₦airaland Forum

Also I don't support or agree with feminism we both agree this breaks up families not healthy.

Been in the work force makes woman too masculine not feminine.

2buffagain:
Looks like you know exactly what the problem is but you are just being an undisciplined woman looking for validation from either social media or faceless forums without doing the hard work of addressing the actual issue on ground with your husband.

We Also haven't heard his side of the story.
But I've heard enough to know that he is feeling used. Making him go and slave for you outside to bring money to you comfortable sitting down at home.

Your talk of Visa means you are in a country where the cost of living has inflated to accommodate feminism. These countries have things set up in such a way that both couples have to work as opposed to back in the day when one person could take that helm. Being that he has a temp Visa, I doubt he has a high career paying job and can only work for nuggets... So you are basically being a slave driver if you want to leave all financial burdens to him.

As you have said, he has told you the issue, but you have chosen to ignore it like a typical annoying female... Choosing to focus on "how you don't like experiencing the consequences of your inaction" as opposed to working out a logical solution with the guy.

This is not true
The cost of child care is expensive takes most of one wage.

We live somewhere he can afford.
If he lived alone would have to pay same bills.
Only with 24/7 live in maid service.

If the living costs your saying move somewhere cheaper manage with one car believe me it is doable.
If 2 incomes coming in who will take care of the home?

Also people I know who both work the guy sends most of his wage home etc. ... so you can afford all of this but not basic living.

Also when he first came he couldn't work and I took care of everything if I managed as a woman what's wrong with him.

He always talks about he's provider and prefers submissive woman.

He admitted likes the benefits of this and that most woman not interested in catering to a man

2buffagain:
The both of you aren't communicating.
If it's intentional, then the other person is just looking for a way out.

You've said before that he is paying for things alone and you don't want to work... So you might just be the one not listening.

If he showed me affection then we would be fine.


Maybe I will give him a deadline and let him know if nothing changes by xyz then just so you know I will be getting to know other men.
And rather than him finding out will let him know before hand.

slimany:
Its only in Nigeria ladies enjoy there husband Sexually ,once they step down in a foreign land. Na money be the koko. Sex becomes the last thing on there mind. Just ask your self, if ur hussyy doesn't pay bills as at when due, would u be happy? Or wont u keep nagging? .that by the way, let me give u a clue.

Just tell ur husband to travel with you to Nigeria on ur own expense, And check if you won't get tired of sex within a week. Why is it so, Its all about the environment we found ourselves. In a foreign land , A typical niaja guy who escape these jungle has something at there forehead. What's that MONEY ,MORE MONEY, U gonna hear guys saying " nigga, I need to make money , Ain't here for bullshit (Sex) , So,

Solution

Don't be a lazy type , Endeavour to also work and assist him thereby reducing his working hours on a daily basis. If he can reduce his working hours within 2 weeks and still able to pay his bills with ur assistance. You will enjoy his sexualization prowess and u will see a huge changes in him.

N.B -You can't expect me to do like 3 different jobs on a daily basis and u expect me to be a sex maniac. Nibo. Kojo rara, Gboju nbe.

We tried this before me working outside the house.
Says I wasn't submissive also refused to help with any house work.

Why should I worked AND do another job in the house.

Read ur bible titus 2:5
To be obedient patient calm home makers and submissive to your husband.
I'm not materialistic so other than the house and food I don't buy new clothes etc. ..
Just look after what I have.

Other than the lack of sex we get on once we start getting intimate again I'm fully happy in my relationship

sometimes I work from home when I can our bills not expensive.

Also as fresh clothes are always ironed washed food on the table etc. .. This saves him ALOT of time

slimany:
I would have loved to see a pics of u . These will enable me to judge the situation well. And by the way , are u British born, Africa/Nigeria lineage, or British lineage .

British

PharoahIII:
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I suspect you're the type that uses visa as a weapon, a tool to subjugate and dominate a man. He doesn't love you and I see reasons with him. You call yourself intelligent because you've been able to use his dependency on you for a visa to your advantage? You are the biggest fool in the world, you can eat your passport. I can tell you're the type that will even call the home office if he does something wrong. If he was Black British or perhaps wasn't dependent on you for a visa will you have the temerity to misbehave?
My advice to all men: Never ever trust a woman, a man that uses a woman as his head-pad to carry his load should know he's carrying his load on his bare head. To the wannabe jandos, this is what awaits you when you go abroad. Better remain in Nigeria jeje o before one idiot will trample not only on your rights but your manhood all in the name of visa. No be beans

How is this misbehaving- If I didn't care would not come on here to try sort out my marriage.

I'm supportive wife 24/7 even if he's hungry middle of the night I will get up without grumble and cook him something.

