It's been a while I felt a sharp-thrusting in between my thighs like I did yesterday night. I remember clearly the surprise and disdain widely capitalized on Amaka's face the day I told her I wanted to stay off sex for a while but who would have thought I was going to break my 6 months old celibacy with Papa Seun's 'divine sword'!

Papa Seun isn't my type but seriously, how many ladies with a voracious sex apetite like mine considers who or who is not a type when on heat? Mtcheew! Most times, we end up having random sex with people we never thought we could have it with. Well, not 'we', maybe just me!

Sitting at the edge of the bed and ruminating over it all, I caught Papa Seun stealing glances at me as if it were some agile man winking at a sexy female bartender. I shook my head unbelievably at what I just rode powerfully without an energy drink. Yorubas must be definitely right about sex and foul spirits. . . There's nothing enticing about this man on my bed but I just screwed him or did he screw me?

I hate to remember the ugly details of my 'sexcapades' but this one just keeps clicking for no reason. The thought of Eliza flashed through my mind. Obviously, that girl must definitely have an eye defect maybe color blindness. It wasn't Amaka with Papa Seun but do I even need to spell it out that it was me? I go iron that girl mouth one day.

It's 8.30am, I adjusted the my curtains to peep through the courtyard. It was as silent as a grave yard except for the small kids running around in their unclothedness. That's my cue, Papa Seun can now leave my room as everybody has gone about their daily jobs including the likes of Mama Seun who never takes her bath and the nosy Eliza who sees the wrong person.

"Papa Seun, come and start going o" I said silently. Who dares struggle with a mad man, you never know if he has lost his teeth or they are still very much sharp.
"Shey time don reach to go ni? Abeg make we do one round join na"
"E be like say something dey worry you o! No be only one round, na four"
"Nothing spoil na. I am ready for you. You sef know say I be man na. I dey hear your moans of pleasure yesterday o!"
"Papa Seun, e don do o! I go call you when I come aus for evening." I supported him to the door with my hands pushing him forward. Who go see free meal and no go wan pitch tent for there? I actually just lied about seeing him in the evening. We definitely won't get to see.

I locked the door after him and I hit the showers. I removed my clothes, staring at the mirror; I stared at myself. Who says unclothedness isn't a good sight to behold. I firmly cupped my boobs with my hands, I smiled at how perky they still remain even though there were days when they were lot perkier than that.

The water sprinkled down my body, and it was so soothing and sweet but as it runs over my face, the memories of the night keeps flooding in.

Papa Seun is indeed a man; little wonder why Mama Seun can never let go or behave as if he's not missing. No woman ever likes to share her man's goody sacs with another. And that was the only good thing about Papa Seun. Everything physical about him is boring except that!

He's 5ft tall, that's how I managed to stay on top. He's ugly but educated, Primary Six School Leaving Certificate; lol! The worst part is he's got protruding tummy. How can someone of that body size be nursing a tummy and a whole me just devoured that piece of bread, 'Konji' must really be a bastard!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Ojota! Ojota! Ojota!"

Loud voices and bad breaths equals to some Agberos!

With my on point figure 8 firmly enclosed in a Denim trouser and a long-sleeved crop top, my hair tied into buns and my legs rocking a black sandal Amaka got me from Dubai, I waited by the road for an Oshodi bus with a small travelling bag and an handbag in my hands.

The early morning sun was beginning to take a peep at me and I was impatiently tired of waiting till an exotic car slowed down beside me. It was a new Mercedes Benz G-Wagon, not sure of the model.

The driver of the SUV rolled down the glasses; lo and behold, the guy is gorgeously handsome. On a closer look, the handsome man is Jide, my ex!


#Episode 4 coming out soon!

Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi
@egoscribbles - Instagram
@ebukungbemisol1 - Twitter

Phinity318 djmask Greyworld hahn

. . . And there I stood, it wasn’t a dream. It
was me staring into the bulging faces of
Mama Seun and the beautiful ‘gbeboruns’
of No. 5 pretentiously referred to as
neighbours. Staring at each other, we
were both lost for words for few
minutes. The meeting was so awkward
and it was first of its kind in the history of
my co-tenancy with Mama Seun.

“Omo ilu mi, ma binu jare, na only you
dey house?” Finally she said. I made a
prolonged silent hiss motivated by anger
and frustration. I was so mad at Mama
Seun for spoiling my morning and
sabotaging my sleep after all, I wasn’t the
one she was looking for obviously.

“Mama Seun, na only me dey
house, wetin happen na?” I asked with a
stern in my voice and a grin at the likes of
Eliza, Mama Titi and Papa Chinyere; the
clueless neighbours at my doorstep.

“I dey go work o Mama Seun, wetin
happen na. Answer the babe o.”

Mtcheeeew! Yeye neigbour, I felt like
smacking his head. Old man sha wan talk
so tey him no sabi say na weekend we
dey, abi person dey go work for
weekend? *just wondering*. I let it stride
without expanding the comment made
by Papa Chinyere so it won’t become a
distraction for Mama Seun to jump into.

Papa Chinyere is one of my best
neighbours in the compound. Maybe I
like him because of his head sha. Bald-
headed men trips me especially those
with pot-belly; it somehow makes it
interesting you know; and my one wish
ever since I got my apartment at No. 5
was to get my hands on Papa Chinyere’s
head whichever way even if it has to be
the best way I know how to. I must
before I leave the compound.

“Ma binu jare omo ilu mi.” Mama Seun’s
response cut my imaginations and threw
me back into the reality of the moment.
The woman can ‘famz’ for Africa. The
‘omo ilu mi’ ish is what always makes me
tired of her. We both happened to share
the same State and Town; the only thing
we never shared was our Local
Government Areas. She is from the South
part, while I came from the North part
and we just weren’t really close but she
never ceases to maximize any
opportunity she has with me to flaunt
the fact that we came from the same
state as if it was some Dubai visa.

“I know say you go don vex since, no vex
abeg. I no know say na you dey house
na.” She continued.

“So you no even know who dey house
before you started shouting and
screaming our names to come help you
join in your matter?” Mama Titi added
facing Mama Seun.

“Abi o Mama Titi. Me dey waka go my
room o abi na wetin?” Papa Chinyere
turned to go.

“Come make we help them settle this
matter na. Papa Chinyere! Come back abi
na wetin sef? Na only you waka come
here? Shoo!. . .”

“Ehn, Mama Titi, e don do abeg. No start
another matter for my doorstep. Only
you and Eliza don do to settle why Mama
Seun dey bang my room early momo.” I
lashed out facing each of them at a pause
in utterance.

“Sebi I don tell you say make you no vex
na. Ma binu simi, we no fit fight na.”

“I no vex o Mama Seun but who you con
dey find?” I replied facing her.

“Na Amaka”

‘Hehehehehehehe’. I laughed weirdly.
Somehow, her response threw me off
balance. Where con be the meeting of ‘a
proper madman’ and ‘an occasional
madman’? Maybe at the point of insanity
sha.

“Amaka no dey o. She has travelled since
yesterday and I don’t think she would be
coming back anytime soon that’s even if
she’s coming back here at all.” I gushed
out.

“Itumo?” she asked eagerly in Yoruba.

“Wetin happen sef Mama Seun? I
screamed the words at her; I was already
running out of patience but
I couldn’t help but pity her. A typical local
Yoruba wife looking for her man!

“Well, Mama Seun, the itumo be say,
Amaka ti travel, ‘mi o mo igba to ma wa’
or better still, ‘ko wa mo’. I emphasized.

The only time I speak my mother tongue
is when I’m being frustrated or loosing
my patience with someone; but really is
that the only time I should express
myself in my mother tongue? Who cares?
I just hate when you have to repeat
something all over and over again. Only
God knows where common sense has
gone to in this country with some people!

