dulux07:
It seems u r no longer interested in her, n u dont ve her in ur future plans, ur jst lookin for excuses, cos it is not easy for a guy/lady to date someone faraway for yrs. Jst tell her regardless of how she will take it, so u stop wasting her time. Bro, so u want to pay her 1m for 6yrs of her life she waited. U can help her financially but dont mak it look as if u r payin her off.

Bro did u read the part where the guy said the lady has been involved with other guys thou not sexually(Even if I don't believe that ) ? Fact is if its not working its never too late to end it. Shit happens

she's human. she got weak. she's in her early thirties. 6yrs investment. men do d chyking...maybe dats why yu were strong. she receives the chyking and didn't get married cuz of you. believe me, if you leave her, she'll poison you.

Amen make GOD punish am 20billon times he won discharge d girl after wasting her time 4 good 6yrs some guys dey wicked

ok

You guys don't just know when to let go..6 years!Haba...well,you alone can decide what you want.Piece of advice..don't date a girl for more than 2 yrs if marriage is not in view.And again you can't place a price on the lady's emotions..Like seriously?How dare you even think of a payoff?Just call her up,let her know its not going to work..Go your separate ways.Simple!

My dear bro I feel ur pain,but my advise for u now is call her and ask if can bear with u for now till u pick up. Whatever she reply u. Then u will know what next. Wish u luck.

sluvy4tune:



Bro did u read the part where the guy said the lady has been involved with other guys thou not sexually(Even if I don't believe that ) ? Fact is if its not working its never too late to end it. Shit happens

Lol, its no xcuse, dis guy comes home 3x a yr 4 probably 5yrs . Lets b realistic, she is his gf not his wife. How do u want her 2 cope. I wonder how he found out abt d gals relatnships, if it wasnt d gal that came clean to him.

I guess some people skipped the part where the op said the girl has been involved with other men ever since he stopped coming to Nig. and the last one eroded the trust and love he had for her.
Op, my advice is like someone said earlier, call/skype her. Talk to her,let her know how you feel about her now. Who knows,the feeling might be mutual. And about the money ur dad suggested, i don't think its a good idea and if you must give her let it be after you've ended the relationship.

twixx:
Imagine after waiting years for something you Thought you had, and turns out after 6 years you didn't really have it. its sad really
Call her up or Skype her, tell her everything you've just said here and tell her how you truly feel no more lies. its obvious you are not the man for her seeing as you're looking for excuses just to leave her, there is someone else waiting for her and you being restless about staying with her is how she will get to be with her true husband. Please don't waste any more of her time.



important note
Jesus loves you, and yes he is coming soon please mend your ways, repent now before it is too late

Thank you! if you read my submission with a little bit of comprehension, you will see:
1. I did not lie to her about my situation or the marriage.
2. I have invested heavily in trying for her to join me so we can be together
3. She cheated with other men and i still forgave her
So you talking of repentance is uncalled for, because i am saved by His grace.

Pidggin:
How are you so sure she got involved with other guys who gave you the information? How are you sure your informant is not jealous of your relationship, in my opinion don't dump her.

One of the persons involved told me and she confessed the rest to me. thanks

Justinzki:
come to nigeria marry her after u can go back and solve ur probrem, don't dump her

Marrying and leaving in Nigeria is not gonna solve the problem and I can't come to Nigeria for atleast nex 3 years. So due to her involvement with other men I don't trust leaving alone.

agarawu23:
Mr man, abroad isn't your father's land because they can reject you at anytime and send you back to your country.

You have spent so many years in abroad and you wanna tell us you don't have investment yet in Nigeria? Or maybe I should count you among guys who doesn't plan for their future and spend lavishly on un necessary things while abroad.

You have no choice than to arrange yourself and plan how to visit Nigeria soon because I can see you are having interest in dating women there just for money/visa which will never favour you at the end.

Don't you think it will be hard for the lady to start all over again? 1m can't buy her emotions and pains if you let her go OK?

