Princess4eva:


Thank you for your contribution. Like you rightly said, she may never recover from the trauma should he walk away. @ Op, who furnished you with those tales of her escapades? For all you care those doubts may be unfounded, can you live with the fact that you helped destroy a life? Give it a second thought you may be making a mistake, plus that bit about 1million is irritating. She is your girl, talk to her. In every relationship, communication is key and from what we're able to deduce she has been understanding and co-operative. Tall and short is don't leave her based on these flimsy excuses.

If you had read my post very well, you will see where i stated that she told me about escapades, so it is not a hearsay. the issue is not even about her involvement, but about the fact that i don't want the relation being prolong any longer due to my inability to come home for and she is under intense pressure from family and friends. I love and will do anything to help her go through it with less stress. we will both be hurt. thanks

Thank you guys for all the suggestions. i am trusting God to guide me through and out of it.

icedbeatz:
can't you advise or type your opinion without displaying your stupidity- ? are you God's assistant to know who he punishes and who he doesn't? you guys opining that the op should comeback and marry her can't you understand the op is trying to find his feet and now isn't time for expenses.
Op dig deep in your heart, do you still love her? the love is reducing because of the information you got and that can really change a guy's heart and the financial and life crisis you were fighting can also affect your decision right now. Only you can really take this decision maybe after reading all the good and scraps of advice here. IMO I'll advise you to give yourself a week and think about and to really know if that's what you really want. A week because it seems like you are on pressure from someone now but try to recall the Time you spent with your fiancee and the kind of person she is, can you afford to lose her? is she the supportive kind? her personality has parts to play in by is decision making . Take your time. I'm not trying to plant negative thoughts but Another thing is has she been faithful like you? are you a back up while she waits for the opportunity to grab another guy? is this love or pity? what's the possibility of you not hating her maybe after you must have married her and things happens not to work out as planned? you might blame her later for it. a lot is involved in this, personally I'll call it quits if it's going jeopardize the future in order to save everyone the headache. I have an uncle who had something similar situation like you and the girl came to the states without his consent and my uncle took her in despite the advice he was given and now I can tell you he regrets it. I love love but reality can be a pain in the azz if the mind and reasoning is not applied to heart matters, once again if I'm in this situation I'll have to let her go but will find a way to give her something reasonable (not like paying her off). Prayab it too and May God help you make the right decision

Thank you so much for your advice, i really treasure it. God bless

IamLEGEND1:


it seems whichever way this story ends,itz not going to be good....

no matter what you do,you'll be painted as the villain.

my advice will be for you to breakup with her,PRONTO.

Ignore all those ídiots saying you wasted 6 years of the woman's life blah blah blah....

she is an adult and she made her choice to stick with you through the years,YOU DIDNT FORCE HER.....so do not allow anyone to guilt-trip you for any reason....

staying with her now will just be out of pity,and no relationship based on pity flourishes.

AND DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF OFFERING HER MONEY,BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SEE IT...YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO PAY HER OFF.

It just seems to me like you just lack the confidence to tell her that you can no longer proceed with the R/ship.

Just forget about how she is going to feel or the trauma you'll probably put her through and just tell her you are no longer interested.

it might seem cold,but that is what is needed.

Call her up or Skype or whatever and do the needful.

Thank you so much. You are right about the confidence thing. i tried to bring it up for the past weeks and it ended with her taking control of the conversation and saying she was willing to wait. But she always complains of being lonely and far from me (which i understand), thats why she got involved with other guys.

agarawu23:
I read your story and I understand your message.
Hurricane happened in US not in Nigeria and I blv as a young man who is planning for his future, your earnings should invest in your home land .

You have visited 40 countries to study right ? Huh
Mr man if you have good future plan for the lady, you will by all means go back home for her.

I did same last two month despite that I haven't had enough. When you love someone, you will by all means try to please and make them happy. I am in your shoes too okay ? If resident permit is your issue that can't make you go and come back anymore, try and work on it asap. Don't give unnecessary excuses

Thank you. No i did not visit 40 countries to study was taken there in cause of my family work. Still i said i lost my investment in Nigeria due to poor decision to invest in wonder bank the person absconded with everything. I am still in school and the earliest i can be in Nigeria is 2 years from now i am asking for opinion the way out with less damage to both of us. I don't want this prolonged any longer cos is not fair to her being a woman. As a man i can marry anytime i put my life together. but right now things are not going smoothly.

agarawu23:
Mr man, abroad isn't your father's land because they can reject you at anytime and send you back to your country.

You have spent so many years in abroad and you wanna tell us you don't have investment yet in Nigeria? Or maybe I should count you among guys who doesn't plan for their future and spend lavishly on un necessary things while abroad.

