₦airaland Forum

Ujujoan: What will you call this if not the highest level of negligence

Or just a mother overwhelmed by the weight of the crashing walls around her...

baby_123: Sounds like a script. The guy for see wetin dem dey call "beating to just an inch of his life".

Its not o.

yamakuza: To think the mother was just a door away?

What nerve!

I think being too harsh on kids also contributes to this.

They are afraid to report problems to their parents, [s]and might choose solace in the arms of 'nice' uncles.[/s]

You actually have a point...

kay9: @OP, your post is copyrighted. Is this story real?

It is, sadly...

I got a phone call from a hysterical mum who just discovered a shocking crime. She had gone to visit her daughter in school. Her daughter, a boarder, had attended a Sex Education class a day prior to her visit. During that class, the facilitator talked about the subject and also about rape - what it meant, who likely offenders were, signs he children should look out for and what those who had been raped should do.

She noticed her daughter was unusually reserved and with instincts only a mother can have; she asked if there was anything her daughter wanted to tell her. And that was the catalyst that revealed a story made for the world of fiction. Fighting the tears that spilled over her house wear, she told her mum everything. How a male relative from their father’s side who had been living with them for a couple of years had been sexually abusing her since she was in primary four.

It got worse.

Her younger sister was also a victim.

Amidst tears, her younger sister who had tagged along for the visit confirmed it was true.

With her husband who worked out of town not picking up his call, the mum thought to call me, someone who just loves children and happened to be close to hers.

I found myself trembling.

I entered my car and sped to the house; I wanted to be there when they returned to offer my support but most importantly, I wanted to be there to prevent what I felt would be the murder of a young man who deserved to die.

So it was that the younger daughter told me in graphic detail, how the abuse started and continued for so long; in her case since she was in primary two. Most of the time her mum, a homemaker, would be in the house cooking a meal or caught up with something in her room. Then her ‘uncle’ would call out to her to bring something- a glass of water, newspaper; something. Once she knocks on the door he pulls her and the object into his room and shuts the door. I could see she was clearly distraught. She would wring her hands and stammer and swallow and look at everything else but me.

Eventually the father picked up his call and was told the sordid news. His response? More investigation was needed. The accusation was too grave and he didn’t see his own relative, who he had brought in and trained and given a better life, doing what was being insinuated to his children.

The father came back home the next day and a meeting was arranged with him, another relative who lived around, the mum and the accused present. Facing intense scrutiny from all parties, the accused told a story that still chills my blood to this day. According to him, the rape was all a fabrication from a desperate woman. She was cheating and she knew he knew and fearing he would tell her husband, she doctored the children to frame him up so she could get him out of the way.

And boy, did it work?

In a cruel twist of events, the hunter became the hunted. No one wanted to know the details. No one asked questions. The ruse of rape was a good one but unfortunately, too grave to be pegged on an innocent, hardworking soul like the accused.

The incoherent ranting of the mum and her kicking and yelling was interpreted as signs of a woman who wanted to cover her shameless act. She found herself trying to disprove his allegation rather than the rapist disproving his. Narrating her story to me, I could hear the pain in her voice. The one place where she should have gotten support had swept the rug from under her feet.

The accused insisted they call the younger daughter and ask her side of the story. The poor seven year old was brought to sit in front of four grown ups asking if she had been abused and for how long. With her mother crying by her side and all three men barking all sorts of questions at her; it proved too much for the kid. After stuttering a few times, she broke down in tears.

‘There you have it’ the accused said. If she hadn’t been doctored she would have been able to tell a coherent story.

Defeated, the mum asked for her daughters be examined by a qualified doctor; the father agreed and made the necessary arrangements.
It was a nurse that came out first, crying.
‘Who did this? Who did this to your children?’
The husband hastily told her it was a neighbour.
And then the Doctor came out and confirmed their worse fears. Their hymen was gone and their private parts had bruising and showed other signs of continuous abuse, more severely in the case of the younger daughter who lived in the house, than the oldest who was a boarder.
It was then the father broke down, crying like a mumu on the floor of the hospital reception.

It got worse.

The children’s minder, a teenager who was brought from the village told her own story when they got back from the hospital. Thankfully, her assault stopped at waking up to find his hand under her sleeping dress in the night or him squeezing her budding boobs and bum when he thought no one was looking.

Shocked, the mum held her last daughter and cried. She said every time she bathed the 3-year-old, the girl would never allow her wash her ‘bum bum’. She would complaint about pain and only allow the mum wash it when she promised to be gentle. Out of fear of what she might find out; she didn’t mention it to the father and never arranged for an examination.

Faced with such overwhelming confessions, the adultery story lost its hold and the accused was sent back to the village where he came from.

He never admitted to the crime, never apologized and was never prosecuted. The father said it would bring shame to the family name.

Its easy to cast blame on the parenting skills of the mother for negligence or carelessness or for not being observant but if you have never raised a kid, maybe you shouldn’t.

Trust is good. Trust is also bad. The saddest thing that can happen to anyone is to think you are safe with someone and wake up to find you’re sorely mistaken.

©Naomi Lucas
http://naomilucas..com/2013/04/when-rapist-devours-entire-family.html

kulyie: God bless you jare,my person if we had women like you with your school of thought,there will be reduction of women/ladies in the psychiatric hospitals

Taking a bow

kulyie: oshe jare,thank you very much,if you know me in and out of nairaland,you will know am aunty no nonsense i hate display of stewpeedity around me

lol @ aunty no nonsense

iebanehita: @Naomi Lucas..

1st, lemme commend your style of writing. I love it.
The bitter truth is no so many ladies wld commit to memory,all what you have said in ur prev thread and ds one. Very few of dem sincerely knows what they want in a relationship.
Stories in d romance section can confirm my claims.

