₦airaland Forum

It is true that you can have relations with someone who is HIV positive and not get HIV. The transmission of HIV depends on several factors. I work as a health educator at an HIV/AIDS clinic and want to help shed some light and provide some education.

There are two things that are measured when looking at a person who is infected with HIV. [b]First [/b]the CD4 count or T-Cell count. This is the number of immune system cells you have in your body fighting off infections. People who do not have HIV typically have a T-Cell count anywhere from 800-2000. This depends on the person, if they are sick or not, age, etc. This number changes in EVERY person. In a person with HIV, the HIV virus attacks these cells, killing them off. When people are first diagnosed with HIV, the HIV virus works to quickly kill off the T-cells. The T-cells hugely decrease close to the time of primary infection and then recover slightly and then after a few months of having HIV a persons T-cell count plateaus. I most often see T-cell counts anywhere between 300-1200 in people who are newly infected. When the T-cell count drops below 200 is when it is called AIDS. This does not mean that the virus is a different virus it simply means that a person's T-cell count has fallen so low allowing their body to be attacked by opportunistic infections (thrush, KS, cancers etc). Once a person's T-cell count falls below 200 the person will always have "AIDS" however, that is not to say a person's immune system cells or T-cells cannot rise above 200. But once the T-Cell count has gone below 200 a person will always keep the diagnosis of AIDS.

Second, the viral load is measured in people with HIV. The viral load is the number of copies of the HIV virus in a person's body. Newly diagnosed people usually have very high viral loads, usually in the hundred thousands. A person's viral load can vary greatly from 60-a million. This greatly impacts how likely transmission is. The fewer the copies of the virus in a person's body, the less likely they are to pass the HIV virus on to someone else, the higher the copies in a person body, the more likely.

So with that said, HIV medications work to increase the T-cell count to give a person a healthier immune system to fight off other infections while at the same time working to suppress a person's viral load. HIV medications can make most people's viral load "undetectable" if the medications are taken every day as prescribed. This means the likelihood of transmission, even without protective factors, goes down. An undetectable viral load does not mean somebody is cured, nor does it mean it is impossible to transmit the virus. It is still possible, just harder due to the low amount of virus in a person's body. Be aware though, that if a person with an undetectable viral load stops taking medications, their viral load will again increase. HIV meds and reaching an undetectable viral load DOES NOT mean a person is CURED.

The HIV virus is found in semen, blood, vaginal fluid, breast milk, and other bodily fluids containing blood. Transmission can happen through any kind of sex (chances of transmission vary depending on type of sex act and a person's viral load), sharing drug needles, needle pricks, from mother to baby while pregnant or during delivery, through breast feeding, through blood transfusions. It cannot be transmitted through touch, saliva, kissing, sharing food etc.

Depending on the different transmission method, your chance of getting HIV varies. With non rough sex between a man and a woman, transmission rates are lower (not impossible), higher if viral load is very high. Rates of transmission through sex between a man and a woman is higher for the woman due to her anatomy and lower for a man. Actually, it is pretty difficult for a man to get HIV from a woman via vaginal sex due to his anatomy, though not impossible. A woman being on her period, or rough sex where tearing is involved can increase the transmission to a man. Anal sex is most risky form of transmission for the person being penetrated due to the sensitivity of the tissue and the likelihood of tearing. Risk is lower to the one penetrating during anal sex. MouthAction is low risk. Riskier to a woman doing MouthAction on a man if she has sores in her mouth and the man ejaculates in her mouth. MouthAction on a woman would be similar, more riskier to the man if he has sores in his mouth. The herpes virus greatly increases risk of transmission due to open sores the virus has a place to enter the body. THe HIV virus cannot live outside of the body.

Also to note, many people believe woman who have HIV and get pregnant will have an HIV+ baby. This is not always true. A woman not on HIV medications has a 25% chance of passing the virus onto her baby. While a woman on HIV medications with an undetectable viral load has a less than 2% chance of passing the virus onto her baby!!

The most important thing to remember is condom use. If having anal sex, this is particularly important. If you are pressured to have sex, and have no condom, women especially, it is safer to not have the man ejaculate inside of you. THe best way to prevent the spread of HIV is to get tested if you can, if you have the virus find a way to get on medications, use condoms, reduce risk of transmission, don't sleep with many partners especially without protection. Male circumcision can help reduce risk of transmission to males. The foreskin is very sensitive and more likely to tear during sex leaving an opportunity for the virus to get in. ANYBODY can get HIV. It does not matter if you have slept with 1 person or 10000 people. This virus does not discriminate. Ask people if they have been tested. Talking about the disease will be the best defense to breaking the stigma and reducing the number of cases impacting young people. ON HIV medications, people can go on to live healthy, long lives. If you have HIV/AIDS and it goes untreated, you will die eventually as your immune system will be too weak to fight off infections. I have worked with thousands of people living with HIV. I have met people knocking on deaths door who have gotten healthier with HIV medications. Education, condom use, access to health care, are all key. I have also met couples, one positive one negative who have been sleeping together unprotected for years without knowing of the infection and the virus was NEVER passed. So it is true, transmission is not for sure every time, BUT, never take the chance. Because it will not matter if you are the statistic that does get it!

