₦airaland Forum

One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res- taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says, "No."

The little boy goes on, "Please, please make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."

The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."

So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'."

The little girl says, "Please, please Grandpa make a frog noise."

The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"

The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"

Ace Nollywood actor, Pete Edochie, on Tuesday, said his kidnappers told him that he was seized in protest of the obscene display of Nigeria’s stolen wealth by politicians.

Edochie, in an interview monitored on the AIT on Tuesday afternoon, said he was well treated by his captors for the 24 hours he was with them, noting that his kidnappers accorded him much respect and dignity.

He revealed his kidnappers told him they were not happy with the situation in the country. He said they told him that they were into the criminal act because they wanted to get their own share of the wealth being displayed by politicians. He said the kidnappers stated that although, people were repulsed by the act of seizing people, there was nothing else they could do.

He said they refrained from shooting victims to show Nigerians that they were just focused on making money and not taking lives. Edochie, who said they were youngmen, said he was grateful to them for the respect they accorded him.

He appreciated Nigerians for the concern during his captivity, saying he had to switch off his phone because he was feeling pains in both ears from taking calls.

Ace Nollywood actor, Pete Edochie, on Tuesday, said his kidnappers told him that he was seized in protest of the obscene display of Nigeria’s stolen wealth by politicians.

Edochie, in an interview monitored on the AIT on Tuesday afternoon, said he was well treated by his captors for the 24 hours he was with them, noting that his kidnappers accorded him much respect and dignity.

He revealed his kidnappers told him they were not happy with the situation in the country. He said they told him that they were into the criminal act because they wanted to get their own share of the wealth being displayed by politicians. He said the kidnappers stated that although, people were repulsed by the act of seizing people, there was nothing else they could do.

He said they refrained from shooting victims to show Nigerians that they were just focused on making money and not taking lives. Edochie, who said they were youngmen, said he was grateful to them for the respect they accorded him.

He appreciated Nigerians for the concern during his captivity, saying he had to switch off his phone because he was feeling pains in both ears from taking calls.

Embattled President Umaru Musa Yar’adua is seeking the help of the United States to counter the rising incidence of sectarian violence which authorities believe might have opened the doors to foreign Jihadists and other radical Islamists groups, including Al Qaeda.

Huhuonline website has learnt from authoritative sources in the US State Department that Nigeria has made a formal appeal or anti-terrorism funding from the United States and the issue will feature top on the agenda during Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s upcoming visit to Nigeria. In return, Nigeria will join the “coalition of the willing” by providing combat and support brigade troops of Muslim extraction to join the fight against Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. Although the final details are yet to be worked out, intelligence officials are said to have expressed strong reservations; warning Yar’adua that sending Nigerian troops into Afghanistan or Iraq will attract the anger and possible retaliation of Islamic fundamentalists groups and make Nigeria a target of attacks like the US embassy bombings in East Africa.

But facing mounting political pressure from within his own northern Muslim constituents, the President has vowed to go ahead with what a Presidential source described as “cash-for-troops” deal with the Americans, arguing that most of the Nigerian soldiers will be Muslims who understand their Muslim counterparts in Afghanistan, including the local language. But the source dismissed the President’s optimism as misplaced; saying Yar’adua is fighting a battle for his own political survival.

With the Niger Delta amnesty threatening to unravel; and a fragile cease-fire reigning in the poverty-ridden north where sectarian violence claimed over 700 lives and displaced thousands more, the continuing crises in the most economically marginalized areas - the Niger Delta, where the oil industry has destroyed the local economy, and the north, where traditional agriculture is failing to sustain the people - mean that Yar’adua is fighting a war on two fronts

Nigerian intelligence sources told Huhuonline website that the recent crisis with Boko Haram might have quietly opened the door to external Muslim fundamentalist groups such as Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb which operates as far south as Northern Mali. To make a bad situation worse, Al Qaeda’s leader and the world’s most wanted man; Osama bin Laden has identified Nigeria as a resource-rich country ripe or insurrection and the foundational outpost for the recreation of the ancient Muslim caliphate of that stretched from the Sarduana of Sokoto to the Ghana-Mali-Songhai empires of West Africa.

