourself and others.

xoxoxoxo…MFA

www.lifetitudes.com Inspiring Positive Change

My friendly friend, if girls are liars then what are men? Men who from infancy learn to cheat without guilt and go on to marriage with that behaviour. Everyday they go home and look into their wives eyes without guilt and lie over and over again. Men are consumate liars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

skelefish:
My dear it's gender specific, girls are innate liars, it's their nature, they start their lying career from idle gossip. It's a well know fact that women are gossip & gossip revolves around lies.

The natural liar lies the most. It can be the male or female, its not gender specific.

Biko no do wicked. Just walk away.

pak:
Abi O....and I don't get, if that your friend is not a gay partner (apologies for my sarcasm) why don't you just leave them and focus on your own life ??

At least you'll have less people coming to your office asking for lunch and barging and shouting on you.


On another thought........
Lifetitudes is probably right, the girl likes you and you have not and have never given her the needed attention. And from little I learned bout women, that kind of 'likeness' does not leave easy. So you can make your 'insecure' friend's accusation a self fulfilling prophecy....but that's if you wan do wicked !!

Last week when the Minister for Petroleum Mrs Allison Madueke, announced the reduction of the price of a litre of petrol from N97 to N87 not a lot of the populace rejoiced. This was mainly because most people felt the price could have been further reduced given the current price of crude oil in the international market.

However, whether sufficient or not, one would expect that the N10 reduction would impact positively on our cost of living. Somehow, someway, it should reduce our overheads in terms of cost of transportation, cost of fuelling our generators etc. Or is it so minimal that it would not cause even a ripple?

And if the changes in the prices of these social goods affect us directly, should the housekeeping allowance dolled out by Oga not reflect the changes in the economy? Or is the allowance supposed to remain static no matter what the economic realities are?

3 years ago in January 2012, the price of fuel was increased from N65 to N97 and this should have naturally translated to an increase in home and body allowances. So if Oga failed to increase the home-food-pump-price to compete with the prevailing market price then, he cannot and should not consider reducing it now that there’s a decrease. (This is especially for the ladies in the diaspora where the gas price got reduced by over 50%).

Seriously though, how do couples determine what the “right” housekeeping allowance is given the constant fluctuations in prices of goods and services? Or does it remain the same for a specified number of years no matter the cost of goods and services?

Xoxoxo….MFA

photo credit: janto.com

It was you she wanted originally and your friend was just an alternative. All the time she was hanging out with your sis, she wanted you to notice her but you didnt get the koko. The complications of women.

marveangel:
But why would she want me when she already has someone who loves her...its not like am some money bag or something.

She wanted you, you didn't want her. That was your offence and this is your punishment. Its not just girls, its the devises of a wicked man. Give your friend some time and try and explain afterwards. He'll come around. After all he is a guy and should not be prone to keeping malice!

Your friend chose wrongly. He probably hurried into the marriage for the wrong reasons and now the scales have fallen from his eyes. The lady cannot be solely to blame, your friend must have contributed to the calamity that has befallen him. If he married his friend and true love they would always be able to work out a solution. The problem with most marriages is the fickleness of the feelings both parties have for each other. If the foundation is weak what can the righteous do?

The pain we cause each other in the name of marriage. Love especially pledged love should not be so easy to let go of.

wealth2al:
rambling??/

Yes ramblings, because really what can you do about the behaviour patterns of a spouse?

Good morning my dearest ones,

Over the weekend, i had cause to stare at my husband and wonder how come I have been able to stand his weirdness for such a long period of time without blowing my cool, and it occurred to me that I am a woman of strength and valour. For this I applaud myself and so many other women who are coping with the male species.

Or how else do you explain living with a man who barely talks. Imagine gisting about something that intrigued you and you rant on for 10 minutes and at the end of it the response you get is “ah ah”. Kai where is that shoe when you need it and the courage to throw it at this radio silent man.

I have been reading husband-criteria-lists written by single women and I notice no one wants to hook up with a man that snores. Please what is wrong with snoring? So we who have night-time locomotives for husbands should abandon ship? Or maybe we use a sock to block their nostrils so we can get a descent night rest? Let me tell you something, most men snore at one point or the other! Abi if he doesn’t snore at the beginning of the relationship and suddenly starts after marriage, will you up and leave? Better start reading and learning adapting-to-snoring-techniques.

The truth is after a while you don’t even hear the snoring any more.

On to other matters, please can someone tell me when last they got breakfast in bed? Male or Female? On some Saturdays, when I notice my husband got up earlier than I did, I would lie in bed fantasying that he is rustling up breakfast for me. Alas, after 30 – 45 minutes, he would come back in, no tray in hand and announce his need for food.

Sigh, Nigerian men and their cluelessness. Bro, show a sister some love, make breakfast, put a rose on the tray and bring it to me in bed. Be assured that singular act will open many ermm doors for you at least for a month or two.

Shout out to my fellow woman, no be small job we dey do.

xoxoxoxo….MFA

PS: Husband if you read this, know that i remain loyal. I am just rambling to my people.