It is also possible if you have HIV and you sleep with someone who also has HIV for you to get what is called "superinfection." This will mean that you have two strains of the HIV virus and it can work to attack you faster. Another reason to get tested, and try to get on medications if you are positive.

In Africa it is mostly a 50/50 split of men/woman that have HIV. In the U.S. it is about 75% men and 25% women infected. I cannot tell you why this is the case exactly, but it is.

Also related to this topic and interesting to check out are people that belong to the groups called "Long term non-progressors" and "Elite controllers." These are very small numbers of people where the HIV virus works differently in their bodies. It is quite interesting.


A few resources:

www.thebody.com

this is a U.S. based education website all about HIV.

http://www.aidsmap.com/HIV-risk-levels-for-the-insertive-and-receptive-partner-in-different-types-of-sexual-intercourse/page/1443490/

This last link is an article that tells you the exact risk of contracting HIV from someone per sex act.

^^ oh no I was not thinking that! Just curiosity as I am trying to understand the whole situation. Thank you for your honesty. It helps me better exam this.

^^^ this feels exactly what it is about. sadly.

social stigma around HIV/AIDS makes it difficult to openly discuss. With so many young people infected condom use is sooo important. HIV/AIDS is a chronic condition that people can live with if they have access to the proper HIV medications. And if more people are tested and aware and get on medications, this can help with reducing transmission. HIV medications work to suppress the number of copies of the HIV virus in a person's body, making it much more difficult for someone to spread it. Obviously, people will continue to have sex. EDUCATION is key. CONDOM use is key. ACCESS to medications is key.

What has your outcome been? Was there any success for you?

cshall1120: Well I do understand the culture and traditions are very important to Nigerian people. I am sadden and hurt to my core to know that I as an African American woman, who is honest, educated, and not after a man for material gain is judge by were I am born rather than the content of my character. I met a Yoruba (Nigerian) man that I felt deeply in love and I was willing to try and understand his culture and make compromise for it where need be on my part. This man claimed he felt the same way about me but fear he could not act on it because I was not Nigerian and would not be excepted by his family. He mom refused to hear the idea of him dating me. I am sad that stuff like this happen amongst any race but more so with African American and American. I understand that often black american are seen in a bad light as we are often only publicized for what we have done wrong. But there has been alot of us that have done alot of things right. In America, Black Americans have paved the way for other of dark skins foreign and domestic to be able to live a better life here, whether that be job opportunity, education, the simple american dream of ownership, liberty, freedom, and justice and this should not be forgotten. There are still many of Black American, who have morals, integrity, good character, believe in God, etc. And we as American women should not all be written off just because of what some women due. You may disagree for the sake of pride in yourselves but just like i know all black american are not good people and dont make for good partners, neither are all Nigerian (Yoruba) or other African men and women good people are good partners for them matter. Im pretty sure you know African people who do or have done some of the same bad things. I do not judge people by where they are born nor the color of their skin and I openly embrace African people and are hurt to know that I am immediately judge and not like before even taken the opportunity to get to know. I'm sorry but to me this is heartless that two people are denied an opportunity of unconditional love toward one another as partner, friends, or family simply because of culture or familiarity. I hope that we can heal the disconnect or gap that lie between us as a people. And in no way mean to disrespect anyone. I love you guys

I have had the exact same experience as you have. I am not African American but Mexican American. It is so difficult to understand how two people cannot be together when that is what they want. It feels so unfair to be judged before you even get the chance to show them who you are.

What is the outcome of this? As I am in a similar situation with my boyfriend. We had decided to move together and so he told his family and now his mother is making it very clear she does not and will not accept us. I am Mexican/Puerto Rican American and he is Nigerian. We both live in the U.S. This has been so difficult for us both and we are so heartbroken. Our options seem now to break up or go against his family. Neither seem like options. Did you find a way to gain acceptance into the family?

^^the links were helpful, thank you!

Thank you for all the input. It is all good to think about.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]You don't have to meet his mother in order for your boy to tell his mother about you. He doesn't have an international calling card? [/quote]True... But he would not tell her anything bad. Thanks for the input.