Nigerian Intelligence officials are working round the clock looking for evidence linking Al Qaeda to the extremist Boko Haram sect but Islamic proselytizers from Pakistan are said to be at work along the Sahel belt with instructions from bin Laden to infiltrate local militant groups like Boko Haram and MEND with a view to destabilizing Nigeria. Although the fighting with Boko Haram militants has stopped for the time being; for the intelligence services and military, making sure Nigeria does not become an Al Qaeda recruitment post remains an ever more threatening challenge especially as most Boko Haram members have fled to neighboring Chad, Cameroon and Niger - where Boko Haram’s leader Ustaz Mohammed Yusuf allegedly told the military he bought his weapons - they have vowed revenge after Yusuf died in police custody. Retaliation could follow if Yusuf is claimed as a martyr. Attempts by international Islamist groups to destabilise Nigeria through sponsorship of extremist sects are hard to discern. Nigerian intelligence sources insist that Yusuf’s group and its members are home-grown.

No one has, it seems, yet produced evidence that Boko Haram has links to Al Qaeda, whose affiliates move easily through the porous borders of the Maghreb to the north but the cash washing around Nigeria ’s corrupt oil economy makes it more vulnerable to foreign funding, and national intelligence sources accept that the growing political and economic pressures in the north have created new opportunities for militants to exploit in their campaign to destabilise the government - and the chance for foreign-backed and organized groups to move into the region’s biggest economy and most populous country.

THE Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU), on Wednesday, said that the doors to the universities in the country would remain shut to academic activities as long as the Federal Government was not willing to strike a deal with it.

The union described the decision of the Mr. Gamaliel Onosode-led Federal Government Negotiation Team to back out of the negotiations as irresponsible on the part of the government.

ASUU President, Professor Ukachukwu Awuzie, briefing newsmen, accused the Federal Government and its agents of being responsible for the continuation of the crisis, since they were never ready to approach the issues with sincerity.

He said that Mr. Onosode, had on behalf of the Federal Government, terminated the negotiations on July 10, 2009, saying, “everything else he has done on behalf of his principals is a charade. He cannot honestly claim that negotiation has been going on up to August, contrary to his declaration of July 10th.”

The ASUU president also alleged that the government had already stopped their salaries, contrary to the claim by the Executive Secretary, National Universities Commission (NUC), that their July salaries had been paid.

He said: “The directive was given to all vice chancellors to stop salaries of all the striking workers and that was conveyed on behalf of the NUC by one Mr. J. M. Ahmadu. You can visit the university campuses to verify that there was such a directive.”

He explained that what the union wanted was a benchmark for the universities in the country to follow as the required standard for the operation of universities in Nigeria as contained in the draft agreement, saying that the union was surprised at the level of distortion of facts and “war propaganda” by the government and its agents.

Awuzie said that there was nowhere in the provisions of the draft agreement compelling the state governments to obey the provisions, instead, he said the agreement reached with the government’s negotiation team was for the Federal Government to approve the minimum benchmark that the National Universities Commission (NUC) and other agencies would use in setting standards for operation of universities in Nigeria.

He said: “The agreement contains benchmark which every university must satisfy in order to be part of the system without being inferior.” “What is happening is war propaganda and it is irresponsible on the part of government. We have told Onosode that ASUU is a union of citizens who have their rights and we are not slaves to be imposed upon.

“We have come a long way from the time, during military rule, when arbitrary rules were imposed on Nigerians. We are not cowed and ASUU will not accept state arbitrariness, imposition and industrial autocracy. For we are ready to sacrifice everything we have if this is required,” Awuzie stated.

On the directive by the Federal Government for the Universities Governing Councils to reopen schools for interested workers to resume, the ASUU President declared that the union would not allow that to happen, saying “I can assure you nobody will go to work.”

