₦airaland Forum

Biglittlelois:
Nice write up.

Thanks.

Adasun:
Some bad gals change at da wrong age,not fair for da gud guys

That's one way to look at it. What if she didn't have a choice before, but now that she does, she has choose to be good?

From the beginning, no girl determines the type of family or environment that she is born into. That decision is not up to her to make, it is only when she grows up a little that she begins to realize the manner of family or environment that she has been born into.

But family and environment are two of the most important factors that determines human behavior and character. When we are born, our families go a long way in shaping our behaviors, characters and beliefs and the environment in which we find ourselves further reaffirms or challanges these beliefs.

Now, no girl chooses to be born into a good or bad family, but her family is still going to have a major impact on her life. If she is born into a family that lay a lot of emphasis on good family values & behaviours, then she is going to follow those principles and grow up to become what we refer to as a "good Girl". And if a girl is born into a family where there is no much emphasis on good family values and behaviours, then she is going to be left without proper guidance & direction and would likely grow up to become what we term a " bad Girl".

But I want us to identify one key point here which is "Choice". The good girl didn't choose to be good initially, she was simply born into it and the bad girl never choose to be bad from the beginning, she too was born into it. It is only later, at a certain point in their lives, that both girls are presented with a choice. To either maintain the status quo or to transition into someone else.

For the god girl, she is presented with a the choice; to either remain good as she has always been or to transition unto the bad side. While for the bad girl, she also is presented with a choice; to either remain bad as her family or environment has shaped her to be or to transition unto the good side.

Now, this is where human beings desire for "Change" comes to play. Because the good girl has been good all her life and has always been well behaved, she might want to add some spice to her life by seeking to live a life that is different from the one that she has known. And who does she go to when she wants to experience the bad side? That's right, the "bad Guy".

For the bad girl, because she has been bad almost all her life and has always lived a life without proper guidance, she too might also want to add some spice to her life by seeking an experience that is different from the one that she has become accustomed to. And who do you think she runs to when she wants to experience the good side? Yeah, she goes to the "good Guy".

So, as you can see, there can be badness in every good girl and goodness in every bad girl. It all boils down to "Choice" and the availability & willingness of someone to help in making that desire a reality. The End.

Dami12345:
Why is it that when they are showing nudes in nairaland.
The girls are censored including their faces while the guys are in High definition.?

Why is it that women have the advantage in everything in life.

Why do we as men have to hand over our hard earned money to these women who will run off with a richer man I'd him look their side?.

Was the Bleep is the meaning of the scam love.

1. Concerning the issue of nudes on nairaland, I think the moderators & admins will be able to explain better because each website have their own rules & regulations that users have to abide by.

But to tell you the truth, I don't think it's just a nairaland thing, I think it has to do more with the society as a whole. We place a lot of value on a woman's chastity & will usually sham any lady who fails to uphold those values. Hence the need to protect her identity in such situations.

2. Well, I wouldn't say they have the advantage in everything, but they tend to really know how to get what they want from men.

3. The issue of a lady running off with a much richer man has to do with the fact that most men have formed the habit of trying to impress a lady with money even when they know that such lady does not have any interest in them.

When a lady is with you because of your money, she will run off when the money finishes or when a much richer man comes along because to her, whatever you can provide, the richer man can provide more. But not all ladies are like that sha.

4. To answer your last question, I will advice you to read all parts of my series on 'Why Today's Relationships Don't Last'. https://www.nairaland.com/5004960/why-todays-relationships-dont-last

rapcy:
Ok, how do you start a conversation with a particular lady in a gathering?

Well, before starting any form of conversation with a lady in such situation, you've first got to make your presence know to her by using eye contact in a very confident manner. if she does show interest by reciprocating your eye contact, then you can approach and initiate a conversation with her.

And please note that with ladies, its not really about what you say, but how you say it. Your attitude when approaching & talking to her matters a lot. The more confident you are, the better.

If you've got any question about love, relationship & dating, just ask them here & they will all be answered accordingly. Thanks.

