If am left to die in silence, God knows. Please, I really need your advice and words of encouragement.

CONT...
Please am really serious with my story, not to draw your attention but to restore what I am about to lose.

I don't really know my true calling. I don't know if I am called to be a Man of God or to get married.

Why?

Because, I have never spoken to any girl for friendship and lose her, she must say yes hoping and praying to be my wife.
But how do I feel when such happen, my love and feelings for her will instantly starts to fade upon hearing: "I wish you will be my husband."

Now, why?

Knowing that I will lose her if I don't get to tell her, "I also wish the same, but all is by the grace of God" without she knowing that my mind to serve the Living God, to restore the glory of his people back, to set the prisoners free and comfort the people of God has been compleetly made up.

But why? You know you will not marry her and yet get to meet her for friendship?

Not really for marriage but to restore the dignity of women' worth and to raise those who will realize the weight of power that was bestowed on them. To bring them closer to God and make them pillar of love when they eventually get married.

You must be joking, How possible?
Maybe, because no girl has ever ignored my proposal for friendship or because God want to test you or because you are not meant to be a man of God, or because you are making a mistake.

These has been my questions since the past 8 years.

Now I am confused on what to do.

Who am I? Now I have never for one day in my thought substituted This call for man of God with any other issue, but in reality, am not getting the whole thing right. I know this. But, the worst case is this....

I am presently with a girl who is totally helpless, who depend on me for survival, and am having an affair with her which was not my initial intention, but due to her loneliness and way of reactions each time am with her discussing, I couldn't tell her the truth again.

One day, I told her, I think am not ready to get married but to be a man of God if God permits it. Guess what? She cried all night and on the curse of telling her to stop crying I told her I was just joking. Hoping that things will stabilize as time goes by.

What should I do? This I asked my self. Should I tell her the Truth about my true feeling for anything including my family when it comes to making decision on my vocation. I am afraid she will cry blood and may get the whole thing wrong. I am afraid she will think my real intention for helping was just to sleep with her which never was my intention. She may count me among "those guys" as she use to tell me while telling me her past experience.

This girl need me to wipe her tears away. She was rejected by families and parents for no reason, she was forced to believe that she was cursed. Which I proved to her that she is blessed and not cursed.

Now, should I quit every Friendship with girls to control my feelings. Then what will be their fate?
Should I tell this girl to leave. Then what will happen to her?
Should I continue with her and also with other girls believing that God will make away? Then what happens to my feelings and thoughts as a man of God to be?

Please, tell me, advice me with the direction of the Spirit.
Please, remember that I know that I may have made a mistake, but that is why I decided to break the silence.
I am also finding it difficult to make strong decisions based on facts, if not I will just leave everything behind aand start a new life.

Please tell me.

Happy Sunday to you all, I am really sorry for my inability to tell my story as scheduled yesterday by 10pm.
It was due to unforeseen circumstances, but I will make it up today by his grace. Thank you.

Please brethren, try to understand me. I am not telling you to wait till that time, but you can simply long in at any time of your choice to advice me after the story. I t will be a continuous help you will be rendering to me. please, your coments will even help me to keep my hope alive. Please try to understand.

God, I am not comfortable any longer.
I know I have done terrible things in my life so far, I also know that you are a merciful God.
I have....

Please my dear Listener, I will like to continue my confused life story around 10pm today, when my mind will be at easy with my soul.

Please, am really confused, and Am so much in need of your private advice and words of encouragement.

