₦airaland Forum

Z4M4eva:
decomposing slowpoke


Penis-Breath


greasy gay


skanky Shmuck

puke snarfing Dingus


moronic Fatso


smelly crotched Dullard


self-righteous Motor-Mouth


pathetic Asshole


unwanted Stupe


vile Dumb-Shit


idiotic Thunder-Thighs

Sup Z4M4eva !!! its ok and try 2 reduse D way U curse mates.We r all one Big happy Family ok ?

LUV U ALL !!!

I wan say a shout-out 2 my mum and Dad including ma lovely G/friend and ma friends out there
Wan use oppurtunity say my shat out 2 all NIRALANDARZZ

LUV U ALL !!!

Maybe the rumour is just fake bcus :

JAY-Z ANNOUNCES BEYONCE WEDDING PLANS
Rapper Jay-Z has announced his imminent plans to marry R&B beauty Beyonce Knowles.
The hip-hop star announced his plans at a record company party for departing Def Jam boss Lyon Cohen on Wednesday -- delighting the revelers.

After Cohen gave a speech to guests at New York nightclub Taj, Jay-Z took the mic and told the mogul, "You've been one of the best friends I could have had ,

"Apart from this woman beside me (Beyonce), who I love and who I will marry very soon."

A witness at the bash says, "It was really unexpected. As soon as he said it everyone in the place starting whooping and cheering.

"Beyonce was standing next to him cooing and looking totally in love.

"It was a beautiful moment. If ever there were any doubts about how much they love each other, then this certainly blew those away."

The pair have been dating since duetting on track "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" in 2002, although both have always refused to publicly comment on the relationship.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think Ciara will kool with Akon and bowwow will match with Riahana

Isn't That kool ?

NON OF THEM ALL !!!


BUT


USHER

Bleep 50/GUNIT(G-UNOT)!!!,,just Bitching around with bulletproof!!! COWARD LIL'BOY!!!

Bleep G-UNIT !!!

G~G~G UNOT !!!!!!!!

kimba:
@love 11
the way you even describe the fellow as "A Nigerian Boy, " makes me feel for the guy already,

i mean, as "A Nigerian Boy", its like the guy is hopeless already, think about it "A Nigerian Boy", it sounds funny: A Nigerian Boy

When U kno' u don't av anything sensible 2 say,u should av kept it silent.What wrong with "A nigerian boy" ? i will like 2 know and i don't care if u a nigerian or not or if you're in nigeria or not.don't u kno' some people in here are not nigerian?.Please next time u shouln't talk that way about Nigeria because it's so annoying.



My advice,
My dear Please try as u can 2 test this guy.U may tell him that u want him 2 come and meet u over there and he should let u kno'whenever he's gotten his traveling Documents(Visa,passport and all that).U will kno' if he's trully in love with u or he just wants your money. if he accept  without demanding 4 money kno Dat he may truly love U (maybe 50% )but if he should ask 4 money or gift, Believe me,he is a fraud and please u should stop chatting or mailing him.Good Luck !

I think this is a great idea.lagos will be D best venue.

Mostly Men

how is everyone 2day ?

Yo !
God kno's wo is gonna make it
som peple think i'm no'gonna do it
Feel Da real lyrics
comin' out frm ma mouth
like a route in cloud
i will never be out
like a tout
collecting money by the roundabout
kiss me,diz me,feel me or kill me
no sin,no prison
and no reason
am fleeing out of here
and if am gone i'm gonna b rear



LUV U all !!!

Yea !
I'm feeling like ***
I'm dizzin' like ***
it's aint funny
cos it's like no mornin'
i will B damn !b if i c u with my boo
cos she's aint like book
and it can be so rude
to think dat i'm blue
feel me like**
diz me Like**
do i look like a sinner
u now kno'dat i'm real
Cos i'm so Green

Thank God i woke up in peace 2day
and i dont kno'how to repay
cos my foes are still tripping
like a thug with no feelin
I'm one in a million in this niraland
and everyone kno' i'm blessed with ballad
i'm feel like i own the world
if you feel me let me c how u translate my word
Huh!!!