Also, just out of curiosity, not at all that this is the intent for us, how do viewpoints shifts if couples have children together?

kitty kat: At OP pls don't waste ur time. Move on as if u r being chased by a wild man eating beast. Its very difficult to win a Nigerian mother when she says she does not want u and ur mother inlaw is the the really strong type. If you refuse now, she will keep coming up with different strategies to scare her son and put him under pressure. Some could go as far as faking a life threatening condition and blaming you and the son for it. While on her supposed sick bed in the hospital, her son will be called and pressurized to leave u. This is just an example of the kind of tricks the can come up.

And its a pity that ur man is weak. His type can't withstand the battle ahed. My dear run for ur life and sanity.

I have been there, seen it all and I narrowly escaped to tell ppl like u that the fear of an angry Nigerian Monther In law who deosnt want u is the beginning of wisdom.

That is exactly what seems to happen, things always come up to try and pull apart the relationships in his family. I guess I am hoping someone has made it work and can share that.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]There are thousands of Igbo families with mixed culture and ethnicities family members....It has nothing to do with YOUR ETHNICITY...they just don't like YOU. Your choice....leave it or deal with it.[/quote]Well I haven't ever met his mother, so I'm confused as you might imagine.

Yea I wish we could follow our hearts, but is that really worth it if you have to sacrifice or give up family? Are there any things
That may help to convince them to accept us? Or is it just that we should be together alone away from them or not together at
all?

[quote author=E-Engineer]this links to other threads should help
https://www.nairaland.com/903420/im-canadian-hes-igbo-family

https://www.nairaland.com/13194/american-women-that-marry-nigerian

well i havent heard any similar experience with yours, but my2cents is that if he is serious to marry you nothing can stop him, are u sure he isnt using this as an excuse to leave you[/quote]Thank you for that. I am sure he isn't using it as an excuse. Mainly because he wants to find a solution.

^^^ It is somewhat like that in Latino culture, however, it mostly depends on the family. One of my uncles married a Hawaiian woman and so he sort of fought our family to be able to be who you wanted. Eventually they accepted them. They are more of the idea that the person should share the same values and about making life "easier" and feel marrying outside of your race makes it harder, but generally if someone does it, they will learn to accept it. And would never go to great extremes to make anyone split up if they were genuinely happy.

You are very right on that point. I know that if we are to move forward, I need to feel WE are the team fighting to be together. And I know we both need to be completely in.

I am a first generation American, both my parents immigrated to the states as adults so I have family spread out here and all over Mexico. My parents are generally okay with interracial marriage. Their main concerns lie in finding someone with similar values. My grandparents are a bit more with the thinking that you should marry someone with a similar background because that would be easiest. They believe that it is hard enough to be a person of color and that you should not make it more difficult by being in an interracial relationship. However, even they would never turn anyone away if they chose to marry or be with someone from a different race. My sister is with an African American guy and at first they asked her why she chose him, but now that she is committed to him they are accepting.

MRbrownJAY: sadly, there is no way you can win this battle. either you get together and live a "miserable" life away and rejected by his family, or you guys break up and go on your merry way.i doubt waiting is going to change anything, you guys have to make a decision, and live with the consequences!

btw, this is bigger than your race, as this sort of discrimination happens very often in Nigeria........ between Igbos, Hausas and Yorubas, Christians and Muslims or Rich and poor.

Thank you for that input. Sadly, it is looking like those are our only options, although, we are still trying to find some way to convince them.

Hello all, I am new to this site and so far have found some threads to be very helpful.

So here it is. For the last two years I have been dating the most amazing Nigerian man (age 29). I am Mexican (Spanish and English speaking), Christian and 27 years old. I was born and raised in the U.S. My boyfriend was born in Nigeria and is Igbo. His family has strong roots in Christianity. He was raised all over the world, with most of his teen years and adult hood living in the states. He has grown siblings who also live in the states. Two of his siblings are married to Nigerian spouses. One of his siblings is dating an American bi-racial lady. My boyfriend's mother lives between Nigeria and the states. Sadly, his father has passed. I have met his siblings (and they have been nice and accepting), but not yet his mother. My boyfriend's mother believes he needs to be with a Nigerian, Igbo woman and feels very strongly about this. So much so that she and some of his other relatives have attempted and nearly succeeded at running my boyfriend's brother's bi-racial, non-Nigerian girlfriend away. Recently my boyfriend and I have made plans to spend our future together, not so much an engagement, but planning to move to another state together and move in together. He told his mother and family of these plans and it has been horrible. She does not approve and is very vocal to him about this, getting many relatives to call him and tell him how our relationship will not work, how I will not be accepted, how he needs to be with a Nigerian woman to fully be included in his family. His relatives go on to tell him that he will not be happy with me that he has to be with a Nigerian women because after all love feelings fade the "family" (meaning mother, siblings and extended family) is what will keep a couple together. My boyfriend's mother calls him and tells him "you need to break up with her, you have three days" and then will go weeks without talking to him because of me. My boyfriends siblings are passive about it, and some feel he should follow his heart and the other siblings feel he should follow their mother's word.

