You are the one going to marry her and not me. So when you guys are fighting, I will not know.

Truth is that I think you both should not talk about marriage yet. Seems there are personality clashes and you both haven't figured out how to relate with each other yet. Your spouse shouldn't make you very angry all the time.

But you didn't tell us what you love about her. We only read what you dislike.

Your call though!

I thought the CBN was meant to formulate it's own policy based on it's assessment of the economy. Or does he think the chairman of the Fed takes directions from Obama? Silly excuse for incompetence, he should quickly resign!

From some of the stories I read on Nairaland, I can only conclude I lived a very sheltered life. Cos I have never heard anything close to this! Why on earth would she want to see her naked.

My advice, her boyfriend's mum should explain!

edwife:
Well said NashvilleTN.

Thanks ma'am

raumdeuter:


You know in marriages, "Projects" have to be jointly agreed on and nothing like solo projects o.

It also depends on the person you marry. A wife who spends her whole wages on Louboutin is always broke and the husband is always bailing her out, The man would know not to disclose some financial details else na Neumann Marcus she go report that day

It depends a lot on the person you married. I absolutely agree. My wife has her own job is not necessarily a spendthrift but then most women will want to show off.

But it also depends on how you communicate and handle the issue. People always say communication is key - it's so cliche now, but how you communicate is even very key. You are the man of the house so you need to communicate clearly to her.

If your get a 10 million naira salary increase, I think as a human you should build at least a 3 million increase in living standards. Now, if your wife is building a 10 million naira living adjustment, it is time you step in and explain to her. It is your responsibility to communicate to her why you must not spend all the money and how you need to save for the future - school fees, your own house, etc. But as I said earlier, you need to show her the projects at the end of the day. The salary increase is not for the guy to have more girlfriends or drink more Hennessey! (and this happens sometimes). If she disagrees with you and your logic, it is not the end of the world. There would always be disagreements in marriage, it's nothing new, how you handle the disagreement is what matters. The fact that you want to avoid disagreement does not mean you should do the wrong thing. A couple can always agree to disagree on an issue and still live happily ever after. She can't take the money outta your pocket.

But what I feel is most important is trust. Love and trust go together. Once trust goes out of a marriage, then resentment begins to set it, because you stop believing the person. Besides, I think it is embarrasing to a couple for a husband to hear about his wife's promotion from outsiders and vice versa. I would rather tell my wife and even if we disagree on how the money should be spent, it's better than hiding the info. That trust must be upheld in my view.

5minsmadness:

Apologies Nashville. Are you married?

Almost ten years now!

ApexTitan:


Seriously though its ish like this that makes marriage a very risk prospect for men in the West. It is said that 50% of marriages over there today end in divorce, so that dream of happily ever after will remain an illusion for many guys. Aside from the pyschological trauma that a divorce generates the risk of financial ruin adds another painful dimension to it all.

My honest view about ish like this is that life itself is a risk. Marriage is a risk like everything else. The fact that there's been a lot of bad stories does not mean one should not do the right thing. If I get a promotion, I will tell my wife; I have never had any reason to doubt her love for me, but if she uses it against me in future; really it's her loss. Cos I will move on with life. I had a similar discussion with some friends recently and we were talking about pre-nups. I said I don't see any reason for it and would never do it.

If I cannot risk my money with a woman, why should I risk my life being married to her? This same woman is my next of kin even for insurance purposes so I don't think even a pre-nup is really worth it.

raumdeuter:


Ahh you don cause wahala oo. There is a rule among some men that dont allow your wife to know truly how much you earn.

Some women are very unreasonable with finances. Thats when she would realize their house is small, not in a good area, some kitchen remoddeling, vacation, Her car makes funny sounds etc

Max the guy gets a 25k raise on his annual pay but the woman would already budget a 100K change in lifestyle

Nashville you have to come up with th extra amount oo

BTW looks like someone has a mad crush on you. You need to see the way she was opening threads all over when you were away. She no know say you madam na Lawyer

Me, come up with the amount ke?

I think these things have to be carefully managed. You do not necessarily have to tell your wife how much you earn but at least let her know your position or if you got a promotion. How can you be a general manager and your wife thinks you are just an assistant manager. You can argue that she can figure out your salary if she knows your position.

But as the man you have to be strong. If you get a 100k salary increase, you should build in at least a 30k increase in living standards. At least that will keep the house happy and you can enjoy your new status too. And if your wife was already planning a life of luxury already, then you can come up with the projects story. But be such you have some project to show her at the end of the day.

RoyalRoy:

That's really crazy!!! Getting promoted and not telling your wife?

I assume maybe the man is trying to avoid some financial responsibilities.

Maybe they have a percentage of salaries they contribute to a common purse and he doesn't want to chuck in the extra that will accrue due to the promotion.

Lmao!!!

Whatever the situation.... He isn't a very honest man at all.

Lol,

That makes sense, cos I was genuinely surprised and even felt embarrased, that see wahala o. But he doesn't look like that kind of person. I just thought things like that should be shared freely between man and wife. But who knows what is really going on?

thorpido:
The promotion comes with an increase in salary. He probably doesn't want wifey to know there's more money.

