Sadly if that's the case, we'll never know.

DrDunamis:



Classic nollywood movie...
But this has rite of passage written all over it...
Husband might have been an occultist or juju worship who has now consecrated his son to his juju thus the deaths

So true, a lot of different tribes/cultures also claim a child when the man has paid dowry. But if people are married the children belong to both parents. And if one passes away, the child goes to the surviving parent... Unless they agree that the surviving grandparents of the late parents can take the child. In a case like this however, where the child's needs are clearly not being met, there would'nt even be a question as to where the child should go. In laws or not, the sister has no right or claim to the child.

careidon:


The man is late, the man's parents are both late now too, what greater right has the late man's sister to the child (using him to sell pure water) when the biological mother is alive and ready to take better care of her child is the issue at hand?

There's always a time & place....

Missionaire:


You're senseless, heartless and full of shit.

�So you mean to say that the mother who gave birth to the boy, her blood is not as thick as the sister-in-law? Who might not even be the biological Aunt/blood relative to the child. That's crazy to me

Missionaire:


Blood is thicker than water kee you there.

So whose blood should be more thicker? Those who did not give birth to the child or the mom who have birth to the child?

Thank you so much for all the useful information. I have forwarded most to her and am trying to assist from my side also. She has contacted both Nigerian and South Africa embassies (and both just drag their feet and ask pointless questions). She once went to Nigeria with a Nigerian colleague of her late husband (I think), they went to the house with Nigerian police but she cam back without the child(

abimic:
Why would anyone do this to anyone, depriving the mother from seeing her child after the demise of his father.

Your sis ought to have contacted the likes of Berekete, FIDA, write letters to Nigerian and South African Embassy, get a lawyer, and contact the FORCE HQ in FCT. When the commissioner of Police gets a call from FCT, he would be forced to act immediately, even the family people would release the child immediately to the mother.

Thank you, will notify her

delpee:


Your aunty should contact recognised human rights defenders.

Thank you, and things like these are easy to navigate on your own in your own country. When borders are crossed its not as easy, there are certain protocols that are followed that you may not be familiar with, do things wrong and you mess things up

BigIyanga:

Not necessarily true.. the mom is the primary custodian.. so the extended family is keeping the baby without his mother’s consent. We’re talking about legal custody here not welfare. Dont get it mixed up

Noted, thank you

Kooldame:
She should sue them through Justice court"online court" They will summon them to appear in the court,she should apply online and search for Justice Court

No where is the world would anyone want a child to live as an orphan while a parent is alive and desperately wanting their child to return... Especially after that parent has tried many avenues but still being denied access by a sister-in-law

Mindlog:


Judgmental;? Okay, share on what basis can an extended family member have custody of a child that has at least one birth parent alive?

This is the reason I have written on the Forum, to get insight on a way forward since she has tried both Nigerian & South African embassies, South African NPO's (and 1 Nigerian NPO). She has traveled to Nigeria with a Nigerian individual and they were accompanied by the police to the family but still nothing

meetme01:


In many scenarios, the extended family can take custody of the subject. I would not want to divulge because, I'd be intruding on OP's privacy.

However, for learning purpose, there is a principle in social work called [/b]-self individualization-[b] every case can never be the same no matter how closely related hence, they should be treated differently. Every case has its own intervention and resolution. That's why I said, until you bring both parties together, you can never be too sure why the extended family have the custody of the subject.

Yes, it is wrong especially when the subject is a minor but due to some reasons known to both parties, the custody is with the extended family. I can assure you, if this case gets to the social welfare agency, it will be resolved in less than 24rs after the joint sessionn

Very sad indeed! And what good is hogging the child when they clearly can't take care of him and the living conditions are deplorable. The child will only grow up to resent them. And when he comes of age, he might leave and never return, so they will have lost him still

uche393:
it's very sad one, this is the problem of inter-tribal and international marriages the family believes that if they don't take the child from the mother since their son is dead they might end up not seeing the child forever and I know it must be a male child.

the only problem is that they aren't taking care of him, and the child might be the only male in the family.

your sister should make an agreement with the family through court, it will be a hard one.

if she has custody of the child, she will make the child forget about his history and identity, which might be the family's stand point.

Yes

AdaAwka1:


Your english no too let me understand this story. But from the little i understand she needs to go get her child by fire or force.

Not as simple, the boy arrived in Nigeria when he was 9 months old. Passports expire after 10 years (in most countries). If they were to go to Nigeria and do things that way, the boy would need a passport since the sometimes goes to school he has Nigerian identification. That on its own is fraud because he has a South African birth certificate and it obviously can't be used without a valid passport accompanying it

AdaAwka1:


As simple as ABC.