It appears you haven't read what i wrote i am abroad to study and if you ever been abroad you should understand what i am saying. I tried every effort to be together with her. I paid for her school back in Nigeria and took care of her expenses. And I lived/visited over 40 countries in my life time so talking about visa or money is not something i will use to compromise myself. If you read with a little a little bit of comprehension, you'll notice i stated i lost what I invested back in Nigeria and the tragedy that befell me in 2012 caused by Hurricane here. so re-read my submission before calling me names. thanks

moki123:
[/b] It appears you haven't read what i wrote i am abroad to study and if you ever been abroad you should understand what i am saying. I tried every effort to be together with her. I paid for her school back in Nigeria and took care of her expenses. And I lived/visited over 40 countries in my life time so talking about visa or money is not something i will use to compromise myself. If you read with a little a little bit of comprehension, you'll notice i stated i lost what I invested back in Nigeria and the tragedy that befell me in 2012 caused by Hurricane here. so re-read my submission before calling me names. thanks

I read your story and I understand your message.
Hurricane happened in US not in Nigeria and I blv as a young man who is planning for his future, your earnings should invest in your home land .

You have visited 40 countries to study right ? Huh
Mr man if you have good future plan for the lady, you will by all means go back home for her.

I did same last two month despite that I haven't had enough. When you love someone, you will by all means try to please and make them happy. I am in your shoes too okay ? If resident permit is your issue that can't make you go and come back anymore, try and work on it asap. Don't give unnecessary excuses

moki123:
[/b] It appears you haven't read what i wrote i am abroad to study and if you ever been abroad you should understand what i am saying. I tried every effort to be together with her. I paid for her school back in Nigeria and took care of her expenses. And I lived/visited over 40 countries in my life time so talking about visa or money is not something i will use to compromise myself. If you read with a little a little bit of comprehension, you'll notice i stated i lost what I invested back in Nigeria and the tragedy that befell me in 2012 caused by Hurricane here. so re-read my submission before calling me names. thanks

it seems whichever way this story ends,itz not going to be good....

no matter what you do,you'll be painted as the villain.

my advice will be for you to breakup with her,PRONTO.

Ignore all those ídiots saying you wasted 6 years of the woman's life blah blah blah....

she is an adult and she made her choice to stick with you through the years,YOU DIDNT FORCE HER.....so do not allow anyone to guilt-trip you for any reason....

staying with her now will just be out of pity,and no relationship based on pity flourishes.

AND DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF OFFERING HER MONEY,BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SEE IT...YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO PAY HER OFF.

It just seems to me like you just lack the confidence to tell her that you can no longer proceed with the R/ship.

Just forget about how she is going to feel or the trauma you'll probably put her through and just tell her you are no longer interested.

it might seem cold,but that is what is needed.

Call her up or Skype or whatever and do the needful.

agarawu23:
I read your story and I understand your message.
Hurricane happened in US not in Nigeria and I blv as a young man who is planning for his future, your earnings should invest in your home land .

You have visited 40 countries to study right ? Huh
Mr man if you have good future plan for the lady, you will by all means go back home for her.

I did same last two month despite that I haven't had enough. When you love someone, you will by all means try to please and make them happy. I am in your shoes too okay ? If resident permit is your issue that can't make you go and come back anymore, try and work on it asap. Don't give unnecessary excuses

Thank you. No i did not visit 40 countries to study was taken there in cause of my family work. Still i said i lost my investment in Nigeria due to poor decision to invest in wonder bank the person absconded with everything. I am still in school and the earliest i can be in Nigeria is 2 years from now i am asking for opinion the way out with less damage to both of us. I don't want this prolonged any longer cos is not fair to her being a woman. As a man i can marry anytime i put my life together. but right now things are not going smoothly.

IamLEGEND1:


it seems whichever way this story ends,itz not going to be good....

no matter what you do,you'll be painted as the villain.

my advice will be for you to breakup with her,PRONTO.

Ignore all those ídiots saying you wasted 6 years of the woman's life blah blah blah....

she is an adult and she made her choice to stick with you through the years,YOU DIDNT FORCE HER.....so do not allow anyone to guilt-trip you for any reason....

staying with her now will just be out of pity,and no relationship based on pity flourishes.

AND DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF OFFERING HER MONEY,BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SEE IT...YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO PAY HER OFF.

It just seems to me like you just lack the confidence to tell her that you can no longer proceed with the R/ship.

Just forget about how she is going to feel or the trauma you'll probably put her through and just tell her you are no longer interested.

it might seem cold,but that is what is needed.

