@farano:
Oh! sorry o, paying of bride price is marriage in my hometown. Most of my friends got married a day or two after being engaged. Whether you believe it or not, that's ur own cup of tea o. Wetin concern me. For ladies you guys can deceive na

well no sane human will believe you. What's your home town let me prove you wrong once and for all because there's no home town in Nigeria where people get engaged today and marry tomorrow. That lie is atrociously absurd.

@farano:
Point of correction, I didn't mention traditional marriage or white wedding pls and i'm not lying too! Try to understand someone's comment before quoting him/her

Point of correction, your below post is why I said your "engagement today, marry tomorrow" is a fat lie and I stand by it. I'm talking about your post below so get your facts right.

@farano:
*hiohiohiohiohio* see this one o. What do you know? smh.. Dem elders dey Somalia abi? I've seen many cases after engagement today, tomorrow na marriage

@farano:
There's nothing much in paying of bride price if you don't no. So far there are two or more people too collect the required items n money.

who's talking of paying the bride price? I'm telling it's a fat lie for a Nigerian to engage/propose to you today, and marry you tomorrow. Which sort of lie is that? Are talking to a wood? So he proposes to you today, flies down to your villa today, talks with the elders/parents, pays the bride price, and flies back to meet wedding planners etc, to organise the traditional wedding and marries you the next day? Which kind of dumb lie is this? Stop trying to justify your lie, it makes no single sense.

@farano:
*hiohiohiohiohio* see this one o. What do you know? smh.. Dem elders dey Somalia abi? I've seen many cases after engagement today, tomorrow na marriage

Engagement today, marriage tomorrow? In this Earth or Jupiter? Try another lie, this one is too stale.

The timid last 30 minutes display of the Super Eagles is why I'll always remain a plastic fan and believe that the SE will never perform in International Competitions. This team sucks save for Enyeama, Musa, Osaze and Emenike. When France scored, the team lost all hope of a comeback. Which kind of team does that? I mean take a look at the second goal. No defence, no protection. Everyone had already succumbed to defeat before that corner. Take a look at Greece, they played with determination even when the odds seemed to be against them and they got their equaliser albeit loosing at the end. SE lacks these qualities - DETERMINATION and Team Spirit. African Team in general lack those qualities. Chile wasn't filled with stars, they achieve their few great plays by determination and nothing else. SE are overyhyped bunch of overpaid players save for Enyeama. Period!!

thorpido: Nowadays,many ladies don sleep well well for the house.Even neighbours do sabi dem.
By the time they move in,it's just like going to the market and coming back home.

Nothing new.

I've never laughed this hard in a long time. LMAO. Damn!!

@farano:
If dah his engagement ring passes one week without him paying my bride price, I'll just sell it..

One week? And you will sell it? Well you're kidding sha. So if due to whatever reason he has, he wants to pay your bride price in say two moths time, you'd sell it? Or don't you know he'll have to meet your parents with his FAMILIES and some ELDERS after engaging you to pay your bride price? You don't know what marriage entails one bit. When you get there, you'll understand.

ihedinobi2:

I wonder at your terming a desire to date a lady an ulterior motive. Should one date a total stranger? What exactly is wrong with deliberately becoming besties with a girl because you already like her and would like to date her? I don't personally roll like that because once I already am romantically attracted to a girl I have no relationship with, I stay away from her. It's a discipline I built into myself to manage my sexuality properly.

Having said that, you remained good friends with her and apparently close friends too but you don't plan to date her, right? Ok, here's why I don't believe that you both have no romantic interest in her and also trust her with your deepest secrets: you don't talk to her about your wife. Or do you? I'll bet you're not married yet. The kind of friendship that has romance naturally woven into is the one where you can get emotionally and intellectually naked with someone - you can trust them with anything. It is impossible to give that kind of frienship and not get tangled up emotionally.

The problem with today's generation is the misplacement of priorities. We think that raging hormones is the first indication of romantic love. That is such a mistake. Once you are entirely naked psychologically with someone, getting naked with them physically will work beyond your expectation even though it would never be your first thought. I've seen it before. One day you have zero sexxual interest in somebody, the next you can't get enough of them.