He challenged the Minister of Education, Dr. Sam Egwu, NUC’s Executive Secretary, Professor Julius Okojie, and indeed any other government official to produce the document where ASUU demanded for 109 per cent salary increase as the government has made the public to believe their problem was salary increases.

He added, “The main cause of the prolongation of the current crisis is this barefaced attempt to impose a change of rule on ASUU, contrary to the principles of collective bargaining.”

Awuzie stated that the government was to be held responsible for the systemic failure and shutdown in the university system, vowing that the lecturers would not return to class despite all entreaties until government was ready to listen to them.

Meanwhile, the ASUU President also disclosed that it was taking a comprehensive data of all the children of top government officials who are receiving their education abroad.

He said this was necessary to make Nigerians judge for themselves the reason why ASUU had consistently said that the government had no interest in revamping the nation’s ailing education sector.

The ASUU president’s stand was similarly echoed also on Wednesday by the union’s zonal co-ordinator for Ilorin, Kwara State, Professor Eddy Olanipekun, in Ado Ekiti, where he told newsmen that the recent turn of events in the face off between the government and the union would not stampede ASUU to abandon its cause to reposition the nation’s universities to be among the best in the world.

THE Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU), on Wednesday, said that the doors to the universities in the country would remain shut to academic activities as long as the Federal Government was not willing to strike a deal with it.

The union described the decision of the Mr. Gamaliel Onosode-led Federal Government Negotiation Team to back out of the negotiations as irresponsible on the part of the government.

ASUU President, Professor Ukachukwu Awuzie, briefing newsmen, accused the Federal Government and its agents of being responsible for the continuation of the crisis, since they were never ready to approach the issues with sincerity.

He said that Mr. Onosode, had on behalf of the Federal Government, terminated the negotiations on July 10, 2009, saying, “everything else he has done on behalf of his principals is a charade. He cannot honestly claim that negotiation has been going on up to August, contrary to his declaration of July 10th.”

The ASUU president also alleged that the government had already stopped their salaries, contrary to the claim by the Executive Secretary, National Universities Commission (NUC), that their July salaries had been paid.

He said: “The directive was given to all vice chancellors to stop salaries of all the striking workers and that was conveyed on behalf of the NUC by one Mr. J. M. Ahmadu. You can visit the university campuses to verify that there was such a directive.”

He explained that what the union wanted was a benchmark for the universities in the country to follow as the required standard for the operation of universities in Nigeria as contained in the draft agreement, saying that the union was surprised at the level of distortion of facts and “war propaganda” by the government and its agents.

Awuzie said that there was nowhere in the provisions of the draft agreement compelling the state governments to obey the provisions, instead, he said the agreement reached with the government’s negotiation team was for the Federal Government to approve the minimum benchmark that the National Universities Commission (NUC) and other agencies would use in setting standards for operation of universities in Nigeria.

He said: “The agreement contains benchmark which every university must satisfy in order to be part of the system without being inferior.” “What is happening is war propaganda and it is irresponsible on the part of government. We have told Onosode that ASUU is a union of citizens who have their rights and we are not slaves to be imposed upon.

“We have come a long way from the time, during military rule, when arbitrary rules were imposed on Nigerians. We are not cowed and ASUU will not accept state arbitrariness, imposition and industrial autocracy. For we are ready to sacrifice everything we have if this is required,” Awuzie stated.

On the directive by the Federal Government for the Universities Governing Councils to reopen schools for interested workers to resume, the ASUU President declared that the union would not allow that to happen, saying “I can assure you nobody will go to work.”

He challenged the Minister of Education, Dr. Sam Egwu, NUC’s Executive Secretary, Professor Julius Okojie, and indeed any other government official to produce the document where ASUU demanded for 109 per cent salary increase as the government has made the public to believe their problem was salary increases.

He added, “The main cause of the prolongation of the current crisis is this barefaced attempt to impose a change of rule on ASUU, contrary to the principles of collective bargaining.”

