₦airaland Forum

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For years, I felt like I was on the sidelines of my own life.
From the time I was age six, I struggled with anxiety and crushing self-esteem issues. Making friends felt like climbing Everest. Speaking up was terrifying. Eye contact felt like exposure. I wasn't living fully, I was surviving. Watching life happen around me, never quite feeling like I belonged in it.

People often assume shyness is humility. But I learned the hard way that, for me, it was fear disguised as personality. I was consumed by what others might think, trapped in the spotlight syndrome, convinced everyone was watching and judging my every move. The irony? Most people weren’t even paying attention. (I tested this out by trying to look up with my eyes, despite my head still looking downwards when I walk in somewhere. Just to confirm if people are truly looking at me because I always felt all eyes where on me always).

And yet, that fear kept me frozen. I was smart, capable, but my potential collected dust while my confidence shrank with each missed opportunity. I blamed myself. The self-criticism only deepened the cycle of self-doubt.

The Desperate Need to Belong
I wanted connection so badly that I tried anything. I brought toys to school hoping kids would come play with me. I even took money from home to buy ice cream for classmates, thinking I could buy friendship. It backfired. Kids took my ice-cream and toys, then later avoided me when it was done. Teachers questioned me. I felt scared they might investigate how I had the money to buy all these ice cream and toys for classmates. (I betrayed my mom's trust, her store safe suffered, and she later caught me). My attempts at connection made me feel more broken.

Facing Fear in Tiny Steps
Everything began to shift when I stopped trying to overhaul my life and started with small, deliberate acts of courage.

Eye contact used to terrify me, so I started by looking into a baby’s eyes while babysitting. Babies don’t judge. When that felt okay, I levelled up: I made eye contact with their older siblings, then with classmates, teachers, strangers. I made it a game: look, smile, breathe. Repeat.

Speaking came next. Not yet public speeches, just greetings. “Hi.” “Good morning.” Later, I pushed myself to answer questions in class, even with a crush nearby. Yes, I was scared I’d sound stupid. But I did it anyway.

Confidence didn’t arrive all at once, it was built, brick by brick.

Changing My Identity: I’m Not “The Shy One”
I used to hide behind the label “I’m just shy.” But I realized that label was a trap. It kept me stuck in an identity I didn’t want. So I stopped saying it. I redefined who I was becoming, someone courageous, curious, open, friendly, public speaker.

Dressing the Part - For Myself
I began dressing better, not to impress others, but to show up for myself. When I looked good, I felt more capable. I stood taller. It wasn’t vanity, it was self-respect.

Rewriting the Script in My Head
My inner voice was brutal: “You’re not good enough.” “You’ll embarrass yourself.” So I rewrote the script.

And slowly, my outer world began to mirror that new inner belief.

What I’d Tell Anyone Struggling Right Now
If you're living in fear, drowning in self-doubt, or wondering if you’ll ever feel comfortable in your own skin, please hear this:

You are not broken.

You are not alone.

And you are absolutely capable of change.

Start small. Speak up, even if your voice shakes. Make eye contact, even if it feels awkward. Ask a question. Share a smile. Take one brave action today. Then another tomorrow.

You don’t have to become someone else. You just have to become more of yourself. I was hiding away working as an accountant (not much human interaction, just computers and numbers), then I decided to go for my dreams working with people in as a social worker. Best decision ever!

Four Simple Actions You Can Take Today:
Talk to One Stranger. Ask the barista how their day is going. Compliment someone’s shirt. Human connection starts with “hello.”

Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good. Not for them, for you.

Catch and Reframe One Negative Thought. Replace “I can’t” with “I’m learning to.”

Make a 1% positive change in one area of your life. Get comfortable with small changes. 1% change compounds into great progress over time. Start today.

You are valuable exactly as you are. And your story isn't over yet.

So take the pen back, and write the next chapter.

If you have questions you can send me a message, or comment about your own experience below.

So sad, at his last day in school to be gunned down this way. Please take care of yourself everyone. Build healthy skills to help you thrive. Feel confident in your self as a person https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1HwwC7uvPm/

Often times a lot of men decide to go for the hair transplant option because they do not feel comfortable with their looks and appearance. While it is good to look good externally, it is also important to build up yourself from within. If you ever have issues with your self esteem or confidence you can find help by checking this post https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1HwwC7uvPm/

Don't let marriage ruin you, work on building your self of self esteem and achieve your goals.

Only you have control over what your life turns out to be https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1HwwC7uvPm/

There can be so many stressors that makes one'e mental health decline. Here are some insights from a Therapist on coping with feelings of depression.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFBJL4yEVcc?si=Gfg7IY2L_qMZkbiG

Watch here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFBJL4yEVcc?si=Gfg7IY2L_qMZkbiG

The election came and went. I was suspicious of Pierre when he was having fights with Ford within his own party, and Ford is the premier of Ontario the largest seats in Canada. You shot yourself in the foot. His adverts also were sketchy, always focused on attacking liberal rather than just spewing his plans and all.