Thanks iebanehita. Those that will hear will hear. Those that don't have themselves to blame, shikenan.

Carius: I don't think any guy would be mad when his girl does nos 2.d problem is dat our naija girls are wired from birth to be receivers and not givers,although there are exceptions to dis..

Some guys talk about feeling emasculated, yes?

kulyie: Lol,nice,but you ran away from your earlier post after causing gombe

I didn't run away o, the questions were too many and some were honestly dumb; luckily for me you were there, dealing with them all. Better person

yamakuza: still reading ...

but you seem to be a paste and go poster.

you never responded to many of the allegations on the last thread.

Ah! After accusing me of writing an epistle, fear nor gree me talk, lol. Seriously though, I had fun reading those comments. I even mentioned it to someone today. There was a lady that had an answer for every dumb question or comment and I laughed my head off reading her comments. Commenting would've been an overkill in my opinion

If you missed the first part, you can read it here http://naomilucas..com/2013/03/a-single-ladys-advice-to-single-ladies.html

Without meaning to trivialize your spirituality, let’s get this straight, it’s not everything you should be praying about. Leave the witches in your village alone and take stock. What are the things within and without that constrain you from finding happiness? Let’s start from there ‘cos some of us pray and fast and bind and cast when the solution to our issues is staring us in the face.

After speaking with a couple of guys, it became apparent to me that as ladies, what we think the guys want and what they really want are miles apart. It’s going to have to be a continuous process of unlearning and relearning what we think we already know. In this note I’ve explored possible scenarios that can either hinder your ability to find the right person or chase the one you have found. I do hope you find my suggestions practical enough.

The Class Distinction
You were born gold plated. He has never seen gold and has lived in a fishing village all his life. While doing some charity work in his neighbourhood, you guys met and the sparks almost set the village on fire. Congratulations. Ok. Now what? It’s easy to feel like love can conquer anything until the reality of how our society works hits you in the face. Before taking that kind of relationship seriously, understand what you are getting yourself into or leave the guy’s heart where you found it.

It’s Ok To Have More, Just Don’t Rub It In
You have a good job, your pay is mouth watering, you know everyone there is to know in your industry and hobnob with the brightest and the best. You live alone, have everything you need to be comfortable and really are doing very well all by yourself. Then along came Johnny, who loves you sincerely but feels irrelevant ‘cos he feels you don’t need him around. A friend was telling me the story of a couple that just got married and are already heading to the courts. Problem: The guy married this chic, She moved in and decided to redecorate the house. She imported chairs from Italy, kitchen accessories from the UK, changed the poor guy’s ceiling to PoP; he came back from work and his wardrobe was unrecognizable. His wife had taken the liberty to give out most of his clothes and replaced them with designer wears. And there was a new SUV parked in the driveway. And she didn’t understand why he was mad…

Be Real From Day One
You may never have a second chance to make a first impression so be sure the first one is the real one. Don’t be who you’re not to get or keep a guy’s attention; it’s just not worth it. If you’re more comfortable eating chicken with your hands, why are you struggling with the fork and knife? Do you speak through your nose on a normal day? If no, then why all the phonetics when the farthest you’ve been is Badagry? Let your hair down and let him see you as you are. It’s either he likes you or he doesn’t. But if you insist on putting yourself on a pedestal, be sure you have enough stamina to remain there.

It’s Not His Fault
Transferred aggression is one of the most baffling character traits I’ve seen. Your dad treated your mum really badly, so you grow up with a resolve never to be taken for granted by a guy. Or some guy broke your heart. It hurt really bad. I get. Now how is that your present boyfriend’s fault? You pick fights at the slightest provocation, and criticize him when he tries to show affection. The gift isn’t right. The date sucked. He wore the wrong tie. He called at the wrong time. He said I’m sorry too late. He doesn’t love you enough. Stop teaching him a lesson for a class he may have passed long ago. Deal with your issues and leave him out of it. In the same vein, get rid of all preconceived notions. All men are not dogs, women bitches and mother-in-laws witches; try not to judge before you get to know people.

Be Easygoing
Some couples fight so much I’m baffled as to how they manage to have children. When do they find time in between all the fights to make babies? As a lady, you need to understand that if a relationship is going to succeed, a lot is going to depend on you; we are wired to pay attention to those things a guy may take for granted. So do what should come naturally to you. Be graceful, be nice to his friends, handle your fights with some maturity, you’re not a market woman at Oke-arin; forgive and stop regurgitating old stuff. Make it easy for him to keep his side of the bargain. Make it easy for him to want to be with you.

Tell Him What You Want
It’s as simple as that. He’s not in your head so there’s no way he’s going to know. If you want to watch ‘The Avengers’ at Palms, tell him you want to watch ‘The Avengers’ at Palms, or he may go and buy a 20-in-1 dvd and wonder why you aren’t happy. Don’t expect him to figure it out or nag that he never takes you out with the hope that he might get the message. His idea of ‘take you out’ may be a trip to the zoo. I’ve found that guys need help in this area. They usually find it difficult to tell when you mean something or when you’re joking, if there’s a subtext or if your statement should be read literally. All those hints you keep dropping all over the place, why are you stressing yourself like that?

