₦airaland Forum

You brought this kind issue to nairaland of all places hmmm. Nairaland and bashing of women are 5 & 6

Clout chasing post, they can create anything to generate attention smh

You ma why weren't you giving her all the emotional support she needed while pregnant ehn? Infact let's hear her own side of the story before we judge.

I wasn't expecting this handsomeness haba, his past sins came knocking on his door and he couldn't take it. All those doing rubbish online and offline should better take note and stop before it's too late. The Internet never forgets

3seriez:
Was she sitting already on the floor? I can't seem to see where they hit her from the video

Yes she was lying on the floor acting as bandits, the female driver didn't maneuver the car well, thereby crushing her

3seriez:
Was she sitting already on the floor? I can't seem to see where they hit her from the video

She was acting as a bandit. They were already done with the act as she was still lying on the ground when the vehicle did her bad, look at the video clip well, a lady was wearing a white cloth lying on the floor.

This is quite unfortunate, Kai innalilLahi wa innailaihi rajiun - From God we came and to him is our return

Chai effect of hard drugs not good o. Only if oga Iyke had insisted on returning the vagabond of a nwa boy to his people in the village. Just only if chai... A promising young man gone, imagine what is his wife and kids are going through atm

May Allaah have mercy on his soul, illuminate his grave and grant him Aljannatul firdausi

Hi jina24 it's been quite a long time, how have you all been, you and yours? I just thought of saying hi to my longtime nairaland friend.

laluski:
How can I unread what I just read from this Ss1 boy or delete it from my brain

U don't have joy atall, ss1 boy hahahah

I wouldn't be surprised if this reach front page.

You try, beats on point. I am hoping you blow soon so we can rest on nairaland.

Serves her right! I hope this isn't cheap clout chasing? A full course meal well served

medropoly:
More importantly I am not gay, as most of you guys first thought would be.
I have been a Virgin (if that applys also for guys) all through my life, I am 23 years old of age this year and have never had any encounter with any female at all,..
Am a tall, fair, handsome guy as I get that alot from many female folks even from married women and even my guys do compliment me for that as they always tease me of being a bad guy even though deep down I know I am not ...
One thing I could brag most about is my ability (or should I say it's God grace) to resist female seduction.. I have been seduced so many times and I haven't yielded to any, I could remember during my ND days there was this my course mate I was really crushing on, Damn this girl is striking beautiful with curves that no nigga could resist, unknowningly she too had crushed on me so she came over to my lodge one night to copy an assignment, I gave my note and climb up bunk leaving her at the down bunk, latter she came touching and doing so many funny things that made my adrenaline high, but till now I cant explain I was able to resist such a girl,..
So many other times, so many girls, different locations, different scenarios, but I still stood my ground and resisted them even when the urge was demanding and the odd was unfavourable..
I always do have this feeling that the day I tried bleeping any girl unlawfully is the day I fall into my doom..
Above all I just give God thanks for the such a wonderful grace he has given to me, knowing fully well that most guys don't have such.

Moral: say no to UNLAWFUL SEX

Yes o, and fornication aswell
Weldone, kudos! Keep it up.
God will reward ur faithfulness with your desired woman as wife.

Big fat lie, op believe that girl at your own peril. Which kind sleep was she sleeping? Not drugged o or high o, that she was receiving pounding and thrusting and still couldn't wake up? Abi she died during the process and resurrected in the morning?

That man is a simp, what happens to arranging her things outside and locking your door. When she returns you hand her the papers. Let her go and marry .the lover

Hmmmm this your condition strong o....in this Africa continent where marriages are carried on the head like crown you now think you can find the one that will agree to this your condition? May be you should try other continent and see

pansophist:
When will people realize that love is a decision, not an emotion? This is the very foundation of all the divorce and break up out there. People expect the butterflies to be there permanently. Take other instances of love relationships (eg between parents and child), you will see that many times, the child pisses off their parents so bad from childhood to adulthood, but the parent didn't just dump the child because they fell out of love with him/her, or a child falling out of love with their parents because they pissed him off, that is nonsense.

You marry someone because based on your assessment of their virtue, you have decided to love them. It is a decision. Of course, it helps if you are sexually attracted to them, but that should be secondary, not primary. All the people that I considered attractive ten years ago are not attractive anymore when I see them. I see many of my classmates I was attracted to then, and now, I am like, ''Did I actually fall for you''? Now imagine I married one then because of attraction and she gained 20kg of fat, losing her attraction, then it will be a straight divorce.

