₦airaland Forum

She's tried going to Nigeria with a Nigerian, they were accompanied by the Nigerian police, but they failed

Ahmed0336:
Omo things dey happen .


She needs a Nigerian to help her deal with this issue.

I hear you Omar Bashir, I stand to be corrected but I think most courts around the world (not sure about Muslim courts) usually side with the mother. Even if she has multiple children with different fathers, as long as she is of sober habits, loves and nurtures the children and provides the best for them, she is granted custody. In South Africa and I think around the world, the child belongs to the parents listed on their birth certificates, unless the parent (s) give up those rights or the government doesn't see them fit to parent those children. The only way the father would be granted custody of the child is if the mother passed away and her parents weren't able to care for child or if she was unfit for whatever reason. We pray for the boys safe return also

OmarBashir:
The story is still sketchy, though it is bad to forcefully take a child. But I have an experience with someone I know who had a child with a South African woman, His attempt to get the custody of the child have proved abortive only because the child is like a cash cow for the SA Lady aided by her mother too, mind you the lady also has 2 different kids with other SA men, but the 9ja guy dey do well pass dem, the child support the guy pays is supposedly used to train other kids.

I pray the South African Lady finds justice. Since the hubby is no more it is easy to take the sole custody.

It's really heartbreaking because they probably wouldn't do that to their own child

Gabangel:
Abeg, she should just kidnap her children. I fear that if she tries legally, she might end up with dead kids on her hand. its an odd world in Nigeria, where you see a sister cannot even carry her younger brother from her relatives, for whatever reason - like they looked after the child so the lady has to pay them back. So many funny things. Or a woman can't carry her kids from her in laws because the husband who is far away did not give permission. The part I have not understood in most of these stories is how the relatives would turn the child to a street hawker?! Child of their own relative?

Not as simple, the boy arrived in Nigeria when he was 9 months old. Passports expire after 10 years (in most countries). If they were to go to Nigeria and do things that way, the boy would need a passport since the sometimes goes to school he has Nigerian identification. That on its own is fraud because he has a South African birth certificate and it obviously can't be used without a valid passport accompanying it

AdaAwka1:
As simple as ABC.

Yes

AdaAwka1:
Your english no too let me understand this story. But from the little i understand she needs to go get her child by fire or force.

Very sad indeed! And what good is hogging the child when they clearly can't take care of him and the living conditions are deplorable. The child will only grow up to resent them. And when he comes of age, he might leave and never return, so they will have lost him still

uche393:
it's very sad one, this is the problem of inter-tribal and international marriages the family believes that if they don't take the child from the mother since their son is dead they might end up not seeing the child forever and I know it must be a male child.

the only problem is that they aren't taking care of him, and the child might be the only male in the family.

your sister should make an agreement with the family through court, it will be a hard one.

if she has custody of the child, she will make the child forget about his history and identity, which might be the family's stand point.

This is the reason I have written on the Forum, to get insight on a way forward since she has tried both Nigerian & South African embassies, South African NPO's (and 1 Nigerian NPO). She has traveled to Nigeria with a Nigerian individual and they were accompanied by the police to the family but still nothing

meetme01:
In many scenarios, the extended family can take custody of the subject. I would not want to divulge because, I'd be intruding on OP's privacy.

However, for learning purpose, there is a principle in social work called [/b]-self individualization-[b] every case can never be the same no matter how closely related hence, they should be treated differently. Every case has its own intervention and resolution. That's why I said, until you bring both parties together, you can never be too sure why the extended family have the custody of the subject.

Yes, it is wrong especially when the subject is a minor but due to some reasons known to both parties, the custody is with the extended family. I can assure you, if this case gets to the social welfare agency, it will be resolved in less than 24rs after the joint sessionn

No where is the world would anyone want a child to live as an orphan while a parent is alive and desperately wanting their child to return... Especially after that parent has tried many avenues but still being denied access by a sister-in-law

Mindlog:
Judgmental;? Okay, share on what basis can an extended family member have custody of a child that has at least one birth parent alive?

