plse do not scare the single ones after on ur parents married and got u. Ur problem is that u married a wrong person and and that does not mean that marriage is no go area. I have been married for 35 yrs and I can testify that it is glorious if u marry the right person. Do you communicate with ur wife becos women love communication and petting.

and I refuse to accept that my good friend is a looser,
He's always very lively when he is with us (his guys) that when he is with the thing he calls a wife

@OP Rooneyboy, u r dis same 'good' friend who calls ur friend's wife 'the thing', it shows how much of a double looser u r. if u think u r a real man who can surely eat his cake and have it, why do u keep going after one gurl wanting her to be your girlfriend afterall, she's got nothing else to offer you besides sex which you can get from many sluts (sorry girls) out there, i wonder my men always contradict themselves with foolish statements,

Lets not forget that being a single parent wouldnt mean that you have no women in your life, it would simply means none are official.
a single father who puts priority of his life on his child/children would still get the same perks from the gals in his life as a married one would from his wife anyway. . . . . . . the simple fact that these gals aint "official" doesnt make any difference in regards to cooking and cleaning. the difference is that they have to leave in the morning.
@MrBrownJay, i think u share a large view with poster and his sad married friend, have u ever thought that if your father just impregnated your mother and decided to raise you u up without support or interference from your mother and your father has many children from different mothers he is not married to but you see him daily change women to sleep with them, wouldn't you be the same person to castigate your mother for abandoning you, and then call your daddy a man-LovePeddler for fathering many children by different mothers and irresponsible for 'carrying' so many women

I think mybrownjay and i r both sailing on the same boat here, i mean bleeping who ever i wish to without the fear of someone that calls herself a wife and the condemnation of the society.

Gosh, we must have so many shallow-minded men in this part of the world who do nothing but heap blame on the womenfolk for their miseries and misfortunes,

A lot of people goes thru heartcache in Maariage , your friend is lucky he got someone to talk to, Most times MEN die in silence. Nobody want to hear them out, everybody is telling him Go and make it work, They even make him look like a looser if it is not working, the way they were all on him to get married to the girl because she is pregnant.
Such a world we live in when Women turns the house into something else for a man to live in.
Now she is pregnat and the next thing u will hear is that she is aggressive because she is pregnant.
after child birth , you will hear she is behaving like that 'cause she is nursing a baby. after that , it will be she is meisbehaving bacause of the naughtiness of the child and looooooo and behold, the Man has lost his freedom and happiness.

The same way he can't handle the pressure of not getting marred, I am sure ur friend can't handle that of divorce. So he should please liv with it or pray to God.

@ likeme , my point exactly , cant just go through the stress of having a woman in my house all the rest of my life. . . . As for divorce, he is not thinking towards that direction yet .

Likeme i like ur post , apart from that what usually happens is that when a guy meets the love of his life and decides he wants to marry her, it is the way she is at that point that he has been  attracted  to .

Guys usually have the preconception that their gf's will be like that forever and they would live happily ever after. Conversely at that same point the gf is thinking that ' mmmmhh i like this guy, i would marry him but will make him change this , that  and almost everything about himself ' .

The guy has shown her who he is but madam is keeping her cards to her chest until she becomes his and then she can commence the transformation.Once she marries our guy she starts her transformation project and if our guy is averse to change lo and behold conflict arises and the marriage starts tearing apart.

Lastly there is something guys must realise, once they marry their gf , she starts becoming their mother.I dont blame the women though cause it comes with the territory (taking care of the home , children , etc ) but our guys should become aware of this and put this into consideration before ther tie the knot.

taibabie:

@MrBrownJay, i think u share a large view with poster and his sad married friend, have u ever thought that if your father just impregnated your mother and decided to raise you u up without support or interference from your mother and your father has many children from different mothers he is not married to but you see him daily change women to sleep with them, wouldn't you be the same person to castigate your mother for abandoning you, and then call your daddy a man-LovePeddler for fathering many children by different mothers and irresponsible for 'carrying' so many women

what you wrote is the reason why so many dumba$$es get married at the first place. the stoopid belief that since our parent did something and were successful at it THEREFORE we must all do exactly the same thing to the T if we want to be successful in life.

what people, like yourself, fail to understand is that my parents knew what PASSION, RESPECT, CARE and HONESTY meant. they understood the meaning of MARRIAGE and money was NEVER a reason for them to get together.
they could have lived in a shack and still be as successful, understanding and loving as they were.

also, i will never try to copy anyone because i am my own person with my own mind. . ,   what might work for some, definitely doesnt work for everybody. the earlier you get that, the better it will ever be for you.

my parents taught me values and also to be in control of my own destiny, to live life the way I see fit as long as i am aware/accept the consequences and aint doing anything criminal. also to never follow the Joneses and to make sure that i can always look at myself in the mirror PROUDLY!

ps: whatever my father would have decided to do while i was growing up, i would have always respected his decision (as long as it aint something criminal) and love him unconditionally regardless of how many women he bedded.

