bewov:
Please guys, I have something bothering me so much, I will really appreciate it if I can get a matured response.
These might be long, but please bare with me
There is this girl have been dating since March 2021. Although, we met in University days and we have been dating since 2017, but because I was graduating and she has 1 more year to spend in the school, I left her and travelled to Lagos to work, because I got a job in a company in Lagos, immediately I graduated. I needed to concentrate on my future so I told her I want to pause the relationship to focus, but I will definitely be back for her, I promised her this. She was a virgin then!
After working in the company for 2years, I also learnt some IT skills online while I was working in the company, and I was earning cool money from it, so I decided to quit the job and focus more on the online business.
My business have been doing well and I have about 2 other virtual assistant helping me out, anyway I was kind of comfortable, so I thought of fulfilling my promise to my girlfriend. I called her one morning, and she was shocked! We chatted a bit and I told her I want us to see urgently, we schedule a date for her to meet me in the hotel, because I was staying in Lekki and he stays around Surulere, I wanted an hotel close to her house, so she can return early.
We met at the hotel and I can see she missed me so much, around 3pm I told her I'm back and I want us to continue dating and I'm ready to settle down, she agreed and we have been dating, all this happened around March 2021. Around April, I travelled out for about 2months, but I was very communicating with her, and when I got back around June, I discovered she had sex with another guy in May. Now, I wouldn't say she did it because of money, because I pay her 20k every month for upkeep, sometimes I just pay her 30k! She is not a wayward girl though, and she is not a type that sleeps around with guys back then in school, but once i came back into her life, I see a different girl entirely, when I came back she wasn't a virgin anymore, it's not my problem anyway, because the truth is I never forgot her during all those years I left her behind.
I didn't tell her I knew she cheated on me, but all I do tell her was that she did something bad to me and I want her to open up to me about it, but my girl kept on denying it, she sworn with her life, that she didn't cheat on me, that night I was shocked. Then, I didn't talk about it again till September, I gave her those months to regret her actions and confess to me, but she never did, also I didn't stop helping her financially, I still pay her monthly for upkeep. I know you will be wondering why I give her money, right? This girl was with me and loyal to me when I had nothing, like nothing at all! She was raised by a single mother and she is struggling a lot, after graduating she decided to go for Hair Stylist training, that is where she is currently. So I just give her money monthly just to stay strong.
So around September I decided to tell her she cheated on me, although it was that once, she begged, cried and told me she was drunk and regretted it, she told me she doesn't want to tell me because she knows I will end the relationship, well to be candid I love her so much, so I decided to forgive her, but since that day, trusting her was very very difficult for me. Although, I do watch her and since then I have never seen anything of such from her.
January 2022, her mother stopped her from coming to my place, she wants me to come see her first before she can allow her daughter to come visit me again. So, I went to see her mom last month and I made my intentions known to her, I told her I will want to marry her daughter and she said she is okay with it, if her daughter is okay with me.
This girl is my type of girl but, she has some behaviours that sincerely I don't think I can deal with.
She has this mindset of "A woman should be equal to a man".
She doesn't respect me, she chats with random guys and if they invite her for outing, she goes with them, even if I tell her not to go! When she visits me, she says I must join her in doing the house chores, she will say "It's either you clean the house and I will wash the plates and cook, or she wash the plates and cook, while I clean the house". And sometimes if she wants to cook for me, she will want me to come to the kitchen with her and do some works, maybe Grind pepper with blender or slice onion, if I dont, she gets annoyed, saying will she be the one to be doing all?
She did something that annoyed me this morning, around 6am today I went to the filling station to get petrol, well she knows I eat early always, maybe 6am or 7am, I would have taken breakfast, but she has never dished me food at that time, I always do it myself whenever she is around. When I got back from the filling station, I still met my girlfriend on the bed pressing her phone, I told her I'm hungry and I will want to eat Spaghetti with tomato sauce, and she replied "Baby, please cook it yourself, you said I'm your queen, pamper me na"  Really? What does that have to do with you cooking for your fiance?
Well, I was annoyed, I went to the kitchen and prepared the food myself, the truth is when the food was ready, I only dished my own and ate, she said "What about her? Won't she eat?" I didn't answer her!
Aside from this, sincerely sometimes she talks to me rudely, and one thing she and I knows is that she is very very stubborn and not ready to submit to any man. Sincerely, this attitude is making me scared of settling down with her, I want to propose her this year and do the marriage rights but with all this behaviours I'm thinking the marriage will be hell for me.
When she came over yesterday, I prepared food for her before her arrival, and I served her, all she could say was "What is this? The food taste bad! Is this food or poison?" She never gave a good compliments about the meal, yet she finished the food and went for second round.
Last night before we went to bed, I told her to warm the rice and the stew, she said it won't get spoilt that she will do it in the morning, I asked her if she is sure, she said Yes. And I went to the kitchen before preparing my Spaghetti, I saw the rice is already bad and can't be eaten, I showed it to her and she was like "haaa she doesn't know it will spoil"
Also, the chicken I bought yesterday to cook her the meal, I couldn't use all, I left some in the pot, and I forgot to warm it last night, my girl saw it while washing the plates this morning, and she was like "What is this?" I told her chicken and she said "And you didn't warm it" she left it there in the pot like that without doing anything to revive it. Before I went to the kitchen to do it myself!