“Well, e be like say you go gimme her
number o because I dey find my
husband.”

Now, I couldn’t contain my laughter
anymore. Amaka and Baba Seun? I really
don’t seem to understand.

“But Mama Seun, shey you and Amaka
don dey share your husband ni because I don’t understand what Amaka or
Amaka’s number has to do with your
husband?”

“Me I sabi wetin I dey talk o plus God
save her say I no meet her for house and
help me tell her say if she like herself,
make she no come back to this
compound again o!”

Now, I was really beginning to laugh real
hard. Mama Seun na were but her
madness no reach Amaka own. We both
know she’s just bluffing. Somehow I
seemed lost in her conversation, and the
next minute, I was really feeling like I was
in control of the whole situation.

“Abeg, shey your husband dey miss ni abi
wetin. Fill me in na, Mama Seun, na me o,
your omo ilu?” . . . I was beginning to
enjoy the whole scenario now.

“Wo, leave me jare. The last time I saw
Baba Seun was yesterday morning
before I go drop Seun for school and
when I came back late in the evening
from my outings, I couldn’t find my
husband. I asked everyone, checked
everywhere till Eliza told me that the last
time she saw my husband was with
Amaka. E for even better at least; na
the way she saw them gave me concern.”

Choi! Eliza the ‘loose’ girl. When I said she
is loose, that’s what I meant. Loosed-
mouth everywhere. She is the type you
have to be secretive with or else, ‘your
own don done for Africa.’

“How she con talk say she saw them o,
Mama Seun?” I asked

“Sebi Eliza sef dey here na, oya talk
na.” Mama Titi interfered facing Eliza with
seriousness written all over her face.

“Erm! Erm! Erm!. . .”

Hehehehehehehehe, that was Eliza
stammering. Mama Titi and Mama Seun
were wondering about the reason for her
sudden slow in speech and were
pressuring her to talk but ‘sebi na only
sane person go sabi why insane man dey
chop savage on top refuse dump.’
Indirectly, I sabi wetin dey make Eliza
stammer. She no wan chop another dose
of me, but whether she likes it or not, she
must talk. Mama Seun won’t allow her
not to and I won’t allow her to miss my
dose either!

“Erm, Erm, I saw Aunty Amaka putting a
measurement tape around Baba
Seun’s thing!”

“Ah! Lobatan o!” Mama Titi screamed

“Which one con be thing na, you better
talk well well.” Mama Seun screamed.

“Erm, I mean say, Aunty Amaka was
measuring Baba Seun’s thing.” She said,
making gestural description.

“Was she holding it or how she dey take
measure am?”

“Errrm! E don do o Mama Titi!” I lashed
out. The woman too like male anatomy
but people don’t see it because she gets
to hide it well under her ‘spirikoko’
attitude but as Amaka dey take talk am,

“Na one robber fit identify the other.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the whole
scenario. Baba Seun isn’t Amaka’s type.
Maybe whatever they were doing was
misunderstood by Eliza and that one
sef go hear am from me.

“Well, Mama Seun, I would try and reach
Amaka for you because her number is
presently not available and whatever that was Eliza saw, I’m sure she
misunderstood it.”

“Okay o! Sha warn the silly girl for me,
make e no go chop poison one day.” She
hissed and left.

Wow! I just had a comic morning of my
life. I just lied to Mama Seun about
Amaka’s number not reachable but
seriously what would she have said to
Amaka if I had given the number to her?

Well, na she sabi o! I entered my room to
an annoying sound like a grunting of the
pig! Yeah right! That was a man snoring
on my bed; yet he has no potbelly and
less fat, except for the thing in-between
his legs. Been there, done well! Lol!

“Bebe, come to bed now!”

“Thought you still sleeping?” What kind of
man snores and yet he is awake? I
murmured to myself.