Now, from our previous part, the major problem that’s responsible for the breakdown in relationships today is insincerity whereby, some individuals will pretend to be in love in order to achieve their own selfish desires. And the reason why your love life isn’t working or hasn’t been working is because you may have fallen victim to the deceit and schemes of these set of individuals who enjoy toying with people’s emotions.

And also, because of the heartbreaks you may have experienced in the past due to this problem of insincerity, you might have decided to give up on love because to you, people are all the same. But I want to let you know that they are still good people out there and the reason why you keep falling for the bad ones is because of your inability to differentiate between the good and bad.

Or your own case might be that you discovered the deceit very late and you may feel like the damage has already been done. But I want to let you know that its better late than never. Thank God you were even able to discover the truth at all. Lots of people are still trapped in the lies and deceit without even realizing that they were and are still being deceived by their partners and by the time they may get to discover the truth, it might already be too late then.

Imagine if Elizabeth had not discovered the truth like she did, am sure you will agree with me that in addition to losing her pregnancy, she might have also lost her life. What about James, imagine what would have happened if he had not realized that he was deceived, he would have continued with the marriage not knowing that his wife was cheating on him with several men. So, like I said before, its better late than never.

Now, if you fall into any of the above categories, I will like to welcome you to a new dawn, because, once a problem is revealed, it can be countered, corrected and even reversed. But if you fall into the category of those who have not encountered these set of deceitful individuals before, then I will also like to welcome you because, what you are about to learn will help you avoid heartbreaks later on. After all, prevention is better than cure.

So, how can you differentiate between the good and bad, the sincere and insincere, true love and deceitful love? It is by adopting a set of guidelines and principles that will help you see through the deceits and lies before they even begin. Below are some of some of those guidelines:

1. Study before engaging: Learn to study people from afar and pay close attention to their character and behaviors before coming close to them or engaging them in a conversation. And if possible, it’s even better to study them before they become aware of your presence. This way, you get to know a little about their true character and behaviors before they notice you.

After you must have studied them from a distance and concluded that you are comfortable with their behaviors, then by all means, make them aware of your presence or even engage them in a conversation.

2. Learn to ask questions: During your conversation with them, try and ask intelligent questions that will help reveal more about their character. And when I say you should ask questions, am not implying that you should turn the conversation into an interrogation, instead, try and be subtle in your approach. As a matter of fact, make it a habit to be genuinely interested in knowing more about the people you interact with, because, that will enable you understand who they really are and not who they want you to see.

If after the conversation you are still comfortable with their character and would like to meet them again, then you can go ahead and exchange contacts in order to stay in touch. This way, you have some level of understanding about them before taking the interaction any further.

3. Don’t be greedy: If during the point of study or interaction, you discover that you are not comfortable with their character or behaviors, it better you don’t even engage them at all. But if you are already interacting with them, then try and find a way to end the conversation as soon as possible, in a respectful manner of course.

Don’t continue with the interaction because of what you think you may stand to gain by getting close to them. This is the foundation of greed and selfishness that is causing problems in relationships and marriages today. And rather that combating the problem, you will end up becoming part of it. So don’t be greedy!

4. Make your intentions clear: If after interacting and knowing more about them for some time, you discover that they are the type of person you would like to be in a relationship with, then it’s better to make your intentions known. And the best way of doing this is with your actions, not just your words. Remember, action speaks louder than words and I think it’s even better to make your intentions known with your actions before saying anything. This way, you would be able to tell if your intentions are well received before uttering any words.

5. Learn to be patient: After you must have made your intentions known either through your words or actions, pay close attention to see if the other person needs more time to be sure that they also want to be with you. It’s better to be patient by giving them some time to also find out more about you. But at this point, you must be careful not fake any attitude or behavior with the hopes of convincing them to accept you. This is a very bad foundation to start any relationship on, one that is doomed to fail. And also, don’t try to entice them with money or sex in order to win their love and affection because it will backfire.

