Ujoan:


It's worrisome that a woman will know that something affects her husband's health and still do it.

I think this issue is deeper than it looks.

Or maybe she doesn't believe that the 'ingredient' is the real cause of your pains.

Well it has mostly been that she often does not take some things serious until there is a serious problem or reaction to it.
I'm doubtful it's much deeper than that. I don't think she will deliberately want to hurt me but has been trying to use as much as shouldn't be a problem instead of using as little as should be reasonably ok. With her kind of target it's very easy to overshoot and I think that is what has been happening. That's why I asked her to stop outright which she agreed but didn't. I didn't really mean to have her stop completely but I wanted to see her persuade me to accept her continue from which case I would have extracted a better commitment to be moderate.

Unfortunately she choose to continue without my knowledge by hiding it. When I found it initially I quietly took then and gave them out to someone else without complaining. I was hoping it will register my displeasure and she'll do the right thing, but she instead began to hide it. Maybe she had now made up her mind to be more careful but as she didn't share that commitment with me I couldn't rely on it. What was really annoying was her reaction when I confronted her with it. I had threatened that I may stop eating her food and she reminded me that those ones I'll eat outside will still have it. For which I asked her if she implies I should endure it at home too since I can manage the one outside. Few months ago when I had to be away for over a week I had to be on drugs each day because of the food I had to eat where I was.

She has now promised to stop completely but I've been distraught from the statement she made about being the vulnerable one in the relationship. Claiming she has always been the one to apologize whenever we have misunderstandings which was a shock to me. I asked her if she expects me to apologize when she does something I don't like. I also asked her if she had even ever apologized and she wouldn't answer any. Instead she just said she will stop. Only time I can remember her apologize was after I gave her serious lecture on how we can handle issues better where emphasis was made on opening up on any reservation she has on any matter and also about apologizing.

I've forgotten about the matter and I've told her she can continue with the ingredient. I'm apologizing instead for asking her stop. I'm even going to get the stuff for her. I don't think the item can kill me. It simply causes serious discomfort. Since I work from home I will manage it the few instances she will mistakenly add too much of it. I believe she will be more mindful now.

---Edited---
Or perhaps as earlier advised, I will simply not eat it when I notice it's plenty.

rosalieene:

How old are you? You sound like a kid.
Op comman see this kidult calling your wife an idiot.
But a woman gave birth to you and she married abi. since females are demons, I guess its including all your female family members.
Tomorrow now, when you marry and people refer you back to this statement, you will shylishly say you don't know how it happened.
Be careful of what you say...... My onecent advice tho

I've responded on reasonable comments but deliberately ignored his.

misspicy:

Oga you have pushed your wife into accepting her fate that you nag,because whether she likes it or not,you will nag,but you don't want to accept her own flaws

I do exactly what your wife do to my man,I don't argue with him anymore,I don't just react,because I dislike nagging it makes me uncomfortable,so I try to avoid it by agreeing with his demand when he is around and find a way around the issue without his knowledge.

Its just human adjustment pattern,you just have to accept your wife and adjust.

sorry,no one is perfect.

Ok

misspicy:

This is selfish,you want your wife to add raw ingredient to her meal because you don't like the ingredient in your own meal?
Do you know how raw ingredients like salt,maggi or is it curry and thyme,taste in meals?


Marriage is just slavery,kuku kill me

It's non of those sha. People do take it raw and it's not something that affects the taste of food.

elektra:
mrk74

You alone are in your situation so you alone knows where it pinches but I feel you are making a hill out of a mole.
Na because of say she no gree reduce salt for food you wan call meeting ontop her head? You said it yourself that she is perfect except for this one flaw, it may be better to allow her have her flaw as she is only human. You have talked and it is not changing. So let it go and enjoy your marriage.
You seem to have taken note that you and your wife communicate things differently and your wife seems to show displeasure by body language\actions rather than words. I commend you for taking to time to study this and even though it is not a trait you like, you can accept it.
Your post about the unripe plantain was very funny, guy you married a good woman who does not like fight. So while she was away, you ate your neighbor's food and now you want her to go and learn how to cook the meal from your neighbor, a fellow woman like her? Oga, your wife is ignoring your request for a reason, it is her way of telling you she is not going to do it. Most women would have been seriously offended by your request.

