₦airaland Forum

madlady:
@loving01, is it possible for you to get him a private tutor, he/she could coach him up to a level so that he could resit his failed exam. 
Maybe you could coach him yourself. If he were able to pass this exam it might motivate him to kick start his life.

yes I did get him a private tutor before he took the exams. He was coached for about a month. But right now, I am just looking for an easier way to get him into a school with less stringent requirements.

bayonle1:
@op,seriously i know how it is with you and i wud like u to consider this few points,the most fundamantal thing is love and fulfillment.that guy cannot be completely silly and dat is why u keep going back to him.i also want you to consider the spiritual aspect of his life,dos type of issues might be metaphysical.u can make him wateva u desire if he is not being spiritually afflicted.finally,do not be hoodwinked into sending him abroad except u are doing a visa for 2.

Yes, I have considered all that, and yes, he is not completely silly, lol (he's got a lot of good attributes too). Visa for 2? no, its him I am concerned about for now, i have a good job at the moment, and not ready to just leave it. Besides, I can always visit him anyway.

Thank you so much for reasoning with me

thanks for your responses, highly appreciated

okay, let me be honest with you guys, this guy is kind of helpless. He admits that he doesnt know much. I have to help him look for schools, because he is not really good on the internet, and it has been difficult for him to find a school for himself.

He is not a womanizer at all, he doesnt smoke, he doesnt drink, these are some qualities in him that i really like. He is also a dedicated guy, and sometimes, i even go as far as telling him that he has to be a man and cater for my needs too, and when i say that, he goes out of his way to give me stuff, and i dont like this, because i know he has to get the money from his parents, and he does this to just show his love.

i know deep down inside that he is a good person.

Im sorry if it seems like i am not taking your advice nairaland, but truth is, I have been needing to talk to someone about this for a while now. I was just happy to find this forum. I have been needing to bare out my heart to someone, and i cant do it with my family, because i know they will instantly tell me to leave him.

thonia, thanks alot

@ dyt, how did you end it? did you guys talk about it, or you just walked out? how did he take it?
I ask because whenever i tell him i am leaving him, he breaks down, and i mean literally too. Please how did you go about it?. because from all the advice here, everyone says i should leave, which i have tried doing in the past.

bxcode:
190, why your blood dey hot like this?
@poster, since he aint adding no value to your life from what u said, i suggest you leave him and move on. THIS IS WHAT I CALL A PARASITIC RELATIONSHIP!

Thanks for your advice, well taken, but the truth is that if he had the means, he would do his best.

ds700:
Nobody can help you except you.

Because you are under the influence of his love lust

You don't want to loose him yet you seeking for a visa for his leave travelling.

If you finally leave him pls don't rush into another relationship as you may be subjecting that person to a risk (remember he was once a cultist)

If you leave him he will either turn to be a serious person (for he will realize how pathetic it is be unserious in life) OR he will become 10x worst that he used to be before you met him (as all hopes will be lost)

Once he crosses boundary forget him. (except you deliberately want to settle him that way then quietly hook to another here - ie playing save.)

People like him even when you make them an ambassador of their country in a foreign land will definitely not achieve anything meaningful.

IT IS GOOD TO BE GOOD, BUT IT IS VERY BAD TO BE TOO GOOD!

STOP BEING TOO GOOD

thanks for your words

190, your comments are harsh in a funny way,
He is not that kind of person that would just leave like that.

@ Thonia slim,yes, he is ready to get back to school now, which is why I am looking for a school for him in europe, and he is determined to struggle while schooling too. He has assured me that he will do all it takes to be up and doing.

@ 190, thanks for your advice, he has begged me to wait for him, and has promised to make it all well.
Well, I am not Jesus Christ, and when i said back to square one, i mean back to his same non-chalant state of waiting around for things to come to him.

Thanks everyone

@ fier arm, i will get in touch with you.

mobinga, its easy for you to say so.

they say love is blind.

I just always hope there was something more I could do for him. He is willing to learn (as he knows he doesnt know it all) infact, when we first met, he told me soooo many lies, but the truth is I never believed a single one, and I made him know I detest lies (i understood he lied so as to prop himself up, considering the fact that he knew I was not some cheap girl, and he needed me to accept him)

I forgave him, and told him I accepted him the way he was, and today, he thinks twice before trying to lie to me (at least that alone shows he is open minded when it comes to learning)

I just believe in my love for him, and I feel he just needs someone to guide him right. I feel at this point, it is not fair to just leave him., (even if i wanted, its not easy to do so)

@ 190, its easy for you to yell leave him, leave him, because you are not in my shoes.

I have done that several times. I have talked with him so many times and adviced him, (and he was eager to do like i said), but at the end of the day, we always go back to square one.

okay, truth is he is not that great when it comes to intimacy, so that is not the reason I am with him. Its just that I love him and overlook that aspect. (mind you, i repeat that I have never cheated on him)

the truth is I have broken up with him about thrice, but i felt so guilty when he begged for me to take him back. I have been searching for schools for him, in U.S, so that he can travel with a student visa,(since its the dream of a life time for him), and when he took the SAT exams, he failed woefully, so I had to start searching for a school in other european countries with less strict requirements.

Its not easy leaving him, as I love him dearly, and just want the best for him. I know its reasonable to leave him, but its not easy for me. I have never cheated on him, even when I have every opportunity to.

please do you guys see a way out of this dilemma, (i have tried to leave him, but i feel its not fair on my part, because I think this is the time he needs me the most. At least I have managed to change one or 2 negative aspects about him)

Hello,

I am happy to have found this forum, and I seek your advice on this issue.

I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years now, and we are in love with each other. problem is that he is not exactly living up to expectations. He is kind of slow in his reasoning, i must admit i teach him a lot of things. Now i dont have an issue with this, but he seems not to be moving forward at all. Now i will give an example- He is not doing anything for himself, but instead, has been waiting for an opportunity to travel abroad for almost 2 years now. I tell him to get something doing, while he waits for this opportunity, but no! He has been dreaming of America since we met. He has no steady source of income, and waits for daddy or friends to always give him money (although he tries his best to be there for me when I need him)

I am a very pretty working-class lady, and I have a lot of guys asking for my hand in marriage, but i dont give in to their requests, because I am in love with this guy. I even send him money when he is broke, but he is not helping himself at all. He keeps telling me to please wait for him, and has promised me heaven and earth. I recently found out that he did not graduate from his school. He was a cultist while in school,and had many problems, so he does not even have a certificate to show for it. He is almost 27 years old, and i must confess that when it comes to intelligence, he is not really up to it, but i still love him that way, and stop at nothing to polish him up.

Please nairaland, advice me. Do you think I am wasting my time here, or should I move on with my life and settle down with someone else? I have tried this before, but i was filled with guilt, and the guy in question stops at nothing to prove his love for me at all times. I can vouch for his love, anyday, anytime. I am 25 years old, and dont want to end up feeling sorry for myself.

Please advise me.