Awuzie stated that the government was to be held responsible for the systemic failure and shutdown in the university system, vowing that the lecturers would not return to class despite all entreaties until government was ready to listen to them.

Meanwhile, the ASUU President also disclosed that it was taking a comprehensive data of all the children of top government officials who are receiving their education abroad.

He said this was necessary to make Nigerians judge for themselves the reason why ASUU had consistently said that the government had no interest in revamping the nation’s ailing education sector.

The ASUU president’s stand was similarly echoed also on Wednesday by the union’s zonal co-ordinator for Ilorin, Kwara State, Professor Eddy Olanipekun, in Ado Ekiti, where he told newsmen that the recent turn of events in the face off between the government and the union would not stampede ASUU to abandon its cause to reposition the nation’s universities to be among the best in the world.

md4real:
guy your ideas are not for just an african man. though they superb and also, expensive.

Thanks for appreciating

Perhaps the recent transition of King of Pop, Michael Jackson, would further unite Americans with their kinsmen in Africa, as plans are on in most parts of the continent to celebrate the legendary musician. Here in Nigeria, a team of Jackson’s fans and admirers, led by Guaranga Foundation handlers, has slated August 29 for a memorial concert in honour of Jackson.

Michael Jackson
The concert, according to Bolaji Rosiji, head of Guaranga Foundation and former PMAN president, is being supported by government and stakeholders in the music sector. Some of these include Zmirage, Lyrics Magazine, Tee Mac, the Nigeria Television Authority (NTA) and a host of other music-loving Nigerians.

Rosiji who recently joined other stakeholders to welcome Marlon Jackson, elder brother of the late Michael to Nigeria, also used the occasion to appreciate Jackson’s greatness as a musician and philanthropist. He disclosed the vision of the concert as a way of celebrating unique values of Michael Jackson, particularly his love and affection for the African continent.

Said Rosiji “The loss of Michael Jackson did not just create a void in the music industry but also in the area of philanthropy the world over. This is why we in Nigeria have decided to set aside August 29 at the Tafawa Balewa Square in Lagos for his post-humous birthday rites and to celebrate the values, which he stood for while alive. We know that in most parts of the world, Jackson would be celebrated on that day and we in Nigeria cannot be left behind’’.

Explaining further, Rosiji hinted that he was personally touched by Jackson’s gift of Fifty million dollars to African children while alive, a gesture which fetched him the Guinness’ Book of Records’ recognition as the Most Prolific Philanthropic Entertainer/Celebrity. Rosiji also hinted that proceeds from the concert would be donated to charity homes and that plans are on to make the concert a yearly affair to celebrate the music icon on Nigeria’s soil.

Asked about the scope of the concert, Rosiji promised that the show would live up to Michael Jackson’s standard in terms of state-of-the-art set and lighting equipment, and that many musicians in and outside Nigeria would perform. His words “ We shall turn the entire TBS into a fair with diverse activities which would also be beamed on mega screens. We shall have many pavilions for side attractions and the stage would be open to competitions on Michael Jackson’s works. We shall also have a live band on stage as well as a Karaoke corner. ‘’

Rosiji added that the organizers would welcome tributes in form of songs or speeches during the occasion, just as the United States embassy in Nigeria is expected to lead others during the tributes making session. The former PMAN president pledged a formidable security system, noting that the BHS team of the Tafawa Balewa Square would be on ground to protect the crowd. He said a total of 51 balloons would be displayed to mark the 51st birthday of Michael while comedians and youths would be allowed to entertain the guests.

On sponsorship, the artiste said efforts are being made to involve the Federal government and all corporate bodies and individuals who believe in the project. He reminded that the yearly concert would further propagate the ideas and objectives of the Feed the World Foundation, which Jackson set up for youth development and empowerment.