Thanks for your kind words.

We are both quite simple people and very free with each other. Concerning the meal from my neighbours, that was quite long ago, not a recent thing, then I had only told her how I enjoyed it but I didn't have special interest in it. I usually don't like unripe plantain right from youth and she has even been encouraging me for the health benefit. There is a particular porridge delicacy made with unripe plantain that she learnt to prepare and I got to appreciate especially for the health benefits. The idea of the request did not really stem from what my neighbour had given me. And by the way this was a common thing we do. We often dish out food to this our neighbours or invite them over and they often dish food for us too. It wasn't a new thing that should offend my wife. When I made the request, it was initially about vegetable only the idea of the plantain actually came from my cousin who was around the day I went to buy the vegetable myself. It was then that I recalled what my neighbours had prepared with that combination and the fact that I had liked it. And we had unripe plantain in the house that day.

raumdeuter:


Does your wife know about this health challenge? Still deliberately doing it

She does and actually sympathizes with me when I go through the pains.

samuelUMOH:
Don't force her eat What she prepares with time she will prepares it .please don't ask anyone to prepare your food o when you have beautiful wife at home

Noted.

Onegai:


It's not about the food or the neighbours, it is about you amd her and how the request was made, especially with yor history admitting you nag her a lot about cooking issues. There no way that wouldn't have come out hurtful and felt like you were comparing her unfavourably to the neighbour's wife and her cooking skills. That is the problem with nags, their words come out hurtful even when they mean well. And the one way people react to nags is by deliberately ignoring their commands. Which is what your wife is doing. So you really have to work on it so she reacts better. She is at fault for not apologising but so are you.

Thanks but please the issue has not always been about food. It's just these last issues that have been about food.
There had been an issue with her using bleaching creams, one about her refusing to apply for a sponsorship of her project by an International organization which I pushed for mainly because of the exposure she could get. There had been one about applying for her MSc in a nearby University. Except for the bleaching that she just didn't seem to believe the level of risk involved with the bleaching creams the others she simply won't express her reservation or make objections but just won't act till it becomes annoying then you will know she was not comfortable with it. Meanwhile she had given the impression that she is act or was acting on it. Till date she still regrets where she is having her about to be concluded MSc which could have been avoided if she had opened up on time about her reservation on where I had initially suggested.

WHOcarex:
Guy, make I personally tell you something. Forget apology. She don agree say she dey wrong that one don do. She take you like her paddy paddy, so, if Una get misunderstanding Una go talk about am like pals, agree on who is wrong and move on. She believe say apology Na for subordinate. and as pals, no need to apologise. Na the way she dey reason am be that.

That said and done. My brother, fowl dey sleep , yangan dey wake am. So as you say Una nor get issue since, e be like say you nor like am like that. Now apology wan dey bring issue. Now neighbour unripe plantain and vegetables don dey enter. The matter don dey grow from one level to another. Now e don dey enter bigger one. If your wife con dey reason that matter now say Na your neighbour wife come dey cook for you, e go become another thing. E be like say the issue Wey nor dey your marriage don dey come up small small. You better use your tongue count your teeth.

Noted. Thanks.

samuelUMOH:
Your marriage is still very young and alot of compromise is needed from both parties .I appreciate your love for your wife ,however it is absolutely wrong to ask another woman to cook food for you when your wife is around .If you desire this plaintain and vegetable food you can follow online instructions and both of you prepare it and eat together in love .Better still go restaurant and eat if the meal is a must. Things like these are hurtful and insult to women talkless of a wonderful wife like yours .How will your friend and wife look at your wife ? Respect or disrespect ? Please drop the ego that " my wife disobeys me " Your wife is your partner not subordinate .Women are naturally submissive but when you want to enforce submission you will hit the rock .