It's really heartbreaking because they probably wouldn't do that to their own child

Gabangel:
Abeg, she should just kidnap her children. I fear that if she tries legally, she might end up with dead kids on her hand. its an odd world in Nigeria, where you see a sister cannot even carry her younger brother from her relatives, for whatever reason - like they looked after the child so the lady has to pay them back. So many funny things. Or a woman can't carry her kids from her in laws because the husband who is far away did not give permission. The part I have not understood in most of these stories is how the relatives would turn the child to a street hawker?! Child of their own relative?

I hear you Omar Bashir, I stand to be corrected but I think most courts around the world (not sure about Muslim courts) usually side with the mother. Even if she has multiple children with different fathers, as long as she is of sober habits, loves and nurtures the children and provides the best for them, she is granted custody. In South Africa and I think around the world, the child belongs to the parents listed on their birth certificates, unless the parent (s) give up those rights or the government doesn't see them fit to parent those children. The only way the father would be granted custody of the child is if the mother passed away and her parents weren't able to care for child or if she was unfit for whatever reason. We pray for the boys safe return also

OmarBashir:
The story is still sketchy, though it is bad to forcefully take a child. But I have an experience with someone I know who had a child with a South African woman, His attempt to get the custody of the child have proved abortive only because the child is like a cash cow for the SA Lady aided by her mother too, mind you the lady also has 2 different kids with other SA men, but the 9ja guy dey do well pass dem, the child support the guy pays is supposedly used to train other kids.

I pray the South African Lady finds justice. Since the hubby is no more it is easy to take the sole custody.

She's tried going to Nigeria with a Nigerian, they were accompanied by the Nigerian police, but they failed

Ahmed0336:
Omo things dey happen .


She needs a Nigerian to help her deal with this issue.

Thank you very much IbeChris

ibechris:
This is horrible!

Call brekete on the line below.

To join in the Brekete Family Programme, You can call this number Monday - Friday

090-99-88-77-00 - International Calls only
080-33-22-11-49 - Local calls only

She does not need any police. She needs a lawyer and an organisation such as NAPTIP and Brekete.

TOLL FREE LINE
0800CALLNAPTIP (08002255627874)
SHORT CODE: 627
Email: info@naptip.gov.ng
Phone: 07030000203
ADDRESS
No. 2028, Dalaba Street
Wuse Zone 5, FCT Abuja. Nigeria


Call them and narrate all this to them...u are sure of getting justice from the first organisation as listed above.

If u can't get then reply me. I will send another number from next week.

Thanks and good luck to u.

Thank you so much for the helpful info. We are currently in contact with someone we got off the forum and things are looking positive. I'm not 100 sure but I think he's in Abuja, they only had one child

Mindlog:
Your Aunt has the right to the sole custody of her son not her late husband's relatives as their continued custody of him is illegal.

Which state in Nigeria, is your nephew in?

Your Aunt should get the South African High Commission in Nigeria involved likewise FIDA
(International Federation of Women Lawyers) South Africa as they will contact their Nigerian affiliate that has offices in almost all the states in Nigeria to look into it

The welfare of the child is paramount and by the way, is it only the boy or is there a sibling also?

Sorry about that, I'm new to the forum so I've been trying to navigate how things work for the past few days. Some things are easier said than done, Aunt has another child so she can't go to Nigeria for extended visits and she has a 9-5 so she can't take too much leave from work. If she does and is fired, then she won't have any money to see her son or send to support him. Sadly she had never been to Nigeria prior to when they went for a visit when the boy turned 9 months. So she doesn't know any community or church members. She became acquainted with the neighbor because she could tell while she was there for the funeral that communication with direct family members was going to prove difficult

jmichael259:
Lummoni no reply to any comment yet.
I think the man knew he was sick and told the family who now schemed this.
Was the man the only son of the family? Does she solely intend on caring for her son as a mother or to really snatch him away from them forever(their fear)? Can she locate them if asked to get to the address now? Does she have nigerian accomplices? (keep the neighbor aside)

It'll cost much money!

Whatever you decide, Never ask them for the child again or feel so pained when you see him. 1st strategy is keeping your cards to your chest.
You can visit randomly for a weekend (with multiple entourage ofcourse) never stay the night in the village. Make them realise you're just coming for visit not to take the child.

2)Mark your territory. Acquaint with some neighbors, relatives school, church &villagers as their late brother's wife and the boy's mother. Reestablishing ur face to the child because if you be caught anywhere with a child that doesn't know you, you're finished.
QUOTE ME 4 OptionB!!!