Tell Him Before He Finds Out
Popsie killed momsie and is serving time in Kirikiri? You were borne out of wedlock and all your four siblings have different fathers? You have a daughter in kindergarten that lives with your grandma? Tell him before he finds out. Trust once broken is very difficult to regain. You don’t want him finding out damaging information at a viewing center do you? It’s better to tell him than say nothing because you don’t want to lose him. He may eventually find out and leave anyway…

Keep It Between You Two
You don’t need a townhall meeting to deal with your relationship issues. Seek help only when absolutely necessary. No one needs all the sordid details. We all have our lives to live and are confused enough without you complicating it with all the complaints. If he hits you then that’s a major issue, but he didn’t call? Ok…why not call him and sort it instead of calling me at 2am to whine? Ouch. Sorry…

I better stop talking.
For now

©Naomi Lucas
http://naomilucas..com/2013/04/a-single-ladys-advice-to-single-ladies.html

Below Are Excerpts from Ayo Akinfe's post on Facebook Yesterday:

Borno, Yobe and Bauchi States, the rest of Nigeria is losing patience with you guys now. This Boko Haram nonsense has gone on for too long

...If there is any more loss of innocent life over Easter, the government should just withdraw all its security forces from the three states and send in the F16s, Migs and drones...Boko Haram is only thrBorno, Yobe and Bauchi States, the rest of Nigeria is losing patience with you guys now. This Boko Haram nonsense has gone on for too long iving because of the resiudual and passive support it enjoys among the people of the northeast, particularly the Kanuris. You people are harbouring them and I find that totally unacceptable.

...We have got to the stage now where the end justifies the means. Let us flatten those three states that are giving us this trouble. "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out." Let us have a Nigeria of 33 states and 158m people living in peace. We can build a memorial in rememberence of those three states that became extinct...


I read Mr. Akinfe’s post several times to be sure I wasn’t reading it out of context. A Nigerian advocates ‘flattening’ 3 states so the rest of us can have peace? Seriously?

The issue with that kind of thinking is not necessarily the thought itself but what it connotes. It brings to the fore the fact that as a nation, we have lost our humanity; the life of a man is as worthless as that of a mongrel dog. A nation that has to flatten 7% of its population for peace does not deserve to exist. The end should never justify the means. Never.

I watched as Israel welcomed one of its soldiers home in 2011. He had been in captivity for years. Getting him back cost Israel 1027 Hamas prisoners. There is no greater example to demonstrate value for human life. We don’t have to go that far; a simple respect for the right of another human being to exist without fear or intimidation is a good place to start.

The people in those states are themselves victims of the system; more traumatized than those of us who have never heard the sound of a bomb blast; who live thousands of miles away and read the news of a new bombing while we sip coffee; oblivious to the lives shattered on a daily basis. Throwing away the baby because we don’t like the colour of the bath water reeks of shortsightedness. To punish the people for an apparent failure of the political class is like removing fuel subsidy because oil marketers steal the money-it doesn’t fix the problem. Let’s stop cutting the leaves of a tree as a cure for ailing roots.

If we wipe them out then what happens? Will the groundnut pyramids return? Will we refine more palm kernels than Malaysia? Will it check the patronage system in Nigeria? Will our leaders begin to show some common sense? Will it be the end of kidnapping? Will looted public funds be returned and equitably distributed? Will it make me stop seeing you through the eyes of your ethnicity? Will Nigeria finally have peace?

Nigeria’s problem is the problem of every Nigerian; the sooner we realize that, the better. Every single person by our action or lack thereof have contributed to the embarrassment Nigeria has become. Let’s take responsibility and stop looking for scapegoats.

And to the writer who has been blessed with the gift of stringing words together; words that stir the souls of men to do good or evil. Remember with the gift comes a responsibility; a heavy burden that should not be taken lightly. Think before you speak; stop throwing words around without sensitivity to the varied perspectives of those who dwell within our borders. If what you say will not inspire hope, cause men to seek nobler causes and bring about the kind of change we all seek; Be quiet. Things are bad already. We are approaching the edge of a precipice, please don’t push us over.

©Naomi Lucas
http://naomilucas..com/2013/03/when-influence-becomes-burden.html

I’ve thought about writing this for a while but wondered where to start. A recent occurrence helped me make up my mind. After being in a couple of relationships that didn’t quite work out, I asked a friend of mine why she hadn’t considered a male friend of hers I felt was okay. The guy didn’t hide the fact that he really liked her and wanted to be with her; and he was the one who saw her through most of her breakups. She grimaced and told me she wasn’t attracted to him at all and that he wasn’t the kind of person she would like to be seen in public with. Fast-forward a few more years-she’s getting married pretty soon…and yes, to the guy in question! I’m sure she can’t remember telling me, but I can and it’s haunting. Sometimes I want to confront her, ask her what changed, confirm if she knows what she’s doing or if she’s finally allowed the pressure get to her, and then I remind myself it’s probably not in my place; but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. Forgive my digression.

If you’ve been observant you would’ve noticed an increase in cases of domestic violence, infidelity, divorce, separations, single parenthood and other challenges that confront the institution of marriage.In summary, the distortion and disintegration of the single most important unit in the society has become a pandemic; so common place it’s now one of those things. It’s been of great concern to me ‘cos I can see how easy it is to end up in the shoes of those who have had to deal with these issues firsthand. What’s worrisome is the fact that we ladies aren’t learning from the mistakes of those who have gone before. We read the stories and watch the news and shake our heads in empathy and disgust, certain such things can never happen to us…until they do. We go into relationships that are doomed from the very beginning, ignoring obvious signs that should cause us to pause and re-evaluate, with the hope that things will get better. I’m not talking about this from a holier than thou perspective. It’s as much a note to self as it is advice for any lady who cares enough to listen.