Thanks. However it's not that she is not capable of cooking it, but I'm just yet to understand why she is not doing it.

WHOcarex:
"Apology is for the weak and wrong"
-King Julie

Hmm.
Your post made me google the phrase and I came across this poll which has a contrary result.
http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/random/picks/results/1560100/believe-apology-weak-wrong
It seems no one else shares the view/opinion.

missjo:

Don't think or say things like this

Ok. It's the suggestion that I'm comparing us with them that made me express that. I've never said this to anyone before and won't say it to the hearing of anyone that knows us. I don't look down on anyone. We are good friends for a very long time.

byvan03:
Learn to get over what you ate outside and not torment anyone with it, she can't cook it, prepare it yourself if you can't be healthy without it . Limit this your neighbour neighbour thing, you are not so perfect after all. If your wife traveled and you can't handle the kitchen, go buy food.

It's not really about food. It's more about her not speaking up when she has reservation about something and not being willing to apologize when she finally agrees that she didn't do well.

missjo:

She's gone past that stage of working on her ego,trust me. Like I said before, train yourself not to expect apologies from her. The more you expect it, the more you get disappointed.

Thanks

nnamdibig:
OP,
Just be careful the way you handle this. Your wife is thinking that you are seeing her as a small girl. That's the root of the problem. She loves you but thinks she should do her own thing once in a while or may be thinks you are being more controlling. More discussion & prayers is the key. Like someone said, be careful the advice you read here.
.
.
As far as I know, you & your wife don't have any problems, just trying to deal with little individual differences.

Thanks. I do let her make her decisions. But I do wish she can share her objections where I make suggestions that she is not comfortable with. When I asked her to get registered for her MSc I had asked her to do so in the Federal University that is about 3mins drive from our house. But that is where she had a BSc and she was not comfortable going there for her MSc. But instead of opening up on her reservation she was just lazy about getting the form and was making enquiry about it from wrong sources till I lost my patience and insisted she go by herself. The school is very close but she didn't even need to trek down. When she got there it was already late entry but I didn't mind. It was when she should have gone to pay that she now raised her reservation but initially hanged it on someone else opinion. I didn't insist. I even tried to assisted her in finding an alternative. But by this time it was only one school that still sold forms for MSc and that is where she is schooling now.

Chubhie:

A village meeting of Umu Nna must be summoned on your behalf.

The wife should hold her peace if she be on nairaland.They already have good things going for them. They need to bond more as husband wife and learn to work as a team.

Thanks for your kind words.

Chubhie:

You can imagine if the husband sublimely taunted the wife about the neighbors delicious unripe plantain and vegetables?

Well I didn't do that. My wife cooks quite well and I didn't say my neighbour does better. They only happened to have prepared something that was new to us.

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.

You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.

Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

I don't get where you draw your conclusions from. I've not shared this issue with any neighbour so I don't get how I got to be listening to neighbours. The said neighbour is a childhood friend with home we have been exchanging meals time to time. They just happened to have given that when my wife was away for her MSc programme.

Chubhie:
You married a good woman.

She wants you to lead her.

You don't demand for respect,you command it by earning it.

You need to up your leadership qualities cos it's getting obsolete and if care is not taken,you shall have a greater rebellion to handle from her.

Also learn how to penetrate her soul and crumble all walls of pride and stubbornness in her.

You MUST be quick about all these before the kids starts popping out.

Thanks

mrjojo:
Is this all about the ingredient she has refused to stop adding to your meal or something else?? What about if she loves the said ingredient in her meals?
See, marriage is about compromise, so I think you guys should come both come to a compromise.
I don't like fish or any meal cooked with fish for instance, but that shouldn't make me force my preference on people who love it.
I can't really see an issue here, you wife should be your friend, joke about it with her and you can help out in the kitchen too sometimes

I had suggested her having the said ingredient as an additive when eating.