PharoahIII:
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I suspect you're the type that uses visa as a weapon, a tool to subjugate and dominate a man. He doesn't love you and I see reasons with him. You call yourself intelligent because you've been able to use his dependency on you for a visa to your advantage? You are the biggest fool in the world, you can eat your passport. I can tell you're the type that will even call the home office if he does something wrong. If he was Black British or perhaps wasn't dependent on you for a visa will you have the temerity to misbehave?
My advice to all men: Never ever trust a woman, a man that uses a woman as his head-pad to carry his load should know he's carrying his load on his bare head. To the wannabe jandos, this is what awaits you when you go abroad. Better remain in Nigeria jeje o before one idiot will trample not only on your rights but your manhood all in the name of visa. No be beans

If he is using me at least we both benefit from the situation.

I'm not supporting any man to help'bulid' up for him to then leave me not a chance.

All I want is a family and settle down- if he wants visa he will have if he earns it.
He knew my standard from when we met.

baralatie:
hhmmmm!!!
how is a wife working make her a man?

Because I can't work 40 hours a week come home do all the cooking and house work and STILL be kind and respectful.

also have an excuse that I can no longer sponsor him
So if he leaves me , he leaves the county.

If you in charge and the head u pay all the bills simple or no respect

Someone needs to do the laundry grocery shopping ironing preparing his lunch for work dinner sewing and any other help he needs from me on a daily basis.

jesmond3945:
He is a nigerian and very smart too, he only needs 5 years to get permanent residency and then he would plan his next move. I hope you know brexit would also bring other possibilities for him to exploit. If you love someone deeply you would not even be begged to be intimate. Take it to the bank once he gets his ilr boom he would disappear.

All I have to do is leave the house and notify them we not living together.
Terms that you live with your spouse or you in breech of your visa.

So boom a giant hole when he applies for Flr and gets declined as visa rules breached.

mhiznikky:
I'm facing the same issue in my marriage

Sorry to hear

jesmond3945:
He is a nigerian and very smart too, he only needs 5 years to get permanent residency and then he would plan his next move. I hope you know brexit would also bring other possibilities for him to exploit. If you love someone deeply you would not even be begged to be intimate. Take it to the bank once he gets his ilr boom he would disappear.

He was wishing 5 years -this what he hoped but I left my job so now need to renew next time under different category.

It's only spouse visa that's the least 5 years all others longer with no guarantee only way he can get 5 years if I go back to my job. Which I'm not!!! I'm staying home and want to raise a family.

He didn't appreciate me when I was working
even if he met someone else he needs to leave the country and apply same process again.

2buffagain:
Sorry that you're going through this.
If a man changes as soon as he gets his visa, then it is clear what game he was playing.

It's a temporary visa that if nothing changes will not be renewed.
Will be going back to Nigeria

jesmond3945:
Op the truth is he married you for permanent stay in Uk and he has a girl in Nigeria that he js showing affection to. I am surprised you didn't see all along. The foundation of your marriage is already faulty there is nothing any councilor will do about it. Infact it is just a matter of time your man would ball out once he gets his citizenship. I am sorry for your dilenma. It is a pity.

He's got more than a decade to wait.
I sponsored to get him here now can no longer sponsor him.
He doesn't leave the country without me.

I have made the situation to benefit me.

He's not in a position to support anyone else I deliberately don't make an income for this very reason.

I'm not unintelligent.

2buffagain:
Does your pussy stink tho? (Big factor that)
Have you been letting yourself go tho?

Answer these and we go from there.

My hygiene is 100
I have other men who want to bed me but trying to work my marriage out.

I think he's not happy I left my job -just thought he would come here get his permanent residency and that's it.
However always told him I'm traditional believe that man should provide and I cater to him.

When I was working he didn't help with any housework and said I was controlling.

Now I'm submissive and calm he likes that but not providing sex

lefulefu:
ahaaa! visa or greencard..i have even forgotten.search his facebook thoroughly and check if dere is any young lady amongst his friends list that has his surname.chances are he might have another hidden facebook account. painful as it sounds maybe hr might just be using u for papers.lemme jus give small expo.the average nigerian man does not like marrying a lady older than him and also d average nigerian man loves a woman who enters d kitchen to cook for him.so are u older than him? do u cook for him?

I'm a stay at home wife- cook clean and serve him.

Twoclans:
OK


How old are you?

32

lefulefu:
ahaaa! visa or greencard..i have even forgotten.search his facebook thoroughly and check if dere is any young lady amongst his friends list that has his surname.chances are he might have another hidden facebook account. painful as it sounds maybe hr might just be using u for papers.lemme jus give small expo.the average nigerian man does not like marrying a lady older than him and also d average nigerian man loves a woman who enters d kitchen to cook for him.so are u older than him? do u cook for him?

He's got a long way to go as only temporary visa.
So I'm not worried about been used.

Ginomel:
My dear OP,

Don't be deceived by that his work work pressure excuses.

Apart from sex, is he romantic to you. I am sure the answer is no.

The only thing that could kill a man's libido for a woman is lack of love for the woman in question.

Or he is seeing another woman.

Confront him and ask him if he wants you or not. That you can't cope with the loneliness again.

I feel for you and the condition you are, nothing pains a woman like not being valued that's the only reason women are tempted to do some undesirable.


Simple truth to you. Don't be deceived by queer answers here.