Last week on arrival in Nigeria, Marlon Jackson had told journalists that the Jackson’s family would assist Nigeria in resolving the Niger Delta crisis. The 52-year old businessman and artiste also disclosed his project in Badagry area of Lagos, noting that he has been trying to develop a historical museum whose pavilions would be stored with African drums, rhythms as well as a gallery for Michael Jackson’s works.

Marlon who was received warmly at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport in Lagos also disclosed his late brother’s interest in coming to Nigeria. He said the late Jackson told him he would love to visit Nigeria later this year to inspect the Badagry project. His words“ The last time I saw my brother alive (May 14), I had just returned from Nigeria and Michael asked me what I went to do in Nigeria and I told him about the Badagry project. Michael said he would support the historical museum and promised to visit Nigeria to inspect it.’’

Former Lagos State governor,Senator Ahmed Bola Tinubu,may have incurred the wrath of President Umaru Yar'Adua over what was described as "acts unbecoming of a former governor."
Indeed, the President may have ordered security agencies to thwart any attempt by the former governor to have
access to Aso Rock,the seat of power.
Highly impeccable sources close to the presidency disclosed to the Saturday Tribune that the President declared Tinubu persona non grata to Aso Rock following what the sources disclosed as name-dropping of Yar'Adua by Tinubu.
According to the sources,Yar'Adua became angry when
he got security reports that Tinubu was going about telling many people in the country and abroad that he was close to Yar'Adua and that he could enter the Aso Rock anytime he liked due to his closeness to the President.
He was quoted to have said that he used to see the president on a daily basis.But President Yar'Adpresident on a daily basis. But
President Yar'Adua,the very credible sources said,got very angry when he got the report,saying that the last time he ever saw Tinubu was over 17 months ago.
The President was also reported to have said he never knew Tinubu before he became a governor,contrary to what the former Lagos State governor was telling people.
Yar'Adua reportedly said he only knew Tinubu through a very close aide.
The sources said President Yar'Adua had to call the top
aide to inform him about the name-dropping attitude of Tinubu.He then asked him to warn Tinubu never to drop his
name.
The visibly angry Yar'Adua also told his security aides that he
should never see Tinubu at the Presidential Villa for whatever reasons and that the security chiefs should henceforth monitor his activities.
It was not long after this development that the issue of the controversy over the 57 local government areas resurfaced.It will be recalled that Tinubu had a running battle with former President Olusegun Obasanjo over the controversial 20 local governments and 37 development areas as the former president withheld the allocations to the local
governments for many years.
The administration then insisted
that Lagos must revert to the 20 local government areas before the allocations could be released,but the Tinubu's administration insisted that Lagos must have more than 20 local governments.
After some time, his government reverted to 20 local government areas and
created 37 council development areas,a move that did not go down well with the Federal Government.
But with the current attitude of Tinubu,sources said President Yar'Adua decided to revisit the issue of the 57 local government areas in the state which he said were illegal as the 1999 Constitution only recognised 20 councils.
He has,therefore,threatened to drag the current government of Babatude Fashola to court over the council issue. Fashola was the chief of staff when tinubu was the governor of the state.

wisecutie:
Quite impressed, What site/book did you get them from?Pls be honest.lol

Do you

want a full version

of the book?

talk to me

07040420486

IDEA # 1
If your partner is going away for a few days, tell her that you are worried about her so you have organized a bodyguard to look after her. Then give her a small teddy bear.
IDEA # 2
Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You" When the lights go down, your message will be revealed!
IDEA # 3
On a special occasion, buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet.
Attach a card that says:
“I will love you until the last rose fades.”
IDEA # 4
Buy the domain name of your partner's name if it is available for example www.nairaland.com Create a web page containing a romantic poem and a picture of a rose. When your partner is surfing the web, casually ask whether she has ever checked to see whether her domain name is taken. Let her type it in to discover her page.

I advise you use the money
to start a business.

there are many businesses

you can start in NIgeria and

make good money.look

around,find something


close to your passion

and invest your money

and you will never regret.

cheers

naijasaba

Visit www.naira-dollarexchage.tk