Onegai:
You guys are having these issues because you're still in the "We Just Got married" phase. You seem more angry about the fact she disobeyed you rather than what she actually did. The unripe plantain with vegetables, c'mon dude, what were you expecting? If she comes to tell you "this is how the neighbour's husband plans his finances and I really like it and you should do it too", won't a little part of your mind go "are you comparing us or trying to tell me you're not happy with what I'm doing??". Be honest.

So you guys need to learn how to say things properly. Byvan03 is right, this will eventually change. She is refusing to apologise because she grew up in our society with her eyes open. And truly, it would scare even a submissive girl to read NL's general misogyny and not be afraid that you expressing your honest feelings and demanding she do the right thing becomes her apprehensively apologising for your cheating one day. If you think it's a lie, I'm sure you're using the words "she's disobedient" because you also grew up in our society with your eyes open and you think every minor feminine infraction needs to be nipped in the bud swiftly or she will become a Princess and a Feminist (which...is really hard ti be, if one truly understands feminism, but I won't digress).

Next time she cooks with ingredients you don't like, simply don't eat. Don't make a fuss, just say you're not hungry and go make yourself something else. When she eventually comes to ask what's wrong (and if she's reading this), tell her:

"I'm not one of those guys. I'm not going to turn your life into a living hell and force you to smile through it. I love you, but when you refuse to listen to me or don't apologise, it hurts and it makes me think maybe I should start messing you up like those guys. It makes me feel unvalued, don't use your hand to spoil anything because you are afraid of the unknown. So from here on, we are going to work on things: we will not let the sun rise on our anger, we will apologise once we are calm. Don't sweep it under the carpet until it comes as a fire to burn our lives down. As for that unripe plantain dish, why not we check on Food section and see if we can learn it there?".

Does this sound good?

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate. However on the bolded, I'm not trying to compare us with our neighbour. We are quite better off than they in many aspects (financially and health of our relationship), so there won't be any basis of comparison and we are not the type though. I got the idea of vegetables from an online health journal but decided to make it the way our neighbour did because I had previously also learnt of some health benefits of unripe plantain which however I never used to enjoy right from childhood until the one I got from our neighbour.

She has initiated discussion on this. Her approach is to tell me to stop being angry. Then later ask if I'm still angry. She notes that I'm making a big issue out of a little thing. I do agree it is a little thing but her response to it has not been helping which is what I explained to her. She now claims that she is being vulnerable in the relationship. And asks why she will always have to be the one to apologise whenever we have issues. This is really shocking to me. I asked her if she has ever apologized before which she didn't offer an answer. To the best of my knowledge what she will typically do is say stop being angry and sometimes without even addressing the issue that resulted in the annoyance.

She has not made much complain about me. In fact I can only remember one. But if she does I won't give her the opportunity to complain twice. If it's not acceptable to me, then I will want us to discuss it and come to a common ground. I asked her how she will react if I didn't adjust if she made a complain about me and she said she will just keep making the complain at the very instance that I repeat the issue and move on. This is what I've been doing but I'm not comfortable complaining on the same issue more than 3 times.

For some weeks now I've asked her to prepare unripe plantain with vegetable for me but she has not done so. When she was away in school where she is running her Msc, a friend who is also a neighbour had given that to me and I liked it. Initially she said she didn't understand how it's prepared and I explained what it looked like and we even agreed that we can discuss it with my friend and the wife (who happens to be from her village and their families know each other). But ever since she has refused to by vegetables whenever she goes to the market. I've asked severally and she'll give one flimsy reason or the other. Today she says that I shouldn't expect her to alter plans she had for other things to cook that. This is one of the things she has been saying.