Hello My Poeple Laugh This too !!!

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish lady in order to be legally certified via resident status, but the lady was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda.

Upon marriage, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.

The Naija man was somewhat perplexed, although not perceptibly, and wondered how he'd get out of this spot. He postponed and postponed until he could do so no more.

Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swedish lady came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the table. Our Naija chappie was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was all he could think.

The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, asked them to speak to each other. "Hey! It's not every day you meet people from home.!" they admonished.

Our Naija man, being a man of great savvy, decided that he would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would probably assume he was from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language. So looking across the table he said: "Egbon Eko ni mi se? Ni bo lo ti ja wa?" In Yoruba, this loosely translates to: "I'm a Lagos man. Where did you come from?" Remember, Lagos is a state in Nigeria, and it used to be the capital.

The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he said: "Ah, bobo gan! Omo Eko ni mi se! Omo Eko gan gan!" In Yoruba, this loosely translates to "Hey buddy! I'm a Lagos child. A REAL Lagos child!"

This is a TRUE story.

A politician in Nigeria was being interviewed many years ago.

Interviewer: "Nigeria doesn't have many minerals, does it?"

Politician: "Of course we do! We have coke, sprite, 7-up, "



Background information: Minerals besides standing for things like tin, gold, marble, etc. which Nigeria does have, also stands for drinks that in other places can be called pop, soda, soft drinks, etc. Maybe the politician thought that the interviewer was thirsty.

Hello Niralanderz,

Please Enjoy urselves with This long and Hilarious Joke




The eight players in this Nigerian version of The Weakest Link are the following in the order of position on the platform: Olusegun Obasanjo, Ibrahim Babangida, Alhaji Abubakar Rimi, Alhaji Abubakar Atiku, Dr. Alex Ekwueme, Dr. Peter Odili, Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Alhaji Ghali Umar Na'abba. All of these men have thrown their hats into the ring for the 2003 presidential elections and the winner of this game of The Weakest Link, would win the presidency.


Now, Let Play The Weakest Link:

MOMOH: In what year did French Emperor Napoleon die?

OBASANJO: 1864.

MOMOH: Wrong, 1821.

Next question to IBB.

MOMOH: Who annulled the 1993 presidential elections in

Nigeria?

IBB: You are looking at him.

MOMOH: Right. [Three states won].

Next question to Rimi.

MOMOH: This governor was impeached in the last

democratic experiment.

RIMI: Alhaji Balarabe Musa of Kaduna.

MOMOH: Right. [Seven states won].

Next question to Atiku.

MOMOH: Who killed NewsWatch editor Dele Giwa?

ATIKU: Hmmmm, Sadam Hussein.

MOMOH: Wrong, Babangida.

ATIKU: Damn, I knew it was that idiot who killed him.

Next question to Dr. Ekwueme.

MOMOH: Which Nigerian politician in the second

republic stole more than $2 billion in a rice deal?

DR. EKWUEME: Alhaji Umaru Dikko, then Transport Minister.

MOMOH: Right. {Ten states won].

Next question to Odili.

MOMOH: What was the name of the executed leader of the armed robbery gang which terrorized Benin City and its environs in 1986?

GOV. ODILI: Lawrence Anini.

MOMOH: Right. {Fourteen states won].

Next question to Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu.

MOMOH: This politician once claimed that he attended the University of Chicago.

SENATOR TINUBU: Former House Speaker Salisu Ibrahim Buhari?

MOMOH: Wrong. It was Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Lagos state. In others words, you.

SENATOR TINUBU: Momoh, watch your mouth, I know where you live.

MOMOH: Governor, is that a threat?

SENATOR TINUBU: No. Would I threaten anyone?

Next question to Speaker Na'abba.