The above is what our ancestors understood, hence they save their son/daughter the stress of searching for a partner and instead, arranged it themselves. Because if you allow young people to make such delicate choices, they will choose partners based on stupid reasons such as ass, height, job, and other superficial things that don't directly make a marriage successful. Also, your parents have a clearer eye, they are not attracted to your to-be husband/wife, and based on the experience of their own marriages as well, they will look for such qualities in a partner for their child.

I am not saying arranged marriage doesn't have its downsides, but I am building a case of why it was practiced in the past, unlike now where we think discarding old cultural practices is modernization, and it is a lie. Are we not paying the price for that big mistake? Relationships now are more of a headache than peace, and it will get worse because problems just like humans grow too. I predict that in twenty years' time, any marriage lasting for twenty years will be seen as a miracle. Because we have confused feelings with love (a decision), and virtues with vices.

In conclusion, the very two things you need to know when it comes to marriage is to assess the virtues of the person you want to marry (that's assuming you are virtuous yourself and can see if someone else is virtuous too, or else you are fooling yourself), and if they are marriageable, then decide (a verb, an action word) that you will love them regardless if you loose attraction, just as you will love your child even if they turn out to be short like aki and paw paw. It is sad that society trains people on how to become effective employees, but not the path to happiness and lifelong satisfaction.

cc: franchasng

Nice piece! You have just nailed all the points to my head. I appreciate

elmagnifico411:
I think in a way, d reverse is my case. When I was about getting married, I wasn't feeling butterflies in my tummy kinda shit . A week to my wedding, a friend said to me; "Femi, it doesn't really show in you that you're about getting married, you're not excited". I remember I told him I dont know if I'm in love, but I know I am committed. May it was becos most of my friends were married then, or it was that same kinda feeling I had when I was about going for nysc. I wasn't just excited even as plans were made..

Fast forward to 6 years now, aswear, I'm in love! I don't know how it all happened, but I can tell d everyday walk with her brought out some good shiii.. not that we don't fight, but mehn, the speed with which we make is out of this world. U know sometimes the kids that come in, in d process sometimes solidifies the love. Na only one thing dey pain me shaa, which I always tell her.. she's got a very low libido. But I've learnt to live with her. If I want sex, I don't wait for her to initiate, I put on the armour and worry her. Lol. What baffles me is, in the process of nacking, she'll now realise,"chai I've missed being. Nacked by my bobo oh" asking u to nack more. Wo, marriage isnt for the faint hearted jare.. the struggles/journey continues.

Impressive, i like how you're handling the circumstance of your wife. I hope those men who uses excuses of the low libido of their wife to cheat will learn from you. When your wife is good in all the wifey duties except from the sexual aspect, you should find a way to manage the one she's defaulting.

Coinwarrior:
I do take my mind off sex and start wishing I knew it b4 I married her

Uh-huh, i don't like regrets sha, but it is good you're not thinking of side chicks.

Coinwarrior:
just like the case of my wife that has low libido

Ohh really, how are you coping?

yuping:
sorry for this, but you know that what pays the bill, but try and talk to him about is leave at work, they is know way they won't give him leave at work, plan for this and is not all Sunday you must go to church, you can organize a 2hours prayer one Sunday so you can spend time together after the prayer.

Ok thanks

placeofallure:
Hmmmn! Marriage is not yam and beans. It takes great effort to stay married after the thrills of the wedding day.

First, marry your friend. That's a big prerequisite. How often do you fall out with your friend? With great friends, you argue, then you come around, friendship continues. There'll always be something to keep you together. Marriage is not so different. It could be the jokes, the scent of his or her clothes, the way he stutters as he speaks, the gait or anything at all that you remember when you are alone and smile.

Hubby and I were just mere friends for years before love set in. We were gist partners. The type that you will be keeping hot gists for, anticipating when you will see next. When we started to date, our gist moments continued. We'd trek from Apapa Road to Alagomeji, my place, not because we couldn't afford transport fare but because we enjoyed talking. Then, I'd follow him back a bit, just to talk. Our marriage is about a decade old, we still gist late into the night. It's because we were friends first.

We don't normally sit together in church. We're both workers, but we sat together yesterday because it was Children Day service and the kids handled everything. After a while, he told me "It's good we don't sit together, else we won't concentrate in church."
He told me today after work that there are times he looks at me when I'm asleep, he'll smile then say a word of prayer for me. A decade isn't a long time but the embers haven't dimmed one bit!

It's marrying for the wrong reasons that makes it impossible to sustain the tempo with which you started. Beauty, wealth, financial stability, societal pressure, educational background, tribe, religion etc are dangerous reasons to get entangled with anyone.