May be the next thing she'll ask for is vacation abroad. But for me, I will rather refuse my wife her demands than not tell her at all. She cannot remove the money from my pocket na. Worst case, I will just explain that there are several other projects I am working on that we need the money to complete. But I think things like this should be celebrated not hidden.

Okay guys, something happened recently.

I guy got promoted in my office recently (about three weeks ago). So I bump into him and his wife last weekend; after exchanging pleasantries, I congratulated him and his wife on the big promotion. I was shocked to find out his wife did not know about it. He tried to get out of it by saying he wanted to surprise her etc, and they both tried to laugh over it, but I could see the look of anger and disgust on the wife's face as they were leaving.

I felt bad cos it seems like I caused wahala between husband and wife; but really not my fault. I haven't seen the guy since then, but I am just wondering why a man wouldn't tell his wife about such a big promotion. Was a big deal promotion.

tearoses:


Nashville im curious, why did you say that the lady has low self ezteem and needs to work on herself?

I am sorry, but there are some things people shouldn't ask? Why would a wife allow her husband's ex to be that close. To start coming to their house and for them to be exchanging relationship texts. The woman surely doesn't know her rights.

Her husband's behavior is so inappropriate in my view, she shouldn't need outsiders to tell her that her husband and his ex are getting too close for comfort.

The person I blame here is your cousin. Seriously, I think she has low self esteem and she needs to work on herself. Don't get me wrong, the husband is clearly crossing the line here and for you cousin to even tolerate such and she is just becoming uncomfortable is quite surprising. And from what I can conclude, the ex is still single and your cousin's marriage seems to be a young marriage.

Please tell your cousin to speak to her husband and make it clear to him she is uncomfortable with their closeness. She has other friends she can take her relationship problems to and it is not nice for her to visit you. Like seriously? If he tries to explain, ask her to tell him if the roles were reversed how will he feel?

I am a married man myself and I cannot even imagine bring my ex to my house or my wife doing such. I am one of those that strongly feel that if you are married, you have no business being best friends with the opposite spouse - which kain bestie be that?

Absolute trash ....

Bros, everynight? Haba?

You sef pity her na!

I will advice you try every other night

bukatyne:
@OP:

I disagree with you.... most of those ladies know who they are married to so there was no conning there. A number of the ladies packaged themselves as wife materials who can take any poo and want to establish themselves as the 'madam' of the house after marriage.

Again, marriage is seen as a school of hard knocks hence the 'Ile oko, ile eko ni' proverb in Yoruba. Also marriage is seen as a training in endurance so people especially ladies want to 'enjoy' themselves (not necessarily negatively) before being tied down in marriage aka bondage which is a necessary evil... They would rather cry in a Toyota married than smile in a Lexus single.

Now you have the pressure from the society and family on both parties to get married aka settle down.

It is such a crazy cycle.

Bukatyne, I do agree with you. Since the days of Adam, man has learned to blame everyone else but himself.

The OP's message is counter-intuitive. Women are desperate to get married, yet they are conned into marriage. I would have thought the desperate person should be conning the less desperate.

I have read all sorts of theories on this forum but it seems that people choose to argue whichever suits them at a point in time. Women generally marry older and richer guys; not 100% of the time but most times and I do not think that has changed. I am not sure who is conning who but men and women generally should not rush into marriage.

OP presents the case as if it's only women that are unhappy in their marriages. There are lots of unhappy men in their marriages too. In fact if one partner is extremely unhappy, there is no way the other can be very happy unless they truly hate each other.

And come to think of it, there is no marriage in this world where things were perfect from day 1 to year 60, go ask anyone. Life itself is full of challenges and how we react to them is what matters most. Settling and living with one person the rest of your life will always be challenging and there will always be some unhappy moments. The fact that a marriage is having problems today does not mean they were never happy or they would never be happy again. But marriage shouldn't be a nightmare though.

Onegai:
See, take it from someone who truly, honestly did NOT want to get married, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

Most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "it's time, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

Marriage is for companionship. Anyone can get pregnant for you, cook, put a ring on your finger, anyone can pay rent on an apartment you live in. But not everyone can make you feel alive, safe, warm, secure. That's why you should get married: because that person makes the world a little less painful and scary.

A lot of wives are sad in their marriages and are underappreciated and overwhelmed. A lot of husbands are lonely in their marriages (why else are they constantly jumping from side chick to side chick and beer parlour).

You're not supposed to be entering marriage, demanding from your spouse. If you're male and agreeing constantly to all these lists of "how to make your husband happy" you've failed even before you've met your future wife. If you're female and all you have in your mind is how you will flaunt your ring and your husband, whilst driving the jeep he bought you, you've failed even before you've met your future husband.