Call her up or Skype or whatever and do the needful.

Thank you so much. You are right about the confidence thing. i tried to bring it up for the past weeks and it ended with her taking control of the conversation and saying she was willing to wait. But she always complains of being lonely and far from me (which i understand), thats why she got involved with other guys.

moki123:
Thank you. No i did not visit 40 countries to study was taken there in cause of my family work. Still i said i lost my investment in Nigeria due to poor decision to invest in wonder bank the person absconded with everything. I am still in school and the earliest i can be in Nigeria is 2 years from now i am asking for opinion the way out with less damage to both of us. I don't want this prolonged any longer cos is not fair to her being a woman. As a man i can marry anytime i put my life together. but right now things are not going smoothly.

OK then
Try and call her and explain things the way you are telling us.
Her reply will determine your next move

Pidggin:
How are you so sure she got involved with other guys who gave you the information? How are you sure your informant is not jealous of your relationship, in my opinion don't dump her.

read again, the guys bae opened up, not that Its hearsay, some ladies ehheer, they like twisting gist to favor them

moki123:
Thank you so much. You are right about the confidence thing. i tried to bring it up for the past weeks and it ended with her taking control of the conversation and saying she was willing to wait. But she always complains of being lonely and far from me (which i understand), thats why she got involved with other guys.

You see that shít right there...

that's emotional blackmail.

she is just cashing in on ur sensitivity.

She confesses to cheating on you, making you to see her as some kind of honest person,but she knows you might get mad after learning the truth,so she quickly turns it around and insinuates that you were the cause of it all,so u begin to feel sorry for her....

she knows ur absence is not of ur own doing but she keeps playing that guilt-trip-card repeatedly...... But unfortunately,you kept falling for it...

#ButNotAnymoreBro

#NotAnymore

Libo45:
Have u been 100% faithful 2 her?

Has she been faithful?Faithfulness is expected from both sides .6years of relationship is just too much I hope ladies here will learn that "long courtship/relationship do not favour them

I see no point dragging things out if you are sure you are done. Send her a mail explaining the whys sure she will plead for another chance but if you are sure you are done......you are done maybe you be there for her till she gets stronger.

6 years is a long time I feel bad for both of you.

agarawu23:
OK then
Try and call her and explain things the way you are telling us.
Her reply will determine your next move

If you no get any meaningful advice for this guy, just leave am alone. You're being a dick here, this a faceless forum where people can pour out there heart, which could be challenging in other settings. Since you claimed to be in same shoes before why not advice him or just shut the Bleep up! Instead of bullying him.

twixx:
Imagine after waiting years for something you Thought you had, and turns out after 6 years you didn't really have it. its sad really
Call her up or Skype her, tell her everything you've just said here and tell her how you truly feel no more lies. its obvious you are not the man for her seeing as you're looking for excuses just to leave her, there is someone else waiting for her and you being restless about staying with her is how she will get to be with her true husband. Please don't waste any more of her time.



important note
Jesus loves you, and yes he is coming soon please mend your ways, repent now before it is too late

you need Jesus yourself.You're such a slowpoke. You're already condemning him to be a sinner and a liar who needs salvation.

I don't know how ladies cope withguys abroad,anything can happen at anytime,why waste your time?
I guess some just love the saying "my boyfriend is in Europe" with that blushy,classless smile

I met a guy who was all over me in Nigeria, we started dating before he revealed to me he had gotten admission to study in Europe and he'd be gone for 3years,I made it clear instantly that I would not wait.
Why wait for a man that may tell you stories after years of waiting? Just like this our brother.

Op,take the bull by the horn,tell her you are no longer Interested,she will feel bad at first(that's if she is not planning her own wedding yet),she will get over you with time. There are many good men in Naija that would be ready to marry her.

My advise for you is to break up with her now!

Staying on to see if things will eventually work out is a dead end route . The truth is, if any of her other relationships had worked out, she will have ditched you long ago. Additionally, in my opinion, any girl who can consciously cheat on you ( either sexually involved or not)..has no respect for you. If she can tell you to your face, then you should realize that you...not she, is the victim her. You are being emotionally blackmailed

You wouldn't feel truly free until you end your relationship with her, trust me, I was in something similar until just months ago.