No he is not romantic -I find him exhausting

baralatie:
if you going to have babies you going to need a job.

still you might have to insist on babies if you want to break that deadlock in the bedroom without nagging if possible

He works prefer the man the head and works and I stay home and iron cook clean etc. ..
I'm his full time helper.

He likes me been submissive -I can't be submissive if a man expects me to go out and work like a man.
Our living costs are low and things better this way.

When you have less appreciate things more , plan things and know where every penny goes.

No spare money for another woman etc. ..
Only our household and we spoke about having a family and planning before hand.

lefulefu:
ahaaa! visa or greencard..i have even forgotten.search his facebook thoroughly and check if dere is any young lady amongst his friends list that has his surname.chances are he might have another hidden facebook account. painful as it sounds maybe hr might just be using u for papers.lemme jus give small expo.the average nigerian man does not like marrying a lady older than him and also d average nigerian man loves a woman who enters d kitchen to cook for him.so are u older than him? do u cook for him?

I'm younger than him I'm 32 he's 40
Also I'm house wife although thinks he would prefer me to work.

He refused to help me with the house so left my job stay home cook African food and other delicious dishes.
He likes the food etc just too tired to satisfy me

donkilidon:
wow!!! 7 months is long sister....buh r u saying in 7months not even once?

if so am seeing a bigger problem..

u might have to take a decision soon.
do u know his close frnds u can talk to?

He's a type of guy who keeps himself to himself.
Most of his friends and family are in Nigeria.

And yes no sex or affection in 7 months.
I'm affectionate person even hugs and kisses like from my parents.

Twoclans:
What is the age difference between you guys ?

I ask because if he is within the age bracket where men begin to decline in sexual urge and you are in the age bracket where u are still sexually active then you have a huge problem in your hands .

Regardless ,its your call sit down and think of how best to resolve your problem.

He's 41

Uglymugg:
A Nigerian would never agree to an open marriage. Have you even tried talking to him? Was he always like this? Did you gain weight? Did you stop taking care of yourself? It's either this or he might be gay and using you as cover. I'm not saying this is what it is, but it's not impossible in this day and age.

He gives me compliments how I look and gets jealous and annoyed if I say think of finding a real man who desires me.

Sometimes I feel he wants to be the female In the relationship.
But don't allow this to happen.

If I express my feelings with him on this topic he thinks I'm bullying him WTF ??
Before he got his visa was affectionate responsible man now it's all about him doesn't care about my feelings etc. .,

iboboyswag:
Funny but if true... Then there is an inherent sexual problem with the man. Did you guys have sex during the relationship? If say yes, what would say about it?

The sex is good when we have it but hardly ever.
We both enjoy.

baralatie:
you need to have some advanced seduction skillz

but what exactly is the nature of his job (physical or mentally engrossing )

No heavy lifting Job -no warehouse.
Light work

Customer service care

Totopounder:
*drink his beer*.....smh
He values his beer than fulfilling his manly duties in bed
Either he has a low testosterone which is influenced by his high beer intake or he is knacking another lady outside

he doesn't stay out etc. . asked him already if he's sleeping with someone else.
He's never late home don't think it's this he just wants me miserable.

baralatie:
7 months? that I s too long for married couples.
tell him you want kids

Don't know if to scream or cry
I have even said I can move out or have an open marriage.

Yes I do want to start a family if he wants to wait needs to speak with me and we use condoms have no problem but don't deny me sex or may not be around when you get home.

baralatie:
it is called irreconcilable differences in Nigerian terms

I really wanted the marriage to work
Why can't he just be a normal man?
He will then try saying I beg you , I will change once home office sends him a letter stating he must now leave the country.

baralatie:
do you even sleep on the same bed

Always close next to one another when I try cuddle him says I'm tired got work in the morning turns over and sleeps.

Sometimes this happens after I put candles on dressed up for him.
He says I look nice but he is tired.
Like shall I give him energy pills or I just need to wake up and accept he isn't interested in me?

CaZmir:


Have you discussed the issue with him?

Is he going through a difficult time?
talk to him since he's your husband,if the problem persist then seek external help.

For now COMMUNICATION is very important and key to a successful bond.

Suggested this just makes false promises that he will change then never does.

He says I'm trying to embarrass him by us seeking outside help.

truthsayer009:
Wait, 7 months without Sex or 7 months without constant sex? I know your answer would be the latter for sure except you are just lying.

No affection or intimacy in 7 months prior was ok
Sorry if my writing wasn't clear my apologies.

Even if it's not regular it's a start
All he wants to do is work sleep and drink his beer.

baralatie:
let us assume he has kids in Nigeria. The only trick women use is to nag their husband's to give them kids in order to have sex.
That way if the husband is adamant not to be moved then the wife knows this relationship has a serious problem and the secret has to be found out just you said concerning a husband's social account

I don't nag him and NOT the stereotype fat old white lady.

He doesn't have any kids I would like us to start a family -if we had kids mabe I would not be as bothered

I'm 32 attractive black female.
I even stay home take care of the home cook clean and serve him.