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks and made mistakes, but I’m glad I’ve learnt and can confidently say I’m a better person for it. I’ve put together some thoughts and values that guide my relationship and my expectations of the guy I would eventually settle down with. I do hope it brings clarity and direction for some confused lady out there…

Know What You Want
Before you venture into a relationship with any man you need to first define who you are, what you stand for, what your values are, where you are going, your likes, your dislikes, what makes you happy, what you’re afraid of, what makes you tick, what you love about yourself, what you don’t, what you want in a guy, what you don’t, what you want your future to look like, the kind of life you want to live. Bottomline-know yourself inside out ‘cos its very easy to lose your identity in a relationship. But beyond that, it’ll also be easy to know when someone isn’t meant for you or when someone is, when you deserve better or when you’re compromised.

I was engaged to this guy and wedding plans were already underway. I called the engagement off to the mortification and utter shock of friends who felt I had caught a really big fish; the kind of guy ladies would kill for and they couldn’t understand how I could be stupid enough to dump him back in the ocean. For everyone that asked why I did it, I remember telling them that after all the aso-ebi wearing; I was the one that would have to live with the guy. I looked into the future and didn’t like what I saw, and decided to do something about it before it was too late. If I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted out of life, I would’ve been a Mrs. somebody today, with a kid or two in tow, unhappy, discontent and resentful.

I believe the concept of Mr. Right is as mythical as Unicorns. No one person is perfectly suited to someone else. But there are basics, things that irrespective of class, age or temperament you shouldn’t compromise. To those of you who aren’t sure, here’s how to know you’re with the right person; don’t quote me though

What’s His Belief System?
I’m not talking Christian or Muslim, I’m talking about his anchor, his spirituality, and morality; his interpretation of right and wrong, of human existence; his values and how they translate to everyday life. Where does he find meaning? What keeps him grounded? If he doesn’t have any, trust me darling, there’s no point. The end in his case, will always justify the means.

Does He Respect You?
I mean everything you are and what you stand for! Your family, your friends, your opinions, your dreams, your past, your career. I find that guys who are disrespectful of women are also psychologically and verbally abusive. This is even worse than physical abuse ‘cos you have no scars or injuries to prove it. Ladies in relationships like this have very poor self-esteem, are very indecisive, rarely share their opinions in public, find it hard to take compliments and feel like the least beautiful in the room. They do can do anything to get approval, never feel like they have, and end up feeling inadequate and undeserving.

Is He A Confident Person?
Can he hold his own during conversations or does he give you every reason under the sun why he can’t make it for the birthday party? Self-confidence is the most attractive quality a guy can possess. It transcends money; it’s the assurance a woman needs that tomorrow is going to be okay. Dating a guy who has a poor sense of worth for himself and his abilities can be very emotionally draining because he’s most likely going to project his dissatisfaction on you and eventually rob you of yours. Sometimes this lack of confidence manifests as egotism and chauvinism. If he feels the need to remind you he’s a guy and in charge of the relationship then there’s a problem. You’ll find that getting him to see things from your perspective or to listen to advice will be practically impossible ‘cos to him doing that is accepting you know better.

Does He Love You?
I mean love the way 1st Corinthians 13 defines it, not love like we know it to be these days. Love is a gut feeling, a knowing that you’ll be okay with him. It’s knowing you don’t have to bend over backwards to please him. When he doesn’t deploy reverse psychology to keep you in a perpetual state of guilt or dredge up long forgotten fights every time there’s a new one, when he’s not intimidated by your tall dreams and desire to want to be your own person and ensures you stay connected to those who matter to you, if he’s the first person you run to when you feel overwhelmed, if he keeps you focused and does not exploit your weaknesses or insecurities; then he loves you.

Is He Responsible?
Can he be held accountable? Can he be depended on? Will he keep his side of the agreement? Does he understand the spiritual, cultural and social duties he ought to perform? Does he understand his job description? In fact, does he know he has one? The same way some guys describe ladies as ‘take home to mama’ I feel there should be ‘take home to papa’ guys. The major reason why families are in such a state today is attributable to the utter irresponsibility of a majority of the male species. He cheats on his wife; it’s her fault. If she hadn’t put on so much weight he wouldn’t have noticed his secretary. The teenage son is caught doing drugs, it’s the mother’s fault; she didn’t bring him up properly. You’re doing the dishes and making breakfast and spring cleaning and loading the washer with a kid strapped on your back and he calls out to you in the kitchen, asking where the hell you kept the TV remote. Need I say more?

Where Is He Going?
What’s the big picture for him? Is he a dreamer? Does he see a future that excites you? Is he constantly seeking out opportunities and ways to make tomorrow better or is he counting the number of years it’ll take him to get to level 8 in the Nigerian Civil Service? If he’s not ambitious chances are he’ll try to keep you from reaching forward as well. The most damaging consequence for me is how fast you’ll lose respect for him and wish you ended up with someone else. Look for a guy who’s going somewhere, who is on a journey and believes the destination is in sight; your successes and achievements will be less intimidating.

The Money Equation
A young lady I know came to me and said she needed my advice. I listened. The story: There’s this guy who’s been on her case and wanted to go out with her. He’d gone to great lengths to get her number and was ‘toasting’ her relentlessly. He was a Muslim, in his thirties, said he wasn’t married, lived in a different city and had a lot of money. She told him to give her some time to think about it even though she already seemed predisposed to the idea. She wanted to know what to do. So I asked questions…

Do you want to go out with him?
Yes.

Why do you want to go out with him?
‘Cos I can go back to school (She had dropped out due to lack of funds) and I won’t have to worry about money anymore.

Hmmm...Ok.

He’s a muslim, you attend Redeemed. How do you want to cope with this?
Slumped shoulders.

Since money is the major reason why he’s attractive to you, what happens when someone with more money comes along?
Blink.
Blink.

I stopped asking questions. I hope my advice to her that day made a lasting impact.