You have no choice than to arrange yourself and plan how to visit Nigeria soon because I can see you are having interest in dating women there just for money/visa which will never favour you at the end.

Don't you think it will be hard for the lady to start all over again? 1m can't buy her emotions and pains if you let her go OK?

It appears you haven't read what i wrote i am abroad to study and if you ever been abroad you should understand what i am saying. I tried every effort to be together with her. I paid for her school back in Nigeria and took care of her expenses. And I lived/visited over 40 countries in my life time so talking about visa or money is not something i will use to compromise myself. If you read with a little a little bit of comprehension, you'll notice i stated i lost what I invested back in Nigeria and the tragedy that befell me in 2012 caused by Hurricane here. so re-read my submission before calling me names. thanks

Justinzki:
come to nigeria marry her after u can go back and solve ur probrem, don't dump her

Marrying and leaving in Nigeria is not gonna solve the problem and I can't come to Nigeria for atleast nex 3 years. So due to her involvement with other men I don't trust leaving alone.

Pidggin:
How are you so sure she got involved with other guys who gave you the information? How are you sure your informant is not jealous of your relationship, in my opinion don't dump her.

One of the persons involved told me and she confessed the rest to me. thanks

twixx:
Imagine after waiting years for something you Thought you had, and turns out after 6 years you didn't really have it. its sad really
Call her up or Skype her, tell her everything you've just said here and tell her how you truly feel no more lies. its obvious you are not the man for her seeing as you're looking for excuses just to leave her, there is someone else waiting for her and you being restless about staying with her is how she will get to be with her true husband. Please don't waste any more of her time.



important note
Jesus loves you, and yes he is coming soon please mend your ways, repent now before it is too late

Thank you! if you read my submission with a little bit of comprehension, you will see:
1. I did not lie to her about my situation or the marriage.
2. I have invested heavily in trying for her to join me so we can be together
3. She cheated with other men and i still forgave her
So you talking of repentance is uncalled for, because i am saved by His grace.

dulux07:
It seems u r no longer interested in her, n u dont ve her in ur future plans, ur jst lookin for excuses, cos it is not easy for a guy/lady to date someone faraway for yrs. Jst tell her regardless of how she will take it, so u stop wasting her time. Bro, so u want to pay her 1m for 6yrs of her life she waited. U can help her financially but dont mak it look as if u r payin her off.

. thank you so much, i am honestly wish i could be with her, however my only option will be to move back to Nigeria since i have tried 2 times to get her visa and didn't work out and i don't want to move back to Nigeria right now due to my situation. as for the cash, it was my dad's idea and i am not comfortable with it either.

silami:
My brother, I wish I am in good position to advice on this. You probably need to seek counseling.

Thanks a lot thats why i am writing here. i know there a lot of matured minds here.

Dear Nairalanders, i am not new to this forum but had to create this account just to be able to pour out my heart without people pointing fingers. Just to be clear i am open to criticisms.

Now the real story...I have been dating this girl since 2010 I really loved her then. we did introduction to both of our families in 2010 before i moved from Europe to USA for my graduate program. She lives in Nigeria and while in Europe, i used to frequent Nigeria visiting like 3 times a year and sometimes even more. After I moved to USA i was visiting twice a year until 2013 when my Financial situation changed due to a tragedy that befell me and forced me to even dropped out of my graduate program, lost my student status and had to file for asylum status because i lost everything due poor decision in investing into Nigerian wonder Bank and Hurricane Katrina of 2012, in New York, that destroyed the cars and electronics i bought to resale in Nigeria and was left with even a huge debt.

So i haven't visited Nigeria Since 2013, now i have started picking myself up, working on graduating for my masters and also have a decent job. The issue is that i can't come to Nigeria anytime soon due to my status and resisted the pressure to marry for papers, because i have seen how it destroyed few of my friends' lives and i also have the fear of God plus my commitment to my girl. The long distance hasn't been a very easy for both of us, in all honesty i kept myself to her and didn't have sex with anyone. We have tried twice to get her a student visa, so she can come join me but was denied by the US embassy in Abuja.

The real issue now, is we are both in our 30s and age is not on her side as a lady and i don't want to keep her waiting for me, but she seems to have no problem waiting based on what she said to me, however she always complains about my absence and had gotten involved with other men not sexually according to her, but all the other stuffs. I thought of getting married to her in absentia, however recently she got involved with someone and that eroded the trust and love i have for her. I want to end the relationship, but i sincerely don't know how! I don't want to expose her to ridicules. My dad suggested i give her N1 million to start something and promised to even assist with part of it, but i am just getting myself back on track and have a lot of debt to pay and i don't think i can pay her off just like that.

I need your honest opinion on how i should handle this in most matured way please!

Moderator, if you can kindly help me push this to front page, i will appreciate it.