Well we move, to continue to thrive in this economy it is so very important to build one's sense of confidence working in this part of the world. There will be so many things that will want to make you feel intimidated from our accent, having co-workers say "could you repeat that" as if it is not English we are speaking already. These little little comments often prevent a lot of professionals who relocate to this part of the world from presenting comfortably at work. And presentations, being bold and eloquent is part of the expectation of most jobs here.

You can read more about how to overcome this in the thread https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

It is so very important to build one's sense of confidence working in this part of the world. There will be so many things that will want to make you feel intimidated from accent, having co-workers say "could you repeat that" as if it is not English we are speaking already. These little little comments often prevent a lot of professionals who relocate to this part of the world from presenting comfortably at work. And presentations, being bold and eloquent is part of the expectation of most jobs here.

You can read more about how to overcome this in the thread https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

https://www.nairaland.com/8386620/having-challenges-self-esteem-low-confidence

It's not an easy thing to go through.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Self esteem and confidence plays a huge role in succeeding in virtually any job that is out there today. I have experienced self esteem issues limiting my potential and making me miss so many great opportunities at the early stages of my life. It got so bad until I made a decision to confront and tackle this weight in order to be able to truly explore freedom to be myself and enjoy opportunities. I have not regretted that decision. Is there anyone that might be experiencing difficulty with this here? Please lets talk on how to greatly improve that.

I am in the early stages of developing a program around self-esteem and confidence, to help professionals who currently feel inadequate and anxious about their capabilities but have a strong desire to transform into a self-assured, confident individual. They often struggle with self-doubt, fear of failure, and overthinking, which holds them back from fully embracing their true potential. This is incredibly important work and in order to create the most impactful and transformational program possible, I am looking to interview people who fit this description and learn more about their challenges, frustrations, dreams and goals. This is purely for research purposes to be able to create something truly impactful.

Do you fit this description, or do you know someone who fits this description that I could interview? Maybe a friend, family member, colleague or someone in your network?

This research is crucial, and I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to connect. The result is to help professionals who are feeling stuck with imposter syndrome or self-doubts, to have a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose. To where you can gain public speaking confidence, and you are able to freely form needed deep relationships.

If you fit this description, please respond to this email immediately so that we can schedule a time for an interview (it won’t take more than 30 minutes).

Or if you know someone who fits this description, please forward this email to them and ask them to reach out to me by using this link https://calendly.com/kunlei/inquiry-discussion-call

I understand that this is a sensitive topic, and I want to assure you that any information shared will be handled with the utmost care and confidentiality.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Self esteem and confidence plays a huge role in application process, interview as well as succeeding in America as a student or professional. Is there anyone that might be experiencing difficulty with this here? Please lets talk on how to greatly improve that.

I am in the early stages of developing a program around self-esteem and confidence, to help professionals who currently feel inadequate and anxious about their capabilities but have a strong desire to transform into a self-assured, confident individual. They often struggle with self-doubt, fear of failure, and overthinking, which holds them back from fully embracing their true potential. This is incredibly important work and in order to create the most impactful and transformational program possible, I am looking to interview people who fit this description and learn more about their challenges, frustrations, dreams and goals. This is purely for research purposes to be able to create something truly impactful.

Do you fit this description, or do you know someone who fits this description that I could interview? Maybe a friend, family member, colleague or someone in your network?

This research is crucial, and I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to connect. The result is to help professionals who are feeling stuck with imposter syndrome or self-doubts, to have a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose. To where you can gain public speaking confidence, and you are able to freely form needed deep relationships.

If you fit this description, please respond to this email immediately so that we can schedule a time for an interview (it won’t take more than 30 minutes).

Or if you know someone who fits this description, please forward this email to them and ask them to reach out to me by using this link https://calendly.com/kunlei/inquiry-discussion-call

I understand that this is a sensitive topic, and I want to assure you that any information shared will be handled with the utmost care and confidentiality.

It is tough for this man, I can only imagine what it feels like. It is so important to build one's self esteem no matter the challenges we are dealt with in life. We all can make big changes and improve in so many ways.
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More pictures and details to be found here
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1EXKHPHKmZ/

I'm on a mission to create a truly lasting transformative program on building self-esteem and confidence. It entails a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose.

I'm offering limited FREE discovery calls to LEARN from you. This is NOT A SALES PITCH, but a chance to refine my program by listening to your experiences and challenges. Consider it a friendly chat with your neighbour (no baked goods...yet 😉).

During our call, I want to hear about your journey, challenges, and the support, guidance, and practical tools you may seek to help you bridge the gap between where you are now and the self-assured person you aspire to be. Your insights will shape a program that addresses your pain and delivers real results.

No hidden agendas or sales pitches. Just an open conversation to learn from your experiences and serve you better.

Interested in sharing your insights and probably get some advice out of me?

Limited spots available. If this resonates with you, please act fast. Talk to you soon.

https://calendly.com/kunlei/inquiry-discussion-call

US interview requires a lot of confidence. Maybe this might relate to you or not. But for those interested please see support below.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

Gregeal:
Happy new year all,

I would be landing in Feb and I need all the help that I can get to make my transition a smooth for me and my family of 5.
What I really want information on is how to get jobs in banking as it is with my career presently in Naija?
What other resources do I need that will also aid me in my journey?
Thank you

How was your trip, welcome to Canada. I hope you are settling in well. You came at a good time. last two weeks we had snow storms, but it is warming up now. Where are you in Canada?