My boyfriend and I are so much in love. We have both never been in love like this. We have looked at all avenues, have cried over this and have thrown our hands up over our heads in defeat. He feels this may be a losing battle because if we continue on this path we will both be made miserable. He feels it could get so bad as to them showing up at our house and throwing me out. He has been told stories recently of his relatives shutting people out because they chose to marry outside of their culture and tribe. He doesn't want this for our future and feels he will be heartbroken when/if we stay together and I am constantly not accepted and made fun of and outcasted. He feels he cannot stand up to them, nor do I want him to have to choose sides. It feels we have hit a brick wall and I know he is ready to give up. We both WANT very much to be together and both LOVE each other and both can imagine a happy future together if his family would accept me and accept us together.

Is there anyone who has been through this? Anyone who relates and has a similar family structure? Anyone who has been with an American and got their family to accept their partner. We want so much to work and love one another whole heartedly. But it hurts to feel our future may be doomed.

I thought I could contact his mother and talk to her candidly. He does not feel this is a good idea. I want to respect her and Nigerian Igbo culture. I love this man so much and respect him and his family. I want to be with him and him with me. I am committed to learning and celebrating the culture, to visiting, to doing whatever we can. I just don't feel it's over or that we should give up.

I am so heartbroken over this and trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. We love each other so much. Family is very important to both of us and cutting anyone out is just not an option. Any honest open advice would be greatly appreciated. Things we can do together and things I can do to gain acceptance into this amazing culture and family...ideas please!

Thanks!!

Hello all, I am new to this site and so far have found some threads to be very helpful.

So here it is. For the last two years I have been dating the most amazing Nigerian man (age 29). I am Mexican (Spanish and English speaking), Christian and 27 years old. I was born and raised in the U.S. My boyfriend was born in Nigeria and is Igbo. His family has strong roots in Christianity. He was raised all over the world, with most of his teen years and adult hood living in the states. He has grown siblings who also live in the states. Two of his siblings are married to Nigerian spouses. One of his siblings is dating an American bi-racial lady. My boyfriend's mother lives between Nigeria and the states. Sadly, his father has passed. I have met his siblings (and they have been nice and accepting), but not yet his mother. My boyfriend's mother believes he needs to be with a Nigerian, Igbo woman and feels very strongly about this. So much so that she and some of his other relatives have attempted and nearly succeeded at running my boyfriend's brother's bi-racial, non-Nigerian girlfriend away. Recently my boyfriend and I have made plans to spend our future together, not so much an engagement, but planning to move to another state together and move in together. He told his mother and family of these plans and it has been horrible. She does not approve and is very vocal to him about this, getting many relatives to call him and tell him how our relationship will not work, how I will not be accepted, how he needs to be with a Nigerian woman to fully be included in his family. His relatives go on to tell him that he will not be happy with me that he has to be with a Nigerian women because after all love feelings fade the "family" (meaning mother, siblings and extended family) is what will keep a couple together. My boyfriend's mother calls him and tells him "you need to break up with her, you have three days" and then will go weeks without talking to him because of me. My boyfriends siblings are passive about it, and some feel he should follow his heart and the other siblings feel he should follow their mother's word.

My boyfriend and I are so much in love. We have both never been in love like this. We have looked at all avenues, have cried over this and have thrown our hands up over our heads in defeat. He feels this may be a losing battle because if we continue on this path we will both be made miserable. He feels it could get so bad as to them showing up at our house and throwing me out. He has been told stories recently of his relatives shutting people out because they chose to marry outside of their culture and tribe. He doesn't want this for our future and feels he will be heartbroken when/if we stay together and I am constantly not accepted and made fun of and outcasted. He feels he cannot stand up to them, nor do I want him to have to choose sides. It feels we have hit a brick wall and I know he is ready to give up. We both WANT very much to be together and both LOVE each other and both can imagine a happy future together if his family would accept me and accept us together.

Is there anyone who has been through this? Anyone who relates and has a similar family structure? Anyone who has been with an American and got their family to accept their partner. We want so much to work and love one another whole heartedly. But it hurts to feel our future may be doomed.

I thought I could contact his mother and talk to her candidly. He does not feel this is a good idea. I want to respect her and Nigerian Igbo culture. I love this man so much and respect him and his family. I want to be with him and him with me. I am committed to learning and celebrating the culture, to visiting, to doing whatever we can. I just don't feel it's over or that we should give up.

I am so heartbroken over this and trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. We love each other so much. Family is very important to both of us and cutting anyone out is just not an option. Any honest open advice would be greatly appreciated. Things we can do together and things I can do to gain acceptance into this amazing culture and family...ideas please!

Thanks!!