Rooneyboy:

Well just to clear u ladies , prior to now this guy wasnt into drinking, womanizing,keeping late nights and all that stuff , he was a complete introvert, his wife pushed him into these things. The guy is just miserable and yet chooses to remain into it so that people dont call him a failure. This is y i m asking if the tag "married man" is necessary , i wouldnt want a situation whereby i'd walk out of my marriage in frustration, so i would rather choose to be a single parent and a responsible one at that, Lets forget the bleeping part and all that , a principled and responsible person will remain so . I m single doesnt automatically make one irresponsible and if i must bleep i would respect my child(ren) by not bringing the lady home.

Typical male. Not willing to take any part of the blame or responsibility. Maybe he shoulda been smart enough as not to get a girl
pregnant that he wasn't married to. Perhaps he also should look at the way things are now and think of ways to make them better
instead of drinking himself to stupor and chasing women up and down. And this is who your role model is? Uhuh!

chika98:

Typical male. Not willing to take any part of the blame or responsibility. Maybe he shoulda been smart enough as not to get a girl
pregnant that he wasn't married to. Perhaps he also should look at the way things are now and think of ways to make them better
instead of drinking himself to stupor and chasing women up and down. And this is who your role model is? Uhuh!

chika i cant remember writing any where that he is a role model,we've been friends since birth that's y we share problems with each other. For crying out loud i can remember vividly when the both were dating, the lady was so caring and romantic but now all those thing r no more , mydear u really need to c this couple together to understand what the guy is going through .

chika98:

Your married friend only has fun when he out drinking? That says it all. Marriage isn't for everyone so stay single
so that you don't put someone else through the misery of having to deal with you. Take a cue from your friend
when you lot are all old and grey; You'd still have each other to drink and hang out with. Life would be so much fun that way.

exactly ! Life would be much fun without one thing that calls herself a wife, Just me and my kids.

Rooneyboy:

exactly ! Life would be much fun without one thing that calls herself a wife, Just me and my kids.

Good then. Find a lass who is willing to have your babies and call it a day

Rooneyboy:

exactly ! Life would be much fun without one thing that calls herself a wife, Just me and my kids.

poor kids

oyinda.:

poor kids

Amen!!!

To answer all your questions:

It is better to be single and happy than to marry the wrong person and be unhappy.

Marriage is good, but make sure you marry the right person. We all struggle, but when you overcome you struggles you over come a challenge. What does not break you makes you stronger.

@Rooneyboy
sorry u feel this way, I am about to get married and I have this feeling there something wrong in the union. why?
I found out a lot of girl have programed themselves to kill the man they want to marry. check the comments pple like MRbrownJAY, oyinda & few others make, u will understand its a battle of the s$xes. No wonder some mad folks are going gay. where is the submission God asked them to do? what ladies do today is to subconsciously program themselves to undo the guy. why will a lady be in a power struggle with her husband? if she is not the foolish type like proverbs 14:1 says? why do ladies even the christ believing ones not do as 1peter3:1-7 says? Many ladies today dont know how to win their man over, they are loud & stubborn just like the LovePeddler & they think its modern wisdom; its plain stupidity.
Your friend is just trying to minimize his exposure to probably a contentious wife but that will not help him either. He needs to confront the problem & appraise his part to it. Most ladies that fall into the foolish category are product of such loopsided unions, some r programed by their mother.

I feel sorry for your wife to be. I really hope she's your type (ie bird of d same feathers).

can u picture yourself submitting to ur wife?
why should it be the other way round?

if all ladies in Nigeria are like most of the girls in Nairaland. it's better one goes to Ghana or Gambia to go and marry.

This nigerian girls are just in power tussle? what TF? in no time, no sane man will marry all these contentious lady.

peaceful home is non negitable.

My 1 butut

what do u expect. if a girl have access to computer in nigeria of course that's one evidence that she's exposed and not a village submissive girl. maybe that will explain why women are not worshiping men on nairaland like they do in your village. everyone is equal here.


but seriously though, why strip a person and make them powerless just because of their gender?

Ever since creation, There is a place of Man and a woman. Sarah called Abraham lord, Abigail called David Lord. Babie Girl, 90% of nairalander babes cannot say Sir to thier husband regardless of calling them Lodrd. relationships are drifting, Love care trust and respect are fading away fast.
Dignity and virture has been eroded away like a desert encroachment in the north.

