₦airaland Forum

and if the partner leaves you a week to your wedding like this nko

Blackhawk01:
Right. If I help friends, why shouldn't I help my partner biko?

One of my colleagues was giving me some gist yesterday about his friend and I decided to share the story. Here it goes:

A guy, lets call him Brian, met a girl in NYSC camp. This girl is from a distinguished and quite prominent Lagos family, while the guy's family were below middle class. After some serious wooing by the guy they started dating, and over time the girl fell head-over-heels in love.

Post-service year, the girl got a good paying job, quite good by all standards, however the guy was unable to get a job, seeing Nigeria as it is.

Obviously she, with the help of her family, tried to secured him some interviews but they never worked out.
For the first four years the girl supported her boyfriend, got him a flat, paid for their vacations, and they were the ideal couple, displaying their love on social media. Brian put her picture perpetually as his display picture. Life was good, the guy proposed and they picked a intro for 3 months and wedding 9 months after hoping and praying the guy will get a job by then and they wouldn't have to rely on her family.

A month after introduction, prayers got answered! The girl's aunt hooked Brian up with an interview and he got a job at a bank. Six months into working, with his babes help he changed his car, and omo boy started looking all fresh.

You would think this is where the story goes and they lived happily ever after right? Well not quite. With a new car, new job and money landing in his bank account every month, he stopped needing the girl's help. And, oh-so-newly-Mr self sufficient Brian started noticing all the 20-year old small yellow girls with big ass, short skirts and heels all around his office.

One month to the wedding, one month o, Brian cancelled the wedding invite they both sent on Facebook. When the babe's friend called her during a meeting saying "babe there was a mistake o, your book cancelled an the wedding invite sent on facebook", girl was just like "oh he's always sitting on his damn phone". Girl picked the phone to call Brian expecting to hear sorry baby it was a mistake. Well............... nope, no error there. Mr I just got me a job and looking fresh-Brian told babe he was calling off the wedding! Girl was like how, why, no fights, we are great. Well they weren't great according to Brian, he said he had been unhappy for the last five years, and that apparently three months into their relationship he realised she is not the kind of woman he sees himself marrying, because her family looks down on me.

Same family that got him a job, and through them literally survived for over four years? and he's just coming to that comclusion one month to the wedding.

Five years, one month to wedding! Invites everywhere! And they say babes be going crazy. Jesus se you are watching these people!.

Anyways that brings me to my point, is it worth growing up and going through thick and thin with someone, the whole nine yards of labour and giving your all when you are dating?. I am not particularly one-sided to think its just men that are selfish, people generally are selfish and self serving, they can overlook all your flaws when they need you, but once they believe they can self sustain or have other options they forget all you have been through. I have heard of a babe some guy sponsored to Uni and she thought she was too "learned" for him after so she dumped him.

So I do not judge people who can't do the long term investment in a relationship even though I have respect for people who still can give there all, not because they are naive, but because they want to. Ultimately, my opinion is, we should only give out of love instead of what we can get back (obviously what you can afford and doesn't break your account or back). Love is giving and love is kind, if he/she leaves you after all you do, he/she doesn't and couldn't ever have loved you, you deserve better, and I believe karma always has a way. Leave it to Karma.

Don't get number 8 though .

"Girls eat salads – women eat whatever the hell they want."

Guess I have been a woman since forever then

Well a lot of relationships start when neither party is making money. So I guess love (as long as there is potential) comes first, money will come in time.

devonpaul:
Ur mind on some simultaneous equation sturvs
But which do u think should come first?

Both! My mind considers both simultaneously

Blackett:
[color=#150000]It can be reasonable and it can also be downright silly. . . Depends on the situation.

Some situations like you have here, do lead to happy endings. Some do not. This is simply because some humans are naturally wicked and ungrateful. They are so humble when they need your help, and become downright arrogant after the help has been rendered.

The decision to invest in a relationship is actually a good one from a romantic and humane point of view. When true love is involved, anything can happen. The mistake a lot of people make, are still making, and will still continue to make is that they love the other person more than necessary. Love should be 50/50. Fine, a lady is more emotional, but then, that is why when you love with your heart, you take your brains along with you. Brains in this instance is denoted to mean wisdom. A wise person in love will realize that she is in love with a man. An imperfect man for that matter. An imperfect man is prone to fvck ups. Not because he wants to fvck up, but because it's innate in all imperfect people, to fvck up.

When you're rendering help to someone you're in a relationship with, never put all your emotional eggs in one basket. Expect disappointments. When I ask people to always expects disappointments, they say I'm a pessimist. I'm actually a realist. You are dealing with a human, not a robot. That some story similar to yours where a guy invested in a girl and they got married when things became rosy, or a girl stayed with a guy till he became rich and they get married, ended in a happy note, do not always expect yours to end they same way. Always be wise. Ask yourself questions like:

- why am I really doing this?
- what do I expect in return?
- what if he disappoints my expectations?
- what if he becomes ungrateful?
-what if our plans never come to fruition?