I remember a friend of my elder sister’s saying she couldn’t date a guy if he didn’t live within the VGC axis. This was close to a decade ago. She’s still not married. The thing is, by the time the guy moves from Berger to Yaba to V/I to VGC, he’ll most likely be taken by some lady who wasn’t afraid to live in Berger. You may say stories abound of women who stood by struggling guys only for the guys to make it and ditch them or marry younger women. I’d say for every one of those, there’s a story with a happy ending. I’m not saying marry a broke ass, I’m saying, let the guy’s bank account not be the reason why you choose to be or not be with him…

This list is by no means exhaustive so feel free to share your comments.

To be continued...

©Naomi Lucas
http://naomilucas..com/2013/03/a-single-ladys-advice-to-single-ladies.html

I used to be someone who shops at Above and Beyond outlet in Opebi and must have been a pretty loyal customer, 'cos I ended up with a VIP discount card. I made the fatal error of giving them both my numbers at different times 'cos I was told thats the only way they could generate a receipt.

I have called a particular number that comes with their text messages incessantly, to complain about the unbelievable number of text messages I get from them 24/7. Insensitive text messages that come at unholy hours. I have received text messages from them by 12am, 2am sometimes and I still cannot wrap my head around it. What am I supposed to do with a text message informing me of a crazy sale at 2am in the morning?

When I called my request was simple: that they take my numbers off their database, I am not interested in text messages and know the way to their outlets. If I want to shop, I will shop and if I don't want to no amount of text messages will make me do it.

I was rudely told off by some guy who said 10 words for every one that came out of my mouth. He said I am not the only one complaining and there's nothing he can do until the 'campaign' is over and since the database was with a bulk sms company, there was little he could do.

Which infuriated me more: Who authorized them to share my details, given to them in confidence with a third party? What stops the third party from using the same info to send me countless other messages for their other clients, which incidentally, has been happening a lot lately? My parting message to the guy, was that if I receive any text message from above and beyond again, then whatever happens, at least they know I asked nicely first.

That was sometime in November/December. Obviously I was talking to a deaf person because in the last 6 weeks, I have received well over 30 text messages from Above and Beyond. Not wanting to stir up trouble without trying one more time, I drove all the way from my house to their outlet in Opebi and was directed to a lady called Titi. Who listened and with a smug smile told me the number cannot be taken off immediately and 'she will see what she can do'. It is after I spoke with her that I have gotten the most text messages.

I have tried everything I can nicely do to get them to remove me from their mailing list especially because I wasn't asked before I was added in the first place, but since it has proved abortive; whatever means is necessary, I will use. Those numbers are mine and I decide who I want to interact with at any given time.

This is a heads up to Above and Beyond. They have asked for trouble and unusually, I have decided to oblige them!

Thank you.

Our client is a pioneer and market leader in the agro-allied sector in Nigeria with Depots, Sales Outlets and Representatives in all 36 states of the country and the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja.

A versatile organization of international repute dedicated to ensuring international best practice in its operations, services & product output, our client currently seeks a competent and proactive Manager to provide support for its Admin department.

Job Title-Senior Manager, Admin (SMA)
Job Purpose

The SMA has overall responsibility for ensuring the efficient operation of the Head Office, will partner with senior leadership in the execution of various projects as required. This role involves providing leadership to the company’s Administration support, maintenance and general services activities. Also to plan, direct, or coordinate supportive services of the company, such as record- keeping, mail distribution, telephone operator/receptionist, and other office support services. It requires sensitivity and confidentiality and the ideal candidate must work within a computerized environment.

Person Profile

Entrepreneurial, enthusiastic with capability to use initiative and intellectual capital to derive solutions
Comfortable with working under pressure, to clear deadlines and focus on bottom-line.
High achiever with evidence of continuous leadership roles and academic prowess.
Goal directed with excellent negotiating skills and high comfort levels in rapid and early closure
Attention to detail, displays tact/discretion with imagination and drive.

Key Responsibilities
Leadership:
Build and lead an effective and cohesive administration and general services Operations.
Make self available as coach / mentor in assisting direct reports to develop in their positions.
Delegate tasks to direct reports in line with skill, knowledge and ability and where necessary identify skill gaps and training requirements.

Admin and General Services Operations:
Internal communications.
Managing filing systems.
Developing and implementing new administrative systems, such as record management.
Supervising facility management
Recording office expenditure and managing the budget.
Organising the office layout and maintaining supplies of stationery and equipment.
Arrange regular testing for electrical equipment and safety devices;
Implement approved recommendations regarding automation and telecommunications’ systems.

General Business:
Provides supplies by identifying needs for reception, switchboard, mailroom, and kitchen; establishing policies, procedures, and work schedules.
Provides communication systems by identifying needs; evaluating options; maintaining equipment; approving invoices.
Purchases printed materials and forms by obtaining requirements; negotiating price, quality, and delivery; approving invoices.
Completes special projects by organizing and coordinating information and requirements; planning, arranging, and meeting schedules; monitoring results.
To provides internal and external coordination, management, and oversight of all administrative activities related to the development and implementation of the mission and instructional goals of Avian
Reviewing Documentation and Contracts.

Management:
Appoint and maintain a first class effective Admin and General Services team.
Create, promote and nurture a professional business environment and culture where staff are valued, motivated and rewarded.

Reports To
Chief Financial Officer

Knowledge/Skills/Experience
First Degree, BSc from a reputable institution.
Previous Admin and General Services Experience with a top flight Company and/or Professional Accounting Services Firm.
Ability to work without supervision.
Prioritize work and effectively manage time.
Exercise good business judgment in making daily operating decisions.
Must be detail oriented.
Must have above average software skills in Microsoft Office applications.
Ability to speak and write clearly and effectively in English.
At least 6 years’ experience, with a minimum of 4 continuous year’s professional leadership experience in a management role.
Principles and practices of Farm admin management and maintenance.
Strong communication skills and interpersonal skills to effectively translate ideas, concepts and information.
An MBA or Masters will be an added advantage.

