₦airaland Forum

Thanks to everyone. I learnt something new. Though I usually call his parents because if I do same, I won't be respected as a wife in his family. I have seen that it's his behavior. Over to him. My parents do not demand things from him, Infact for our wedding, it was a low-key wedding because my mum was a teacher then, she invited just 4 friends from her school, few friends from church .

I've been married for 2years plus now, but I've not been truly happy because my husband doesn't like calling my parents to greet them, also he doesn't ask me if I've heard from anyone of them ? He hasn't visited them since after our wedding. Is this right? He only calls them if I travel to greet them or if I go for an occasion.
When I questioned him about it, he said its not good to be too close to in-laws, that it won't make him to be honoured. This man is in his late thirties.

FrLukas:
Hello dear,
sorry about your situation. It isn't something that cannot be remedied though.

You need to understand that marriage at the onset when you are both just starting the journey is like an empty box.

What you put in over the years is what you are able to bring out.



if you put affection and care in it you will be able to get affection and care from it.

if both of you contribute beautiful feelings of romance and love into the box, when you need these, you can just reach into the box and get them.

if it is only one person contributing into that box and the other perso is just taking out of the box without putting anything positive in it, then the person doing all the giving will become drained eventually.

sit your husband down and discuss this. discuss how you can spice up your love life together.

you both need to contribute healthily to the marriage box.

most men want respect from their wives, most women want affection and the feeling of being pampered by their husbands.

Above all, both want to feel loved.

read books together that teach how to achieve marriage goals.

map out your own unique path towards giving and receiving love.

sex is an important aspect of married life. it is not the everything in marriage, but without it, almost no marriage will survive.

sit down together and plan a healthy sex life together where you talk openly and frankly about what you want and what your significant other wants.

experiment, within healthy bounds, of course.

if need be, see a marriage counselor if all else fails.

don't ignore yourselves when the kids start coming.

have date nights together at least once every fortnight or once every week if you can afford it. it doesn't have to be an expensive date. just time away from the familiar home settings. let your husband woo you again.

and so on and so forth...

all the best.

Nice one, but I've realized some men hate to be sit down for discussion, they just don't want to learn/listen. I always wish to remind my husband I shouldn't be the one telling you to hug and kiss me before you leave the house. It's good I hug you when you get home from work, he will never think of being romantic before leaving the house or before going to bed at night.

I'm glad you said its serious business, Plus it's real hardwork from both of them, not just one person. I do tell my husband, "look up at our wedding picture, we're two in the picture, so we should do things together.".

J111333:
This is exactly why I can not marry a virgin or anyone under 25.

Marriage is a serious business so it requires trainings from father, brothers, male cousins, boyfriends, classmates, male co-workers etc. If a lady hasn't gotten to these stages, then she shouldn't be ready and available for marriage.

Marriage without love is as good as cohabitation, no marriage counsellor or pastor can change that.

You guys should sit down and have a long conversation and your decision should based on that, not on advice from nairaland.

Even men that are of age act like babies in marriage, they show love and affection in the early marriage and ignore the wife later, leaving chores they used to do together to the wife in the latter year. The domain called men will be claiming they had a busy/stressful day but expect their pregnant wife with a toddler to get all chores done without help or complaints

sylve11:
Miss, if this happens to be some guys I use to know, make u know sey ur own don set; except u take him to church for deliverance (may be T.B Joshua). I have some friends that will keep u malice for over three weeks for almost nothing. . .meaning with little or no fault but with little misunderstanding, they will keep u malice. Sometimes, they may resolve to not taking ur calls. I pray this is not the kinda man, most especially when he considers all his doings 'right'. . .then almost certain shall ye remain a complainant all the rest of thy life.

This is just my husband's way, if he offends me and I try to tell him I don't like what he did, instead of him asking me "OK, how should I have said it ?" ,he would say, it's you that advised me to be a talking type in the house and not a quiet husband, I won't talk again then and I'll be leaving the house very early and come back late at night.
I would be like, is that the solution to what I accused you of? And that will be the end of him talking for that day and days more until I beg him and force him to talk. At the end, I will be the one begging him, whereas he was supposed to apologize to me for the insultive words he said to me.
I wish I can always keep quiet when he says those insultive words, but I can't always help it that I cry when he says it. It's after so many hurtful words from him that I voice out and he starts to keep malice.
I'm pregnant for our 2nd child, he only sees the things I don't do in the house and talk about it instead of him helping me, sees the dirty toilet when I'm not able to wash it because of backache or stomach pain or feeling dizzy after washing. The things I do, he doesn't talk about it to say, this is a job well done.
Abi in my first pregnancy that he was so helpful and his words not hurtful, he would wash the toilet for me, we would cook together, he would shave me, wear my footwear for me as I couldn't bend over. The other way is the case this time. My toddler saps my strength.
I don't know how to cope with him. God will help me.

Please may I ask about number 2, is it right for husband to request for number of her ex again after he deleted it immediately he got married . In the name of we are neighbors (their parents houses are beside each other till today)? He didn't ask the lady out per say, but he used to enter her room, they could have had sex in her room if not for a distraction. And after d guy's wedding ,the lady told dis guy that, him marrying another lady pained her so much, she was expecting him to ask her out but d guy didn't.
Then the guy realizing this, deleted her number from his phone. When he heard of the lady's wedding which he attended , he started chatting her on facebook, d husband's wife wasn't pleased with it but no choice. Recently, the wife found out they now chat on whatsapp, d husband said he requested for her number again via facebook. He said coz they are neighbors. The husband had to even lie to the lady when she asked why he didn't have her number again, he said he lost contacts when he changed his phone, which is wrong. The husband purposely deleted the lady's number for peace to reign in his marriage.

Pls is the husband right to have her number again and be chatting d lady, as the wife doesn't feel good each time she sees this lady or their chat, thinking they might have seen each other's unclothedness even if no sex as he claimed.

hmmm...

hmmm. sum men claim to love but dey are selfish , dey can't even allow deir women use deir fone charger. Love o. hmm

hmmm. I'm afraid. I am a Bsc holder in mathematics, 2nd class upper. it's like one needs to further one's education or else, one ends up being a mathematics teacher.

Nice 1.