@ Poster,

Your friend's marriage has gone sour.
A total disconnect between the two of them.
Nevertheless, he should sought the services of marriage counsellors.
If there is an iota of affection or reason to love left, then they can remain married.
If there aint any left, then they should separate immediately.
It happens all the time.
It is a phase in the marriage cycle, especially when there is inactivity or progress.
Let him subject his mind to those great times that led to their choice as husband and wife.
If she has offended him, and still loves him, he should forgive her and be happy.
If she loves him no more, then he should let her go.
Marriages are made to work. Thus he can.
Marriage is one of the best thing that can happen to all.
Marriage can also be one of the worst things.
To discern a good or bad marriage at inception is bleak.
Marriage is by faith.
I feel for him. But I feel for her more.

THE ART OF BEING SINGLE

To be single is fun
to be single is freedom
bt what is freedom without committment
many places
many booze
many quests
many women
bt none really cares
no deep affection
a short term enjoyable adventure
what happens many years thereafter?
isolation
depression
frustration
had i knowns
kindly note, there is a time for everything
play hard when you can, be responsible when you have to
keep moving, don't stop
Single parenting is worse
unnecessary exposure of the children to vices
incomplete care
partial control
menaces to the society
societal deliquents
every parent got a role in bringing up a child


NB: I am a die hard niggi that believe in having my freedom being single. I love to be in total control of what i do, who i am with, where i go and how i live my life. The truth be told, many times i have returned empty. Many I have met, many have gone. I love women and sex to a fault but I disagree I should trade marriage for these cheap things of life. Will I forever be out Friday nights? NO. Will forever desire to attend wedding and naming ceremonies of pals? NO.

Everyone should ascertain the limits. Plan, choose the right time and eventually get married(if possible). Nevertheless, like a poster rightly said, not everyone will marry. Above all search within and seek deep what will give joy many years to come.

Don Holyeye don talk, Why didn't u continue the most popular trend,

You have only heard his own side of the story,who says the wife isn't also shocked and disappointed with the kind of marriage she's in.What is he doing to make things better.Going to his friend's place after work EVERY DAY! is only making things worse.It takes two to tango.Marriage is a lot of work.It's a beautiful garden but if you neglect it,it will be overrun with weeds.I you are a good friend,you will send him back to his home whenever he comes to ur place.It's immature for a man to run away from his problems.
And you too,learn from this,look weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllll before you leap.Adam had God to blame,you will only be able to blame yourself.

For me the truth remains 'that marriage is a very scary venture' having seen my friend's situation it buttresses my point of remaining single.

@ oyinda , u r just running ur mouth/fingers.What connection does having access to the computer have to do with being submissive ?

different stokes for different folks

one shoes does not fit all, so y'all opinions count for squat

oyinda.:

I feel sorry for your wife to be. I really hope she's your type (ie bird of d same feathers).
can u picture yourself submitting to your wife?
why should it be the other way round?

Because the bible which we read says so, God says so or are you challenging what God says?

@poster,

Marriage is for men and not for boys. You dont get married because you have money or aged,it is because you are matured. If your friend cannot spend quality time with his "sweetheart" then is a problem somewhere. How could he even be discussing his marriage with you guys and you as a good friend you think the best thing is to put it on NL. Ofcourse he can seek advice on certain issues but not discussing his marriage with his friends Telling you guys was his biggest undoing but the fact is that it is not too late yet,the marriage could still be salvaged if he follows the right steps.
I have a question for your friend,was the marriage arranged? If yes,then there is a big problem but if no then your friend should go home and put house in order.
Everything in this life have there own peculiar challenge including marriage. If you thinks that when you get married challenges will go,then there is a very big problem.

Lastly,for those intending to get married,there is no PERFECT man nor woman out there! Do not be deceived by the whirl wind stories you read in the book or the fantansies you see on the screen,

You alone can create the perfect home for you. Not before marriage but after your wedding because that is the time you will really know your wife. It takes a lot of challenges,sacrifice,selflessness, the list is endless, but its worth it.

dayokanu:

Because the bible which we read says so, God says so or are you challenging what God says?

Gud quetion, lol

marriage is a big gamble in this part of the world where divorce aint invogue. Once u're in it, u're in it ,no going back.

marriage is a big gamble in this part of the world where divorce aint invogue. Once u're in it, u're in it ,no going back.

This op sounds like someone under a generational curse.

Turn to Jesus.

Your friend chose wrongly. He probably hurried into the marriage for the wrong reasons and now the scales have fallen from his eyes. The lady cannot be solely to blame, your friend must have contributed to the calamity that has befallen him. If he married his friend and true love they would always be able to work out a solution. The problem with most marriages is the fickleness of the feelings both parties have for each other. If the foundation is weak what can the righteous do?