₦airaland Forum

I am a single mother. I don't mind helping you as much as I can. How old is your child?

sholeee:
thanks people,sometimes i think i might not get myself a good lady,I have beeen chasing her for 3 years now,no show.she just like being friends ,should i still hope or forget about this girl of my dreams

Maybe you have missed the girl/woman for you waiting on this lady to notice and reciprocate your feelings after 3 years. Sometimes women, (and I am one), are funny. They notice you are not noticing them and they like you more. Go look at and communicate with other women. You may just find yourself with your life mate, (and I am not talking just about the 3 year lady). Good luck!!!

One more thing, Finemocha, I read some of your other postings and you seem to love the U.S. I am gonna pray you marry a Black African man from America whose ancestors have been there for at least 5 generations, lol. One who is your equal of course.

finemocha:
allonym

abeg try not to get too mad at wesleyan, but i completely agree with her. the african american culture and the african culture is just soooooo different. i mean i am in medical school and even the african americans in my school are very different from the africans here. We can't change people or worse change who we are, so its best to avoid marrying into certain cultures to avoid problems in the future. I don't feel like i need to give examples because im sure u know what im talking about. dating is not serious so if a nigerian wants to date an african american go ahead. But marriage is a very serious venture, and the majority of both black and white americans seem to be having a major problem with marriages, because of again CULTURE. i mean americans are notorious for throwing in the towel for every little thing, and giving each other ultimatums. Dont get offended please i have been to a lot of countries and majority of my friends are foreing and america is on eof the few countries that do this. GO do your research u will see its true. NOt only that, majority of black americans i have met are never serious. whether its work or school. THeir goals don't seem high. i mean only 3% of doctors are black in america CAN You BELIEVE THAT. anyway no matter how u look at it u will get offended. which u should, and trust me, us as africans we have our own problems no be small. i have dated african americans guys, they are fun, but i will NEVER MARRY THEM. i have met some great ones but they are few few few and far in between.

This thread started in 2005 and today, we still need an education on what is Africa.  Black African people live all over the world, and sometimes they end up in America.  Black Africans in America who are American citizens, are we talking about these folks?  Because it would/could include people who recently became citizens or whose parents immigrated during the 20th or 21st century and they were born in America, or would/could it be those who came due to slavery?  Now are the negative comments about those who are the result of the children of slavery?  Are these the people whose "goals seem not high," where only 3% of them are doctors?  Those people are still representative of Africa.  Making insensitive comments about Black African people and knowing you are being insulting, is a form of self hate.  Black Africans who are in America, (those whose ancestry derives from slavery), have fought very hard to send those 3% to medical school.  They are not a perfect people, and I suppose your people are not either, but bottom line, we must stop the lie, (from both sides), and get to know one another and appreciate what each has to offer.  Cultures can be learned.  What you will find is if we stop pretending that slavery and colonization never skewered any of our thinking, we might be able to like one another.  Sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it?  We've built on less than that as Black African people.

Thank you so much, Eezzy and you too, Naijaband. I really appreciate the wise advice you both have given to me. I guess I should let the relationship develop and let my son grow to know the type of man his Father is. I, too, have no wish to be blamed in latter years for his not having the opportunity to know his Dad. It just seems so much to me, but maybe it is God's way of lifting some of the burden one feels as a single parent. God bless you both, and Naijaband, I would not mind chatting with your friend. Perhaps it would be good for her and for me too.

If I am the wife then of course I would want my Mother to stay with me and the baby. But, there may have to be a compromise. If I love my Mother in Law and it's my husband's desire, then I may see if both Mothers could share the time, (first week my Mom, second his).

Thank you for your advice. My child is a bit shy and tells me that he is "sort of scared." I think my son needs his Dad. Teenage years are difficult enough as is. I have chosen to not date at all and simply raise my son. I feel I took the full responsibility of my poor choices and I have been blessed with a wonderful human being. He is a great kid! I only want what is best for him. His father is not a harsh man with children. In fact, he loves them, but why the years of famine for my son. I think his dad is interested now because my son is the only son of his father. How selfish would I be to say, no way I don't want to deprive my son of this opportunity, but is his dad being selfish too?

Single Parent Need Advice

It's been 10 years since the father has set eyes on his child. There has been phone contact with the father and with his relatives sporadically throughout the years. Limited financial support from the father and none whatsoever for the past 5 years. Mother preferred limited contact as mother and father had a very strained relationship, and the end result was a lot of bitterness, (probably for both parties). The last visit from a paternal relative was 7 years ago. Now, Father wants to spend time with the child who is now a teen. What would you do?