I would never advise paying her off, that's just nonsense! She is not the only one whose time is wasted, yours is wasted as well, the fact that you are a man does not mean you can wait till 50 before you get married

Pidggin:
How are you so sure she got involved with other guys who gave you the information? How are you sure your informant is not jealous of your relationship, in my opinion don't dump her.

did you read the post at all?. she told him she is involved with other guys

silami:
you need Jesus yourself.You're such a slowpoke. You're already condemning him to be a sinner and a liar who needs salvation.

the repent part was for everyone reading the thread and i am not a retard, you know you dont always have to call people names.

moki123:
Dear Nairalanders, i am not new to this forum but had to create this account just to be able to pour out my heart without people pointing fingers. Just to be clear i am open to criticisms.

Now the real story...I have been dating this girl since 2010 I really loved her then. we did introduction to both of our families in 2010 before i moved from Europe to USA for my graduate program. She lives in Nigeria and while in Europe, i used to frequent Nigeria visiting like 3 times a year and sometimes even more. After I moved to USA i was visiting twice a year until 2013 when my Financial situation changed due to a tragedy that befell me and forced me to even dropped out of my graduate program, lost my student status and had to file for asylum status because i lost everything due poor decision in investing into Nigerian wonder Bank and Hurricane Katrina of 2012, in New York, that destroyed the cars and electronics i bought to resale in Nigeria and was left with even a huge debt.

So i haven't visited Nigeria Since 2013, now i have started picking myself up, working on graduating for my masters and also have a decent job. The issue is that i can't come to Nigeria anytime soon due to my status and resisted the pressure to marry for papers, because i have seen how it destroyed few of my friends' lives and i also have the fear of God plus my commitment to my girl. The long distance hasn't been a very easy for both of us, in all honesty i kept myself to her and didn't have sex with anyone. We have tried twice to get her a student visa, so she can come join me but was denied by the US embassy in Abuja.

The real issue now, is we are both in our 30s and age is not on her side as a lady and i don't want to keep her waiting for me, but she seems to have no problem waiting based on what she said to me, however she always complains about my absence and had gotten involved with other men not sexually according to her, but all the other stuffs. I thought of getting married to her in absentia, however recently she got involved with someone and that eroded the trust and love i have for her. I want to end the relationship, but i sincerely don't know how! I don't want to expose her to ridicules. My dad suggested i give her N1 million to start something and promised to even assist with part of it, but i am just getting myself back on track and have a lot of debt to pay and i don't think i can pay her off just like that.

I need your honest opinion on how i should handle this in most matured way please!

Moderator, if you can kindly help me push this to front page, i will appreciate it.

the fact that she told you she doesn't mind waiting is caused you are Yankee based...

but dating other guys behind your back is something else.. besides she wouldn't tell you if she have slept with any of the men, would she?

call, tell her you don't see yourself coming home now to get married because of your financial situation.

tell her you doubt if she can wait for you... tell her you don't trust her that much (she deserves the truth afterall)

If you want to let go, do it now when she can still heal

but before then give it one more thought... do you really want to let go?

moki123:
Thank you! if you read my submission with a little bit of comprehension, you will see:
1. I did not lie to her about my situation or the marriage.
2. I have invested heavily in trying for her to join me so we can be together
3. She cheated with other men and i still forgave her
So you talking of repentance is uncalled for, because i am saved by His grace.

when i said no more lies i meant no more acting like you still want to marry her, cause im sure she doesn't know you're thinking about ending things in my write up i simply told you to skype her and come clean(tell her how you truly feel, also about how you have trust issues after she dated other guys)

Chibuhealth:
OP if u dare leave that girl, God will punish u! U can't waste her tym all these years for u to be yarning dirty here. Look for alternative nd marry her. You sound as if you are tired of her and can dimiss her with any flimsy excuses

What if God decides not to punish him?

Justinzki:
come to nigeria marry her after u can go back and solve ur probrem, don't dump her

The issue is he's filed for asylum as such, he can't visit Nigeria at least for now otherwise, his asylum will be revoked. Thw student visa thing is in thwir best interest and they have to work hard at it.

moki123:
One of the persons involved told me and she confessed the rest to me. thanks

But you said she didn't sleep with them so why do you want to leave her based on this now? OP say the truth have you really been faithful for the entire six years you've been apart?