Noted, thank you

Kooldame:
She should sue them through Justice court"online court" They will summon them to appear in the court,she should apply online and search for Justice Court

Thank you, and things like these are easy to navigate on your own in your own country. When borders are crossed its not as easy, there are certain protocols that are followed that you may not be familiar with, do things wrong and you mess things up

BigIyanga:
Not necessarily true.. the mom is the primary custodian.. so the extended family is keeping the baby without his mother’s consent. We’re talking about legal custody here not welfare. Dont get it mixed up

Thank you, will notify her

delpee:
Your aunty should contact recognised human rights defenders.

Thank you so much for all the useful information. I have forwarded most to her and am trying to assist from my side also. She has contacted both Nigerian and South Africa embassies (and both just drag their feet and ask pointless questions). She once went to Nigeria with a Nigerian colleague of her late husband (I think), they went to the house with Nigerian police but she cam back without the child(

abimic:
Why would anyone do this to anyone, depriving the mother from seeing her child after the demise of his father.

Your sis ought to have contacted the likes of Berekete, FIDA, write letters to Nigerian and South African Embassy, get a lawyer, and contact the FORCE HQ in FCT. When the commissioner of Police gets a call from FCT, he would be forced to act immediately, even the family people would release the child immediately to the mother.

�So you mean to say that the mother who gave birth to the boy, her blood is not as thick as the sister-in-law? Who might not even be the biological Aunt/blood relative to the child. That's crazy to me

Missionaire:
Blood is thicker than water kee you there.

So whose blood should be more thicker? Those who did not give birth to the child or the mom who have birth to the child?

There's always a time & place....

Missionaire:
You're senseless, heartless and full of shit.

So true, a lot of different tribes/cultures also claim a child when the man has paid dowry. But if people are married the children belong to both parents. And if one passes away, the child goes to the surviving parent... Unless they agree that the surviving grandparents of the late parents can take the child. In a case like this however, where the child's needs are clearly not being met, there would'nt even be a question as to where the child should go. In laws or not, the sister has no right or claim to the child.

careidon:
The man is late, the man's parents are both late now too, what greater right has the late man's sister to the child (using him to sell pure water) when the biological mother is alive and ready to take better care of her child is the issue at hand?

Sadly if that's the case, we'll never know.

DrDunamis:
Classic nollywood movie...
But this has rite of passage written all over it...
Husband might have been an occultist or juju worship who has now consecrated his son to his juju thus the deaths

Thank you, I'll send an email shortly. Just responding to comments here first.

Oluwadamilola36:
Hello lummoni, kindly send me a mail with your contact via olufemidamilola36@gmail.com

You will be contacted and it will be taken up by the media.

I look forward to you mail. Thank you.

I hop someone will be able to assist.
So my Aunt is a South African woman who was married to a Nigerian man she met in South Africa.

They had a child & when he turned 9 months her husband suggested they visit his family in Nigeria.

A few hours before leaving for the airport back to South Africa, his parents sat her down and told her the baby would have to stay.

After many words & tears her father in law and husband assured her that he would be back in a 6 months to fetch the baby.

True to his word, 6 months later my Uncle in law returned to Nigeria to fetch his children, but 2 days after he arrived he got seriously sick & passed on a few days later.

My Aunt traveled to Nigeria to lay him to rest & had to extend her stay because her in laws kept giving her the run around about why she couldn't take her child (apparently some rituals had to be done for the child since his father had just passed).

She eventually left after her father in law warned her that if she keeps pushing, they (his wife a daughter) would do to her what was done to her husband.

Fast forward 11 years later, her father in law, & mother in law are both late, she sends money to Nigeria every month for her sons upkeep but her sister in law is withholding the child, does not allow him to communicate with her.

When a neighbor tries to let him speak with his mother, they beat him up, sometimes he doesn't go to school and has to go sell water at the market.

My Aunt has tried going with the Nigerian police but failed, has involved the Nigerian embassy but they are dragging their feet. We really do not know what else to do.

Why would they withholding someone's child (a mother who desperately wants her child back) when they can't even take care of his needs.

Maybe someone has been through a similar experience and may be able to help with suggestions of how to get the child back to his mother.