₦airaland Forum

dickt:
There's a whole world of difference between a kid of a single mom you are dating whose dad is alive living with you and an orphan living with you.

Well, did I mention to you that the kid is orphaned, oh no he is not. His dad is fully alive and is doing very well, based in Europe, only gets back to the country once in December and makes an attempt to see the kid. But hell no, some men are not just worth and ready of becoming fathers, they only see women as baby factories,..... Neither would the mother, her family nor well meaning friends permit her to give away the kid to his Father for abandoning his son at barely six months old, and not wanting to reunite with his family but only interested in his son without partaking in his welfare and upkeep. It's really unfair. A single mother would do ANYTHING to fend for her child, she would go through thick and thin to protect her kid, for her he is all she's got and she wouldn't want to compromise anything for his happiness. Nothing comes in-between them. She sees her self as both the Father and Mother he deserves to have and as such would warmly receive and readily love any man who loves her kid and treats him as his.

daddytime:
Wow.....

I'm sitting here and just wondering how you'd handle your own blood if he or she turns out to be more hyper than your babe's son.

You mentioned how you hate noise of any sort, let's just say you definitely ain't prepared to have any kids of your own.

It is obvious you have zero love for this kid and I'm afraid to tell you that, you can't love a momma and hate her toddler kid. From the woman's side, that'd be a no-no.

It's best to "die" this relationship and bury whatever it is you feel for this woman because e no go work.

It's a good thing you are letting it out on how you truly feel instead of to go dey use shame chop winch.

Meat wey person dey forbid e no dey use teeth share am.

If you can't love a kid no matter the circumstance, you'd have same problems with yours for sure and you'd be venting out your frustrations on your spouse and before you'd say Buha....you don open another thread here say your one year marriage don get k-leg.

A child will always return the vibe given. In his innocence, he's able to pick up on your hatred for him which of course won't help him love you in return and the subtle tantrums is what you'll get as his way of protesting/rebelling. Show him some love and you'll be amazed how calm he'd become.

I pray you grow up fast and find a way to handle this pretty well.

Let her go bro....

I totally agree with you. Thanks. For sharing the simple truth with him

WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

Hello Williams, from your description of events you already stated that you can not accept, you can not train another person's (man's) son no matter that you love the woman. It seems your mind is already made up on this issue, that notwithstanding, I will give my candid advice since you seek it.
forward to the issue at hand, You said you really love this lady in question and you intended to get married and settle down with her. Now I need you to understand that true love does exist, and it is sacrificial in nature, that means it will cost you some thing valuable, if it doesn't cost you anything valuable then it is not real, you must understand that you loving your woman, you must equally extend the love to her son, you must learn to accommodate both of them without fear, bias or pretence. You must consciously and determinantly love both mother and son as your wife and son respectively. Otherwise you can't truly profess love for your woman. This measures the depth and sagacity of your love for the woman. In other words you cannot truely love the woman without loving her son.
I will not conclude my advice without asking these questions?
1). Does it mean that you cannot train or accept an orphan who is not related to you?
2). Does it mean that you cannot adopt a child in the case that you cannot cannot give birth to one simply because he/she is not your blood?
3). What do you expect or how would you feel if tomorrow you pass on early (God forbid) at a very young age leaving a young wife and kid behind, and the woman re-marries, would you like for that new husband of your wife to marry her and love without doing same to your child?
Just a few question to ask.
My brother I bet you wouldn't like your child to be rejected. Therefore It would be best for you to accept that child in as much as you would accept and love the mother. Only then can the love be complete because the Child is part of his mother. And any attempt to segregate between them will not only cost them their happiness but will as well cost you your happiness very dearly. The fall-out from this act will cost your union with that your beloved woman your happiness, joy and can if possible cost you your job because your marriage will be is shambles. Therefore you better take a firm decision to either whole heartedly accept and love both the woman and her son or walk out of their life before you hurt them.
As regarding the stubbornness of the kid, it's a normal thing with them, this is the right stage for that to happen with them, there's nothing you can do about it. Even if it were your kid he will act and behave like that, moreover he is a boy. I bet you even both parents of one particular kid would quarell over that. It's absolutely normal you should learn to tolerate that if you must be a good father. Becoming a father is not just footing the bills and providing for the family, this is one of the Herculean task you must handle.
I have to testify here that I have actually fathered a boy child from a single parent while dating his mother exactly the same situation as you, but for 8 years. The kid is now 10 years old. He is fondly called my son even by my own parents and other family members. He is just like my PA (personal assistant), he knows everything I do. We can't stay without each other and we are best of friends. He believes so much in me.
The import of this testimony is that:
* You can actually use this kid to build your strongest hold on your lady, make them believe in you and you will be happier as every one wins.
* This situation will help you prepare more for your own children and even perfect you on the act of becoming a better father when your own children arrive.
* It will bring you Spiritual blessings and open doors for you.
Thanks a lot as you consider these pieces of advice.
Please note: Endeavor to get that kid a gift on His birthday.