₦airaland Forum

poshdiva: Yeah right!

Iykeponti: Like that all of us go dey single, abeg wait make i enter okada go check if my wife actually in d church as she said if u like callam anything u like, na me be her caretaker....i no wan c anyman near her.. simple

poshdiva: Lol @ some of the comments here. I dated someone who exhibited most of the characteristics in the OPs post. Overly possessive, monitors my every move, i was his password to every thing. Any little argument and he is already in tears.

I used to think it was love until he threatened me if i ever left him. When i realised he was serious, i cut off all communication.

Its getting to 2 years now and he still calls at odd hours of the day..2am, 12am. I would pick the call, he wont say anything at all until i have to cut the call. He does this often. Tell me that isnt obsession!

I never told him i was leaving him because i was scared. I just stopped picking his calls and blocked him on all social networks. There were times i used to feel like he could kill anybody that got in his way. After i ended it, i didnt date anybody for over 7 months just to be on the safe side so he doesnt come after me or the person.

johnny handsom: I bet you the guy will be better of without you considering the level of harlotry you must have been into then for him to become paranoid monitoring you

Dennis Clark: Pls who knws hwmuch is involved for fresh officers ?

jackymfon: Hi @op I have been following this thread and want to drop a few thots.

1This is an advise to married ladies who work, since you spend most of your time in the office and there is a tendency to get close to a colleague, there is really no harm in that but once you begin to notice chemistry between yourselves, its a red flag to stop the relationship remember the bible says flee but most people ignore it and get into trouble which is what happened to the OP's wife, i am a married woman and by the grace of God i have not cheated on my man but these things happen when we as spouses get careless or carried away.

2. if you decide to divorce your wife, its not really going to make so much sense why? because you have the capacity to forgive, God forgives you, your sins no matter what you do, so why cant you seek his help to forgive your wife, the bible says God mentioned divorce because of the hardness of the heart of man.

3. If you decide to divorce your wife, you will stigmatize your daughter becos your family will always refer to her mothers adulterous affair and besides if you guys divorce, you marry again, your wife too marries again what happens to her, where will she fit in the equation, also consider the fact that even single guys these days are not finding it easy to settle down becos of the issue of a good wife, one that is not in it for the money or other reasons other than love, but you know your wife loves you despite her actions.

4. Finally 10years from now which is no so far from now,you will no longer remember the hurt but you will most likely have worked on your marriage and will have a very wonderful marriage with the wife you love.

Be strong, give her a second chance and when those pictures flood your mind remind yourself, that its in the past and all of you have moved on from there. cheers.

N.B

Anyone that doesnt support my views should not abuse me for having a different opinion thank you

dearestsewa: pls, ds post is smhw. 15 yrs xperience 4 a 25yr old?

pDude: Lemme guess. You are Igbo

Symphony007: your utterly shambolic comment is a prolific attestation to your monumental and legendry ignorance...your punitive brain actually clogomorates my most luminating and insightfull comment to a petty "likes" acquisition scheme? One is not amused!!

Tonyblinky: I wonder what this has to do with this post,must u comment?

Joeblis: rubbish!!..where is he going to say before he saves for his rents under bridge?if am not mistaking the guy said he just relocated to benin to pick up the job so he needs some time..guy i'd advice you stay in you parents house for at least 6months buy then you'd have enough to do your thang!..all this bushrats saying i moved out of my parentr house at 19,20,22,do you think every had the same opportunity as you did?because you got a job at 20
dosent mean everybody will get at that age.

ugo41babe: Note that in your parents' house u dnt av properties .

lastmanstandn: Ode. I started living and fending for myself @ 19. That was the last I slept under the same roof with any of both parents. And we're all in Nigeria.

emiye: This is the more reason why i see your wife as callous and so self centered, why is she giving you conditions, she ought to have stayed neutral and keep mute about that, when you suggested you want to take such a step, "she cant afford to share you" is not a statement of love, it is a self centered position from her ...... . A truly remorseful wife could make a statement such as "right now, all i care about is keeping our marriage and making it work again and regaining your trust, i know you have the final decision".

touche: @op. It's really a sticky situation. My advice is that you act not based on emotions but logical reasoning. There's no guarantee that the next girl you find won't cheat on you. You stated that girls you have dated in the past also cheated on you so you need to step your game up.
Take the following steps:

1. Forgive her truly, be honest with yourself. 2. Arrange for a meeting with her in a public place (so she will be less tempted to throw tantrums). Tell her that you have forgiven her but you would like to call off the engagement for now. Revert back to just dating her for a probationary period of 6 months.
3. Since you mentioned that you are a programmer, I'd assume that you are tech savvy. Covertly install phone monitoring software on her blackberry (you can buy online).
4. During this period, act like you still love her, be nice, conceal your intentions. Play the sucker, seem or act dumber than your target. Give her a lot of freedom, suggest she spends more time with her friends and I'd advise you do same.