When you are rendering assistance, render assistance without strings attached. It's human to naturally help one another. It's stupidity to always expect the person you helped to repay you, or repay you by marrying you. . . As harsh as it sounds, sometimes, it's best that those relationships ended when they did, because a broken courtship is always better than a broken home.

To invest in a relationship is reasonable if you have the means. Going overboard with it is outright stupidity. Falling in love with your heart and without your head is stupidity that cannot be compartmentalized. Expecting everything you do to end up positively is the most _stupid thing on earth. Learn to expect disappointments.

Stories like this have the ability of making people who want to help someone they are in a relationship with, to start thinking otherwise. That shouldn't be the case. No two situations are the same. Someone who is really in need might have just been affected when the other person willing to render help reads stuff like this. If you have really come to study humans and be more realistic, you'll hardly find yourself in situations like this.

Two things define any human - "patience when they have nothing, and attitude when they have everything".
[/color]

Wow. Well said. Couldn't have said it better

One of my colleagues was giving me some gist yesterday about his friend and I decided to share the story. Here it goes:

A guy, lets call him Brian, met a girl in NYSC camp. This girl is from a distinguished and quite prominent Lagos family, while the guy's family were below middle class. After some serious wooing by the guy they started dating, and over time the girl fell head-over-heels in love.

Post-service year, the girl got a good paying job, quite good by all standards, however the guy was unable to get a job, seeing Nigeria as it is.

Obviously she, with the help of her family, tried to secured him some interviews but they never worked out.
For the first four years the girl supported her boyfriend, got him a flat, paid for their vacations, and they were the ideal couple, displaying their love on social media. Brian put her picture perpetually as his display picture. Life was good, the guy proposed and they picked a intro for 3 months and wedding 9 months after hoping and praying the guy will get a job by then and they wouldn't have to rely on her family.

A month after introduction, prayers got answered! The girl's aunt hooked Brian up with an interview and he got a job at a bank. Six months into working, with his babes help he changed his car, and omo boy started looking all fresh.

You would think this is where the story goes and they lived happily ever after right? Well not quite. With a new car, new job and money landing in his bank account every month, he stopped needing the girl's help. And, oh-so-newly-Mr self sufficient Brian started noticing all the 20-year old small yellow girls with big ass, short skirts and heels all around his office.

One month to the wedding, one month o, Brian cancelled the wedding invite they both sent on Facebook. When the babe's friend called her during a meeting saying "babe there was a mistake o, your book cancelled an the wedding invite sent on facebook", girl was just like "oh he's always sitting on his damn phone". Girl picked the phone to call Brian expecting to hear sorry baby it was a mistake. Well............... nope, no error there. Mr I just got me a job and looking fresh-Brian told babe he was calling off the wedding! Girl was like how, why, no fights, we are great. Well they weren't great according to Brian, he said he had been unhappy for the last five years, and that apparently three months into their relationship he realised she is not the kind of woman he sees himself marrying, because her family looks down on me.

Same family that got him a job, and through them literally survived for over four years? and he's just coming to that comclusion one month to the wedding.

Five years, one month to wedding! Invites everywhere! And they say babes be going crazy. Jesus se you are watching these people!.

Anyways that brings me to my point, is it worth growing up and going through thick and thin with someone, the whole nine yards of labour and giving your all when you are dating?. I am not particularly one-sided to think its just men that are selfish, people generally are selfish and self serving, they can overlook all your flaws when they need you, but once they believe they can self sustain or have other options they forget all you have been through. I have heard of a babe some guy sponsored to Uni and she thought she was too "learned" for him after so she dumped him.

So I do not judge people who can't do the long term investment in a relationship even though I have respect for people who still can give there all, not because they are naive, but because they want to. Ultimately, my opinion is, we should only give out of love instead of what we can get back (obviously what you can afford and doesn't break your account or back). Love is giving and love is kind, if he/she leaves you after all you do, he/she doesn't and couldn't ever have loved you, you deserve better, and I believe karma always has a way. Leave it to Karma.

"Baby, I don't know who that woman who keeps calling my cellphone is!!!. I met her at a party once, but beyond that, I have never had a conversation with that woman." hmm

I don't get this topic. Are you just telling us the reason why U are single? Plenty babes can take care of themselves mister, go find one.

chigomiced:
i knew i was gonna touch sum1's life today

life experiences is my source

Although some bits have been edited out, this article was published in Guardian newspaper, Saturday May 17 2014. Author - Kemi Amushan

Viciyus:
Lol.