CHAPTER TWO
Loveth and Joshua

Joshua who was a principal in one respectable and large secondary school located at Amaokwe village, in Ovogovo Local Government Area in Enugu State, had been in the school as a principal for four years without performing anything tangible in his village, Amaeze Nsukka also in Enugu State. He was in his office one morning when one of his beautiful, tall, huge and well educated teacher called Loveth knocked at his door.
"Yes, who is that person standing there", the young man asked.
"Sir! It's me, one of your teachers", Miss Loveth replied.
She had been sent by the Hon. Commissioner for education by name Hon. Alias Makata to deliver a warning message to Sir Joshua.
"Okay, you can come in." Joshua replied. She went inside and stood before Joshua.
"Good morning Sir."
"Hi, Miss Loveth, is that you this morning? You can sit down". Joshua beckoned her to a seat. She walk slowly towards like a sixteen-year old girl carrying a quadruplets pregnancy and sat on the seat.
"How are you today? I hope there was no problem because I have not noticed your presence today and you have not even been to school or had a thought to visit me at all."
"Sir, the problem and the matter are nothing of your business; I am only here for a particular reason".
Loveth addressed him like this only to prepare way to break their friendship because she didn't want to marry him. Joshua became very astonished because Loveth had not addressed him in a way he expected from her unlike before. She then continued.
"I am here to deliver a message from the above."
Joshua had been busy arranging some files but immediately he heard her statement, he stopped everything to pay attention.
"What message from above?"
"Sir, Hon. Alias Makata sent me to you with a verbal message. He gave me the message yesterday on my way to the general office. Joshua became more and more astonished as he thought of what the message could be and stared at Loveth in a manner that she could not look at him in the face.

Oh, that's exactly the reason am here" she said as she fell on her knees."Dr. Jerry, you know that I am your customer, and not only that, I am your friend. Please, I need you…’ Before she could finish, Dr. Jerry pulled her up. Any way, there is no problem as far as I am concerned. As a doctor, you are just lucky like a Lucky Dube".
"What do you mean by that?" Rose enquired. Jerry assured her that any time she wanted, she should let him know, so that he can replace all those goods she lost.
"Oh! thank you my hus..." She had wanted to call Jerry her husband but she could not muster the heart to convey that feeling into Dr. Jerry's mind.
"What do you want to say?", asked Dr. Jerry.
"E-e-m, oh! no problem, I was just trying to....
"To what7 Look, I don't want you to hurt your heart with...." Before Jerry could finish, Rose drew closer to him and caressed his shirt.
"Jerry, you know that since 1 knew you, we have not faced each other in this manner. You should have noticed all these signs of my love for...”
Dr. Jerry shouted back at her with a question to know whether what she was saying came from her heart. "What did you just say? I mean, what prompted you to say so? Oh! my heart, you are the apple of my eyes; in fact, I love you too", as they fondled each other, after which they went back to their seats.
"Now, listen to me", Dr. Jerry said, placing his hands on his table trying to tell a story about his childhood life. "I am from Ugbele village, Ede-Oballa in Nsukka local government area of Enugu State. I was born to the family of Mr. and Mrs. Solomon Agbo. From my childhood, I have been a brilliant boy from whom every person around wanted to learn. During my nursery school, I used to be a child of silence and always liked to stay alone, but due to my intelligence, some of my friends used to disturb me by requesting me to teach them Mathematics. After my nursery education, my intelligence enabled me to study in one of the highest and most respectable primary schools in our home town. My parents proposed that I should become an Engineer due to my special expertise in Mathematics. On entering into the primary school, I became a stubborn boy and did not even pay attention to what our headmaster said, much less obeying the teachers. But that did not stop me from being brilliant. I sat at the back seat with my friend called Joshua who also was a very brilliant and stubborn boy. The two of us used to resolve problems in Mathematics together to the extent that we at times set out a logic problem in order to know who will prove better.
"One day, Joshua told me to give him a pen but I refused. This led to a fight between us, and because he was then stronger than me, although I was taller, he threw me down twice times".
At this statement, Rose laughed a little, and then asked, "What did you do to him?"
"Ha! What are you trying to say? I immediately used my lower jaw to knock his head".
"Wow!", Rose said in excitement. "Jeremiah, are you sure of what you are saying?"
"Oh! do you think I am telling you a lie? Even if a vulture cries today, I will not tell a lie and I will not cease to tell you the whole story of my childhood before you leave."
While all this was going on, Jerry was receiving text messages informing him that some of his patients were waiting to see him, but he kept sending back, "He is busy" just because he didn't want to leave the girl of his heart, but without knowing that he was busy losing his job. Although Rose told Jerry to go and attend to his work, he told her not to worry herself or mind those useless patients. All this while, Jerry did not realize that Rose was studying him more and more through his story and actions.
"At that point that I knocked his head with my jaw, he could not do anything more other than to glash his heath into my left leg which led to my being rushed to one of the hospitals in my town called St Bridget hospital for the treatment.
"You mean that you were taken to the hospital because of that incident?", Rose asked in bewilderment.
"Yes of course. What do you expect could have been done?"
"Well, if I were you, I would have wounded him more than he did to me but what you did was in accordance with your own will."
At this stage, Dr. Jerry immediately noticed that Rose had a hot temper which he immediately put down in writing off-handedly and continued with his story.
"Immediately we arrived at the hospital, I could do no other thing than to recite some ejaculation prayers. As soon as we went into the ward and assigned a bed by the manager, the doctor came in with a syringe to give me an injection. Immediately the needle touched my...." He did not finish the statement when Rose told him that she knows where the needle touched and that he should go on with what happened after the injection. She did this in order to prevent Jerry from knowing whom she really is, - a prostitute.
"Okey, no problem, I will not say so", said Jerry, and continued with his story.
"Without respecting the doctor, I quickly slapped him, but due to his knowledge, the doctor only apologized to me instead of reacting to the slap".
"You mean that you slapped the doctor?, Rose asked.
"Yes, of course I did"
"Ha! You have a hot temper"
"No, it was not a hot temper, but due to the pain of the needle, I had no other option", Jerry said. "I stayed in the hospital for only one day, but do you know what they billed us?"
"No, I don't know".
"We had to pay the sum of fifteen thousand naira"
"What did you just say, fifteen thousand naira?" courtship
"Yes! That's exactly what they demanded from us. Well, life is worth than the money by 100%", and due to that, I swore to be a doctor and not just a doctor who will work in a government hospital but who will have my own hospital, and by God's grace, you can see now who I am".
Rose immediately fell into laughter because she couldn't understand Jerry's purpose in the story he told her other than to tell her his main aim of becoming a doctor. She then said to him, "Do-o-ctor Jerry, ha! you are so funny, is this how you cure your patients without applying any drug? Nna, idi too much". Jerry immediately perceived her reason for laughing and also laughed himself.
At this point, one of the nurses working in Jerry's hospital by name Nneoma, came in and said to Dr Jerry, "Sir, you have just found the honey you have been looking for in the market. Sir, don't be angry with my statement, it is just that many of our patients are about to go, so-o-o.."
Before she could finish, Dr. Jerry stood up and said to Rosaline, "my love, don't be angry, we shall see later; let me go and attend to those patients."
"Oh, my heart, I love you too", she joyfully replied and the three of them immediately went out of the room.