MOMOH: Who did you replace as speaker?

NA'ABBA: Hmmmmm, Evans Enwerem.

MOMOH: Wrong, Salisu Buhari. How could you not know this information, Mr. Speaker? Did you not get handover notes from him at the very least?

Its now the end of the first round and the following three players have been voted off: Atiku, Odili and Na'abba for being the weakest link.

Even though Odili was good and answered his question correctly, other members thought he was too intelligent for their liking and so they had to vote him off along with the other two. Only in Nigeria would they think in this fashion.

ROUND TWO:

First question in this round goes to Obasanjo.

MOMOH: How many Heads of State or prime ministers in the history of Nigeria have been assassinated?

OBASANJO: Three.

MOMOH: Right, three in the persons of Sir Tafawa Belewa, Generals Ironsi and Muhammed. [Nineteen states won].

Next question to IBB:

MOMOH: This former head of state has a 50-bedroom mansion in his home state.

IBB: Its Obasanjo, he has it in his Otta farm. Have you seen that farm? He calls it a farm but I have not seen any chickens there, no cows, not even scared one, no goats, its all a camouflage for his mansion which is tucked right in behind the tall grasses.

OBASANJO: Ibrahim, shut-up before I talk about your Swiss accounts and all the money you have stolen--shut up now, Ibrahim. Remember, I was your senior in the army.

MOMOH: IBB, you are wrong---that former head of state is you.

Next question to Rimi.

MOMOH: Which state has this for a motto: "Born to Rule".

RIMI: Sokoto.

MOMOH: Right [Twenty-five states won]

Tinubu to Rimi: I bet they can change that motto now to say, "Born to Watch Others Rule," Ha! Ha!! Ha!!!

Rimi to Tinubu: Tinubu, I will deal with you, O. Don't play with us, northerners O. We are just on vacation now, we shall be back soon.

Tinubu to Rimi: Yeah right!!!

Next question to Dr. Ekwueme.

MOMOH: Who was the first American president to visit Nigeria and in what year did he visit?

Dr. Ekwueme: Jimmy Carter in 1978.

MOMOH: Right [Thirty-one states won].

Next question to Tinubu:

MOMOH: Which is the tallest mountain on earth?

TINUBU: Mt. Kilimanjaro.

MOMOH: Wrong, Mt. Everest in Nepal.

Rimi addressing Tinubu: They didn't teach you that at the University of Chicago? Simple geography, what a pity, Tinubu.

Tinubu to Rimi: Shut-up your goro mouth, Rimi. At least, I can dream of going to University of Chicago. Did you pass elementary school?

Rimi to Tinubu: You dey insult me? I go wound you O, Tinubu. I go wound you proper, o.

Tinubu to Rimi: I go bloody your nose, O, Rimi. If I see your legs for Lagos, I go send my OPC boys to cut them. Yeye Hausaman wey want come insult me, a whole govano like me.

Rimi to Tinubu: Tinubu, if I see your amala-eating ass in kano, I will send the street beggars to mob you. You foolish Yoruba man, you think you are better than us northerners? University of Chicago my behind, Tafur Kwo!!!

Tinubu to Rimi: You mean your fat behind?

Rimi to Tinubu: Step outside now, Tinubu. If you be man, make you step outside and I go teach you a lesson.

Tinubu to Dr. Ekwueme: Ekwueme, hold me O before I wound this goro-man called Rimi. Hold me, Ekwueme.

Ekwueme [Tinubu now turns to Ekwueme], hold me now, which one you dey. Make you hold me now before I explode.

Ekwueme to Tinubu: Tinubu, make you explode make we see, I no go hold you. Seeing that Ekwueme has refused to hold him, Tinubu now retreats and promises Rimi hell the next time he insults him.

Rimi to Tinubu: Yeye Lagos man, no soso shakara. You sabi bark but you no fit bite.

MOMOH: Gents, gents!! The door is there if you two want to fight, hit the parking lot.