MUMU.

Atleast you understand what I am saying.


And lastly,
Work on your intellect.





WHAT A WASTE QUOTING A SENSELESS HUMAN.







FVCK OFFF

claps* Thanks for shouting and cussing out. Feel better

Manners though. The way people hide behind social media to cuss out at people.

Oh well there are more important things happening in the world and Someone's got to be the bigger person.

Its Monday , Have yourself a lovely week.

Viciyus:
Lol.

You are still stock in between dream world and reality.
You was brought up better than that you said, are you the only woman who was brought up well? Many women was far much brought up better than you, but still end the same direction you are about to experience.


Don't get me wrong woman. Read some book learn how to respect your elders, and be very nice to the opposite sex.

Stop talking about respect. What did you have that others women don't?


You are still a kid. Please grow up and understand the meaning of life, work on emotional attitude and character. Base on your writing, I can see you are not emotional stable,you need canceling.













PLS STAY OF MY MENTION

lol First, you need spelling lessons. It's stuck, not "stock", we ain't talking about stockfish here. Second, learn your tenses. And last, just wasted my time replying this, so jog on

Viciyus:
make you clock 35 no see man. You go dey run like chicken up and down.


You never see world that's why.


Keep on watching TV you here!

lol... the things some people say here are just absurd.

It's sad how limited you are in your thought process, not even to come up with something remotely intelligent to say.

I do want to get married, most girls do, my point is - I just refuse to blindly chase after it without any rational thought. Nor do i believe the only way to have that is to compromise and allow a man disrespect me and throw another woman in my face. I was brought up better than that, maybe you weren't so I hope you learn - do some reading, work on yourself and grow so you can get out of your little box. Life is way to short to be unhappy just to fit into a society's norm of normal.

suffer to get husband? I hardly think any self respecting person, be it man or woman, should think that way. Can't even reply the bf and sugar daddy bit, obviously we aren't on the same page

onoja12:
i dont know where you are from but in African culture a man is allowed to take more than one wife,so you must we deceiving yourself and like your friend say you never marry,when you suffer to get husband then you would learn how to keep one,for now na boy friend and sugar daddy level you dey,aging never start

Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

While I try not to be mostly self-righteous, I always could never help but feel some disgust for ladies who date married men. I mean I know I have no right to judge, but I have never been able to get my mind around the reason why anyone would do it, like seriously.....

Well not until two years ago...

You know how you meet someone and you guys seem to have so much in common, backgrounds, behavior, and mutual love and hate for a lot of things? Yh, this is how me and Mr. M became friends about a year back. I mean he was well-spoken, had achieved so much - he was the sort of guy who had achieved so much by his late 30s and I admired this.

We met a number of times officially, we always had such a laugh and got along so great, he told me about all his exes and how he ended up with his wife, and I told him about my then boyfriend, we could talk about anything.

I was impressed by his zeal, he seemed to have so much integrity, worked extra hard, has his own company (employing over 100 people), and although he was extra smart he was sometimes socially awkward (like me), which I think is why we got on so well.

So obviously I thought absolutely nothing of it when he asked for my BB Pin.

So how does mister upright with all the integrity turn to be a test of my own values?

It all started simple enough, first was the constant chatting (#WonderWhereHisWifeISAllTheTime), which I thought nothing of. Then came the calls on his way home everyday, I must admit at this point I started to get confused. But still I decided to talk myself into thinking we were just such great friends. It got to a point we were chatting literally all day, in meetings, while working. Still "friendship"?... This went on for two months.

After a meeting at his office someday, I went to his his office to say hi. And he just casually asked, "Yh lets grab a drink". Well I said no. 1) I don't want some wife pulling my weave out 2) I had sincerely started to get a bit confused about our supposed "friendship".
Still after all the "why can't you have a drink with a client", "It's just two friends, having drinks in a crowded place" I said yes.

So we ended up at some bar in Victoria Island, it was a Tuesday so it was empty, and for some reason I allowed myself to be seated at the farthest darkest corner. (btw I have told my friend this story and she called me asewo, so be free to judge) however I still claim naivety and believing the world is a good place, where you can still be friends with the opposite sex.

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong, no matter how hard I tried to change the topic conversations always seemed to steer to how good I looked, the you've got great legs, your lips are so pink, and you're always so reserved and poise... I mean I said thanks, and I at some point started to realise, maybe I did want him to say these things.

OK, so I stopped my self-denial, I guess I must have realised where this was heading but did not want to admit it.
So when he kissed me, and touched me, it took me a minute and a whole lot of strength to remember my values to move away, I had realised I somewhat had feelings for this guy.

So did I become one of these babes?...
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Comments if to continue.......

If I hear one more yikes there! Haba, thats someone's sugar banana o....


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