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

I am glad to see Canada is number two. I am doing business in Canada and I would say it is going well, better than I did in Nigeria. But also, my business experience in Nigeria kind of prepared me for business in Canada. Once you survive in Lagos you can succeed anywhere.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

I am wondering if self esteem matters in the process of applying to come to Canada.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

https://www.nairaland.com/8356654/building-self-esteem-confidence

Providing support to cope with self esteem and confidence issues.

I'm conducting a research on creating a truly lasting transformation with building self-esteem and confidence. The result is to help professionals who are feeling stuck with imposter syndrome or self-doubts, to have a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose. To where you can gain public speaking confidence, and you are able to freely form needed deep relationships.

I'm offering limited FREE discovery calls to LEARN from you. This is NOT A SALES PITCH, but a chance to refine my course by listening to your experiences and challenges. Consider it a friendly chat with your neighbour (no baked goods...yet 😉).

During our call, I want to hear about your journey, challenges, and the support, guidance, and practical tools you may seek to help you bridge the gap between where you are now and the self-assured person you aspire to be. Your insights will help shape a course that addresses your pain and delivers real results.

No hidden agendas or sales pitches. Just an open conversation to learn from your experiences and serve you better.
Interested in sharing your insights and probably get some advice out of me?

Click to schedule a time for us to connect... I am only doing 50 of these... and I have received some bookings already. Limited spots available to be taken. If this resonates with you, please act quickly. Talk to you soon.
https://calendly.com/kunlei/inquiry-discussion-call

I'm conducting a research on creating a truly lasting transformation with building self-esteem and confidence. The result is to help professionals who are feeling stuck with imposter syndrome or self-doubts, to have a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose. To where you can gain public speaking confidence, and you are able to freely form needed deep relationships.

I'm offering limited FREE discovery calls to LEARN from you. This is NOT A SALES PITCH, but a chance to refine my course by listening to your experiences and challenges. Consider it a friendly chat with your neighbour (no baked goods...yet 😉).

During our call, I want to hear about your journey, challenges, and the support, guidance, and practical tools you may seek to help you bridge the gap between where you are now and the self-assured person you aspire to be. Your insights will help shape a course that addresses your pain and delivers real results.

No hidden agendas or sales pitches. Just an open conversation to learn from your experiences and serve you better.
Interested in sharing your insights and probably get some advice out of me?

Click to schedule a time for us to connect... I am only doing 50 of these... and I have received some bookings already. Limited spots available to be taken. If this resonates with you, please act quickly. Talk to you soon.
https://calendly.com/kunlei/inquiry-discussion-call

Growing up, I struggled a lot with anxiety and intense self esteem issues. I found it difficult to speak up, connect with people, make friends and this impacted my life significantly on a day to day basis. I was a spectator in life, not necessarily participating. And although I have always been smart, I did lose out on a lot of opportunities which made me blame myself more, and trigger the self doubt, anxiety and self worth more.
It has been a long road, but looking back now, I can see how working through those difficulties to get to where I am now has been a challenge, but also such a sense of pride to see the work I was able to do to get here, as well with all the people that supported me and keep supporting me. I just wanted to say to anyone out there experiencing something similar to know that you matter, your experiences are valid, and you can definitely overcome what you are going through right now. Once there is a will, there is a way forward. Please surround yourself with people who care and support you. You are so worth it, and you are valuable beyond your imaginations. Hang in there!

Now as a former accountant turned therapist, I'm conducting a research on creating a truly lasting transformation with building self-esteem and confidence. The result is to help professionals who are feeling stuck with imposter syndrome or self-doubts, to have a shift in mindset that allows you to move through life with confidence, clarity, and purpose. To where you can gain public speaking confidence, and you are able to freely form needed deep relationships.

I'm offering limited FREE discovery calls to LEARN from you. This is NOT A SALES PITCH, but a chance to refine my course by listening to your experiences and challenges. Consider it a friendly chat with your neighbour (no baked goods...yet 😉).

During our call, I want to hear about your journey, challenges, and the support, guidance, and practical tools you may seek to help you bridge the gap between where you are now and the self-assured person you aspire to be. Your insights will help shape a course that addresses your pain and delivers real results.

No hidden agendas or sales pitches. Just an open conversation to learn from your experiences and serve you better.
Interested in sharing your insights and probably get some advice out of me?

Click to schedule a time for us to connect... I am only doing 50 of these... and I have received some bookings already. Limited spots available to be taken. If this resonates with you, please act quickly. Talk to you soon.

Yes let's revive this thread

Thank you all for your messages and kind words. This story is about my family member. Its been several years, the children are coping well, their mother is doing the best she can to raise these wonderful kids despite the loss, and the pain never stops. Just learning to cope with it each passing day. God be with you all.