They both apologized to Momoh and indicated their readiness to continue.

END OF THE SECOND ROUND:

At the end of this round, Dr. Ekwueme, Gov. Tinubu and Alhaji Rimi were voted out as the weakest links.Again, as in the first round, their ouster has nothing to do with their performance but with their behavior on stage. Indeed, Tinubu and Rimi still feeling the effects of their verbal entanglement made a mistake and voted themselves as the weakest link when they meant to vote others out. Too bad. The stage is now set for Obasanjo and IBB to slug it out for the presidency. As you can see, there are five states waiting to be won and any of the two men who answers all five questions wins the presidency. In the event of a tie, the presidency will be decided by sudden death.

THE FINAL ROUND:

MOMOH: Obasanjo, who killed Mamman Vasta, the poet and best friend of then president Ibrahim Babangida in 1986?

OBASANJO: Babangida did.

MOMOH: Correct. One state for Obasanjo.

MOMOH: IBB, who devalued the naira in 1986?

IBB: I did.

MOMOH: Right. One state for IBB.

MOMOH: Obasanjo, which Nigerian president said these words to a questioner in Atlanta, USA. "Go to hell."?

OBASANJO: I did.

MOMOH: Right. Two states for Obasanjo.

MOMOH: IBB, under whose leadership did Nigeria secretly join the Organization of Islamic Countries in 1986?

IBB: Mine, mine, mine.

MOMOH: Right. Two states for IBB.

MOMOH: Obasanjo, what is the meaning of OFN?

OBASANJO: Operation Feed the Nation. That is why I have my Otta farm---I'm feeding the nation.

IBB to Obasanjo: Which nation? The Otta nation?

Obasanjo to IBB: Look, IBB, you are becoming bold O. I will deal with you O! Don't forget, there are no sacred cows here.

IBB to Obasanjo: What a joke. I have been a sacred cow from day one. I will deal with you first. Have you seen the leadership of the National Assembly lately? They are all my boys. David Mark, Tunde Ogbeha, Ike Nwachukwu. Should I name more?

MOMOH: Obasanjo is right. Three states for him.

MOMOH: IBB, which Nigerian head of state asked Nigerians to debate an IMF loan for $1 billion and when Nigerians said no, he went ahead anyway and took the loan?

IBB: Me! Me!! Me!!!

Obasanjo to IBB: Is that how you stole Nigeria's money and is that how you got all those illicit wealth?

IBB to Obasanjo: Can you blame me if you were so dumb not to steal when you were in power the first time?

Obasanjo to IBB: Ole, ole, ole, IBB.

IBB to Obasanjo: You too ole. Whatever that means.

MOMOH: Gents! gents!! gents!!!. Do you want to continue or not?

They both apologized and indicated that they are ready to proceed.

MOMOH: IBB is right. Three states for him.

The fourth question is for Obasanjo.

MOMOH: Obasanjo, which president gave all middle ranking officers in the Nigerian military a brand new 504 Peugeot in what was called the ",  spirit."?

Obasanjo: Is that idiot there called IBB, the IBB spirit. See him ugly face. Wetin happen to your middle teeth, IBB. Abe they knock kam commot for fight?

IBB to Obasanjo: Look, you pot-bellied so-called former general, you still dey look for my trouble o. Momoh, you dey see that? This Obayeye man dey find my trouble o.

MOMOH: Right, It was IBB. Four states for Obasanjo.

Next question to IBB. This question is IBB's fourth.

MOMOH: IBB, which head of state dismissed his second-in-command because he refused to be a 'yes man'?

IBB: That would be me. I sacked that Igbo man, what his name now, Ubuti Ukiwe or something.

Obasanjo to IBB: You coward, you could not stand an Igbo man so you had to sack him. God bless that man.

IBB to Obasanjo: Look, Obayeye,

MOMOH: Correct. Four states to IBB.

The fifth and final question to both men. Remember, the winner takes the presidency.