6. Know when to walk away: Now, if after giving them some time to know more about you and to see if they would want the same thing you want, you discover that their feelings for you aren’t mutual and it doesn’t look like there’re ever going to be, then, I will advise you to walk away without looking back. This way, you save yourself the pain and heartbreaks that might come up later.

In conclusion, by following the above guidelines, you get to avoid the problem before it even emerges because, you would already know how to differentiate between the good and bad, those who are sincere and those who are not, true love and deceitful love. Thereby avoiding the pains and sorrows that comes with ending up in a bad relationship or marriage.

From the stories in part 2 of this series, am sure you will agree with me when I say that they were all very lucky because, they discovered the deceit early. Imagine if they had entered into something more serious like marriage only to discover later on that their husband or wife wasn’t who they pretended to be. Well as for the man in this next story, he wasn’t that lucky.

I met James sitting dejected in front of his house, feeling concerned, I approached him and asked what the problem was, he told me that he once met a very gorgeous and caring lady whom he fell he love with. After being in a relationship with her for just three months, he decided that she was the lady he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But according to him, all hell was let loose two weeks after their wedding. She suddenly became disrespectful and would challenge him at every opportunity she got. He could no longer have a decent conversation with his wife anymore because of her rude attitude.

He then wondered how the kind and respectful lady he had once knew, could suddenly change to become the monster that was making life unbearable for him. The situation worsened up to the point that she would embarrass him in front of his friends and family. She would even insult his mother and siblings on some occasions.

He told me that she continued to be disrespectful towards him for more than six months until he could no longer endure the marriage and had to file for divorce. But the divorce itself wasn’t easy because she was given sole custody of their only child and he only got visiting rights, and even at that, she would still prevent him from seeing his son sometimes.

Though what was causing him pain now was the recent news he heard that his wife had slept with one of his friends two days before their wedding and was even going out with several men during the course of their marriage. He felt like a fool. How could he have been so blinded by love that he failed to see her for who she truly was? And according to him, he regretted ever meeting her.

In my own little wisdom, I think what James failed to realize was that the lady he married was really desperate to settle down and she only pretended to possess the characteristics of a good wife which she knew James was looking for. And once she had achieved her aim, there was no need to pretend anymore. So, his wife did not change during course of their marriage, she only revealed her true character. Let’s consider this next story:

I saw Elizabeth in the ER while paying a visit to my cousin who was ill. She was sitting on the hospital bed with bruises and bandages all over her face. She narrated her own story to me of how she met a young man named Luke. He was the most caring and kindhearted man she had ever encountered and what really drew her to him was the fact that he engaged in a lot of charity works. To her, he was the type of man she had always dreamed of.

They fell in love and got married in a very glamorous wedding within a period of six months. But three months into their marriage, Luke began to keep late nights and when he did come home at about 2am in the morning, he would be very drunk. And whenever she confronted him about the issue, he would suddenly become aggressive and would begin hitting her.

When he is sober in the morning, he would apologize for his behavior and would even promise never to hit her again and also never to stay out late. But the same thing would repeat itself again the very next day and it continued like that for about four months until one very unfortunate night.

Luke had come home drunk like he always does and when she wanted to remind him of his promise never to drink or keep late nights again, he descended on her and punched her until she became unconscious and was rushed to the hospital by some neighbors. She later lost her three months old pregnancy.

As she sat there wallowing in pain with tears gushing down her already reddened eyes, she told me that she never imagined that the humble, kind and caring man she thought she married would suddenly become a drunkard and a boxer that would turn her into a punching bag.

Now, just like James, what Elizabeth had failed to realize was that Luke had only pretended to be the humble and caring man she thought she knew. He has always been a drunkard and was very aggressive from the beginning. He only pretended to be different in order to get Elizabeth to marry him.

So as you can see from these two stories, they were not as lucky as the people in the previous part. They failed to see through the deceit until things got really serious and by then, the irreparable damage was already done. That is the implication of not tackling the problem early. The damage will be greater and more devastating later on.

