₦airaland Forum

A taxi passenger tapped the
driver on the shoulder to ask him
a question. The driver screamed,
lost control of the car, nearly hit a
bus, went up on the footpath,
and stopped Centimeters from
a shop window.
For a second everything went
quiet in the cab, then the driver
said, “Look mate, don’t ever do
that again. You scared the
daylights out of me!“
The passenger apologized and
said, “I didn’t realize that a
little tap would scare you so
much.”
The driver replied, “Its OK, thats
not really your fault. Today is
my first day as a cab driver. I’ve
been driving a funeral van for
the last 25 years.”

Op is a DUDE!

Thanks judek

lwkmd4h ;d ;d ;d

Jack wakes up with a huge
hangover after attending his
company’s Christmas Party. He
didn’t even remember how he
got home from the party. As bad
as he was feeling, he wondered
if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open
his eyes and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next
to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single
red rose! He takes the aspirins,
cringes when he sees a huge
black eye staring back at him in
the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging
on the corner of the mirror
written in red with little hearts
on it and a kiss mark from his
wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner
tonight. I love you, darling! Love,
Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen and
sure enough, there is hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee
and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, “Son… What happened
last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3
A.M., drunk and out of your
mind. You fell over the coffee
table and broke it, and then you
puked in the hallway, and got
that black eye when you ran into
the door.
Confused, he asked his son, “So,
why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose,
and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom
dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your
pants off, you screamed, “Leave
me alone, I’m married!!”
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two
Aspirins $.38 Saying the right
thing, at the right time. . .
PRICELESS!!

but not as u

Three sons left home, went out
on their own and prospered.
Getting together for Christmas,
they discussed the gifts they
were able to give their elderly
mother.
The first said, “I built a big house
for our mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a
Mercedes.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve
got you both beat. You
remember how mom enjoyed
reading the Bible? And you know
she can’t see very well. So I sent
her a remarkable parrot that
recites the entire Bible. It took
elders in the church 12 years to
teach him. He’s one of a kind.
Mom just has to name the
chapter and verse, and the parrot
recites it.”
Soon thereafter, mom sent out
her letters of thanks:
“Dear Milton,” she wrote one son,
“The house you built is too huge.
I live in only one room, but I have
to keep the whole house clean!”
“Dear Gerald,” she wrote to
another, “I am too old to travel. I
stay at home most of the time, so ummm
I rarely use the Mercedes.”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to
her third son, “You have the
good sense to know what your
Mother likes. The chicken was
Dee-licious!”

AJIBEL is strolling past a lunatic
asylum when he hears a loud
chanting.
“Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
goes the noise form within the
mental hospital’s wards.
AJIBEL'S curiosity gets the
better of him and he searches for
a hole in the security fence. It’s
not long before he finds a small
crack, so he leans forward and
peers in.
Instantly, someone jabs him in
the eye.
As he reels back in agony, the
chanting continues: “Fourteen!
Fourteen! Fourteen!”

There once were four guys.
One guy was brought up in a
hospital and all he knew how to
say was “I did it! I did it!”
Then there was a guy who was
brought up in a restaurant and
all he knew how to say was
“forks and knives!”
Then there was a guy brought
up in a candy shop and all he
knew how to say was “goodie
goodie gum drops!”
Then the fourth guy was brought
up in a glade plug in store and all
he knew how to say was “plug it
in! plug it in!”
One day they all met in a park
and there was this dead guy on
a bench.
A cop walks up and says who did
this and the first guy said “I did
it! I did it!”
And the cop says how did you
do this and the second guy said
“forks and knives!”
The cop says what do you have
to say for your selves and the
third guy says “goodie goodie
gum drops!”
Then the cop says you are all
going in the electric chair any last
words and the fourth guy says
“plug it in! plug it in!”

thanks buddies

Yes i am too rich

thanks

tell me na

and mr cork

joke

A little boy comes home from
first grade and tells his father
that he learned about the history
of Valentine’s Day. “As
Valentine’s Day is for a Christian
saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks,
“Will God get angry at me for
giving someone a valentine?”
The father thinks for a moment
and then says, “No, I don’t think
God would get mad. Who do you
want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” the boy
says.
“Why Osama ,” his father asks in
disbelief.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that
if a little American Jewish boy
could have enough love to give
Osama a valentine, he might start
to think that maybe we’re not all
bad, and maybe start loving
people a little bit. And if other
kids saw what I did and sent
valentines to Osama, he’d jump
with joy. And then he’d go all
over and tell everyone how much
he loved them and how he didn’t
hate anyone anymore.”
Father’s heart swells and he
looks at his son with new found
pride and joy.
“David, that’s the most
wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” David says, “And once
that gets him out in the open,
the Marines shoot him.”

Tom is applying for a job as a
signalman for the local railroad
and is told to meet the inspector
at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give
Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What
would you do if you realized that
two trains were heading
towards each other on the same
track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one
train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks
the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks
and use the manual lever down
there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by
lightning?” challenges the
inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run
back up here and use the phone
to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d
run to the street level and use the
public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been
vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case
I would run into town and get
my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he
asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train
crash.”

Ajibel just hate me 4 no reason

can u pay?

cheiya

without me NL would be borin

Dentist : I have to pull the aching
tooth, but don’t worry it will take
just five minutes.
Patient : How much will it cost?
Dentist : It’s Rs.1000.
Patient : One thousand for just a
few minutes work
Dentist : I can extract it very
slowly if you like.

i don run out of jokes

But seriously im sori 4 my crap post
btw
ur at 48 ill beat u soon

guy im 28

my jokes r sweeter

sorry 4 my silly threads

b4 today i had just 17 posts but now i got over 40. I am too much abeg .
CLAP 4 ME though most are crap

tell me wat to do wit u

plz 4give me plz