“Been awake since jare! What was that
about?”

“Your wife is such a raging bitch you
know. . .

#Episode3 comes out soon!

. . .And there I stood, it wasn’t a dream. It
was me staring into the bulging faces of
Mama Seun and the beautiful ‘gbeboruns’ of No. 5 pretentiously referred to as neighbours. Staring at each other, we were both lost for words for few minutes. The meeting was so awkward and it was first of its kind in the history of my co-tenancy with Mama Seun.

“Omo ilu mi, ma binu jare, na only you dey house?” Finally she said. I made a prolonged silent hiss motivated by anger and frustration. I was so mad at Mama Seun for spoiling my morning and sabotaging my sleep after all, I wasn’t the one she was looking for obviously.

“Mama Seun, na only me dey
house, wetin happen na?” I asked with a
stern in my voice and a grin at the likes of Eliza, Mama Titi and Papa Chinyere; the clueless neighbours at my doorstep.

“I dey go work o Mama Seun, wetin happen na. Answer the babe o.”

Mtcheeeew! Yeye neigbour, I felt like smacking his head. Old man sha wan talk so tey him no sabi say na weekend we dey, abi person dey go work for weekend? *just wondering*. I let it stride without expanding the comment made by Papa Chinyere so it won’t become a distraction for Mama Seun to jump into.

Papa Chinyere is one of my best neighbours in the compound. Maybe I like him because of his head sha. Bald-
headed men trips me especially those
with pot-belly; it somehow makes it
interesting you know; and my one wish
ever since I got my apartment at No. 5
was to get my hands on Papa Chinyere’s
head whichever way even if it has to be
the best way I know how to. I must before I leave the compound.

“Ma binu jare omo ilu mi.” Mama Seun’s response cut my imaginations and threw me back into the reality of the moment. The woman can ‘famz’ for Africa. The ‘omo ilu mi’ ish is what always makes me tired of her. We both happened to share the same State and Town; the only thing we never shared was our Local Government Areas. She is from the South part, while I came from the North part and we just weren’t really close but she never ceases to maximize any opportunity she has with me to flaunt
the fact that we came from the same
state as if it was some Dubai visa.

“I know say you go don vex since, no vex abeg. I no know say na you dey house na.” She continued.

“So you no even know who dey house before you started shouting and screaming our names to come help you
join in your matter?” Mama Titi added
facing Mama Seun.

“Abi o Mama Titi. Me dey waka go my room o abi na wetin?” Papa Chinyere turned to go.

“Come make we help them settle this matter na. Papa Chinyere! Come back abi na wetin sef? Na only you waka come here? Shoo!. . .”

“Ehn, Mama Titi, e don do abeg. No start
another matter for my doorstep. Only you and Eliza don do to settle why Mama Seun dey bang my room early momo.” I lashed out facing each of them at a pause in utterance.

“Sebi I don tell you say make you no vex na. Ma binu simi, we no fit fight na.”

“I no vex o Mama Seun but who you con dey find?” I replied facing her.

“Na Amaka”

‘Hehehehehehehe’. I laughed weirdly. Somehow, her response threw me off balance. Where con be the meeting of ‘a proper madman’ and ‘an occasional madman’? Maybe at the point of sanity sha.

“Amaka no dey o. She has travelled since yesterday and I don’t think she would be coming back anytime soon that’s even if she’s coming back here at all.” I gushed out.

“Itumo?” she asked eagerly in Yoruba.

“Wetin happen sef Mama Seun? I screamed the words at her; I was already running out of patience but
I couldn’t help but pity her. A typical local
Yoruba wife looking for her man!

“Well, Mama Seun, the itumo be say, Amaka ti travel, ‘mi o mo igba to ma wa’ or better still, ‘ko wa mo’. I emphasized.

The only time I speak my mother tongue is when I’m being frustrated or loosing my patience with someone; but really is that the only time I should express myself in my mother tongue? Who cares? I just hate when you have to repeat something all over and over again. Only God knows where common sense has gone to in this country with some people!