Love, is overated. Love alone is never enough. There'll be challenges that will stretch your so called love. What then happens? Marriage is not for the faint hearted, not for slay queens nor redpillers. You need to have a great strength of character. Be kind, be responsible, be fair, be firm, be understanding, be tolerant, be humane.
Thank you.

Marriages still work OP, let yours be among the few that work. What were the great things that brought you together? Go back and work on those things. Barring violence, I don't like divorces. God bless your home.

Thanks alot, i appreciate this. I will try and walk through it.

yuping:
you should know what you are looking for in marriage, what do you expect your spouse to do? What do you think you should be doing that you are not doing.
Have you tried going for holiday for weeks or month.
Try all this first and see if the love will ignite ones more.

Husband is always busy with work, mon - sat, no time for outings. It is quite boring.

virginprincess:
People get married for different reasons,not all marry because of love,some marry because of physical looks,financial stability,lack of husband, spiritual level,etc and not because they love their spouse,so it is easy not to have feelings in that type of marriage,also people don't just fall out of love in marriage,there must be something that happened.

You're right actually

Qinglong:
Well yeah, I simply mentioned decades as kind of an extreme example. Honestly, I think anything between 3 - 10 years is more than enough for people to start falling out of love based on too much exposure to each other. Inevitably, fighting will contribute to it because there is no couple that does not quarrel. From what I've seen in Nigeria, most married couples squabble on a daily basis.

Once the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over, that's when the real test begins. And not many people can legitimately pass that. As someone said above, many couples are in unhappy marriages today and only societal backlash, or maybe consideration for their children, keep them from opting out of the marriage.

Foreigners like the Americans are actually honest with themselves and their feelings, which is probably why they have one of the highest global divorce rates (not counting their high population number as well).

This is the reality, my option now is to forge ahead and pass the phase then. I was considering divorce at a point but i was talked out of it.
Thanks alot

czarr:
So you were a virgin before marriage...you probably married early then. So it's not that you miss the wild life of single life, it's that you think you've missed out on the wild life cos you didn't live it....and you thought that somehow marriage is going to reward you for your sexual discipline, and you realise that there is no award for your virginity, and you can see some single friends who were about that wild life also get married....you are angry and transferring the anger to your husband.

You may also be crushing on someone and marriage (your husband) is keeping you from acting on that crush.

Do you really believe your husband has the same level of love or attraction for had for you when he first met you? No! he has seen you finish, you have both seen each other finish, it's Normal for that attraction and butterflies to go down.

He has seen you hanging your pants, sleeping like a zombie, when you are sick and horrible looking, going to toilet, he smells your involuntary farts at night, and you too, you have seen all about him.

You have to understand that after 3 years in all marriages reality sets in, all those lovey dovey stuff goes away and what is left is committment. That is what love is, committment. Love is not a feeling, it's a choice to stay committed to someone.

You think because you don't feel anything for the guy anymore, that your soul mate is out there and your marriage is keeping you from meeting him, if you meet another guy outside and he commits to you, you would still get bored when real life sets in, and routine nature of marriage begins.

Be guided.

I like the humour you put in this your post. Some of what you said are actually the reality i an facing. Anyway thanks for your inputs.

thebosstrevor1:
Following out of love is easy when over familarity takes over.

This is my own recipe on how not to fall out of love

Allow the man to be himself
Women love attention, give it to her
Try to travel often together
Do things together.
The man should stop focusing on only sex and acting like without sex, he can't survive.
Sex is suppose to be spontaneous not a time table or a hobby.
Get drunk together.
Even if you don't have cash, always buy little gifts for your partners
Remember the special days
Treat your wife like a baby.

Thanks.
I think men prioritising sex in marriage is what makes women fall out. Expecially when the woman has low libido

ExudeLoveToAll:
Many confuse decline in sexual attraction as decline or obliteration of Love.

Sexual attraction is the first thing that most start when building the pyramid of love. Human attraction declines as time increases.

Togetherness, communication, unity, Harmony, peace, support for one another, tolerance, care , commitment etc is what I refer to as love

When these ingredients are present in a union then is is love in the union.

Let no one be decieved, when one stays with a particular person over the years sexual attraction decreases and that should not be equated as decline in love.

The solution, you can indulge in those things that can restore sexual appeal for those in the union. Some women no longer care for their sexually after marriage and don't see the need to put their spouses in the mood because to them they have past that stage same applies to the men.

Improve the sexual orientation in your home and see that attraction come by.

Thanks for your inputs.