She wouldn't want to do anything or say anything to push the sister-in-law. She seems very unreasonable and somewhat vindictive for whatever reason. They abuse the child already, we recently saw a picture of him and he looks very skinny and sad. Goodness knows what they would do if she publicly spoke out about her on a radio station and gave their names and everything

Sayfact:
she should go to Agidigbo radio station in Ibadan ,they will fight for there right to get Access to her son

So the child belonged to the husband, then he passed and he "belonged" to his parents, they both passed and now he "belongs" to the sister, if she passes on who will he "belong" to then? He's busy being moved around ownerships like a piece of unwanted furniture when his mother is still alive

Daniel058:
if the Man paid Lobola , then the child belong to the man and his family, that's Igbo tradition (assuming the late husband was from Igbo tribe)

Thank you, we're on it

GistFullGround:




Take the matter to court. The Nigerian court system will get the child from those vampires

Lummoni:
Thank you very much IbeChris

U are welcome.

Very true, it's been a very sad 11 years. The whole experience even blurs the fact that her husband was a good man, everything has left a very bitter taste in her mouth

grandstar:
The only explanation for this is greed! It is best they get a good lawyer to fight this case.

The man's family had sinister motives from the word go. Why did they not let him take his child away with him when he first visited with his South African wife? The poor mother

Very sad

Kobonaire234:


This isn't a Nigerian thing.

It happens all over the world, and even within other countries. Families withholding children from their parents

It is even worse when two countries are involved.

One case involved an American man. His wife (from Brazil) divorced him and ran back home with their son and her new lover. Man tried to get his child back through legal means...e no do. It took the man involving his Senator...who just happened to be on a comittee that was looking at a trade deal with Brazil....before his son was released to him.

.

Lummoni:
�So you mean to say that the mother who gave birth to the boy, her blood is not as thick as the sister-in-law? Who might not even be the biological Aunt/blood relative to the child. That's crazy to me

You're quoting the wrong person.
Your question should be directed to the guy I quoted.
We are saying the same thing.

But HOW would she smuggle the boy out of the country via air travel when the boy no longer has a valid passport (we assume since they stopped communicating with Aunty 5 years ago, she only has contact with a neighbor and the neighbors sometimes goes weeks without seeing the boy). Aunty still has a copy of the expired passport, the boys South African birth certificate listing her & late husband as parents, she has his clinic card for the immunization shots he got and pictures. I thinks she would be breaking the law if she tried that & if she got caught it wouldn't end well for both her & her son

Aaaaarghmed:
This is a simple case but your Aunty is not going about it the proper way,she needs a Nigerian to guide her,if possible to smuggle to boy back to South Africa

That's your opinion and that's okay but the person who wrote the article is a 29 year old niece. My Aunty was the one married to a Nigerian man and her child is being withheld from her. Yes I've been reading articles of different topics on Nairaland for many years but I have never come across one where a sister-in-law was withholding her late brothers child/children from their mother. But even if I had and had warned her, I was still in high school when my 46 year old Aunty started dating her late Nigerian husband. And was fresh out of school when they went to Nigeria. I'm not here to judge , just trying to help a mother reunite with her son

BRATISLAVA:


She's getting her introduction to Nigerian men.

She knew of the forum and never read how they treat women and children as their property. Today she expects the same people to give her advice.

I hope she finds the help she needs here, and not at the Nigerian embassy, since her child isn't a South African citizen.

I'm starting to believe so too

BRATISLAVA:


It mostly is. "My children" rather than "our children". Same mentality his family are displaying. They believe men own the children.

Thank you, we are in communication with them as I type

Ronjule:
Berekete family will handle this issue successfully

Alexiiydon was right, we obviously don't know 100% if they are taking care of the child. But from the next door neighbors account (since she's the only one who sometimes has direct contact with the child), sometimes she does not see him for weeks and it doesn't Mae sense since he passes by her house on the way to school. When she talks to him and the late husband's sister sees, she questions him on what they were talking about and they beat him up. Sometimes he doesn't go to school ad has to sell water at the market, before he could properly talk the Sister and grandmother used to allow her to speak with her son on the phone, but since he started talking and asks her to fetch him during all phone calls. They no longer allow communication between mother and son, the neighbors tried letting the boy communicate with his mother using her phone and when the sister found out she beat the boy & told the neighbor to stop. The neighbor has on two different occasions found the boy wandering the streets at night saying he was running away to his mother in South Africa because he is tired of suffering. All those thing combined and the fact that she never gave her child away is what is punishing all of us to try help with getting the boy back

Alexiiydon:
did he say they didn’t take care of her?all you the obituaries make una Dey get sense before una Dey type

You can say that again! I'm sure my Aunt curses the day she met her late husband. Even though he was a great husband to her. The experience his family has put her through is enough to cause anyone heartache for a few lifetimes

BRATISLAVA:


It's not nice. Must be traumatizing for the parent who had the child taken.

If they're enslaving her child while she sends them money, they are the cruel type who will keep the child away from her out of spite and greed. Maybe they are building a mansion with her payments and won't let go of the child until it's been completed.

It's kind aspect of intercultural partnership people really need to look into. You can get the perfect spouse with such a different Mindset to yours culturally. And that's a recipe for pain and disaster.