Mode of Application
Send a Microsoft Word version of your CV (With References) to: tohrfactory@gmail.com (Email subject: SMA Job Application)[color=#990000][/color]
Candidate must be resident in Ibadan or willing to relocate.
Remuneration and perks very competitive.

http://hrfactorynigeria./2013/01/09/senior-manager-admin/

Our client is a pioneer and market leader in the agro-allied sector in Nigeria with Depots, Sales Outlets and Representatives in all 36 states of the country and the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja.

A versatile organization of international repute dedicated to ensuring international best practice in its operations, services & product output, our client currently seeks a competent and proactive Manager to head its HR department.

Job Title-Inventory Controller (IC)
Job Purpose

Reporting to the CFO, this role involves providing leadership to the company’s entire Inventory Management System. The ideal candidate will perform a variety of duties in supervising the receiving, issuing, handling, and accounting for inventory stocks in all the stores the company. The role involves communicating with vendors; comparing goods received to documents; supervising the preparation of materials for transportation; loading and unloading inventory; managing the marking or tagging of items; picking-up items from local vendors; preparing bid specifications and requirements; and conducting regular inventory analysis. The Inventory Controller must be able to interact professionally with a variety of people at all levels of the Company and deal effectively with rapidly changing priorities

Person Profile

Entrepreneurial, enthusiastic with capability to use initiative and intellectual capital to derive solutions.
Comfortable with working under pressure, to clear deadlines and focus on bottom-line.
High achiever with evidence of continuous leadership roles and academic prowess.
Goal directed with excellent negotiating skills and high comfort levels in rapid and early closure.
Attention to detail, displays tact/discretion with imagination and drive.

Key Responsibilities
Leadership:

To build and lead an effective and cohesive Inventory Control Operations
Make self available as coach / mentor in assisting direct reports to develop in their positions.
Ensure that relevant information is communicated to direct reports enabling them to effectively carry out their functions.
frame.
Ensure all reasonable steps are taken in order to achieve workplace harmony within the organisation at all times.

Strategy:
Visioning and long-term strategy formulation for the Inventory Control function of the company.
Communicate and implement the company’s strategy.

Inventory Control Operations:
Manage and maintain farm and feed mill inventory.
Review demand patterns, weeks of supply, safety stock and inventory turnover to establish optimum holding costs.
Receive, examine good shipped/transported and verify completeness of orders and reconcile against bills of lading, invoices and/or other documents.
Supervise the Loading and unloading of inventory onto or from pallets, bins, racks and shelving. Manage the marking or tagging of items received for identification purposes to stock inventory. Pick up parts, tools and equipment from local vendors and deliver to staff, departments and farm locations.
Supervise the entering of material and inventory information and pricing data used by staff onto work orders generated by the inventory management system.
Input inventory control transactions into the system, including cost, description, vendor and inventory adjustments, for all locations;
Develop the company’s inventory management strategy.
Manage and maintain the company’s material and stocked product inventory including stock profiles and stock locations.
Manage and control perpetual inventory stock counting / inventory accuracy checks.
Ensure works orders are correct and fully completed and that all stock has been allocated to the related birds/group of birds correctly.
Ensure integrity and accuracy of the stock management system
Produce daily reports to ensure key critical areas of the stock system are controlled and any discrepancies addressed and resolved.

General Business:
Reviewing Documentation and Contract
Develop and implement methods to maintain accurate inventory levels at the facility.
Work effectively and efficiently with cross-functional teams, including those from purchasing, sales and the warehouse.
Manage effectively so that the cycle counts are completed in a timely and accurate manner.
Conduct or supervise audits of facility inventory on a scheduled basis
Take on the responsibility for training subordinates on the process of inventory
management and cycle counting.
Manage storage and product needs, both internally and externally.

Management:
To appoint, build and maintain a first class effective Inventory Control team and ensure that remuneration packages are appropriate.
Manage and develop direct reporting staff.
Create, promote and nurture a professional business environment and culture where staff are valued, motivated and rewarded.
Maintain awareness of contemporary Inventory Control methods and trends.

Reports To:
Chief Financial Officer

Knowledge/Skills/Experience
First Degree, BSc from a reputable institution.
Previous Farm Inventory Control Experience.
Previous experience in a computer-aided inventory/store/warehousing operation.
Working knowledge of inventory control practices.
Considerable knowledge of hazards and safety precautions relating to equipment operation, loading and unloading of materials.
Exercise good business judgment in making daily operating decisions.
Must be detail oriented.
Knowledge of Microsoft Office Suite, inventory/warehouse management and
distribution software.
At least 10 years’ experience, with a minimum of 5 years professional leadership experience in a senior/executive management.
Ability to speak and write clearly and effectively in English.
Ability to establish and maintain effective working relationships with other Supplier and employee relationship management.
Strong customer focus (internal and external)
Strong communication skills and interpersonal skills to effectively translate ideas, concepts and information.
Demonstrated ability to explore innovative solutions.
Post graduate qualification will be an added advantage.

Mode of Application
Send a Microsoft Word version of your CV (With References) to: tohrfactory@gmail.com (Email subject: IC Job Application)
Candidate must be resident in Ibadan or willing to relocate.
Remuneration and perks very competitive.

http://hrfactorynigeria./2013/01/09/inventory-controller/

Our client is a pioneer and market leader in the agro-allied sector in Nigeria with Depots, Sales Outlets and Representatives in all 36 states of the country and the Federal Capital Territory.