---Modified ----
Some day last week I went and bought the vegetable myself. I wanted to buy N500 worth but she said it would be too much and a female cousin of mine who was around insisted that it will be too much. They said it should be N100 or N200 but they were still concerned about the N200 quantity. I can't remember which I had bought but when I brought it my wife prepared it as if it were soup for eba and we ended up eating it as soup. I didn't mind that she didn't use plantain as this was just an option. The most important thing was the vegetable. We laughed about the outcome but I pointed out that it wasn't what I expected. That I actually wanted an inexpensive thing that can be made often just for the health benefit. She said she had noted it but she has been to the market since then and even bought vegetable to make soup but not enough for what I asked for. Yesterday she was at the market again but still won't buy vegetables. When I asked today she said she made the vegetable soup because of my request. I don't understand what exactly is the problem, but it seems she just didn't take the request serious.

Well yesterday I took permission from my friend and asked the wife to help me prepare the vegetable with plantain and she did it for me today. I was careful not to indicate that there is a problem, instead told her it was to make it easy for her to have an idea what it looks like. When my wife asked me I told her someone else prepared what she had refused to prepare for me. She didn't say anything. Hours later she told me she is embarrassed about it. I just hope that will make her take my request serious in the future.

Looks like the person who posted the following that is now on front page had read through this thread.
https://www.nairaland.com/3388415/10-health-benefits-unripe-plantain

byvan03:



I removed it.

Ok

byvan03:



Believe me when I tell you that she hurts when you dumped her food but some people are built very defensively. They can't help it, the more they think that you want to punish them, the more determined they are to frustrate you . She will eventually grow, just forget the meal each time she screws up. Maturity in marriage changes a lot of things, stop apologising too. Feel sorry in your mind and amend, she will change . You have a lovely home, but too much expectation hurts more than it repairs. Her flaw is not that bad, she can't be perfect because she is human.

Thanks. I really appreciate.

byvan03:
Stop begging for apology, it makes the person less sorry and defensive. Is not easy for a lot of people to apologise and nagging won't make it happen. It is a gradual process, she will learn but you need to stop the nagging. You also can't tell her which ingredient to keep but you can insist on not wanting it in your meal. Next time , just leave the food for her if she adds it. You are in a nice boat, don't rock it. People like her cannot respond to your orders and aggression, subtle hints and withdrawal pricks their conscience. One day she will apologise and mean it, the one you won't have to beg for.

I think I've only mentioned to her once how an apology will help convince about her genuineness or seriousness. I'm trying my best not to nag (which is very embarrassing). I've once abandoned a meal for her but it didn't really change anything. Aggression and orders may not be right terms as I can't imagine ordering my wife around. Subtle withdrawals do not seem to have any impact and I'm trying to avoid reacting more seriously.

cococandy:
'Obey' 'disobey'.

your wife is not a child to demand obedience from. I have a hunch her attitude is a last ditch effort to retain some dignity since you are already treating her like a child.

Change. Engage her like an adult. Talk to her like your mate not your subordinate. I believe you will see some compromise from her.

I believe she won't agree that I treat her like a child. I don't always push my views on her, but before marriage she had agreed with me that if we hold divergent views and we are not able to arrive at a common ground then she will consent to mine. Currently I'm the only one earning and she has the freedom to spend without my consent. She only notifies me when money is not at home and she needs to withdraw at the ATM which she has the PIN and knows where the cards are kept. I also always discuss and get her inputs when I want to make any major spending. I've sometimes left the choice of certain things that affect both of us to her. Will she have that freedom if she is a subordinate?

ItsQuinn:
She's just being childish, she should apologize and let peace rain in her home ....I wonder why it's so hard for some people to apologise. No need to get a 3rd party involved. Just ignore her childish act, it's because you're giving her too much attention that's why she's misbehaving, when you stop giving her attention, she will learn

I've preferred to present it anonymously here instead of involving people who know us. But I don't think any level of attention is too much for partners that love themselves. I just want her make this adjustment which I believe she will eventually do.

nnamdiosu:

3. To be frank...it is very very wrong for a wife to disobey her husband. In that aspect she was 100 % wrong. Very wrong. But maturity and compromise is needed in marriage in all matters. Since you've talked to her and she doesn't want to listen. Call her and ask her y indeed she really disobeys and uses the product. If the reason isn't holding water....ask her if she will prefer cooking separate pots of food for u too. At least that will help solve the problem. She has her way..u jave your way.