MOMOH: Obasanjo, what happened to the billions of dollars in oil revenues during the gulf war.

OBASANJO: That thief standing by me stole it all and used some of it to build his Minna mansion and buy private jets.

MOMOH: Right, very correct, Obasanjo. Five states for you.

Next question to IBB. If he gets it right, he would tie with Obasanjo and that means they would go into a sudden death situation. If he doesn't, Obasanjo wins the presidency as he would have won all thirty-six states.

MOMOH: IBB, what does ITT mean?

As IBB was thinking about the answer, Obasanjo

whispers to him, "International Thief Thief" and IBB

responds to the question-

IBB: International Thief Thief.

MOMOH: Although I'm tempted to say you are right as that would be you and many of your friends, I must say you are wrong and therefore Obasanjo wins the presidency. IBB, I'm sorry to say that you are the weakest link in the Nigerian nation, you weakened the economy, the will of the Nigerian people, you weakened their finances, their purchasing power, their dignity and their might. So its on those grounds I must say, you take away nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, as you are the weakest link.

usher is it !!!

Well done ma burothers and sisiters make una pardon me for my lateness.i be don come bfor now but ma Boss dey delay me for office.but now i don come.And i go like make i tell una the Origin or make i call am History of pidgin English.
                                   THE HISTORY OF PIDGEN ENGLISH
In 1817,Wen head still dey for knee,Dat time Wey Oyibo Dem (Biritsh oyibos) first com nigeria (na Lagos dem follow enter nigeria dem no sey if them folow east enter peren dem no go return 2 der country in peace because dem Igbo go finish them in two days)(no be mi talk am o,na histiri oooo).So as Dem enta Lagos dem go strait to Oba of Lagos, Oba ***Hmmm (i no remember in Name) na in dem com dey talk in English sey  "GOOD EVENING SIR"He no answer,there leader com begin dey introdus ihnsef sey"MY NAME IS SAMUEL HUGHES AND ME AND MY PEOPLE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOUR COUNTRY A BETTER PLACE FOR EVERYONE AND IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU IF YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE CAN CORPORATE WITH US''(Our king no gree respond).And he(Dem leader) begin dey ask question again say  "WHAT ARE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE THRONE ?" and  "SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE THRONE ?"no response from De King or any of him people,  to Dem suprise,Dem no hear sey King talku na in Dem com conclud sey Our king no hear All De grammer dem dey blow.

As Dem Oyinbos don kno sey our king or any of De vilagers no hear all De bigie-bigie grammer wey dem dey talk Na hin dem com conclud sey na from language dem go take stat de divelopment.Ne hin Den com do miting among Demself sey dem go send one person from  lagos go Biritain make e go len good-good English,so dat He go dey interpret De Big-big grammer to De king and him people.But make una com see wetin hapen o.As Dem prisent De idea give The King of Lagos(Dem take hand and dey even use drawing to tell am)Dat dey wan send one or two of hin people go dere country to len English so dat he go dey interpret to dem na hi King.At first De king no gree,he even vess sey dem go fite dose oyinbos and even declear War agaist them.But make U trust Oyinbo people,na hin Dem cary some of De youth and som men wey Dem kno say dem fit cause trouble put inside cell.Na Him the King com surrender say hin done gree and he even good sef make them choose any poeple them like among the poeple of the communty.

THE END


I beg my people na here part 1 of the torey go End make Una no Vess.




And Anibodi way want make i continue, Talk Am Make I yea U !!!