A versatile organization of international repute dedicated to ensuring international best practice in its operations, services & product output, our client currently seeks a competent and proactive senior level Manager to head its HR department.

Job Title-Head, Human Resource (HHR)

Job Purpose

This role involves taking the lead for Planning, directing and coordinating Human Resource Management activities of the company to maximize the strategic use of human resources and maintain functions such as employee compensation, recruitment, personnel policies, and regulatory compliance. The HHR develops and coordinates performance management systems to attract and retain exceptional talent. The HHR should be able to influence and manage internal and external stakeholders to ensure optimal performance of the workforce.

Person Profile

Entrepreneurial, enthusiastic with capability to use initiative and intellectual capital to derive solutions.
The ability to prioritize a heavy workload and deal with the pressures this creates.
High achiever with evidence of continuous leadership roles and academic prowess.
Attention to detail, displays natural tact/discretion with imagination and drive.
Should be able to devise and implement policies, which select, develop and retain the right staff needed to meet company objectives.
Key Responsibilities

Leadership:

To build and lead, evaluate, appraise and mentor an effective and cohesive supervisory-level Human Resource management team with effective succession planning.
To ensure strict compliance with company guidelines and policy as well as those of the regulatory authorities.
To represent Avian in all HR activities to the Local, State and Federal governments, regulatory authorities, the media, stakeholders and the general public.

Strategy:
To manage the creation of an appropriate vision and long-term strategy for the Company’s Human Resources department.
To successfully communicate and implement the company’s strategy as agreed with management and the HR team.
To assist in the development and put in place strategic human resource plans for the company’s business units.

Human Resource Operations:
Working closely with departments, increasingly in a consultancy role, assisting line managers to understand and implement policies and procedures.
Promoting equality and diversity as part of the culture of the organization; liaising with a wide range of organisations involved in areas such as disability, gender, age, religion and health and safety.
Recruitment and selection of new staff.
Developing effective HR policies to address HR challenges in the company.
Responsible for all corporate communications relating to HR and ensure effective communication with stakeholders, analysts and the media.
Evaluating staff and developing a competitive performance management systems.
Planning and sometimes delivering training, including inductions of new staff.
Analyzing training needs in conjunction with departmental managers.
Knowledge of global trends and international best practice in HR.
Investigate and report on industrial accidents for insurance carriers.
Prepare personnel forecast to project employment needs.
Supervising payroll administration and HR database management

Management:
Appoint, build and maintain an effective Human Resource management team and ensure that remuneration packages are appropriate
Manage and develop direct reporting staff under the units of Human Resources through the unit heads/in charge officers for:
o Recruitment and Workforce Planning
o Compensation & Benefits
o Learning & Development
o Performance Management & Career Planning o HCIS & Succession Planning
Create, promote and nurture a professional business environment and culture where staff are valued, motivated and rewarded.
Maintain awareness of contemporary HR theories and methods and provide suitable interpretation to the MD, Managers and other members of staff.

Required Qualifications & Experience
MBA, Masters or a postgraduate degree is essential.
University degree in public or Business Administration, Human Resources Management; psychology, Law or other related social science disciplines.
10 years experience, with a minimum of 5 year’s in a senior management role in a reputable organization.
Ability to speak and write clearly and effectively in English.
Excellent public presentation and communication/interpersonal skills.
Advanced knowledge and usage of computer applications and accessories.
Previous relevant multinational experience in Human Resource and/or professional services.
Membership of the Chartered Institute of Personnel Management and other relevant professional bodies.

Mode of Application
Send a Microsoft Word version of your CV (With References) to: tohrfactory@gmail.com (Email subject: HHR Job Application)
Candidate must be resident in Ibadan or willing to relocate if selected.
Remuneration and perks very competitive.

http://hrfactorynigeria./2013/01/09/head-human-resources/

chronique: So you're not naomi moremi lucas? I tot you were d same person. Well,dats d person I know then(not you). I just hope u're not tryna play smart n..... wait a minute,google is my friend.

I'm not o. Save yourself the hassle. Check @msmaikasuwa on twitter, then check for Naomi Moremi Lucas on twitter; you'll find us both. Half her followers thought it was me

sexkillz: [color=#000030]A single woman advising married men? Tomorrow, boys will give expecting mothers pre-natal info [/color]

Leave matter jor. Is there a degree one must have to do so?

He who has ears let him hear.

One love!

omiobo: smh! OP,Now you have the knowledge to run a family even when you are single. When you get married, pls don't tell your husband to go to kitchen after meal to wash dirty plates because just because you did the cooking.

Hahahaha. i can't stop laughing. Thanks for making my day jare

They say women need a reason to cheat, guys don't. How far this is true, I really cannot say. If you ask me, I'll say it depends on why either party went into a relationship in the first place.

Everyone is searching for Eldorado, looking for that person that will bring ultimate fulfilment. Sadly, even after the wedding, the search for some doesn't end. The question I ask myself is this: Is Eldorado a destination or a journey? Selah!

At the risk of sounding feminist, I think the guys have a loooooong way to go sha. So boyfriend, if you are still trying to wrap your head around why your wife is acting funny, maybe this might help?

1. The boring soup theory
What’s this I hear about guys getting bored with one kind of soup? You should have known you would end up with Ewedu when you went to Ado-Ekiti to ask for her hand in marriage. Now, 8 years and 4 kids down the line, you swear you favourite soup is Egusi? Com’on!