5. Monitor her calls, Facebook, Twitter and BBM conversations (GPS tracking can also be enabled if need be) for this period of 6 months.

Brace yourself for 2 likely outcomes:

a. She will continue to cheat on you.

b. She will truly repent.

Based on the outcome, decide whether to marry her or terminate the relationship.

Best of luck bro.

mbourie: I disagree with you...scorpio are deadly

berem: are you better than her Miss Innocentie? mtscheeew!
Can the op also prove to us that he has never cheated too? When a man cheats, it's a man's world. When a woman cheats she gets crucified. Abeg marry her sharp sharp and stop complaining joor!

butta: shaking my head for the kind of mama u will become baby mama....iShhh

Sanboy25:
@OP Do not dump her, pray that the Lord would open her eyes for her to see how great of a man you are.
Give her another chance, if she fails then leave her.
You will not find another good woman easily.
Seek help from your pastor, fast and pray.
Do not forget God is all-powerful.

Toks2008: Ok, go ahead since your mind is made up but what follows?

1. Start fornicating with any girl that catches your fancy.
2. Probably get married to another lady that may be worse than your wife.


Let me even tell you this fact many guys don't know. Giving up your wife to another man is a sign of weakness. Adultery or no adultery.

So let me be frank with you and i believe this will solve the situation. Let her stay and don't give her up but you can still go ahead and marry another lady that will give you a clean start.Let her be the one to walk away if you are resolute that you cant stay with her any longer but save yourself the stress of divorce.

Some may see this advice as stupid but its better than divorce.

Just like i have told my wife that i will not divorce her and if she stays away too long and i venture into another affair then i will be marrying two wives because i will never let go of the new lady even if she ever comes back. So let your wife pay that price for cheating on you rather than go through the stress of divorce.

I wish you well.

Danfo: OP,

If you can still say the above with the amount of quality advice people have given you so far, then it is clear that you are not a realist, and only your un-emotional self can see clearly enough to reach a sensible decision that will be good for you and all concerned in the long term.

Let me help you to understand using extracts and apt deductions from your initial post and one subsequent comment:

1. ‘I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. (Deduction: She can kill you without much thought or regret if situation demands it)

2. The subject of the mail that excited my curiosity. The subject says "Ifemi" which in Yoruba means "My Love".
(Deduction: She does not love you one bit. The sex with the ‘family friend’ was more than sex for it has love as a component. Your discovery of the affair cannot erase that love that easily)

3. What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still bosom feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months).
(Deduction: She values the illicit affair more than any physical, spiritual impact it might have on her daughter. If her newly-born daughter’s health could not inhibit the affair, then you stand very little chance of doing so. Especially if she can sleep with him while still fresh from childbirth, then you can safely assume that he was sleeping with her while she was pregnant with your ‘adorable daughter’. Sad but true.)

4. Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of month’s time and is blessed with an adorable daughter.
(Deduction: Yes you are right it appears the innocent little girl is the only blessed thing about the union, and even that blessedness has been tainted by the circumstances during her pregnancy and immediately after. Imagine a child in the womb of a woman having sex with a family friend. That action has some deep spiritual connotation I can’t even start explaining here)

5. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn't go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’)

6. Funny enough, because I didn't want the news to go ballistics, I covered up for them when the man's wife stumbled on their BBM chat too and stormed my house with the man spoiling for war.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’. You are a strange one for sure!)


7. My wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad "Guy, you carry eye enter wife market".
(Deduction: You are infatuated with her and very much afraid to lose her because you have low self esteem and opinion of your worth. You have concluded that you may not find her type of beauty and ‘intelligence’ again. And this is why you even refuse to tell any family including the family friends’ wife, because even you know they will drive her away without hesitation. Bro, you are on dangerous ground because you are dealing with an intelligent mind that has no morals or inhibitions. You are dealing with a knowledgeable mind without character. Tread carefully bro!

Also remember the Bible says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

I conclude by saying that, do not allow emotion or even logic to rule you, rather let barefaced naked truth and self-preservation guide your decisions so you may remain safe to live out your life happily. If you think you can ever trust her again, or that somehow the memory of the betrayal will fade away then the joke is certainly on you bro, because the mind never ever forget.Indeed, the mind of man doesn't do FORGET.If it happened your mind will recollect it, unless you have amnesia, which is another line of topic entirely.

Again, I say all the best to you!