“Well, e be like say you go gimme her number o because I dey find my husband.”

Now, I couldn’t contain my laughter anymore. Amaka and Baba Seun? I really don’t seem to understand.

“But Mama Seun, shey you and Amaka
don dey share your husband ni because I don’t understand what Amaka or Amaka’s number has to do with your husband?”

“Me I sabi wetin I dey talk o plus God save her say I no meet her for house and help me tell her say if she like herself, make she no come back to this compound again o!”

Now, I was really beginning to laugh real hard. Mama Seun na were but her
madness no reach Amaka own. We both
know she’s just bluffing. Somehow I
seemed lost in her conversation, and the
next minute, I was really feeling like I was in control of the whole situation.

“Abeg, shey your husband dey miss ni abi wetin. Fill me in na, Mama Seun, na me o, your omo ilu?” . . . I was beginning to enjoy the whole scenario now.

“Wo, leave me jare. The last time I saw Baba Seun was yesterday morning before I go drop Seun for school and when I came back late in the evening from my outings, I couldn’t find my husband. I asked everyone, checked everywhere till Eliza told me that the last time she saw my husband was with Amaka. E for even better at least; na
the way she saw them gave me concern.”

Choi! Eliza the ‘loose’ girl. When I said she
is loose, that’s what I meant. Loosed-
mouth everywhere. She is the type you
have to be secretive with or else, ‘your
own don done for Africa.’

“How she con talk say she saw them o, Mama Seun?” I asked

“Sebi Eliza sef dey here na, oya talk
na.” Mama Titi interfered facing Eliza with seriousness written all over her face.

“Erm! Erm! Erm!. . .”

Hehehehehehehehe, that was Eliza stammering. Mama Titi and Mama Seun were wondering about the reason for her sudden slow in speech and were
pressuring her to talk but ‘sebi na only
sane person go sabi why insane man dey
chop savage on top refuse dump.’ Indirectly, I sabi wetin dey make Eliza
stammer. She no wan chop another dose
of me, but whether she likes it or not, she must talk. Mama Seun won’t allow her not to and I won’t allow her to miss my dose either!

“Erm, Erm, I saw Aunty Amaka putting a measurement tape around Baba
Seun’s thing!”

“Ah! Lobatan o!” Mama Titi screamed

“Which one con be thing na, you better talk well well.” Mama Seun screamed.

“Erm, I mean say, Aunty Amaka was measuring Baba Seun’s thing.” She said, making gestural description.

“Was she holding it or how she dey take
measure am?”

“Errrm! E don do o Mama Titi!” I lashed out. The woman too like male anatomy but people don’t see it because she gets to hide it well under her ‘spirikoko’ attitude but as Amaka dey take talk am, “Na one robber fit identify the other.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the whole scenario. Baba Seun isn’t Amaka’s type. Maybe whatever they were doing was misunderstood by Eliza and that one
sef go hear am from me.

“Well, Mama Seun, I would try and reach Amaka for you because her number is presently not available and whatever that was Eliza saw, I’m sure she misunderstood it.”

“Okay o! Sha warn the stupid girl for me, make e no go chop poison one day.” She hissed and left.

Wow! I just had a comic morning of my life. I just lied to Mama Seun about Amaka’s number not reachable but
seriously what would she have said to
Amaka if I had given the number to her?

Well, na she sabi o! I entered my room to
an annoying sound like a grunting of the
pig! Yeah right! That was a man snoring on my bed; yet he has no potbelly and less fat, except for the thing in-between his legs. Been there, done well! Lol!

“Bebe, come to bed now!”

“Thought you still sleeping?” What kind of man snores and yet he is awake? I murmured to myself.

“Been awake since jare! What was that
about?”

“Your wife is such a raging bitch you know. . .

#Episode3 comes out soon!