A guy once told me of how he met a lady in a grocery store and got attracted to her on the spot (it was like love at first sight). They went on several dates together and later entered into a relationship, two weeks after their initial meeting.

He said the relationship continued for about two years without any issues, but things quickly changed the moment he lost his job. He suddenly discovered that the sweet and caring lady he once knew was no longer showing him love and affection like she used to.

She started avoiding his calls and would rarely visit him and even when he was able to see her, she would come up with several excuses so as to avoid talking to him. Things continued like that for about three weeks until it reached a point that he could no longer continue with the relationship. And though he really loved and cherished this lady, he had to end the relationship with her. But to his greatest surprise, she was more than willing to part ways with him.

According to him, he was shocked because this lady had showed him great love and affection while the going was good and he had even imagined her to be his true love. She always respected him and would consult him before making any decision and it was because of all these attributes she had demonstrated that made him believe that she truly loved him. He was even planning on marrying her if not for the fact that he lost his job.

It was later that he found out from some of her friends that the lady never truly loved him and that she was with him because he was well to do. They even told him of how she would insult him behind his back of how foolish he was and how easy it was to deceive him. This was the point that he realized that this particular lady, whom he thought was the love of his life was only pretending to be reciprocating his love and affection all through the time they were together.

After reading this man’s story, you can now see that the problem that started in the beginning is now affecting a lot of people in this present time. Most ladies now see relationships as a means of extorting money from men or as a means of securing their own future. But before we go any further let’s consider this second story:

Victoria was a young lady who had always believed in the concept of true love. She believed that everyone had a soul mate and that each person was destined to meet their true love at one point or another and because of this believe, she looked forward to meeting her own true love.

While on campus during her second year in college, she met a young man named Williams in the school’s cafeteria. She took to Williams because of his calm nature and also because of how he portrayed some of the characteristics and attributes that were similar to hers. They got talking and in the course of their conversation, she realized that she really connected with Williams a lot and as so, began to entertain the thought that she might have found her soul mate. They later exchanged numbers and kept in touch for some weeks up to the point that Victoria concluded that she was in love Williams. So, you can imagine her excitement when Williams professed his undying love for her after about a month of knowing each other. To her, it was the perfect match.

He told her of how he fell for her from the very first day they met and how his love for her has grown ever since, and of course, she believed every single words. But after being in a relationship with Williams for three weeks, she began to notice that he no longer called her like he used to, they would go for days without seeing or speaking to each other and his excuse was that he was always busy with lectures.

But things took a turn for the worst when she started hearing rumors of how Williams was seeing other ladies and it was at this point that she started getting really confused. How can the love of her life, who has declared that his heart only beats for her be seeing other ladies? Anyway, she decided to confront him about it, but to her greatest shock, she caught Williams and another lady on the bed in his apartment. With tears in her eyes, she asked him why he had decided to hurt her the way he did, and his reply was that the relationship wasn’t working out for him anymore and that it would be better if they both went their separate ways. She was heartbroken.

Victoria later realized that Williams never truly loved her. He had only pretended to be reciprocating her love in order to sleep with her and when he had achieved his objective, he saw no reason to continue with the relationship anymore. So as you can see, just like Williams, lots of men out there are also now using love as a tool of manipulation in order to achieve their own selfish desires. Now, let's also consider this next story:

Michael sighted Kate in a shopping mall and noticed that Kate was well endowed with a lot of physical attributes and without wasting any time, he engaged her in a conversation. They later agreed to go on a date together, a decision which pleased Michael a lot because to him, he had caught a new fish. But unknown to him that while he was scheming on how to deceive Kate, she also was planning on how to milk him of his money because to her, she too had caught a new fish.

After going on two dates, Michael then felt that it was time for him to profess his love for Kate, but she then made it clear to him that in order for her to believe that he truly loved her, he had to get her a car. But unknown to Kate that the car in which Michel had used in taking her out on their dates was actually his friend’s car which he had borrowed in order to deceive her. Anyway, to cut the long story short, they both later discovered that they had been trying to play on each other’s intelligence right from the very first day they met. Michael never got to use and dump Kate like he intended, and Kate on their other hand, never really got to milk Michael of his money.