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I'm very honest in this and I've also tried my best to be objective. She is a wonderful wife and I've boosted to family and friends even before marriage that she is 99% of what I want in a woman and truly she is. Concerning the talk, I had pointed out that we had such a serious talk just before we began our marriage process and I think she had genuinely accepted to adjust and for over a year we didn't get to this point, though I think there must have been some instances I had simply overlooked. As per this very item, it's a very common cooking item that most people can't do without but it gives me running stomach when the quantity is much. My late mother always used it in her cooking but she was very moderate that mistakes were like 1 in 50 times or probably less. I only told her to stop after she can't adjust. And she knows very well the trouble it gives me. But the request is like a sacrifice on her part but the alternative is for her to add this when she wants to eat and the objective will still be achieved. After we've had this slight row and I threatened not to eat her food again, she has again promised not to use it. But from experience, I won't be surprised if she gets back to it after a while. I'm also of the opinion that if she actually apologizes, she will take it more serious and will be more likely to uphold her promise.

nnamdiosu:

I've seen good marriages break down for issues less than this. Yours will not.be so in Jesus name. Amen.

God forbid us breaking apart.

missjo:
There's never a good excuse for anyone not to apologize when they are wrong. Your wife might just have an arrogant personality and is not very good with authority figures. most of the time it isn't deliberate, other times it is.
Sometimes even when someone like your wife ends up apologizing,they still think they did you a favour.


You now have to figure out if she's doing all this on purpose or just a trait she hasn't been able to work on.this is something you can live with.
Train yourself not to expect apologies from her,i have done so with many people in my life and we're still cool.

Thank you very much for this input. Even though she is not really arrogant she does have a bit of ego and seems to hold a view that apology should not be necessary. This is something I want her to change. And I'm hoping that when she see's other people's opinion on this she will be more inclined to adjust.

Please don't just view. I need your suggestions/inputs.

Let me add that I believe in leading by example. I take her suggestions seriously. Where I don't agree we discuss it and I get her to understand and willingly agree with me. The only complain she has ever had pertaining to me was about me calling her by her name (actually short form of her name) instead of her pet name when friends or visitors are around. I just wasn't used to it but I had apologized and adjusted.

I'm a very simple person and I don't shout even when I'm angry. It's only my countenance & tone that would let you know I'm angry. But I don't just get angry instantly. In the last instance I just brought out the item to where I was working in the room. She came back and laughed when she saw it before me. I asked her what the item is doing in the house when I had asked her to stop buying it and she agreed. She responded that she will be using it moderately. She had made this same assertion before but can't keep to it before I told her to stop out rightly. I asked her if she realized that her action is disrespect to me? She said it's not like that that she has promised to reduce the quantity. In all this I was cool and she had all the time to apologize. I only got angry when I told her that I can stop eating her food because of this and she told me that the food I will eat outside will still have the item.

To me the last statement shows defiance. That is what really upset me. If she had apologized, I would have easily consented to her continuing believing that she will take it more serious to be mindful of the quantity.

I do feel that I’m a very lucky man to have a very compatible lady as my wife. We love each other so well and I strongly believe we were meant for each other. However, I have one issue. When she has issue with a suggestion, request or complain she may agree without stating or discussing her objections but will simply not take the suggestion. Sometimes she will out rightly disobey me. The result will be me complaining severally and eventually getting upset. We hardly have issues, but when we do it’s usually because of something like this. We had dated for about 3 years before marriage. We had no issue in our 1st two years. Not that there was no complain at all but we easily made adjustments to accommodate each other. But there were several instances of this kind of issues in our 3rd year and I was seriously bothered. We had a very serious misunderstanding still from this kind of issue few months before we got married. At a point I asked her if I’m difficult and she told me that I nag. It was very embarrassing but when I the dictionary definition of nagging again which states that “(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something”, then I agreed that I did nag. Then I realized how easy a partner’s action/inaction could make the other to nag.