@embolden, you clearly got me wrong. What I mean ulterior motive, I mean one having the mind of dating a girl from the onset but agreed to remained besties with no romantic attachment (that's both parties agreeing to be just friends and nothing else). Being friends with a girl with the intention of dating her is my preferred way of wooing a girl. But if I'm to be a 'bestie' with a girl (mind you, being besties takes a long time, it's not like a month wooing), I'll clearly ask myself if I want to date her. If yes,

1. I will clearly tell her about my feelings (and I won't take years to do that), not like the group described by the OP which keeps hoping the girl will develop the same feelings they've developed for her. And if she doesn't, they ditch the relationship or even never let out their feelings.

2. If I had no intention of dating but fell for her along the way, I'll either open up to her, or quench the romantic feeling if I see she'll never date me.

But most importantly, never walk away because you felt hurt the girl turned you down after thinking being best friends with her means you are the one she'll date. All I'm trying to say, always define your friendships, know what you want. Don't make conclusions.

Now on second paragraph, no I'm not married, I'm far from being married for now, and I think you didn't read my earlier post on this thread. I made it very clear that I was never attracted to her, but if she was attracted to me, I can't tell because she never told me nor show it. So I only spoke for myself as others have done. I'm not God, so I can't speak for her, I can only speak for myself. There are girls that can nakéd before me and no hairs in body will stand up. I'm not bragging, it's just me. They are also millions of girls that won't even nakéd
themselves to have my emotions boiling over.

Nemeka: Submission comes first! Don't forget that accepting to date you is an act of submission, and there is no way two people will go to next level without first submitting to each other. No matter the infatuation, nobody (right thinking person) will propose marriage to somebody thats not submissive even in courtship.
Submission is the glue that holds two people together, be it in friendship or marriage.
And submission is a two way thing of give-and-take and not mono-directional

The embolden is pure fallacy. You fall in love with a girl, woos her and makes her fall in love with you; and then ask her out on a romantic date which she agrees to out of love and trying get to know you better, and you term it SUBMISSION? Seriously? So what happens when you agree to go on a date with a girl, you're submitting to her? SMH

@OP, some people will prefer submission first, but I prefer love first. Once a girl loves me, cares about me as I care about her, she will naturally submit to me out of LOVE. That's how it's always been with my GFs. I prefer submission borne out of love and care about US (me and her), not the borne one out of a natural order for her to submit to me before I love her or respect her.

JayKayMaybachz: Just relax....same happened against Chile and Australia buh the won

I'm so happy although Robben be dive master.

If Netherland knew they would be playing this poorly, why the fùck did they win Spain then? What happened to my Holland?

*in Dare's voice* Holland, y'all are not the team I used to know, y'all are shadows of yourselves.

Guidette:
Are you telling me there are girls that you are friends with that you are not remotely attracted to? Sigh. I think it is high time i stopped explaining myself

opylas:

Wow! What's it called then? 'Respect 4 her?'

Here's wat I'm tryna say: nt a hair on ur skin felt anything thruout ur frndshp days, good. Bt wat abt her? Hw sure r u she neva felt anything? Hw sure r u d@ evn d hairs d@ wld l8r grow on her skin felt sth bfr they evn came up? Jst hw sure r u?? She myt hv felt sth bt neva did say anything cos u were 'too good' 4 her nd chickened out. She evn myt hv had many oda r'zns. Rememba we'r nt looking @ ds issue isn't guy-sided. U may hv b insensitive, u knw.

I guess m saying all ds cos I'v bn a victim, nd thr was nothing wrong wt me-I was 'mature' enough 2 hv handled things nd deciphered if twas jst me tryin 2 take advantage of d whole thing, bt bruh, it was far more dan dat. Infact, if I was 2 grade her wen we started out as friends, she'd b 2 outta 10. It jst got 2 a point I felt I had polished her well enough nd no 1 cld b more ryt 4 me. 'm sure sm guys in ds shoe wld also say dey cldn't let sm oda dude frm smwhr 'wear' d shoe dey 'polished' evn if wyl polishing, they didn't think they'd one day feel d shoe wld b their 'size' and want 2 put it on.

PS: D polishing here doesn't necessarilt mean buying her stuff or spending ur cash on her, bt increasing her values nd standard as a lady. I knw most NLanders will confuse dat, bt I trust u understnd.