This is the situation we find ourselves in today, lots of individuals are using relationships as an avenue to satisfy their own greed and selfishness. But in the beginning, it wasn’t so.

solz007:
Well Written

Thanks.

Before now, love was a feeling that was meant to be kind, affectionate, caring and patient. Love knew so strive, hatred, selfishness or greed. Love was pure in its purest form. It brought about connection, happiness, emotional stability, joy etc. This made being in a relationship much easier than it is today.

But along the line, people started viewing relationship as just a means of satisfying their own selfish desires. This was the point that the concept of love was beginning to get corrupted. People started using love as a tool of manipulation and deceit. They were no longer sincere with each other because greed was starting to get the best of them, thus perverting the true essence of relationships.

Rather than engaging in the real practice of love, everyone started prioritizing the benefits they can get out of being in a relationship with the opposite sex. And in order to enjoy those benefits, they started pretending to be in love with each other, even when the feeling wasn’t mutual.

We started hearing stories of how some ladies were beginning to get into relationships with men in order to benefit from the wealth of those men. They would pretend for months or even years to be madly in love in order to win the affection and trust of the men. And some men, being ignorant of the traps that were being laid out for them, would fall madly in love with those ladies with the hope that they were finding true love.

And we also began to hear tales of some men who being driven by their lustful desires were starting to device means on how to deceive young ladies. They would profess their undying love to ladies just so they could have their way with them. And some ladies who were unaware of the devices of those men started falling victim to them.

So as you can see, the purpose of relationships, which was meant to be a way in which people could grow their love and learn to understand each other, was slowly perverted and changed because of greed and selfishness. Some ladies started viewing relationships as a means of attaining wealth and security, while some men started seeing it as just an avenue for having sex and they all had to start pretending in order to achieve their aim. This was the beginning of the problem! - To be continued.....

Biglittlelois:
This is true.

Am glad you agree

SenorFax:
One can say a man with money becomes more confident, that's something all men can't relate to.

Exactly.

ubunja:
Agreed. That's why with women you "fake it till you make it". The same reason PUAs teach men all these tricks about being arrogant etc, tricks that work until they dont work. Faking confidence can get you women but in the long run it will be clear you are not a real Bad Boy. You are spot on.
OK. now how does money enter the equation? Because money also has a big role to play in female attraction

Money makes a Man act confident & tough because he feels he can do anything as long as he is rich, and that's the kind of attitude that women are attracted to.

So, yes money also play a major role in female attraction. But it's better to build your confidence internally so that even if there is lack of money, your confidence still remains intact.

A man is most affected by his sights and his behavior is influenced by that which he sees. He likes that which is beautiful and pleasing to the eyes, but dislikes that which appears to be lacking in beauty and seems unpleasant to behold.

For a man to fall in love, he has to keep on seeing. That means, the less he sees, the less he loves. He is most attracted to a beautiful face and tends to be really turned on by nice physiques. A man only goes to that which is not beautiful & pleasing to the eyes when he has limited options.

A woman on the other hand is most affected by attitude and her behavior is much influenced by the attitude of the one whom she meets. She is attracted to the which appears to be confident and tough, but is easily repulsed by lack of confidence and timidity.

Now,a woman is completely different from a man in the sense that her emotions are completely at the mercy of the attitude of the one whom she meets. The more she is exposed to that which seems confident and tough, the more she falls in love.

This is because a woman's senses are most affected by how she feels and her feeling is influenced by attitude. Lack of confidence and timidity is to a woman what lack of beauty and unpleasant appearance is to a man.

The major difference here is that a man is attracted to that which is pleasant to behold, while a woman is attracted to that which makes her feel good. While a man considers a beautiful face with nice physiques to be more pleasant, a woman considers a confident and tough attitude to be most pleasing.