2. Submit! Submit!! Submit!!!
Okay, but submit to what now? Submission literally means ‘under a mission’. What is your mission? If you want her to submit, provide some leadership; be consistent. Today you are a writer; tomorrow you swear you were born to be a rock star, a week later you are writing ICAN exams, one month later you think fish farming is the way forward. You are confusing your co-pilot. It’s easy to submit when you know the person leading the way is competent and knows exactly where he’s going.

b. Submit! Submit!! Submit!!!
You are the man of the house, we know! But guy, put your money where your mouth is. How many things in her wardrobe can you remember buying, or giving her money to buy? If all you remember is the veritable wax you put in the box you presented during your traditional marriage then ! She stocks the fridge, pays the fees, settles the light bill and the water bill, and you’ve never come home to an empty plate; yet you go about the house screaming ‘I’m the head of the house!’ ‘I’m the head of the house!’ (Switch to pidgin) who dey follow you drag title?

3. Be a gentleman; be nice
It’s not every time you have to ‘Be a MAN’. Say I’m sorry when you know you have upset her; don’t talk down on her in front of your friends or family, listen to her when speaks to you. You know, the whole iron man persona is a complete turn off. Bayern Munich lost to Inter Milan? It’s okay to cry, it’s actually cute. And that way we know you really do run on blood and not battery water.

4. Cut her some slack
Well, her boobs are losing collagen and her thighs have grown all bumpy. She’s not as attractive as she used to be yeah? But guess what, she’s had FOUR kids and she’s still alive. Shouldn't that count for something? Besides, It’s not like you’re an oil painting yourself!

5. If love is a game, play by the rules
You shout at her, you want her to say she’s sorry. Every female friend she introduces to you, you tag a bad influence. She can’t as much as go out of the gate without your say so. She wants to make her hair, you insist she is chauffeured, and instruct the driver to tell you how many phone calls she makes on the way to the salon. She’s dead if she looks at another guy, it doesn’t matter if he’s the truck pusher, yet you call your girlfriends while she’s lying on the bed beside you-You are not playing fair!

6. Find your Match
I still don’t understand how some guys will never touch their kids but will beat their wives black and blue at the slightest provocation, and sometimes in the presence of those kids. Learn to convey your emotions with your mouth, not your hands. You bounce the poor woman around, forgetting it’s not the WWF? Go get help. If you don’t want to, then get someone as big and strong as you are and stop using her for wrestling practice.


7. Get Your hands Dirty
It won’t take so much to replace the dead bulb in the store or, fix the leaking tap, or take the trash out. It’s not every time the plumber or electrician has to be called. You sit and cross your legs while your wife tries to fix the boiling ring? Haba!

8. Put first things first
I know you’re really working hard at becoming the GM of your company and stuff, but you have a responsibility to your family. Monday to Friday you come home by 11pm, watch CNN for an hour, and go to bed when she’s already fast asleep. You wake up by 5am and off to work you go. On weekends you sleep all day and hang out with the boys in the evening. Your wife attends all the PTA meetings, school plays and inter-house sports. When she complains, you say you're working hard to make the future better. Hmm... When you eventually become the GM, you may not have a family to go home to. Who knows, by then your daughter may be dating a senator and your son a highly sought after gigolo. Then you’ll try to use the money you’ve made, to fix problems you could have avoided. As a friend of mine once said, ‘Enough is a word for the wise’.

9. It’s a never ending date
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean the fun has to stop. When was the last time you both did something crazy, like using the female toilet at E-centre, together, or taking a weekend off and flying to Monrovia, and yes, just a few days before your fiscal review? Take her shopping, turn off the electricity and have a candlelit dinner. If there's no one to watch the kids and you think they'll be a nuisance, give them 10ml of Benylin each, they’ll be fast asleep within 5 minutes. (Did I just say that?) lol.

10. Let her Rest
Blessed is the woman, who wakes up to the smell of french toast and coffee made by her husband just for her. She is indeed lucky if he helps her with the dishes, loads the washing machine, and sings the baby to sleep when she’s too tired. If he helps the kids with their home work and vacuums the carpet without being asked, ladies watch out, you just might be married to an angel.

11. Be man enough to let her fly
You don’t want her to work-it’s a dog eats dog world out there. She can’t do business-it involves travelling, and men will want to sleep with her. What’s wrong with her trying to do more than just make babies, cook and clean the house? Deal with your insecurities and ego, and be man enough to let your woman be the best she can.

12. We do Brand New
Don’t get it twisted, we single ladies do not do tokunbo. There’s no way three children calling you daddy can be an attraction. The few who deliberately date married men, who, if I might add are in the minority, have their brains on their thighs and their toes on their forehead.

Mind you, this note also represents the hopes and expectations of most single ladies, myself not excluded. We are a Mills & Boons generation, remember?

If we wish for a knight in shining armour and happily ever after, it may be a tad unrealistic, but hey, a young lady’s allowed to dream right?

©Naomi Lucas
http://naomilucas..com/2011/05/single-ladys-advice-to-married-men.html

Mbechun007: Men! I'm getting old o. I can't remember jack, lol.

Now I know what it is. There's a Naomi Moremi Lucas that models. A lot of people get us confused...

Galaxy Blends: Thanks dear. U just tot me a big lesson. Am grateful

You're most welcome

Kemmy210: Thanks dear sister 4ur advice.noted.May God help us all

Aw...

sfx9ja: With the way u think will u marry me naomi? With the way u think will u marry me naomi?

You had to say it twice?

De-Genius:
this is really really helpful...

You're welcome.

J12: Too much advice for women these days, none for we men. Na wa o.

Don't worry. I've written one for you. It's coming shortly.

Eneze1: nice write up

Thanks a bunch!

snthesis: yeah, i remember

lol.

RuuDie: @ OP.

I think you've written well. . .quite a lot of it make sense. Nice try!

Point #8 is just absolutely spot on!!!

Dancing Azonto. Thanks