CHAPTER ONE
Jerry and Rosaline

Dr. Jerry, a very handsome, young, respectable and brilliant doctor was also the best doctor in the State. He was in his office one day, with his hands and head resting on the table taking a nap when one of his best customers dashed in. She was a young girl called Rosaline, carrying a hand bag full of empty bottles. She was dressed in a white long sleeve shirt and a long skirt with red cover shoes, her hair dressed with wool. Rosaline was a beautiful girls such that no one ever passes her by without looking at her the second time.
"Good morning Sir", greeted Miss Rose.
"Oh! My able customer, how are you today? responded Dr. Jerry, as he raised his head to welcome her.
"I am fine but the rope has not killed the goat but has not also left it", Miss Rose replied.
"Yon can have a seat," said Jerry. "How about your business?” Dr Jerry further
enquirer. "Well...." Rose could not finish the statement to express her condition."What is that again? Tell me, 1 am here for you?" She then opened up after Dr. Jerry had spoken."All is well but one is wrong"."What do you mean by all is well but one is wrong. Are you alright? Dr. Jerry queried as he stood up, walked towards her and placed his right hand on her shoulder."Tell me what the problem is all about, oh my girl, don't hide it."She went further: "I couldn't sleep last night because of gunshots I heard around my shop "Gunshots"? Dr. Jerry exclaimed. "Did they destroy your goods?"