MARRIAGE AIN'T FOR SELFISH PEOPLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

You're supposed to get married and put your spouse before you, male or female. I laugh when I see people quote the Bible to explain marriage (women are supposed to adore their husbands and respect him and men are supposed to die for their wives and put her needs before theirs. I'm yet to see that happen, I keep seeing falsely submissive angry women and insecure childish men).

If you're getting married because you want to benefit from being married, if you're getting married and all you're bringing to the table is a ring, a house, finances for her family, a baby for him, a typical naija wife (who apparently most NLers think is nothing more than a cook and a housekeeper who also sleeps with the man), in fact if you're bringing nothing tangible to the marriage except for being Mr and Mrs, abeg do us all a favour: stay single.

Don't let society pressure you into a life sentence or misery, boredom and loneliness. They're not happy, that's why they don't want you to be single and happy

Great write up!

The money is too small for me to consider. May be $1 billion.....

But for most guys, that will be the end of the marriage. So the questions should be, can you end your marriage for $1 million or for any other amount?

Once the guys collects the money, he will start hating his wife and definitely start philandering with other girls. So we all know the money will effectively end the marriage.

bellong:


Na every year you dey born?


Reminds me of one of my secondary school mathematics teacher who was always pregnant every year. To us, she was the best invigilator we had during exams as she usually take a back seat for short nap after distributing exam questions and answer scripts. Any exam she invigilate, we usually don't record failure (collabo things )

Bro, that sounds like my maths teacher. Is her name Mrs Afam or was is Asam?

He's a child.

edwife:


Welcome back Nashville.

Madam edwife,

How are you. Happy to see all your good work here. I check from time to time and read from you.

How family

tearoses:


[size=18pt]Nashville
[/size]
welcome back bro
I hope you brought back plenty plenty interesting gist with you

Madam CC, hope you are fine. Awon ara ile nko? I will try and get used to the new name.

Gist plenty o! But work has been more ..........

netotse:
@NashvilleTN
good to have you back...there wasn't anyone to give interesting scenarios...lol

Lol, how are you my man. Life is just too interesting I have to share sometimes.

RoyalRoy:





Wow, welcome back Nash. Still thought about you yesterday while speaking with a friend about a show in Nashville.

Good to have u around!!

The Royal Roy. How are you my broda. I still remain loyal to your government o.

Good to see you guys still around

TV01:

Well asked. More than willing to join this one, but only in "married" terms.


Nash Baba, welcome back.


TV

Thanks bro, nice to see you are still doing a great job on this thread.

How family?

bellong:
TV01,

Thanks for the summary. So house chores is the reason for all the epistles and big grammar..

This is 21st century, if any can't afford machines, be sure to marry someone who is not opposed to helping with it. Its that simple.

NashvilleTN, welcome back from Sorbibor.. How was detention camp?

#WhileYouWereGone, Bukatyne lamented of your disappearance. Many people disappeared with you and too many frauds bedevilled the auto section..

@Damiso, you need blood?

It is why I warned you not to evade the monthly sacrifice. I hope the gods are not sucking it in lieu of the sacrifice...

Thanks bro, I missed Bukatyne too, my true mate and sister. I wasnt part of the fraud sha

Damiso, how are you my sister

pickabeau1:


I am over loyal

How is the fam?

Family is doing great thank. How is yours?

bukatyne:


Hajahahahhahahahaha

Bros of life.

See me smiling, you just disappeared

I am good good good. You did not reply your mails.

Na so my brother

How are you, aunt lawyer and the sweet girls?

OK, I am still smiling

Sorry I needed a break. Was changing jobs, so I didn not need any distraction. We are all good. Gos is faithful. My my oga?

pickabeau1:


I also agree

In any framework

You hav the non negotiables, nice to have and the embellishments

If dropping kids is a non neg.. by al means do so

@NashvilleTN.. good to have u back

Pickabeau of life. My broda I am still loyal o!

bukatyne:
@NashvilleTN:

It is you isn't it?

Please say yes!

Bukatyne,

It is me. How have you been my darling. Missed you a whole lot. U still dey here?

TV01:

Women are domesticaly overburdened and being worked to the bone - they are being asked to contribute financially and expected to shoulder all household chores.

Men meanwhile are oblivious to this impending disaster - not even at least appreciating their wives efforts. Typically jollying; watching the sport on telly, usually tennis!

This one is all about you Bellong, you "chore-dodger" . You are a prime example of this rising epidemic .


TV

^{Women - someone surnamed Williams
Men - Djoko, Stanimal or Fed.}

Thanks TV and bellong,its been a while

I am joining very late. Anyways, to the topic, house work should not be exclusively for women only. House work should be outsourced in my view to helps and machines - vacuum cleaners, dish washers, washer & dryer etc.

But where people cannot afford it, then it should be shared. I can't see my wife struggling with house work and I completely ignore her. I love her too much not to help her. But bometimes the issue is timing. She might want me to come help her now, and it might be during the Chelsea game; so I'll ask her to wait. But she'll go ahead and finish doing the work herself. That has happened a few times. In my view, she should leave the chores, join me in watching the game and we can do the chores together later. Life can be simple sometimes.

Hey house, great to be back!