@embolden, I've addressed it in my earlier posts. I explicitly wrote that if she'd developed feelings for me, I don't know and she didn't tell me. So you can't blame me.

About the 'polishing', I understood you perfectly. I also said it's possible to develop feelings for your best friend, so once that happens, the party in love should man up and open up. It saves unnecessary stress/grudges. Even if he or she turns you down, you move on with your life whilst still being friends with her. Of course it'd hurt when she leaves you for another guy/turn you down, but it's the 'mature' thing to do (I.e opening up to her). Who knows, she might even feel the same way about you. So when you feel the way you felt after 'polishing' her and felt you ought to be the one wearing the 'shoe' (her), let her know about that.

softsparky:
That person is not a friend but a parasite.

Now you get the drift. That's why I always said, once I find out, I walk away or treat the person the same way he or she is treating me.

softsparky:
Actually it's the painful truth . Everybody has a role to play in our life.
As a girl I have some male friends that will always want me to come around and cook for them. To me its not a big deal. Just do the things you can for your friends and be happy because it's a small world

Your role is defined between you two, so it's not a problem. But what of you are friends with someone and your job unbeknownst to you is to be for example, assist him financially, other than that, he won't remember you. He only remembers you when your 'role' of assisting him financially arises after which he forgets about you till next 'financial assistance' situation arises. if you happen to find out later or if such roles was undefined, would you not feel bad about it? That's what we're trying to point out.

jay bee:
You basically said you have different friends that perform specific role plays so i was wondering how they will feel if they know that's perhaps the likely purpose of the friendship

Personally for me, if I was in their (the males with different roles to play) shoes, I'll feel bad.

m-ployer:
There is no balanced friendship anywhere even within the same gender, but the reality is that the gap widens in cross-gender, and mostly in favour of women. We all met it that way and some of us are cool with it, lol.

True that. Ladies hold the KEY most of the time when it comes to relationship and séx. It's a natural phenomenon, and I'm cool with it. In cross-gender relationship, men fall for the ladies more than the ladies do, for the men. Nothing will ever change that.

ihedinobi2:
I think it is probably girls' capacity for self-deception especially where emotions are concerned that makes it seem easier for them. I've heard and seen girls behave in weird and really bizarre ways when they somehow lose some "just a friend" guy . In addition, girls are the more selfish of the two genders. So they tend to take advantage of stuff that's favorable to them while paying little heed to what it costs to provide those favors.

Also, men are wired to provide and be the hero so they can give a lot without expecting much back but when it becomes customary and in fact a matter of reflex that a guy will drop everything and come running when a particular girl calls, he's being more than an exemplary gentleman, wittingly or not. A guy does not assume that much responsibility for a girl without becoming emotionally attached to her. It's the stuff of marriage.

@the embolden, you might be right though, but I think it's partially why. I believe another aspect is the fact that the ladies are the ones being wooed and so have more 'options' unlike the men.

the main problem is the 'mindset' the men (this topic is about men's perspective) have before being 'best friends' with the opposite gender. There'd be hurts if the guy in question had an ulterior motive of dating the girl while using the facade of 'besties' and the girl turns him down. It dumbness. Sometimes the feelings might not be there initially, but when it grows, if the guy can't suppress it, then woo her and let her know your feelings, if she says no, move on but still be her friend.

I've once been a friend with a girl, along the line I fell for her, wooed her and she turned me down. I moved on, and till now, we're good friends. So always know your priority, if it's to date her, let her know, if it's strictly platonic, you both should have it at the back of your minds.

If I bring too much to the table in a friendship and it's not reciprocated as the OP detailed out, I'll take a walk. shikena

opylas:

Bruh, we talking 'close' here, nt 'best', thr's a big difference. Being close friends wt sm1 is deeper. It's @ very few tyms d@ we have our best friends 2 also b our closest friends. U tend 2 hv 'quarrels' (nt d one u'r thinkin. I jst cldn't find any word less 'revealing' 2 put in its place) wt ur closest female friend dan u wld ur best female friend.

I knew wat I was saying wen I said most guys will tell u dey can only b friends wt girls, & nothing more; not best friends or close friends. Really, I dn't knw if u get me, do u?