She only washed the plates, bath and went to church this morning, she didn't arrange the bed, nor sweep the room littered with all we ate last night. I'm sure of the message she is passing to me... "Have washed the plates, you clean the house".
Please guys, I want to propose her around August and settle down with her in November, but this behaviours are the things turning me off.
Will she changed and act normal when we get married, or this will continue? The guys she chat with, which I told her I don't like it, she replied that "She will never and ever leave them". All these types of attitudes and not showing me respect, do you think she will change after we get married or she will continue?
Please guys, I'm very confused here My guy after all you have stated above I am shocked that you are still asking if she will change after marriage. You are a good man and there are plenty responsible ladies who will appreciate you and give you peace of mind . Don’t let love blind you !! |
Bro sorry you had to go through such treatment but Your means well for you. Please go back home and try to quit the habit . Best way to quit is to get busy , you could spend more time at your Dad’s workshop and use the skill to carve a niche for yourself. However you choose to go with it make sure you are busy and learning. All the best bro � NnolimNzubechi:
Hello Nairalanders.
It's A Long Read But Please Bear With Me
Am the only child, Am A Boy,my mom died when I was 3 years and am the only child.so it's been only me and dad since and his girlfriends..
Recently I started smoking, He noticed it..My dad too smokes but only cigarette,He has been smoking past a Decade Now But He looks very Healthy And Chubby Too So You won't Know He Smokes Unless Your Saw Him smoking.
So He told Me To Stop Smoking,And He Was Angry With Me For A Week plus,Later The Anger Reduced..He Taught I Smoked Only Cigarette but I Smoke Both cigar and Arizona Weed,Jus those Two.i Don't Take alcohol.
I Stopped Smoking Though,It Was on Saturday Being Feb 4,That I Relapsed,I Smoked A.Z,So My Dad And Her Current Girlfriend Came Back,She went To The Backyard And Saw the Aches and The Brown Rizzla..Then she went and Told My Dad,My Dad Came Into My Room And Started Saying Plenty Things,Lastly He told me To Leave His House Tomorrow Being Sunday Feb 05. He then left My Room, I Was Shocked,I Didn't What To Do Or Say To Him
So in The Morning I went Out To Buy Something,When I Came Back He Locked The Back Door From inside,So I Couldn't Open It With My Keys.I Knocked And Told Him It Was Me,He Told Me To Go Back To Where I Come From And i Should Not Knock Ever Again.This Made Angry,He Didn't Even Give Me The Chance To Apologize,I Used Vex And Told Him Oya Let Me Carry My Property,He Said He Will Throw it For Me,That He Is Already Packing My Belongings,Few Minutes Later He Threw It for Me,I Was Down So He Threw It From Up...So I Left to Stay With a Friend in another State.
So My Question Now Is what My Father Did The Right thing?My Telling Me To Leave His House Cos I smoke, Am 19 Years Of Age, I Will be 20 This Year.I heard too Many ulcers and Helicobacter pylori Which Leads To Stomach Cancer,Yet He Told Me To Leave, He Was The Buying Medicine For Me But He Knows The Ulcer And Helicobacter pylori Hasn't Healed Final.He Knows I Don't Have Money To Fend For Myself Yet,i Always Go To His Shop To Help Him With His business.
What He Did By Telling Me To Leave Is It Right?I Don't SMOKE Outside,I only SMOKE In Our Flat,Cos I Don't Want People To Know I SmokE,My Dad Will be Ashamed When People Tell Him I Smoke ,He is a Very Popular Man Here..
Today I Chatted Him And Told Him Am Sorry For My actions,The First Thing He Told Me Was (you will never see good In your life)..I Didn't Mind Though The Curse though, I Begged Him,And He Told Me To Come Back,But Am Really Not Happy With Him,What if I Have Accident?what if I was Kidnapped?He didn't Think Of Those ones instead He sent Me Parking, I Have always Be A Good son which he tells me Frequently,I don't give him Headache.Just Only That Smoke
Even Though He Told Me To Come Back Am Still annoyed With Him,Instead of Him to Help Me To Stop ,He Told Me To Leave His House And Go continue Smoking.Those Words Hurt Me....
Should I Go back To Him And Start Planing To Save Money And Relocate?Cos I don't Have a Dime Now,And My ulcer Hasn't Healed Complete...I haven't even Eaten Good Food since yesterday,Just one okpa
...
My Main Question Are (Did My Dad Do The Right Thing By Telling Me To Leave,Should I Go Back To Stay With Him??Or should I Stay Here At My friend Place and start Hustling For Myself??
Please Moderators Should help Move to Front page,Am in Deep confusion Now.Thanks |
Food › Re: I Just Bought This Animal From Some Boys, How Do I Prepare It? by MajorJim: 6:56am On Sep 29, 2022
Time is ticking oo.