I LOVE U ALL !!! _{i no kno' how dem dey talk dat one for pidgen Englis(h)}

menike:
They say flames are real
But I gat stucked in the trill
Bigs to ma dawg in heaven, y'all keepin it real
To ma chicks n' haters, drop or stay real
Cuz this DON right here isz bout 2 drop
Yo Spike! remember I said SON KIDD and league were just flop
To me I reign n' floss wit riches n' fame
That's why Diddy and Jeezy kept askin' 4 ma name
I gat a deal right now, y'all betta watch it
I said ma click is Jay Z , y'all thought that was it
But nah !! The Don dela Capone is Back
Wait till U hear Tupac , Nas n' Jay Z on ma new Sh*t

Damn I told ya to never play wit me
Fellas wit no street credibility want to hang wit me
I know I did it , Guess what I did it again
Call Nwoke because ma body 're in pain
Somebody get me Tylenol or Advil because I see ma death
Never wanted to see a branded Snitch be in debt
It's the TakeOver n' Ether comin' right to eat ya
Better take 24 steps back because it going to reach ya
And if anyone thinks is controversy back again
Nah Dawg it's more like a train
It's going to hit Nigeria , Blaze Africa , strike Asia
Remind US of 9/11 and fuse Europe wit hardwood from Asia
Real Talk The Don is serious
If U hate it or Luv it , Then we call it Peace or War

I don't kno' if u dig me
even if u don't c me
U can still believe me
because i feel U and i blive u feel me
I love your lyrics
it sound to me like physics
believe me,i love your name MANIKE
because it sounds like my girl friend name NIKE
u kno' i love that
because i'm not a murderer
and you're my brother
i'm not going to go any further ***




MANIKE:try 2 do some somg,i believe you're 2 GOOD

Yo! fil me as i step into Niraland
cos u kno'nigeria is my motherland
i love it when ya mention nigeria
cos i'm instrument and material
for the manufacturing of nira
i dont laugh wen nothing is funny
lets be serious and make some money
in the honey factory
cos i aint cherish luxury
like my man akon
yea ! feel me like beacon
and no fooling cos i'm ruling
the legend of no ruing



Yeah LUV U ALL

Here We Go Again !!! Bleep G-UNIT!!! Bleep Loyd Banks!!!,Bleep 50,Bleep young buck!!!,To hell with Olivia!!!.I hate Them Guyz.they beef My main Gee (The Game),They beef me,They beef me, they beef my soul.no mercy for the Haterz I repeat,,, Bleep THEM ALL !!!

Let THE GAME[color=#000099][/color] rules

[quote author=larger_20 link=topic=8654.msg283842#msg283842 date=1144720668]By the way, how much does these things cost now in nigeria now.? I will list the prices I get them when i was in nigeria

One hour browsing in VI = #250
One hour browing in ikoyi = #150
One hour browsing in obalande = #100
One hour browsing in yaba = #100
Tom Tom = 2 for #5
ladder milk = 250 per sachet(NO IDEA)
Cow bell = #150 per sachet
Cornflakes = #80[/quote]THE CURRENT PRICES OF THE GOODS IS AS FOLLOWS:

One hour browsing in VI =150
One hour browing in ikoyi = 150
One hour browsing in obalande = #100
One hour browsing in yaba  = #100
Tom Tom = 3 for #10
ladder milk = 250 per sachet
Cow bell = #90 per ROLE(#10 P 1)
Cornflakes = #145/150

i work in computer village and i knw many things about cv,

jen:
okay i've asked the girl if would like to go out with me and she said YES. when we were talking i brought out the subject, why was she everywhere i go and she replied becoz you are so nice and i was trying to ask you out. welli told my sister we were going out and she said,if you break her heart i'm going to do something so bad that you'll regret even asking her out.so thanks for the help.

E seun e pada ije mati tan oooooooooooooooooo

elastic:
4 me the word love i think it's madness because it is at the pont of love that guys do crazy things.

wHY Do u Say that ?

This is serious, Pal.But the problem is that we don't know how much this girl loves U. better still, never let it cross ur mind about quitting ur job because of a girl because ur career should B mor inportant 2 U and U should remember that [s]"Ladies r very delicate 2 trust when various men r after them".[/s] And if U know that U cant 4get about her, start looking 4 another job without making any close contact with her in the office.


LUV U ALL !!!