And I'm telling you we're more than 'close' sef. I've told her things I can't even tell my hommies. A girl I once dated, she 'checked' her out and advised me to go for her. And no, I was NEVER attracted to her. As a matter of fact, we went for a parties, and I've never 'rocked' her and dance 'sexily' with her. Doing that is a waste of time because I'll never get turned on. She'd have been my bestie till now but we lost contact when she travelled out. Bruh, I'm telling you, there's a girl(not necessarily your bestie) out there amongst your friends, that you will never touch even if she's nakéd. At least there is, for me.

From my perspective, the OP is right somewhat, but not wholly. His fault is making it a 'cross-gender' related issue only. The scenarios he painted happens to same-gender friendships too.

The unadulterated truth is, whether male or female, immediately I found my efforts in a relationship are not reciprocated, and after SEVERAL tries, my friend (bestie or not, male or female) is not willing to reciprocate my efforts, I distance myself away from him or her.

If I'm best friends with a girl, and we used to be close, like super close; then all of a sudden she gets a BF and stop talking to me or distance herself away from me (not necessarily hang out with me all the time, because I understand she has a BF now and needs to spend time with him more than with me), if I bring her attention to it and she doesn't change, I'll distance myself from her too, not because she refused to date me (when I never wooed her nor had any intention to), but because I treat people the way they treat me. Same thing applies to my male friends too. My first best friend was a male, we grew up together, but immediately he hit the jackpot and started following new 'clique' and stopped reaching out to me, I stopped reaching out to him too. That's life. I treat people the way they treat me, simples.

Cross-gender friendships can work if you guys clearly define what you both want and if there are no romantic feelings attached (but if there'll be one, let it be reciprocal), but I admit, it's hard and rare, but not impossible. The problem is:

1. People go into such friendships with the hidden intention of dating the girl or boy. Note: Always know what you want and don't overstep it if you can't bear the consequence.

2. Feelings might develop along the way and since it might not be reciprocated it, it'll hurt the partner that have the feelings when his/her bestie finds a lover.

3. And most importantly, people place too much importance/expectations on other people and when the people fail to live up to that expectations, it hurts. As for me, dating or friendship, I treat you how you treat me. I'll never force any friendship, male or female. If you distance yourself away from me, I keep you at arm's length and move on.

opylas:

Seriously! Some guys 'suffer' in silence. It's jst nt possibl 2 keep it long-I cldn't! It's y most guys will tell u they can't hv a 'close' female friend.

speak for yourself. I've had a female best friend for over 6years before we lost contact, and I never fell for her.

ihedinobi2: I think it's very telling that the people who are all about how a member of the opposite sex is their best friend and they cannot do without this best friend is women. I don't know many men who think that a girl is their best friend and they aren't thinking of dating or marrying her.

Why the disconnect?

Word!! Truth though is, it's easier on the ladies' side, than on the men's side, but it swings both ways perfectly. Like Tintingz pointed, I've some female friends I grew up with, some I met while grown up, that I've NEVER had any sexual inclination towards them. They're few though. I've had a female best friend before, she travelled out of the country few years back, but in those times, I've never felt anything romantic towards her, took her like my sis. If she had fell for me, I can't tell though.

chuxyz: mtchew! You no get point at all! Ihn deh canada then how do you expect awkwardness from canada? Abi dem deh send awkwardness via courier ni? Abeg park well we no come here to showcase abroad friends. Go find thread like that. You hear? If na like that i have many Jamaican female friends i have met online. And we tell ourselves everything and nothing else attached. Nonsense!

You sound pissed though.

How a human with a conscience can wake up, grab a weapon and end someone's life is still a mystrey to me. Many lions in human skin parading around looking for whom to devour.

I guess the news warning us that Boko Haram now masquerade around as cattle rearers maiming innocent victims, is true. I wonder how they plan of spreading the religion of PEACE through BLOODSHED and VIOLENCE. I wonder why this country can't be divided so these demons can bomb and slaughter themselves to smithereens.

Fuck_ you neymar!!

Neymar miss this let's go home.

Yaaaaaayyyy!! .. Brazil LOOSERS

I'm outta here abeg.

Sanchez na fool!!