Just before we began the process towards marriage I had to extract commitments from her for us to avoid this kind of issues in the future. I had explained how we could have handled situations like this better and the fact that she shouldn’t make it a big deal to apologise and she agreed with me. We got married on 30th December 2015 and we have not had issues since then till few days ago. I told her to stop using an item for cooking due to the health challenge I have with the item when it much in the food. I had previously asked for her to avoid putting too much of it which she agreed but she will fail on about 2 out of 9 meals. It was when I realized she can’t moderate it appropriately I asked her to stop and add it when she eats. She agreed but still won’t stop. I then told her not to have the item in the house at all. She agreed but will still buy it and hide. Even though I had noticed the presence of the item on meals for a while but I got to find some that she had recently bought and hidden in a locker. When I confronted her on it she only argued and asked if I had noticed it being overused recently. Even when I pointed out how bad I felt about her disobeying me she will not see it as a big deal.

I’ve been cold with her for about 2 days now (We talk, but not with the typical high spirit when we are both happy). Yesterday she told me that I have been behaving abnormally and I have not told her what is wrong. Then I used the opportunity to remind her of how she has been disobeying me including that of another incident that I had just refused to be upset about. All she said was that she had agreed to stop which I’m not sure I remembered her saying so. But even if she did, how is it different from the previous instance she accepted but began to hide the item. I believe she should apologize for disobeying me but this is something that she won’t do. As far as she is concerned, she had told me she will stop and expects us to move on and there is nothing to be addressed any further.

Fellow nairalanders, what do you think about this? Is an apology for disobeying me out of place?

We had agreed before marriage not to take our issues to friends or family which I strongly uphold. But at this point, I think we should get opinion of a 3rd party hopefully we can get an objective view on this and either of us can have make necessary adjustment for us to avoid this in the future. She reads selected items that lalasticlala pushes to the front page and I hope she gets to read this too. She will definitely know it’s about us. If I don’t hear her mention seeing it on nairaland, I will deliberately lead her to the thread.

----Modified----
I notice some comments are being directed on the food incidence as if that really is the issue. Please the issue has not always been about food. It's just these last issues that have been about food. There had been an issue with her using bleaching creams, one about her refusing to apply for a sponsorship of her project by an International organization which I pushed for mainly because of the exposure she could get. There had been one about applying for her MSc in a nearby University. Except for the bleaching that she just didn't seem to believe the level of risk involved with the bleaching creams the others she simply won't express her reservation or make objections but just won't act till it becomes annoying then you will know she was not comfortable with it. Meanwhile she had given the impression that she is act or was acting on it. Till date she still regrets where she is having her about to be concluded MSc which could have been avoided if she had opened up on time about her reservation on where I had initially suggested.

The issue is actually more about her not expressing her reservation on a matter and not apologizing when she realizes that she didn't do well. Instead of showing remorse she will simply say we should move on sometimes without even wanting to address the issue.

For those who think I'm controlling. I do let her make her decisions. But I do wish she can share her objections where I make suggestions that she is not comfortable with. When I asked her to get registered for her MSc I had asked her to do so in the Federal University that is about 3mins drive from our house. But that is where she had a BSc and she was not comfortable going there for her MSc. But instead of opening up on her reservation she was just lazy about getting the form and was making enquiry about it from wrong sources till I lost my patience and insisted she go by herself. The school is very close but she didn't even need to trek down. When she got there it was already late entry but I didn't mind. It was when she should have gone to pay that she now raised her reservation but initially hanged it on someone else opinion. I didn't insist. I even tried to assisted her in finding an alternative. But by this time it was only one school that still sold forms for MSc and that is where she is schooling now.